Shadows In Time series
by Isis FG
Summary: BA fic - post s3 BTVS AU - Buffy must face the consequences of something she did and finds her life drastically changing. (COMPLETE)
1. AFCFY Part 1

Title: A Far Cry From Yesterday - #1 in the 'Shadows In Time' Series Author: Isis Blue Started: May 25, 2003 Completed: September 10, 2003  
  
Feedback: I'd be eternally grateful if you let me know what you thought of this fic! vagabond_angel@comcast.net  
  
Disclaimer: not mine, just borrowing them from all the people at ME, Fox, UPN, WB, etc.  
  
Rating: R, for language Pairing: B/A, minor use of other ships (W/O, X/C)  
  
Series Summary: post-s3 (BTVS) AU.departs from canon after the s3 finale and jumps into my own universe. From there, almost everything will be different. A few characters and concepts will pop-up, but really, this doesn't relate at all to the seasons that followed s3.  
  
Fic Summary: Buffy must face the consequences of something she did and finds her life drastically changing.  
  
Spoilers: Anything through the end of s3 of BTVS, but mostly the end of s3.  
  
Distribution: my site (Vagabond Soul), ff.net, Enchanting Place, CBAU, and LoD; & Starrkitty's Archive if they want it...and probably some other places I'm forgetting, anyone else, just ask first.  
  
Author's Notes: Keep in mind that this jumps cannon at the very moment the episode ends, which is with the gang walking off into the night.  
  
AN2: My apologies to the Xander fans for what is to follow...I love Xander, but he was a victim of my plot. Sorry! Also, I must warn all of you that there will be little B/A direct interaction for a while in this series, but the pair is still the focus.  
  
AN3: My eternal thanks to *Stars*, my beta, who was wonderful in helping me get this fic fine-tuned!  
  
Warnings: Angsty, depressing, crude/bad language  
  
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Part 1  
  
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Completely disinterested in the company she was with, or the conversation going on, Buffy sat quietly and absentmindedly pushed the pasta around her plate. She hoped the act would make it look like she had actually eaten some when really she'd only had about two bites. Just the thought of eating made her stomach churn violently.  
  
Cautiously, Buffy lifted her eyes to take a peak at her mother and the guy who was supposed to be her 'date'. She released a small sigh when it became apparent that neither one was really paying any attention to her. Glancing across the table, she looked at the blonde haired, blue-eyed college student. She idly wondered if he knew he needed a haircut. Not like she really cared, though.  
  
Her Mom had planned the whole evening, saying she was inviting over a 'nice young man named Riley' who helped out at the gallery doing heavy lifting and such for dinner. Her reasoning for inviting him was to thank him for being such a helpful employee, but Buffy knew it was because her mother wanted her to meet him. Joyce seemed only too happy to push her to date now that Angel was out of the picture.  
  
There was only one problem with her mother's big plan...Angel was far from out of the picture. At least not in Buffy's mind. His hold was still firmly clenched around her heart. Not even his absence could weaken the love she felt for the souled vampire. Her mother didn't seem to understand that, though. Joyce was just happy that Angel was gone, and was determined to set her daughter up with a nice, 'normal' young man.  
  
Buffy wondered if they even remembered she was sitting at the table with them. She wasn't particularly interested in talking to either one of them, but it still stung a bit to be virtually ignored. Unfortunately...or fortunately...she wasn't sure which, her roaming eyes seemed to attract Riley's attention.  
  
"So Buffy, your Mother tells me you will be going to UC-Sunnydale this fall," Riley spoke up, drawing Buffy out of her thoughts.  
  
She rolled her eyes at the statement. "Yeah."  
  
"Maybe we'll have some classes together," he smiled a goofy little grin at her.  
  
Oh yeah, that would just be lots of fun, Buffy thought to herself. "Yeah, maybe."  
  
"You should take Pysch with Professor Walsh. She's my favorite," he told her while buttering a roll.  
  
"I haven't decided what I'm taking yet," shrugged Buffy, making a mental note not to take Pysch. If Riley liked this professor, it was unlikely she would.  
  
Joyce smiled at the conversation between the two. They were perfect for each other. "So Riley, have you decided what you major will be?" she asked politely.  
  
Her Mother and Riley were soon engrossed in conversation, which Buffy eagerly tuned out. The rest of the dinner proceeded with the two chatting amicably, which was fine with Buffy. She had absolutely no interest in dating Riley, or anyone for that matter. There wasn't much she did have interest in these days. Everything seemed darker and hopeless since Angel had walked off into the darkness of night.  
  
Everyone thought she was fine, but she wasn't. Not in the least little bit. Each day she hoped it would get easier. It never did. The simplest little things were a struggle to do, and no one seemed to particularly care that the moment Angel had walked away from her it had felt like half her being had been torn out of her. No, they didn't care about that.  
  
"Well, I think dinner went very well. Don't you?" Joyce questioned after Riley had finally left.  
  
"Yeah," Buffy shrugged, but couldn't have cared less about the stupid dinner.  
  
"I like Riley. He's a ni-"  
  
"Nice young man. I know," snapped Buffy, thoroughly sick of hearing her mother sing Riley's praises. "I have to go...promised the gang I'd stop by the Bronze and then I have to patrol."  
  
Ignoring her mother's disapproving frown, Buffy grabbed her jacket and some stakes before quickly exiting the house. She didn't bother to tell her mom that Giles had given her the night off. If her mother had known that, she would have made her stay home and Buffy had no desire to listen to one more word about the farm boy with stupid hair.  
  
That was what they wanted, though. All of them. Forget and move on. They just didn't understand that it wasn't possible. Nothing could ever make her forget her Angel.  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
"Hey Buffy!" Willow chirped happily from her spot at the table in the Bronze next to Oz and Xander.  
  
"Hey guys," spoke Buffy solemnly. The last thing she wanted at the moment was to be around her giddy, ignorant friends.  
  
"So...how was the big dinner?" asked Xander, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.  
  
Buffy groaned internally at the motion. "It was fine."  
  
"When are you going to go out with him again? Ooooh! We could go on a double date. There's a really good movie playing at the cinema," babbled Willow with a grin, not noticing Buffy's lack of interest.  
  
"I don't think I'll be seeing him again," answered Buffy, hoping they'd get the point that dating wasn't part of her plans now or in the near future.  
  
Willow frowned slightly. "Why not? Your Mom said he was a really nice-"  
  
"Nice guy. Yeah, I know. How could I not?" Buffy grumbled, wondering if it would be wrong for Mr. Nice and Perfect Normal Guy to have an unfortunate encounter with a vamp. "I gotta go guys...slayer...vamps...patrol."  
  
"But you just..." started Xander, but before he even finished Buffy was gone. ".got here."  
  
Buffy quickly exited the Bronze, wanting to get far away from the people inside. She collapsed against a nearby building, no longer able to hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall. Quiet sobs shook her tired body.  
  
Why didn't they understand? Did they really think she could just go on like Angel had never been a part of her life? He was the one person who'd ever remotely understood her life and all the sacrifices she had to make. He was the one person who could make her smile with just a look. She couldn't just forget about those things.  
  
Forcing herself to calm down, Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes. Slowly, she picked herself off the ground. She had no desire for any of her friends to find her like this. Pulling out a stake from her pocket, she wandered off to one of the graveyards hoping that she wouldn't run into any vamps since she wasn't in the best fighting condition.  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
~later that night~  
  
With a groan, Buffy eased herself through the window to her bedroom. She didn't know why she was using her window. It wasn't like her Mom didn't know that she'd been out. But it was familiar, and familiarity was something she desperately needed right now, especially after the forced dinner earlier where her Mother had completely disregarded her feelings toward Angel and pushed her toward another guy and then her friends had pretty much acted the same way. Buffy couldn't help but feel like her entire world was crashing down around her.  
  
Numbly she limped into her room, carelessly dumping her stakes on to her desk. Her whole body ached, and not just because of the tough fight with an unusually strong vamp she'd had earlier. No, not just because of that. A lot of it was due to the fact that the past two months, since the day of her high school graduation, she'd hardly slept more than a few hours every couple days, and she seemed to eat even less. Her body just couldn't handle the concept of food. If it weren't for the fact that she was the Slayer she had no doubt that she'd be in the hospital right now.  
  
Weak and exhausted, Buffy slumped to the floor against her bed. All she wanted was one night of peaceful sleep, but she knew it wouldn't happen. Sleep only ended up tormenting her whether it be by visions of the past, hopeless dreams of the future, or the worst. horrid nightmares of pain, torture and death. They were always there every time she closed her eyes.  
  
In short, her life had pretty much gone to hell the last two months, all of which could be traced to the lingering pain in her heart caused by the absence of her soulmate. Tears formed in her eyes as she cast her memory back to the man who'd torn her heart out and ripped it to shreds.  
  
She wanted to hate him for leaving her, for forcing her to bare the weight of her destiny alone, but she couldn't. It was impossible to hate him when the love she felt for him still scorched the very core of her being. So instead she wallowed in the misery his absence had heaped upon her.  
  
She kept hoping that each day it would get a little easier, that her heart would ache a little less. But it seemed as if the opposite were true. Each day it all only seemed to get worse. Angel was the first thing she thought of when she awoke each day, and the last thing she thought of before the few hours of sleep she'd attempt to get each night. And even when she did sleep, he'd just dominate her dreams.  
  
How had her life gotten so bad? Only a few months earlier she had been relatively happy. Things hadn't been perfect, but at least she'd had some peace now and then. She'd also had her Angel. He had been the one solid thing she could always count on. Now he was gone and she was alone.  
  
Well, she wasn't quite alone, she still had her Mom, her friends, and Giles, but they seemed to be oblivious to the endless pain she was in. Her Mom, though she never said it aloud, was happy Angel was gone and kept trying to get her to go out and meet someone new. Giles was Giles, content to have her focus on her training and slaying. Xander was still finding ways to berate Angel and her past choices and didn't seem to care at all that her heart was dead and continuously aching. The only one who seemed to be aware of her emotional condition was Willow, but even she seemed more apt to push her to move on when she wasn't yet ready, if she ever would be at all.  
  
So instead of being able to turn to her friends and family for support, Buffy found herself feeling more alone than she ever had in her whole life. The only thing she wanted was Angel. She missed his calming words, his soothing embrace, and most of all, she missed the loved feeling she got whenever he was near. Would she ever feel like that again? If the last two months were any indication.  
  
Buffy's thoughts abruptly stopped at the seemingly innocuous internal statement.  
  
Two months.  
  
Two months.  
  
It had been two months since Angel had left. Her eyes widened at that particular realization. Jumping up from her spot on the floor, Buffy dashed across her room and out the window. As she ran off into the night the words 'two months' continued to echo through her mind.  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
TBC! 


	2. AFCFY Part 2

***Just a couple quick things...A) I am calling this a series, as in a bunch of fics that are all tied together (versus a really long fic which is sometimes considered a series), B) I said in the first part of this fic that at the end, nothing would be resolved...by that I mean, this fic will not have a happy ending, the series though will, C) canon is about to be jumped in a serious way with a big shocking revelation, and before you ask the who, what, how, why, etc...it'll all be explained eventually, and finally D) CLIFF! *g*  
  
Thank you to: Teri Best, sobad97, Jade, blueturtle, Allie, Christine, Sarah, Wendy, Tariq, Meg586, Lauren, Meghan, b/a always, TK, and caitlyn (and anyone I missed) for the wonderful feedback on Part 1!!!  
  
***  
  
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Part 2  
  
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~three days later~  
  
"Angel! No!" Buffy screamed, her mind quickly waking from the fitful sleep she'd been in.  
  
Disoriented, Buffy looked around her room and realized that she had been dreaming, that she hadn't been back in the mansion watching the swirling vortex swallow Angel. This particular dream was one of her most frequent. Her subconscious seemed to like to replay that horrible night over and over, sometimes verbatim, sometimes changing the events slightly.  
  
Glancing at her clock, Buffy realized that she'd only been asleep for forty- five minutes. Frustrated tears clouded her vision as she ran a hand through her hair. She contemplated trying to go back to sleep, but it was likely that the dreams would only return. Plus, she had to get up early anyway.  
  
Her eyes drifted over to look at the window near her bed. Vivid memories played in her mind of all the times Angel had snuck into her room. She smiled slightly as she remembered the time she'd found him holding Mr. Gordo. The smile quickly faded when reality pushed back into her mind reminding her that Angel was gone from her life.  
  
Dragging her tired body out of her bed, Buffy walked across her room and grabbed some clean clothes. Quietly, so she wouldn't wake her Mother, she made her way to the bathroom. Maybe a hot bath would help release some of her stress. She frowned at the idea. There probably wasn't a bath soothing enough to get rid of all her stress. At least it would get her clean, though.  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
~later that day~  
  
Buffy nervously walked down the stairs toward Giles' apartment. She stopped at the bottom, her uncertainty over what she was about to do overwhelming her. The fact that she hadn't slept at all in the past three days wasn't helping either. It wasn't that she hadn't wanted to sleep. In fact, she was exhausted, but she just hadn't been able to. There were too many things going on in her mind to allow her any rest.  
  
Attempting to gather her courage, Buffy looked toward the door to Giles' apartment. She knew they were all in there waiting for her. She had called them all an hour before asking them to meet her here. But now she wasn't so sure she was ready to do this.  
  
Her eyes closed as she tried to block out the scenarios that had plagued her thoughts for the last three days. Unfortunately, though, she knew they probably weren't all that far-fetched. And that was what was scaring her the most. She knew that what was about to happen wasn't going to be pretty.  
  
She had to do it though. She had to tell them. It wasn't like she could hide it forever. That was impossible. But she couldn't help but fear what would happen once she told them the reason for the meeting. They would all undoubtedly be angry with her. And honestly, there was no way she could blame them for that.  
  
Taking a deep breath that didn't in the least calm her nerves, Buffy forced herself to walk toward the door. She paused momentarily when she reached it, trying to shake off the foreboding feeling suddenly assaulting her senses. Finally, she turned the knob and entered the apartment, inwardly praying to whatever higher being there was that everything would be all right.  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Entering the apartment, Buffy saw all of her friends waiting for her, Willow, Oz, Xander, and Giles. The only one missing was Cordelia, whom, even though they'd not been on particularly good terms, Buffy had tried to contact anyway. When she had tried to call her though, she'd found that the number was no longer in service. Not that it really mattered, Cordy probably wouldn't have cared anyway.  
  
"Hey Buffy!" chirped Willow from her seat on the couch next to Oz.  
  
"Hello, Buffy. How are you?" Giles questioned as he ignored the dark circles under his Slayers' eyes, and her overall gaunt, sickly look.  
  
"Hey guys. I'm fine Giles," Buffy answered quietly as she tried to gather all her inner strength.  
  
"Hey Buffster! So what's the what?" asked Xander in his typical goofy tone as he munched on a bag of potato chips.  
  
"Um.. I.. Uh.. called you here because.. uh.. There's something that I.. uh.. need to tell all of you." Buffy stated without looking any of them in the eye.  
  
Everyone in the room suddenly stopped the extraneous things they had been doing. The serious, nervous tone of Buffy's voice had taken them all by surprise. Each and every one of them were now staring at the Slayer who was fidgeting from their eyes all on her.  
  
Looking down for an instant, Buffy closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. It's now or never, she spoke internally. Pulling her eyes back to her friends, she gazed around at each of them for a few seconds before speaking again.  
  
"I'm pregnant," she finally blurted out.  
  
Their initial reactions were about as expected. Giles sat harshly down in the chair he'd been standing next too. Xander nearly choked on the chips he had been stuffing into his mouth. Willow could only stare at her, mouth hanging open while Oz just looked curiously at her.  
  
"You-you're.," Giles started to repeat, unable to finish the sentence. He knew he must have misheard her statement.  
  
"Pregnant, yes," Buffy finished for him, knowing full well that her news was a big shock considering what had been going on in her life recently.  
  
"But.but," Xander stuttered, but stopped not knowing what exactly to say.  
  
"A-are you s-sure?" asked Giles, taking off his glasses and cleaning them with his handkerchief.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure," Buffy replied. Sensing their need for more confirmation she explained further. "I took one of those home tests a few days ago, and this morning my doctor confirmed it."  
  
Silence reigned in the room for a few minutes, everyone too shocked by the revelation to speak. Buffy remained standing next to the kitchen counter at the edge of the living room, nervously twining her fingers along the hem of her shirt. So far, so good, she thought to herself, but she knew the worse was yet to come.  
  
Willow was the first one to find her voice and speak. "How far along are you," she questioned, a hurt expression on her face due to the fact that Buffy had obviously been with someone and hadn't told her best friend.  
  
"A-about two months," Buffy stated softly, waiting for them to move on to the next question, which would undoubtedly be about who the father was.  
  
Xander's brow scrunched at the revelation as he did the math in his head. It only took a moment for him to eye her suspiciously. "That would have been around graduation. We didn't know you were seeing anybody."  
  
All eyes focused on Buffy causing her to squirm under their glares. This was the part she had been dreading. "I wasn't," she answered and then looked down at her feet.  
  
"You had a one night stand?" Willow yelped in surprise. That was just not like Buffy at all, but it would have sort of explained why she hadn't told anyone.  
  
"Um, n-not really," Buffy hedged, trying to avoid giving her friends the real answer to their question.  
  
"Buffy, I think it would be best if you told us exactly what happened," prodded Giles a little more forcefully than intended. His mind was reeling from the news that his Slayer, the girl he considered to be his daughter in many ways, was with child.  
  
"It happened the night of graduation," Buffy told them, still avoiding saying exactly what they wanted to hear.  
  
"Who?" Willow asked, looking strangely at her friend. She knew full well that that particular day had been tough on Buffy because it had been the last one that she'd seen Angel. What had she done that had led to her being pregnant?  
  
Who? indeed thought Buffy. That was the question that she feared the most. Taking a deep breath, she looked up, tears glistening in her eyes, and studied each of her friends for a second before answering their question.  
  
"Angel," she barely whispered, and then waited for the inevitable explosion that was to follow.  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
TBC! ...my apologies for the cliff, and for such short parts, that's just the way they worked out for this fic. 


	3. AFCFY Part 3

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Part 3  
  
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"WHAT?!?!" Giles snapped at her while staring at her with angry eyes.  
  
"You slept with him?" yelled Xander as he jumped out of his chair, eyeing her menacingly.  
  
"Y-yes," Buffy choked out, taking a slight step backwards from the force of the fury radiating toward her. "I.w-we d-didn't intend for i-it t-to happen."  
  
"Oh well that makes it okay then," Xander spoke sarcastically, his eyes blazing.  
  
"What were you thinking, Buffy? You know full well the consequences of such actions," Giles chastised, his head shaking back and forth in disbelief.  
  
"H-he.he." Buffy started before taking a moment to wipe at the tears threatening to fall. "He came to my room that night, after graduation.j- just to s-see me one m-more time...just t-to say g-goodbye." The last word was a mere whisper.  
  
"Last time I checked, it took more than a few words to get someone pregnant," sneered Xander, clearly disgusted by the situation.  
  
Buffy looked down, not able to see their disapproving faces any longer. "H- he kissed me-"  
  
"What did he do? Force himself on you?" Xander screeched at her, already plotting the vampires dusty demise.  
  
"NO! H-how could you even think that?" asked Buffy in shock that he could even suggest such a thing.  
  
"Well, it is obvious Buffy that you did more than kiss," spoke Giles, his voice uncharacteristically cold and forceful.  
  
"H-he went to l-leave...a-after he kissed m-me. I-I begged him to s- stay...n-not to leave me," sobbed Buffy, remembering the heartbreak of that night. "I-I kissed him, again. S-somehow we ended up in m-my b-bed."  
  
She stopped speaking for a minute, feeling as if she were about to hyperventilate. Regaining some control, she went on, but still avoided looking at her friends. "I..I asked him to make love to me. I.I needed to be." Buffy paused for a moment, searching her heart for the right words to explain her actions.  
  
"I had.. I had to know that he still loved me," she finished, her voice a mere whisper at the end.  
  
Buffy finally gathered the nerve to lift her head and look at her friends. Willow was staring down at her hands. Giles was staring at her in complete disbelief, and Xander was pacing the room angrily. The shame she already felt for her actions seemed to increase drastically.  
  
"I don't need to remind you what happened the last time you engaged in such activities with Angel," Giles spat out harshly.  
  
"I know," Buffy whispered, averting her eyes once again. "B-but last time...we didn't know...about the curse. How could he have been perfectly h-happy when both of our hearts were being t-torn to shreds? H-How could either of use have found happiness knowing we would n-never see our soul mate again?" she questioned pleadingly.  
  
"So you slept with him," Willow concluded in more of a statement than a question. Her mind was reeling from what she was hearing, and she didn't know how to feel about it all. Buffy had done something incredibly risky, but at the same time if she had been in that situation would she have done the same thing?  
  
The group remained silent for a moment, but all eyes were still focused on Buffy, trying to let what she had done sink in. She knew they had every right to be angry and to yell at her. She *knew* she shouldn't have slept with Angel. If anyone *knew* what the repercussions of her actions could have been, it was her.  
  
But she also *knew* that perfect happiness could not have been achieved that night.  
  
Neither of them were able to find happiness in what they had done. It was an act of desperation and she'd spent the duration of their night together shedding silent tears, knowing it was likely the final time she would ever see her soulmate.  
  
No, perfect happiness had definitely not been possible that night, but even so, she knew they would not understand that, and she couldn't blame them one bit. They didn't understand Angel or their relationship. She couldn't expect them to understand the intricacies of perfect happiness. She just hoped that in time they would forgive her for what she'd done.  
  
"You disgust me!" Xander shouted at her, breaking the silence. "You put all of us, and the world, in danger just so you could screw your vampire lover!"  
  
He stormed toward her, clearly not finished his with tirade. The others just watched, none of them making a move to stop him.  
  
"Was it good? Huh? Did you *enjoy* yourself? I *really* hope you got your kicks out of it. Cuz if you didn't, you put me, and everyone else you supposedly care about in danger just so you could screw a dead body. Did you even think about the rest of us or were you just too desperate to get laid? If I'd known that, I would have taken you for a ride."  
  
Tears flowed out of Buffy's eyes from one of her best friend's harsh words. She'd expected them to be angry, but she'd not expected this. Her eyes glanced to the others, almost as if they were pleading for help, but no one obliged.  
  
Xander stepped right up in front of Buffy, staring her dead in the eyes. "I used to look up to you, admired you for everything you've done and sacrificed.but you're just a whore who can't keep her legs shut. You don't give a shit about the rest of us or the world as long as you can have your vampire lover!" he finished, his words biting and bitter.  
  
After he'd finished yelling at her, Xander stared at her for a moment longer before turning and storming out the door, slamming it behind him.  
  
Buffy flinched at the sound, salty tears steadily raining down her cheeks. She wanted to sink to the floor and sob. How could he say those things to her? She'd thought he was her friend.  
  
Not bothering to wipe the tears from her face, Buffy looked to the remaining people in the room, hoping someone would refute Xander's claims. She found no solace, however. Willow refused to look at her and Oz was focused on Willow. Giles was staring at his hands, but when he finally looked up Buffy only saw disappointment and shame in his eyes.  
  
"I-I'm sorry," she sobbed, wrapping her arms around herself.  
  
"You're sorry?!?!" Giles all but screamed at her. He stood up and walked to within a foot of Buffy. When he spoke, his words were harsh and cold. "I thought you had better sense than to do this. You put yourself before others and put us all in incredible danger. Did you even take a moment to think before you acted?"  
  
Buffy's shoulders sagged further under the stern words of the man she considered more of a father than her real one. She could accept Xander's tauntings to a certain degree but to have Giles say these things.it was taking all of her remaining internal strength not to crumble to the floor and curl up in a ball.  
  
"To say I'm extremely disappointed and ashamed of your actions is an understatement," continued Giles, his voice carrying not an ounce of understanding or forgiveness. "You have ridiculed your Calling and my position as your Watcher. The Buffy I know would have never put the world in mortal danger like that. I do not think I know who you are anymore."  
  
Once he'd stopped speaking, Giles turned and walked up the stairs to his bedroom, not even casting a backward glance at the sobbing girl trembling in his living room. Buffy stared at his back as he just walked away from her. Her eyes closed in imposed shame. She had hoped they would have at least tried to understand her actions, but obviously she'd been wrong. Terribly wrong. And now everyone was walking out on her.  
  
Buffy took a step toward Willow, hoping that at least her best friend would offer some comfort. She didn't think she'd be able to take it if Willow pushed her away too.  
  
Sensing Buffy's movements, Willow looked up briefly and started to speak. "Buffy, I-I.," she trailed off, not knowing what to say and cast her eyes back down to her lap as Oz put an arm around her.  
  
Taking her friend's halted words as rejection, Buffy whispered another 'I'm sorry' before turning and dashing out of the room, her sobs echoing off the walls. She stumbled into the courtyard and up the stairs, her vision blurred by a torrent of tears. Tripping on the top step, she tumbled painfully to the ground. A loud whimper escaped her lips as a rough edge on the concrete tore into the flesh of her arm and her forehead thudded against the frame of the staircase  
  
She tried to push herself up, but her already weak body failed to support her and she crumbled back down on to the cement. Just then she noticed a shadow looming over her. When she looked up, squinting against the glare of the sun, she saw Xander stalking toward her.  
  
"What's the matter? Can't handle the truth?" he sneered harshly at her. When he got no answer he went on. "Poor little Buffy, the pride and joy of the Council, knocked up by a vampire. I hope you have a nice life with your demon spawn." With that, he turned and walked away, leaving no doubt in Buffy's mind exactly what he thought of her.  
  
Unable to hold herself together any longer, Buffy pulled her knees up to her chin and let her head drop onto them, not caring that blood from a gash on her forehead was seeping into her pants. She sobbed violently at the rejection of everyone who was important to her.  
  
They all hated her, she knew they did. Somehow she'd thought they'd be angry but eventually forgive her. But she didn't see how that was possible now. They'd all but said that they never wanted to see her again.  
  
In the span of a few minutes she'd lost everyone. Angel was already gone, and now the others were too. She was alone. Truly and utterly alone. That thought only served to increase her sobs. Her body shook under the force as she sat there rocking back and forth on the stairs as one word continued to echo through her mind.. alone.  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
TBC! 


	4. AFCFY Part 4

***  
  
Another new part :) This one is also extremely angsty. The remaining parts are angsty as well, but not as bad as parts 3 and 4. And just to give people and idea of where this fic/series is headed (I've gotten lots of comments and questions)...this series will probably be 5 fics. Buffy will be trying to rebuild her life, Angel is trying to live without his soulmate...they will be separated until probably the 4th fic...or the end of the 3rd (I haven't decided yet), but the pair is still the focus of the series. I just didn't want anybody expecting Angel to ride in on a white horse to save Buffy in *this* fic. If anyone has questions, feel free to email me and ask.  
  
Thank you to everyone who sent me feedback on part 3! You guys are awesome and I really appreciate your comments!!!  
  
Isis  
  
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Part 4  
  
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Nearly an hour later, Buffy slowly walked up the stairs to her house. It had taken all of her strength to pull herself together enough to get off the ground and walk home. Her tears had finally ceased and a numbing coldness had settled throughout her body. And along with that coldness was a burgeoning anger.  
  
She was angry with them. With all of them. In a time when she needed them most, they'd berated her and shut her out. Yes, she'd made a mistake that could have proven deadly, but she was only human. She knew she shouldn't have begged Angel to make love to her, but at the time all she could feel was a dire need to be with him. Didn't they understand how badly she was hurting because of Angel leaving?  
  
Obviously not. They all expected her to just push his memory aside and go on with her happy life, but that wasn't possible. How could it be when her soulmate had just up and left her life? They could have tried to understand. They could have comforted her and given her time to, in a sense, grieve for her loss. Instead they expected her to be a robot, to push her emotions aside.  
  
Well fuck them! She wasn't perfect. And if they couldn't accept it then fuck them! But despite her building rage, she still felt a deep sting in her heart at the loss of the people she loved. They were her world, they'd been like a family for over two years, and now they'd no longer be there. Who would she turn to now?  
  
Dejectedly she walked into her house and slumped back against the now closed door. As she was trying to push aside the painful memories of the confrontation with her friends she heard a noise from the kitchen. She suddenly realized her Mother was home, and more importantly that her Mother had no idea what was going on.  
  
The thought hadn't even occurred to her to tell her Mom. They weren't exactly close. The fact that her Mom hated Angel didn't help either, but she was all that Buffy had left now. And she was really going to need her Mom to help her get through the pregnancy. After all, she was only eighteen. What did she know about having a baby?  
  
"Buffy? Honey? Are you hungry? I was thinking that we cou-.Oh my God! What happened?" shrieked Joyce when she entered the hallway and took in Buffy's puffy red eyes, and the gashes on her forehead and arm.  
  
"I-I'm fine," Buffy answered, her voice hoarse from crying.  
  
"Sweetie, you don't look fine. Was there trouble with your slaying?" questioned Joyce worriedly.  
  
"No, it wasn't anything with slaying," Buffy replied, her mind flashing back to what had happened in Giles' apartment.  
  
"Here," Joyce took Buffy's arm. "Come sit down on the couch and I'll go get something to clean those cuts up with."  
  
Buffy followed and sat down on the sofa, curling her feet underneath her. She stared down at the no longer bleeding cuts on her arm that her Mother was referring to, idly wondering when she had gotten them. She realized they must have come from when she fell on the stairs.  
  
In her daze she didn't even notice her Mom scurry out of the room and then come back again with a first aid kit. She didn't even flinch when the disinfectant touched the broken skin. The numbness that had taken over her body seemed to have deadened the sensation.  
  
Joyce cleaned and bandaged the cuts quickly. Her worry increased with each passing second from her daughter's reaction, or lack there of. Finally finished, she set the kit on the coffee table and turned to face Buffy.  
  
"Honey? What's wrong? Please, talk to me," pleaded Joyce, smoothing the hair off of Buffy's face.  
  
Looking at her Mom, Buffy spoke the first thing that came to mind. "I'm pregnant."  
  
Joyce stared at her, mouth agape in shock. "Y-you're what?"  
  
"Pregnant," repeated Buffy softly, no longer able to look at her Mom.  
  
"I heard you the first time," Joyce snapped causing Buffy to flinch from the sharpness in her voice. "I'm sorry. It.It's just a shock."  
  
"I know." Buffy whispered as she tried to stave off the trembles she could feel starting up again.  
  
"How did this happen?" Joyce tried to demand gently but came off forcefully anyways.  
  
Before explaining, Buffy wrapped her arms around herself, her hands rubbing up and down them to try and cease the coldness settling in her body. Finally, she looked up at her Mom and began telling her about what had happened with Angel.  
  
Through the rather short explanation, Joyce remained silent, emitting only a few shocked gasps as well as throwing a couple accusatory glares at her daughter. Buffy had just finished recounting the night with Angel and was about to relay the events at Giles' and how her friends had abandoned her when her Mom interrupted.  
  
"How could you be so irresponsible and careless?!?!" Joyce yelled at her daughter. To say she was angry was an understatement. She was furious. Not only had her daughter gotten pregnant at eighteen, but she'd gotten pregnant by that vile, useless creature.  
  
"I'm sorry," Buffy stated for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.  
  
"You better be sorry, young lady!" spoke Joyce hotly. "Did you even think about the consequences of your actions?"  
  
Buffy hung her head in shame. She knew her Mom, as well as everyone else, was right. She'd been irresponsible, but she couldn't help but wish that they'd comfort her and tell her that everything was going to be all right.  
  
"I-I.," began Buffy, but was cut off by her Mom.  
  
"Well, you obviously didn't. I'm so disappointed in you," said Joyce with a demeaning shake of her head. Jumping up off the couch, her Mother began pacing the room. "Didn't I teach you anything? I mean, I read all the parenting books. I told you about safe sex."  
  
Still pacing, Joyce continued her ramble. "And Angel? Don't even get me started on him. He should have left when I told him too."  
  
"What?" Buffy's head snapped up at her Mother's last statement. "What did you do?"  
  
"I told him to leave. He was no good for you," she told Buffy proudly.  
  
"I can't believe...no actually I can...how could you do that to me?" Buffy cried out in disgust.  
  
"Well, you obviously weren't thinking logically about the situation and neither was he, so somebody had to." Joyce explained, not feeling the least bit of regret.  
  
"And that somebody was you, right?" Buffy replied sarcastically, growing more furious by the minute.  
  
"Yes, and obviously he didn't listen to me or you wouldn't be in this situation," she shook her head in disappointment. "But don't worry, we'll get this taken care of."  
  
Buffy's eyes widened at her Mother's words. "W-what do you mean 'taken care of'?"  
  
"There's a clinic in the next town over. One of the women who works at the gallery told me about it." Joyce explained, already making plans about how to make things right again.  
  
"Clinic? What are you talking about?" Buffy asked, although she knew somewhere inside what her Mother was suggesting.  
  
"I will call them tomorrow and set up a consultation appointment," continued Joyce, ignoring Buffy's previous question.  
  
"You want me to get an abortion?" Buffy shrieked as she jumped up off the sofa, her arms moving to wrap protectively around her still flat abdomen.  
  
"Why, yes, of course. You certainly cannot have this baby," Joyce stated matter-of-factly. "Now, I'll make the appointment. I'll have to borrow money from the gallery to pay for it. And we certainly can't tell your fath-"  
  
"NO!" Buffy interrupted her Mother's rambling loudly.  
  
"No what?" Joyce questioned, confused at her daughter's statement.  
  
"No, I'm not getting an abortion," Buffy answered forcefully. There was no way in Hell she was going to abort her baby.  
  
"You can't be serious," her Mother argued, moving to stand directly in front of her daughter.  
  
"I'm dead serious. I'm keeping this baby," Buffy repeated, looking her Mother straight in the eyes.  
  
"Oh, no you're not, young lady. You will do as I tell you to!" demanded Joyce, wondering how her daughter could even contemplate having a baby at such a young age and a baby fathered by a low-life demon, no less.  
  
"I'm eighteen years old, Mom! You can't tell me what to do!" Buffy yelled back.  
  
"If you plan on keeping this baby then you can find yourself somewhere else to live." stated Joyce, not feeling an ounce of shame at the ultimatum. She had to get Buffy to cave in to her demands.  
  
"What?" said Buffy, almost whispering. This couldn't be happening. Her Mother couldn't be doing this to her.  
  
"If you want to ruin your life by having this baby, a *vampire's* baby, you can do it somewhere else and without my help." Joyce stated, leaving no room for argument.  
  
Buffy stared at her in wide-eyed shock. At a time when she needed her Mom the most she was being turned away and kicked out. Not only had she lost her friends, now she'd lost her Mother, too. There was no way, though, she was going to give up her baby.  
  
"Well?" asked Joyce, fully believing her daughter would yield to her ultimatum.  
  
"I'm not going to get an abortion," Buffy answered softly, her arms tightening around her belly.  
  
Joyce stared at her for a minute, honestly surprised that Buffy would go against her, before speaking again. "Fine. I expect you to be out of this house before I get back," she ordered and then stormed out of the room and out of the house.  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
TBC! 


	5. AFCFY Part 5

***  
  
Sorry it has taken me so long to get this out! Real-life has been a royal bitch the last week. And sorry this is so short, it's just kinda the way the part worked out!  
  
Thank you to everyone for the feedback on part 4!  
  
Isis  
  
***  
  
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Part 5  
  
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For what seemed like hours, Buffy stood there and stared at the spot her Mother had vacated. Her mind was reeling from the fact that just about everyone she loved had walked out on her, most of them angrily voicing their displeasure with her beforehand. Losing her friends was bad enough, but now her Mother too.  
  
Sure they'd never really been that close, but she was her Mom. She was supposed to be there for her always. Wasn't that a mother's job? Weren't they supposed to support their child no matter what? Maybe those stupid books she read forgot to mention that fact. None of that mattered, though. The only thing Buffy knew was that they had all abandoned her.  
  
Somehow, after pulling herself out of her daze, Buffy had managed to make her way upstairs. She now found herself standing in the doorway to her room. But, in reality, it wasn't her room. Not anymore. This wasn't even her house any longer. Her Mother had made that perfectly clear.  
  
So now not only was she alone, tossed aside by everyone that mattered, but she was also homeless, and pregnant. Her eyes moistened again with tears at those realizations. She had nowhere to go. No one to turn to.  
  
A few long months ago, she would have run to Angel for comfort. Even he was gone now. She couldn't go to him and have him hold her in his strong arms, soothing her with whispered words. Never again would she be able to turn to him when the world was closing in on her.  
  
Wiping at her tears, she tried to push thoughts of Angel out of her mind, though she knew that was impossible. Stepping into her room she walked toward her bed, each movement of her body lacking its usual grace and fluidity. Slowly, she sat down, her shoulders slumping under the weight of her current stresses. She gazed around as if trying to memorize each and every detail of the place she'd spent the last two and a half years of her life.  
  
Her fingers shakily ran over the soft white comforter that covered her bed before moving up to rest over her abdomen. She stared down at her still flat stomach as her fingers gently caressed back and forth across the shirt covered skin. How could her Mother have even suggested she get an abortion? Didn't she understand that it was the only piece of her Angel that she had left? It was their baby, hers and Angel's. Nothing in this world could make her give up their baby. Nothing!  
  
Tiredly, she lowered her body down onto the bed until her back was flat against the mattress, her legs hanging over the end. She lifted up her shirt enough to expose the taut skin of her belly and ran her fingers across the smooth expanse. It amazed her that there was a living being growing inside of her. One that she had created with Angel. The slightest hint of a smile graced her face as she thought about that.  
  
No matter what, she would always have a piece of her Angel now. She would always have the life they created together. She wondered whether it would be a boy or a girl, but really, it didn't matter to her. Right now, that was an inconsequential detail.  
  
Her fingers continued to stroke her abdomen as she pondered what she would look like a few months from now. She knew she should hate the fact that she would look like a beached whale, but instead she was filled with eagerness. Her soon-to-be swollen stomach would be a visible reminder of what she had growing inside of her. A small, tiny, helpless little baby that was the product of her and Angel's love.  
  
At that moment, a sort a peace flowed through Buffy. It didn't ease the pain of all that had happened and been done to her, but it was enough to inject a renewed resiliency within her. They could all abandon her, curse her, banish her. They could leave her alone to fend for herself, but, as she just realized, she would never truly be alone again. She would have her precious little baby to take care of. And she vowed to herself that from this moment forward that she would do anything necessary to provide the best life possible for her son or daughter.  
  
Yes, she would do anything to give her baby a happy life. Thoughts of her baby's future began racing through her mind. Her own happiness didn't matter, only that of her baby's. She would do anything to protect her child. With that in mind, it suddenly became clear to her what she needed to do.  
  
She had to leave Sunnydale. There was no way in *Hell* she was going to raise her baby in this town. Not in a place where the people she considered family turned her away. She didn't want to have to take the chance that she would run into them and have to deal with their angry glares and whispers and who knows how they would treat her baby. She couldn't allow that to happen. She couldn't let them treat her and her baby like lepers.  
  
Placing a kiss on her fingertips, she lowered them and placed them lovingly over the growing life inside her. 'I love you, my sweet little baby' she spoke softly before picking up her tired and aching body from the bed.  
  
With a steadfast determination she retrieved several large duffel bags and began filling them with necessities such as clothes and toiletries. She stuffed as much as possible into two of the bags, amazed at how much they could hold. The third bag she filled with keepsakes she couldn't bare to part with: Mr. Gordo, a few photo albums, the book of poetry Angel had given her on her eighteenth birthday, and other such stuff. She also reluctantly put in items that reminded her of her friends and family. She just couldn't completely leave them behind.  
  
When the three bags were finally full she searched around her room trying to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything of utmost importance. Her hand checked her neck to make sure she was wearing the silver cross from Angel and found it resting there. Seeing nothing she had missed, Buffy walked over to her jewelry box and picked it up.  
  
Carefully she removed the items within to reveal a secret compartment beneath. Pulling it open she pulled out a wad of cash. It was the money she had received from various family members, and one father who thought money could buy her love, for her graduation from high school. She peered at the money gratefully. Almost two thousand dollars. That would definitely be enough to help her get buy until she figured out what she was going to do.  
  
She said a silent thanks to her generous family members as she stuffed the money into her pocket. With one last look around her room she shouldered two of the duffel bags and picked up the third in her left hand. A few tears trailed down her cheeks as she walked out of her room for the final time. She had no regrets, however. How could she regret that she'd created a tiny life inside of her with her soulmate? No, there were no regrets.  
  
Closing the front door behind her, Buffy stopped moving. It suddenly occurred to her that she had no idea where she was supposed to go. She had no desire to remain in Sunnydale for even a night longer, but it was growing late and she didn't want to travel at night. So as she picked up her bags again she decided that she would stay the night at a motel before leaving Sunnydale behind.  
  
With her head held high, Buffy walked away from her home and the life that she use to live. She couldn't say she wouldn't miss everything because she would. She would miss her friends, her family, and the security of her home. It would be hard but she would find a way to start all over again. She had to. Not just for herself, but for her baby as well.  
  
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TBC! 


	6. AFCFY Part 6

***  
  
Two things I wanted to mention: no, I haven't forgotten that Angel can't make 'little vampires', and I'm not ignoring that part of canon. I have reasoning behind Buffy's pregnancy; it just won't come up until later.  
  
And secondly, keep in mind that this is a complete post-s3 AU...this means that things that occurred in BTVS s4-7 and AtS s1-5 are *not* given to happen...even the most basic of things. Just wanted to mention that...you'll understand why after you read (and I write) the second fic in the series.  
  
That's all! And thank you to everyone for the wonderful feedback on part 5!  
  
Isis  
  
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Part 6  
  
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Buffy groaned as she tripped yet again, almost having a face-first meeting with the sidewalk. She internally cursed herself for thinking she could walk all the way across town carrying three huge duffle bags. Normally her Slayer strength would make the task a lot easier, but her physical weakness from lack of sleep and not eating properly was getting the best of her plus the added stresses of her pregnancy and the fall out with her friends and family.  
  
Of course she'd made things worse, too, by opting to go to the motel on the farthest edge of town. It was the best way to avoid running into anyone she didn't want to see. Not that she expected them to be looking for her anyway, but she figured it was best to not take chances.  
  
Feeling a little dizzy, Buffy found a tree to rest against. She let the bags on her shoulders fall to the ground as she leaned against the tree, panting slightly. For what seemed like the hundredth time that day she felt tears forming in her eyes. Taking a few deep breaths, the moisture slowly receded which Buffy was grateful for. She didn't want to be seen standing along the sidewalk sobbing.  
  
After a few minutes had passed, Buffy bent over to pick up her bags. Her vision swirled slightly causing her to reach out and grasp the trunk of the tree. When the dizziness passed she shouldered the heavy bags once again and continued toward the motel.  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Cordelia Chase angrily jiggled the key to her motel room, muttering under her breath about how the stupid key always got stuck. She wanted to get inside as quickly as possible before anyone saw her at such a low class place. But of course her room key had other ideas. She stomped a foot in fury, thinking about how this wouldn't have happened at the four-star hotels and resorts she was used to.  
  
With a tug, she pulled the key out of the lock and then pushed it back in. Again trying to turn the key, she found it still wouldn't unlock. Flopping back against the uncooperative door, a slight movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention.  
  
Turning, the brunette cheerleader stared across the darkening parking lot. She could barely make out the figure of a person walking in her direction. Taking a few steps toward the person, Cordelia found herself staring at an all too familiar female struggling to make her way across the parking lot. She gaped in shock at the site, wondering what the Hell Buffy was doing at a motel with what looked like bags hanging off her shoulders.  
  
Nearly grunting from the physical exertion, Buffy shuffled off the sidewalk and toward the office of the motel. Her whole body ached from exhaustion. Everything seemed to be catching up with her at once: the lack of sleep, hardly eating, and the emotional strain of the day's events. All of it was taking a heavy toll on her mind and body. Trying to refocus herself, she pushed forward, knowing she had only a little more to go before she could rest.  
  
Only a few more feet, she had told herself when suddenly her foot tripped over a large crack in the pavement. Frantically, she tried to rebalance her body, but under the weight of the bags she was carrying and her worn out body she was unsuccessful and soon went crashing to the ground. Her already throbbing head slammed into the ground for the second time that day.  
  
"Oh my God! Buffy!" Cordelia shrieked as she watched the Slayer fall in a heap to the ground.  
  
Rushing over to her sometimes-friend, Cordelia abruptly stopped when she saw the state of the blonde haired girl. She'd seen Buffy beaten up after a battle before, but what she saw now caused even her to cringe. An angry, three-inch gash was oozing blood on her forehead, but it was Buffy's eyes that caught Cordelia's attention the most. They were red, puffy and had a sunken look to them as well as having large, dark circles beneath.  
  
Cordelia found herself only able to stare for a moment, completely shocked by the Slayer's obvious state of distress. She'd never seen Buffy look so bad. Finally, she snapped out her daze when she saw Buffy weakly attempting to pick herself up off the ground.  
  
"Buffy?" she spoke hesitantly.  
  
Buffy shook her head slightly, trying to pull herself together, but everything was spinning in her head. She faintly heard someone call her name and lifted her eyes to look toward the voice. The movement was too much for her over-stressed system and she fell back down to the ground, slipping into unconsciousness.  
  
"Buffy!" Cordelia yelped when she saw Buffy fall again and make no effort to get back up.  
  
Rushing over to the fallen girl, she realized the Buffy was no longer conscious. Her brow scrunched as she tried to figure out what to do. Should she call an ambulance? Her memory flashed back to a year earlier when Buffy had had the flu and been admitted to the hospital and had fought it every second. No, the hospital was probably not such a good idea.  
  
She looked toward the still closed door to her room which was only about ten feet away. Her lips formed a frown as she considered the idea of carrying the Slayer the few feet. She looked back and forth between the unconscious girl and her door before sighing and bending over to pull one of Buffy's arms over her shoulder.  
  
"Good thing you're so small," she grumbled as she struggled to pull Buffy up off the ground.  
  
As she was attempting to lift Buffy's body, someone off to her right suddenly spoke up. "Do you need some help, miss?"  
  
Cordelia looked over to see a man who appeared to be in his mid-twenties walking toward her. She studied him quickly, trying to decide if it was wise to accept his help. His clothing left something to be desired, but he didn't look like an axe murderer and since it was still somewhat light out he couldn't be a vamp so she opted to accept his offer. She hadn't really wanted to carry Buffy anyway.  
  
"Umm, yeah. Could you help me get her to my room? It's right over there," she pointed to her door.  
  
"She doesn't look okay. Maybe we should call an ambulance," he suggested helpfully.  
  
"No! Uh, I mean, no, that's okay. She's just, uh, been sick and fainted. She'd hate it if we called an ambulance," Cordelia lied, although she was internally wondering if the man was right. Who was he anyway? His accent made it obvious that he wasn't from around here.  
  
"Okay, if you say so. Why don't you go open your door and I'll bring her over." The man easily lifted Buffy up into his arms and followed Cordy to her room.  
  
Thankfully, the door opened easily this time and they entered into the room. "Umm, just put her on the bed."  
  
"Okay," he gently laid the unconscious girl down.  
  
"Thank you so much," Cordy smiled slightly.  
  
"No problem. Let's go out and get her bags before someone steals them," he recommended already walking out the door.  
  
Following him out, Cordelia went to lift one of the bags only to find the action impossible. "Geez, what the hell does she have in these things," she muttered to no one in particular.  
  
The man chuckled at the statement. "Yeah, they are pretty heavy."  
  
Together, Cordelia and the good Samaritan managed to get all three bags into the room with only a little bit of struggled. The man glanced towards Buffy, frowning at the way the tiny girl looked.  
  
"Are you sure she'll be all right?" he asked in concern.  
  
"Yeah, she'll be okay," Cordelia shrugged, hoping she was right. "Thank you for helping me out."  
  
"You're welcome," he nodded his head, staring at her for a moment before quietly exiting the room.  
  
Closing the door behind him, Cordelia walked over to one of the grimy chairs and flopped down on it. She stared worriedly at Buffy's still figure on the bed. Millions of questions were running through her mind. First and foremost being what the Hell was going on? Buffy looked like shit. And why did she have so many bags and look like she was going to get a room at the motel?  
  
And why did she care anyway? Her and Buffy had never really been friends. For some reason, though, she found herself feeling concerned for the unconscious girl on her bed. Buffy had always been so strong and vibrant. It had sometimes made her jealous of the girl. To see her now looking like, well, crap it was more than a little shocking. Whatever was going on must be really bad to have affected Buffy the way it did.  
  
Realizing she wasn't going to get any answers at the moment, Cordelia slumped back in her chair and tried to figure out something to do. Propping her feet up on another chair she picked up the latest issue of Vogue magazine. Her eyes peaked over toward Buffy once more before she settled into reading the magazine.  
  
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TBC! 


	7. AFCFY Part 7

***  
  
Thank you to all of you wonderful feedbackers! Your comments on this fic have been amazing!  
  
Isis  
  
***  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^ Part 7 ^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Slowly, Buffy drifted back to consciousness. She felt like she'd been run over by an eighteen-wheeler. Her eyes remained closed as she tried to remember why she felt so utterly horrible. Hadn't she been walking to the motel? What had happened?  
  
Searching her memory she remembered feeling exhausted.and then.she tripped. Hadn't she? Was she still lying on the pavement? No, she realized suddenly. She was lying on something soft. That little detail worried her. If she wasn't still on the pavement where the Hell was she? Growing worried, she swiftly shot up in the bed.  
  
"Jesus Christ! Give me a fucking heart attack!" Buffy heard someone yelp to her right. When she looked in that direction she found herself in complete shock.  
  
"Cordelia?" she yelped in surprise.  
  
"The one and only," Cordelia answered, her hand clutching over her still pounding heart from Buffy's sudden movement.  
  
"W-what's going on?" Buffy asked nervously as her eyes flittered around the room. What was she doing in what looked to be a motel room, with Cordelia, of all people?  
  
"You decided it would be fun to pass out in the middle of a parking lot and I had to drag your ass in here," stated Cordelia exasperation, hiding the small detail that she'd had help carrying Buffy.  
  
Buffy looked at her strangely. That was not the answer she'd been expecting. Since when did Cordelia Chase give a damn about her? They'd pretty much always hated each other. But she was immensely grateful that the obnoxious brunette had not just left her lying there.  
  
"Umm, thanks," she spoke softly as her hand moved to rub her throbbing head. "How long was I out?"  
  
"About two hours. Here," offered Cordelia, holding a hand out that contained two aspirin and in the other a glass of water.  
  
"Thanks," Buffy mumbled as she took the pills and swallowed them down with the water.  
  
"I was going to call an ambulance, but I didn't think you'd have liked that very much," she relayed, eyeing the blonde who looked like she might fall apart at any second.  
  
Buffy shivered at the suggestion. The hospital was definitely somewhere she didn't want to go. "I'm glad you didn't."  
  
"You look like Hell," Cordy stated in typical bluntness.  
  
"Thanks, I hadn't noticed," Buffy snorted indignantly. Trust Cordy to point out the obvious.  
  
Cordelia sighed and took a seat on the bed next to Buffy. "No, I'm serious. What's going on?" she questioned, her voice holding an unusual gentleness to it.  
  
Buffy looked up at her, surprised at her concern. She considered the question, her mind flashing back to the horrible events of that day. Tears unwillingly welled in her eyes causing her to look away from Cordelia. The last thing that she wanted to think about was the rejection of her Mother and her friends. The memories were still too vivid in her mind.  
  
The brunette frowned at the action. Something was seriously wrong, she was sure of that. The look in Buffy's eyes had made her shudder. She knew that look all too well. The look of feeling totally and utterly alone and lost. She saw it every time she looked at herself in the mirror these days.  
  
Sensing that Buffy wasn't quite ready to spill her story, Cordelia changed the subject. "Why don't you go take a shower? You look like you could use one and it might make you feel better."  
  
"Yeah, a shower sounds nice," Buffy answered absentmindedly, happy to avoid the subject of her current situation for the moment.  
  
"I'll order a pizza while you do that. You look like you could use some food," Cordelia nodded at Buffy's gaunt body.  
  
Buffy cringed at the thought of eating, but a little voice in the back of her head reminded her that she needed to eat, that her baby was depending on her. "Ok, thanks."  
  
She got up and rustled through her bags, looking for her shower items. Once she retrieved them, she mumbled a 'be right back' to Cordelia before making her way to the bathroom.  
  
Once inside, she slumped against the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. Cordy was right, she did look like shit. Turning on the shower, she climbed underneath the hot water. She wished the pounding spray would wash away her recent horrors, but she knew it wouldn't. Nothing would ever make her forget what had happened.  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
An hour later, Buffy sat on the bed wrapped up in her terrycloth robe, her hair still wet. A half empty pizza box sat between her and Cordelia. As they'd eaten, she'd just told the brunette everything that had transpired that had caused her to be trekking across town with all of her belongings in duffel bags. It was strange, but somehow she felt better talking to someone who wasn't so close to the situation. And Cordelia, for her part, seemed to be truly shocked about the others actions.  
  
"I'm sorry," Cordy blurted out after a minute of silence.  
  
Whatever she'd expected Buffy to tell her, this was definitely not it. She could understand the other's anger, but at the same time, she couldn't help but feel sorry for Buffy. She knew all too well what it was like to be abandoned and to lose everything. Yes, that was definitely something she was familiar with.  
  
"Thanks," Buffy replied, staring down at her hands.  
  
"I just.wow. I can't believe they'd all do that. I can understand being angry but to do.that.it's just.," she trailed off, having no idea what to say. She wasn't used to feeling so concerned for someone else.  
  
"I know," Buffy whispered softly as she willed herself not to start crying again. Not wanting to talk about herself anymore, she quickly changed the subject. "So, umm, what are you doing.well.here?"  
  
Cordelia's eyes flashed with emotion for a second, the look not lost on Buffy, before she answered. "I've been here since graduation."  
  
"What? Why?" Buffy asked in surprise. Why on earth was Queen C, the rich bitch of Sunnydale High, living in a ratty motel?  
  
"I, umm, well it turns out that Daddy had this little problem with his taxes, as in he didn't pay them.ever," she answered, no longer able to make eye contact with Buffy. She knew what people thought of her now, and she hated it.  
  
"So.," Buffy started, trying to figure out what that meant.  
  
"The government took everything. The money, the house.everything. And wouldn't ya know, Daddy decided he'd rather run than go to jail. Unfortunately, he thought it would be too much of a hassle to take his daughter with him," Cordelia tried to joke, but the hurt was evident in her voice.  
  
Buffy stared at her in shock. At one point she might have found Cordy's situation funny considering how much they tended to hate each other, but after what she had been through that day.well, it wasn't the least bit funny. She knew just what it felt like to suddenly have nothing.  
  
"I'm sorry, Cordy. That must have been awful for you," Buffy said genuinely. She just couldn't help but feel sorry for Cordelia despite how horrible she'd always been to her.  
  
"Yeah, well.," Cordy said, trying to brush off the concern. She hated feeling, and seeming, weak.  
  
For a few minutes, both girls just sat there having no idea what to say to the other. The situations they were in were entirely strange to both. Almost since day one when Buffy had arrived in Sunnydale, they'd hated each other. Now, suddenly, they were finding that they were in almost exactly the same boat...with no oars...and water rapidly leaking in.  
  
"So, uh, what are you going to do now?" asked Buffy, breaking the uncomfortable silence.  
  
"I plan on getting out of this Hell-hole town, probably in a day or two. I can't stand being here any longer. Harmony and everyone won't even talk to me because I'm not rich anymore, and my family could care less about me. So I figure, why stay?" Cordy explained with a shrug.  
  
"Makes sense," Buffy agreed, understanding the need to leave all to well.  
  
"What about you?" the brunette asked.  
  
"Same. No one wants me around. They made that perfectly clear. And I don't want to raise my baby anywhere near them." told Buffy, her hand unconsciously moving to her abdomen.  
  
"Yeah, I think that's probably smart. I mean it sounds like Xander's totally lost it." conceded Cordy as she internally wondered what she'd ever seen in that moron.  
  
Buffy only shrugged in response, not really wanting to talk about Xander. "Thought about where you are going to go?" she questioned curiously.  
  
"I was originally thinking LA, but I decided that's still too close to Sunnydale," Cordelia answered.  
  
"Yeah, I don't think I even want to be in the state of California," agreed Buffy, taking a sip of her Sprite that had been sitting on the table.  
  
"Where did you want to go?" Cordy asked, wondering why exactly she cared.  
  
"Dunno. Hadn't really thought about it. I was thinking about places on my way to the motel. I always wanted to go to Seattle," she stated, the idea gaining credence in her head.  
  
"Hmm, Seattle. Crappy weather, but doesn't sound like a bad place," pondered Cordy, thinking about the possibilities.  
  
"Huh?" Buffy mumbled, confused at the statement.  
  
"Well, I mean, we both want to get out of here. We could, ya know, leave together, or something," she replied, surprising herself at the offer. Maybe all this time she'd spent by herself for the last two months was getting to her.  
  
Buffy stared at her, mouth hanging open. Her first instinct was to say 'Hell no', but then as she thought about it, it didn't sounds quite so horrible. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. After all, she was pregnant and she was the Slayer. It would probably be smart to not travel alone. And really, Buffy didn't know if she wanted to be completely alone, even if it meant she had to be with Cordelia.  
  
Buffy thought about the offer for another minute before answering. "So I guess we're going to Seattle."  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
TBC! 


	8. AFCFY Part 8

***  
  
Okay everyone, here is the last part to this fic! Sorry for the delay, but RL has been rather hectic the last week and a half.  
  
Nothing is resolved by the end of this part/fic...as I said before, this fic is part of a series, and the plotline will continue on to the upcoming fics. For those of you who have been asking about Angel, you will find out what he's up to in the next fic 'A Moment For Goodbye'. I will probably send out the first part in a week and a half or two weeks...I'm way behind on my writing!  
  
Thank you for all of your feedback on this fic! Your support and comments have been wonderful!  
  
Just a small note about this part...s3 canon had Cordy lose everything, including her car...I modified that a little!  
  
Isis  
  
***  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 8  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
~two days later~  
  
For nearly an hour Buffy had wandered around Sunnydale, seeing everything one last time: the charred remains of the high school, The Bronze, Giles' apartment, and of course, her house. She hadn't even realized she was walking there until she found herself standing there on the sidewalk staring at what used to be her home.  
  
Part of her wanted to go inside, but she knew it was useless. It wouldn't change anything. Her Mother had made her feelings perfectly clear, as had everyone else. She hadn't seen any of them since their falling out. And, really, that was fine with her. She had no desire to listen to their cruel words anymore.  
  
The only person she'd been around the last two days had been Cordelia. The concept was still mind-boggling. Of all the people she could have considered as someone who would stick by her, Cordelia would never have been one of them. But life tended to have a strange way of working things out from time to time. The fact that she would soon be heading to Seattle with Cordy was proof of that.  
  
Strangely enough, Buffy found that Cordelia wasn't quite as bad as she had thought she was. Well, at least the new, marginally humble Cordelia. In the last two days she'd learned more about the former cheerleader than she'd found out during the previous two and a half years. Cordy was still her typical tactless, blunt self, but there was also something different about her. It showed in her eyes, and she was a bit more considerate of others than before.  
  
That, of course, was most likely due to what she, herself, had been through. Buffy could only imagine what it was like to one day have everything: cars, a huge house, designer clothes.and anything else she could have possibly ever wanted...and then the next day, have it all vanish along with your family. Actually, Buffy didn't really have to imagine it. In fact, she knew only too well what that felt like.  
  
Only three days ago, she'd had her friends, Giles, her Mother, a home, a life...even if it had been an unhappy one. And today, she had none of it. It had certainly made her see the world differently, and she'd only been dealing with it for two days. Cordy had been on her own for over two months. So, really, it wasn't all that strange to accept the change in Cordy's demeanor.  
  
But it was still weird to think about how she was leaving behind her whole world and going somewhere else with Cordelia. She was happy, though, that she wouldn't be completely alone, at least for the trip to Seattle. Who knew what would happen once they got there.  
  
With a last look at her house, Buffy turned and walked away, for the final time. She needed to get back to the motel soon since Cordy was waiting for her. First, though she had two more stops to make before leaving Sunnydale behind her.  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
The moment she stepped inside the large, open room, Buffy wondered if it had been a mistake to come here. Memories, good and bad, fought for dominance in her mind and she found herself only able to stand there, shivering slightly. So much had happened in this room, so many bittersweet and agonizing moments that would forever linger deep within her soul.  
  
A few unbidden tears trickled out from beneath her now closed eyes as she vividly recalled her final battle with Angelus. There had been a moment, one single frantic moment, during that fight that she'd almost welcomed death, wanted to be free of the endless tormenting pain. She'd stared eye to eye with him, his sword pointed directly at her, and realized that she couldn't let him win, couldn't fail Angel by giving up. Looking back, maybe she should have let him kill her. Anything would have been better than gutting her Angel, condemning him to eternal damnation.  
  
Then, of course, Angel had come back, returned to the mortal coil in this very room. The blackened outline of his body had long since faded, but it was still present in her mind. And she'd certainly never forget the truly animalistic way he'd been after returning.  
  
Those few things were only scratching the surface of all that had happened in not only this room, but the mansion as a whole. It was here that Angel had taught her Tai Chi, here that she had tried to break up with him, here that they had taken post-Slayage naps, here where she had offered herself to save his life, and it was up on the hill nearby where she persuaded Angel not to give up on living.  
  
So many memories were tied to the old mansion, and all of them centered around the one man whom she was sure would ever hold her heart. Now he was gone. Where he'd gone, she had no idea. He hadn't exactly given her a travel itinerary. Instead, he'd just vanished without a trace, leaving her to forever wonder where he'd gone.  
  
As she walked over to the large fireplace, Buffy mused if things would be different if she knew where he was. Would she contact him and tell him about her pregnancy? Yes, she probably would. Her first instinct after reading the positive symbol on the home pregnancy test had been to run to Angel. Of course, she couldn't do that. She had no idea where he was. So she'd had to resign herself to the fact that Angel would not know she was carrying his child. Maybe...someday...she'd be able to tell him.  
  
Feeling her tears beginning to fall again, Buffy turned and quickly fled the mansion without a backward glance. The memories were just too strong to stay any longer.  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Her steps faltered as she neared the door to her next destination. She didn't know if she really wanted to go through the door she was now standing in front of. The last time she'd been here had been the day after her seventeenth birthday. Instead of finding her Angel, she'd come face to face with Angelus, the demon who wore her lover's face.  
  
Since that day, Buffy had not dared to return to the apartment. Honestly, she wasn't sure if she was ready to enter it now, but she felt as if she needed to see it one last time. Maybe it was because of some masochistic streak she had or maybe she just needed to put some closure on this part of her life.  
  
Finally gathering up her nerve, she slowly opened the unlocked door. The room was almost pitch black even though it was early morning so Buffy flipped the switch near the door to turn on the overhead lights. Her heart constricted slightly at seeing the apartment almost exactly as it had looked years before.  
  
The rooms were barer than they had been, and there was a heavy layer of dust covering all of the surfaces, but it still looked the same. Angel hadn't had much in the apartment, but the few pictures and personal effects that had been there were gone.  
  
Buffy strolled further into the living room, her hand running over the back of a dusty chair. Her memory reminded her of the time Angel had sat in that same exact chair where she had bandaged his hand after Spike had used him to try and cure Druscilla. Then there had been the morning she'd come to Angel after her dream of Dru killing him.  
  
Her most vivid memories of this place, though, were of the night of her birthday. That night had been so wonderful and so tragic at the same time. She couldn't help but feel guilt over what happened. If she hadn't of pushed Angel to make love to her, he wouldn't have lost his soul, but she couldn't change what had happened. It probably would have occurred sooner of later, anyway.  
  
Unconsciously, her eyes drifted over to the corner of the room that the bed was tucked away in. The sheets still lay rumpled as they had the morning she'd awoken alone. Her gaze suddenly caught site of something resting on top of one of the pillows. She stumbled frantically toward the bed, dropping her purse without a second thought.  
  
Upon reaching her destination, she stared wide-eyed at the object in question. There, nestled comfortably on top of one of the pillows was an antique white envelope with the name 'Buffy' scrawled across the front in flowing script. She inhaled a shuddering breath as her hand hesitantly reached for the paper.  
  
With trembling hands, Buffy raised the envelope to her face, inhaling deeply in silent hopes that there would be some trace of Angel among the paper. But there was only the stale stench of dust. Tears blurred her vision as she shakily turned the envelope in her hand and pulled the out the sheet of paper from within.  
  
Her heart thudded loudly inside her chest the moment the words came into view. She wiped at her tears, clearing her eyes, and took a deep breath before daring to read Angel's final words to her.  
  
My Dearest Buffy,  
  
I knew that sooner or later you would come here. I couldn't  
leave Sunnydale without one last look at this place; the source  
of my greatest happiness and my most torturous anguish.  
  
No words can describe my sorrow at having broken your heart.  
Maybe you don't believe me, but it is the truth. I wish I could  
have stayed, but it would have led to repercussions that neither  
of us want to deal with. Please forgive me for all of the pain  
I have caused you. I only want the best possible life for you.  
  
Even though I may be gone, never forget that I love you, and  
will always love you. You will forever be in my heart no matter  
how far apart I am from you.  
  
Don't be afraid to open your heart again. Love is the greatest  
source of happiness. Find love again and be happy. You deserve  
everything that life can offer you.  
  
Inside the envelope you will find something I want you to have.  
I found it at the mansion after I came back. I wanted so many  
times to return it to you, but the timing was never right. I  
couldn't leave without assuring that it would again belong to  
you.  
  
Love eternally,  
Angel  
  
Through bleary eyes, Buffy slowly looked down at the envelope in her left hand. She knew in her heart what was inside. Her fingers slowly inched there way into the paper housing, both fearing and grateful for what Angel had left her. Sobs began to shake her body as she grasped the tiny object and pulled it into view. There, gleaming brightly even in the dull light of the apartment, was the Claddagh ring Angel had given her the night of her seventeenth birthday.  
  
Tears flowed in heavy drops as she stared at the symbol of their love. Unable to stand any longer, she collapsed onto the bed, the tiny ring clutched in her hand against her heart. Releasing all of her pent up emotions, Buffy wept for love lost, and for her child who would never get to know his father.  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Buffy sniffled slightly as she stuffed the first of her bags onto the back seat of Cordelia's car. Her detour through Sunnydale had taken much longer than expected, but if she hadn't of done it she would have never gotten Angel's letter. And she wouldn't have her Claddagh ring safely tucked away on the chain around her neck. The gift was a mixed blessing. It was a tangible memory to her relationship with Angel, but it was also a reminder that he had left her. Still, she was glad to have it back, and glad to have read Angel's final words to her.  
  
Shoving the last of her bags into the car she groaned at the physical exertion. Thankfully, she was feeling much better than two days earlier, but still was not back to her old self. At least she had gotten a decent amount of sleep and eaten some food recently.  
  
Even though she'd not quite been hungry, she'd forced herself to eat. Knowing that she was pregnant had made her realize that she needed to take better care of herself. There was no way she was going to hurt her baby by continuing to do what she had been doing which was hardly ever sleeping or eating.  
  
"Is everything in the car?" Buffy questioned to Cordelia who was checking over the things she put in the trunk.  
  
"Yup, there's nothing left in the room. I just checked." Cordy answered while checking her hair in her compact mirror. She turned to Buffy before speaking again. "Are you sure you want to do this?"  
  
"Yeah, I can't say it's exactly what I wanted to do, or had planned on. But, yeah, I'm sure," replied Buffy, having no doubts about her decision to leave Sunnydale behind her.  
  
"Ok, I just wanted to make sure," the brunette stated. She still wasn't sure why she was so concerned about Buffy, but for now she wouldn't question it. She was just happy to be getting out of Sunnydale after everything that had happened.  
  
"I think we're ready. We've got the snacks, something to drink, and the maps. Anything else?" queried Buffy as she tried to think of anything they could be forgetting.  
  
"Nope, I just need to turn in the key to the room and then we're ready to go," said Cordy before she went toward the office to hand in the key.  
  
Five minutes later, the car with the two sort-of friends, both feeling as if they'd been exiled from their homes, headed out of Sunnydale. They were a mismatched pair, pulled together by the common feeling of being alone. But maybe together they'd be able to start new lives. Only time would tell.  
  
As they passed the 'Now Leaving Sunnydale' sign, Buffy's hand moved to touch the glass of the window facing the sign. She said a silent goodbye to all that she'd once had. She would miss her former life, but she needed to do what was best for her baby. Maybe she was making the wrong decision, and maybe not. But she was determined to do whatever possible to give her unborn child a good life.  
  
A few miles outside of Sunnydale, Cordelia turned to Buffy with a perplexed look on her face. In all the time that they'd spent together in the past couple of days, the thought had just now occurred to her, "I thought vampires couldn't have kids."  
  
"So did I," Buffy mumbled in response, repeating it again in a mere whisper. "So did I."  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
THE END!  
  
Coming Next: 'A Moment For Goodbye' #2 in the 'Shadows in Time' series: We catch up with Angel...find out what he's doing, and what he's thinking about. 


	9. AMFG Part 1

***  
Finally!  Here it is...the first part of the 2nd fic in the SiT series.  Sorry it took me so long to get it out!  Even though I haven't been posting, I have been writing...working on this series, and also a fic I'm co-writing with *Stars*...so I haven't been totally slacking!  Hope you like this part!

  
~Isis  
  
***

Title:  A Moment For Goodbye - #2 in the 'Shadows in Time' series

Author:  Isis Blue

Feedback: vagabond_angel@comcast.net

Disclaimer:  must this be stated every time?  But to answer the question, not I don't own them…I'm borrowing them because certain writers are cruel and heartless.

Rating:  R-ish

Pairing:  B/A, as always

Series Summary:  post-s3 (BTVS) AU…departs from canon after the s3 finale and jumps into my own universe.  From there, almost everything will be different.  A few characters and concepts will pop-up, but really, this doesn't relate at all to the seasons that followed s3.

Fic Summary:  Angel tries to move on with his life, but his thoughts keep drifting back to Buffy.

Spoilers:  The first fic in the series (A Far Cry From Yesterday – link above) and anything through the end of s3 of BTVS, but mostly the end of s3.

Distribution:  my site (Vagabond Soul), and if you already have any of my fics, you may take this one, if not, please ask first.

Author's Notes:  This is sort of a companion piece to 'A Far Cry From Yesterday' and catches up with what has been going on with Angel.  Initially, this was going to just be a short songfic, but then I got the idea for the series and it got turned into the second fic in the series.

AN2:  The song is "Good Night Sweet Girl" by Ghost of the Robot...for those of you who don't know, that is James Marsters' band…and uh, yeah I'm aware of the serious irony caused by using a song of theirs in a B/A fic.  The lyrics may not be perfect, I got them off the net and then re-transcribed them.

AN3:  Much thanks to my beta *Stars* whose help was invaluable.

Warnings:  Angst, adult situations (sex)

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Part 1

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Angel's heavy, booted foot kicked the door closed after entering the room.  His nose wrinkled in disgust as he took in the interior of the room.  He quietly smirked at the thought of how only a few years ago this place would have looked like Heaven to him.  Now it only looked like the cheap, dingy motel room that it was.  It didn't really matter, though, he was only going to be staying there one night.

Dropping his overnight bag on top of the tiny, lopsided dresser, Angel shrugged out of his coat and placed it on the back of the only chair in the room.  He glanced at the small, single bed covered by a threadbare, large print comforter and frowned at its size.  The bed did not look the least bit comfortable.  Still, it was better than dozing in the back seat of his car, again.

He crossed the small room and kicked off his shoes before flopping down onto the tiny bed.  Grimacing, Angel rolled over onto the opposite side after a metal coil from one of the springs poked him in the back.  He shifted around until he was able to lay without being jabbed by anything.  At least the springs weren't made of wood.

As he lay there staring up at the water stained ceiling, pangs of hunger rippled through his body.  He knew he'd have to feed soon.  He could only hold off so long before the need for sustenance became too much, but the thought of ingesting blood disgusted him.  It reminded him of what he truly was which then reminded him of why he'd been forced to leave Buffy.  

Her image eased its way into his mind at that moment.  It has been two months since he's seen her, but he could still picture her perfectly.  Every detail of her was permanently etched in his memory.  From her soft, golden blonde hair, to her heart-warming smile, to her ability to see him for more than the demon he was.  She made him feel like a man.  For a short while, she'd given him hope that he could be more than just a demon.

The reality of it all, though, was that he was a demon.  And not just a demon.  A vampire, forever forced to stalk in the shadows of the night, and to consume the very essence of life in order to survive.  Nothing could, or would ever, change the barest truths of his existence.  He'd known that, and for so long tried to push it to the farthest realms of his conscience, but it had been bluntly pointed out to him one morning months ago and he'd finally had to face what his heart hadn't wanted to.  He was no good for her.

Buffy had been his savior, his guiding light.  She'd, unknowingly, set him on a path of redemption.  Everything that he'd become was due to her, but she deserved more than what he could ever give her.  She was forced, by destiny, to bare the weight of the world on her shoulders.  So much of her life had been taken from her, and he couldn't be responsible for her losing out on more of it.

If he had stayed, she would have been forced into the darkness with him.  He'd never be able to take her to the beach, or for a picnic in the park, or do anything that required the light of day.  She'd have to watch while he guzzled bags of blood in order to survive.  He couldn't even express his love to her, worship her body as she rightly deserved, without the fear of unleashing the demon within him.  And even if he could make love to her, his barren, dead seed would never produce children.

There was nothing he could give her.  Nothing at all, except for a few moonlit strolls and hesitant hugs and kisses that could never lead anywhere.  He couldn't take the small semblance of a normal life away from her that she should have.  Her destiny had taken enough, he couldn't take the rest.  She deserved everything, sunlight, nights of passion, a family...all things he couldn't give her.

So he left, tearing both their hearts to shreds in the process.  It was the only thing he could do.  The only thing he could give her; the chance for a normal life.  Without him there, she could move on, find someone to love who could give her all that he could not.  That's why he'd left.  It didn't matter that his soul cried out constantly for her.  It didn't matter that his worthless life was worth nothing without her.  The only thing that mattered was knowing that she would have the chance to be happy without him there.

Even after two months his cold, unbeating heart still ached with a depressing constancy.  It seemed as if the more distance he put between them, the more he thought about her.  He'd spent the last two months slowly traveling east, farther and farther from Sunnydale and California.  With each new day, he found himself somewhere new, but mentally and emotionally, he was still in Sunnydale.  He knew, with an agonizing certainty, that it wouldn't matter where he went.  She would always be a part of him whether he was in the same room as her or thousands of miles away.

His eyes flickered toward the closed curtains on the windows.  He could feel the pull of the sun rising over the horizon.  It would be so easy to fling back the curtains and wait for the harsh light of day to end his useless existence, but he couldn't do it.  She'd told him, not so long ago, that it was the coward's way out, and she was right.  So he'd go on, find some way to continue his miserable existence.  There was still evil to fight and demons to slay.

With that in mind, he drifted off into another day of sleep filled with dreams of the tiny blonde who'd captured his heart, never realizing that it was his own demons that he should have been worrying about conquering.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~the next night~

Angel slumped back against the dirty brick wall in the alley near the butcher shop he'd managed to find.  In his hand he clutched a now empty container of blood that, once procured, he couldn't help but quickly ingest.  His body had been starved of sustenance for so long that the mere smell of the thick liquid had sent him spiraling into full-blown blood lust that even he couldn't overcome.  So he'd left the shop hurriedly and found the nearest dark alley before slurping down the viscous fluid, not caring that some of it had spilled out of his mouth and down his chin.

The meager container had done little to satisfy his needs, but it was enough to curb the unbearable thirst.  He was tempted to pull another container out of the bag containing a large stock of blood, but he didn't.  The supply he'd bought was going to be needed for the coming weeks when he wouldn't be able to get more.  

Instead, he fought back his hunger as he did on a daily basis, which, really, wasn't as hard as it should have been.  The packaged animal blood held even less appeal than it had before.  Ever since that night, the one where Buffy had offered her life's blood to heal him, everything else seemed like a cheap, paltry imitation.  Not even two months time could dull her unique taste to his senses.

He hated himself for having drank from her, for having almost killed her.  At the same time, he was humbled by her unselfish gift.  She had gone against her very nature and offered herself to save him.  It only made him love her more, and yet it gave him one more reason to get himself as far away from her as possible.  She shouldn't have had to do what she did, but she'd had to because of who he was; a vampire.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Angel dropped the empty container into the bag in his other hand.  As much as he wanted to crawl into a dark hole and forever brood over his lost love, he had things to do.  There were several more stops he had to make before his plans were set.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

A few hours later, Angel found himself standing on a walkway next to the water's edge, staring out at the soft, moonlit waves of the ocean.  He had taken care of everything necessary for what he planned to do: purchased a supply of blood, a cooler to store it in, retrieved the few bags he'd taken with him from Sunnydale, and parked his beloved convertible in a long-term storage facility.  Everything was set.  Now, he just had to wait.

His eyes drifted over to the larger freighter docked nearby.  He'd had to pull quite a few strings to get passage aboard the ship, but thankfully he'd managed to secure a small corner below deck in the cargo hold.  There were a few perks to having lived so long and having the reputation he had, this was one of them.  Soon, he'd be on that ship, headed to Europe, and farther away from the only woman he'd ever love and could never have.

"Nice view" a familiar voice spoke from behind him.

Angel whirled around to face the speaker, shock clearly written on his face.  "Whistler?"

"Aww, I'm touched!  You remember me," the demon mocked with a hand over his chest.

"What are you doing here?" Angel questioned with narrowed eyes, wanting to know why he'd been sought out.

"So much for pleasantries," mumbled Whistler with a shake of his head.  His eyes shifted to the large ship nearby and then back to Angel.  "Going somewhere?"

"Possibly," Angel replied warily and growing more worried by the demon's sudden appearance.  "Is something wrong?"

"Wrong?  No...I wouldn't say wrong.  Unless of course you're referring to someone abandoning the destiny they were chosen for," Whistler replied in his usual crypticness.  

Angel stared at him in confusion.  "What are you talking about?"

"You, my friend.  Or have you forgotten what you were hand picked to do?" the demon spoke with more than just a little venom in his voice.  His bosses were not happy with the current situation, but unfortunately there was little they could do without directly interfering.

A pained looked crossed Angel's face at the reminder of his duty to the Slayer.  "It's not that simple anymore," his voice answered in a harsh whisper.

"I imagine not," snorted Whistler.  "None of us expected what we got from you two."

Sighing tiredly, Angel ran a hand through his hair and faced the demon who had sent him on the path to his soulmate.  "Why are you here, Whistler?"

"Just making sure you know what you're doing," he nodded toward the ship that now had crewman boarding.

"Yes, I do," Angel stated, his voice lacking the conviction he'd meant to convey.

Whistler frowned at him and fought the urge to shake his head.  There were so many things wrong with this situation, and so many things he knew that, unfortunately, he couldn't reveal.  He was well aware of the Slayer's pregnancy, and it's impact, but it had been made clear to him that he was not to use that as a bargaining tool to get the ensouled vampire to stay.  If Angel were to return, it had to be of his own free will, and not out of a sense of obligation.

"So you're just going to abandon her?" he questioned, hoping to play on the vampire's already heavy guilt.

"You don't understand," Angel bit out, turning away from the demon and leaning against the railing of the walkway.

"I understand perfectly, old friend," the demon sighed dejectedly.  He'd done all he was allowed to do.  The rest was up to Angel.

When Angel turned around a few minutes later, the demon was gone, leaving him to wonder why he'd been there at all and if what he was doing was right or not.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

TBC!


	10. AMFG Part 2

***  
All right everyone, here's the 2nd (and last) part to this fic.  Be warned, it may be a bit of a tear jerker.  I practically made myself cry writing it.  It'll be a few weeks until I start posting the 3rd fic in the series, probably not until the first week of December.  I will try and get it out as soon as possible.

Thank you to everyone who sent feedback on the last part, as well as for this series as a whole.  Your comments and feedback have been absolutely wonderful.

And for the ff.net'ers...sorry for the annoying spacing that is showing up.  ff.net is being a royal pain in my butt, their coding has changed or something and the new parts I upload are showing up formatted differently than they should.  Honestly, I may stop posting here altogether because its getting to be such a hassle.  Anyways, if the spacing annoys you, just stop by my site, there's a link on my profile page.

  
~Isis  
  
***

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Part 2

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

A crisp ocean breeze lapped at Angel's skin as he stood on the deck of the freighter, staring out at the disappearing coastline.  He could still make out the outlines of the buildings and the twinkling of the city lights, but they were becoming fainter with each passing minute.  Soon there would be nothing left to see except endless miles of salt water and maybe an occasional sea creature.  It would be weeks until he again set foot on dry land.

Long after Whistler had left him alone with his thoughts, Angel stood there, staring out at the gentle ocean waves, and debated the choices he had made.  Was he doing the right thing?  Was he abandoning his destiny?  And there was also this feeling he'd had recently, a deep grinding pull within his gut that lagged constantly in his thoughts.  It unsettled him in ways he couldn't describe, but he pushed away his worries and blamed them on missing his soulmate.

Buffy.

She was his entire reason for being, his greatest happiness, and his fiercest heartache.  Nothing meant anything to him until she came into his life.  It was wrong to love her.  He knew that.  They were born enemies, meant to fight and extinguish each other.  But fate had twisted in ways that had thrown them together, breeding love in the place of hate.

They had been shown, though, that not even the greatest love could surmount the steepest of odds.  That not so small fact had been pointed out cruelly.  One single night when they had joined in the most primal of all dances had brought forth the demon that forever damned his existence.  The havoc he had wreaked and the pain he had caused her would always haunt him.

He should have left as soon as he was strong enough after his return from Hell.  He should have walked away.  It would have saved them both so much heartbreak, but he'd naively thought that they could make it work, at first as friends, then later as a sexually inactive couple.  But he'd been kidding himself.

Spike had said it best when he told them that they could never be friends.  As much as they didn't' want to hear it, it had been the truth.  There was too much between them, too much passion and love, to ever be just friends.  They could also never be lovers.  Not just because of the curse, but also because of everything standing between them and everything he was and was not.

He was just a demon, sullied and worn, bound by a vengeance curse to never forget the death and pain he had caused.  There was a certain irony in trying to amend for his sins using the same bloodied hands that had committed them in the first place.  Angel knew, though, that redemption was a pipe dream.  His sins were too heinous to ever be fully amended for.

He was not a righteous man.

He was not a thing worth saving.

He was just a demon, not deserving of the love she'd bestowed upon him.  He would only ever drag her down; keep her from living the life she'd rightfully earned.  She deserved everything, and he had nothing to offer her except a muted life in the shadows with him.  He just couldn't do that to her.  That was why he'd left, and that was why he had boarded the boat despite Whistler's words of challenge.

With a deep sigh, Angel gazed at the now empty horizon.  The coastline was no longer visible, but he could now see the shifting colors signifying the coming of a new day.  The sun would soon be rising so he pushed away from the ship's railing and headed below deck to the small room he'd been able to secure.

Once in his room, Angel shed his coat, followed by his shirt and pants, which he neatly folded and placed on the top of a crate.  Hesitating only a moment, Angel flopped down on the narrow mattress that lay carelessly on the dirty floor.  It could have been a bed of nails for all he cared.  Nothing could hurt more than the pain in his heart and soul.

Reaching across to the small box that served as a table, Angel picked up the picture frame that sat upon it.  His chest tightened as the woman came into view.  Tears welled in his eyes as he stared at the smiling face of his beloved.  His fingers trailed across her cheek over the protective glass.  He didn't need a picture to remember her radiant beauty, but he was glad that he had one.

Turning onto his side, he placed the picture onto the pillow next to him.  Her innocent eyes and happy grin gazed back at him as a solitary tear cascaded down his cheek and onto the pillow beneath him.  Soon, he lapsed into a dream filled slumber, memories of a night that should have never been echoing through his mind.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~dream~

(parts between // // are lyrics)

From the window he watched.  He just couldn't leave Sunnydale without seeing her beautiful face one last time.  His heart broke further at that thought.  How was he going to do it?  How was he going to go on, knowing that she'd no longer be there everyday?

Raising his hand, his fingers traced the outline of her face on the glass of the upper portion of the window.  A tear streaked down his cheek as he studied each and every feature lit by the pale moonlight.  He longed to be in there with her, to tell her he loved her.

_//_Are we done for now?____

_Or is this for good? //___

He fought the need to enter her room, to take her in his arms.  What good would it do?  It would only make it harder.  And he couldn't risk waking her.  She didn't need to know he was there.  He didn't know if he would have the strength to walk away if he had to look into her eyes and see the pain that he had caused her.

Even though his head was telling him to leave, his heart was urging him to enter the room, to let her presence envelop him one last time.  Before he even realized it, his body was carefully climbing through the window and into her bedroom.  Soon, he found himself standing mere feet from her bed, inhaling the unique scent of everything Buffy.

_//_Will there be something in time with us?__

_There should. //___

His soul was screaming inside of him, screaming to take her in his arms, to soothe the wounds on her heart that he had caused.  His hands clenched at his sides, desperately trying to resist the need to touch her, to feel the silky warmth of her skin beneath his fingers.  He wanted so badly to crawl into the bed beside her and cradle her body against his.  It was wrong, he knew it was, but he didn't know if he could stop himself.

Ever so slowly, he lowered his body to sit on the edge of the bed.  For long moments he only stared at the face of the only girl who had ever captured his heart.  He remembered the first time he had seen her, sitting on the steps in front of her school, sucking on a red lollipop.  Without knowing anything else about her, she had stolen his heart, and he was sure that he'd never get it back.  It would be hers, forever and always.

_//_Only girl for me is you.__

_There can be no other one. //___

She shifted slightly in her sleep causing a few strands of her golden blonde hair to fall across her face.  Knowing he shouldn't, but doing it anyway, he reached a hand up and tucked the wayward strands behind her ear.  His fingers lingered longer than necessary almost as if they were held there by some magnetic force.  They trailed slowly down her cheek, barely touching the skin beneath.  

Her lips opened slightly, emitting a silent sigh as her sleep rendered body recognized the faint touch of her mate.  Feeling the shift in her consciousness, he quickly pulled his hand away, chastising himself for having the self-restraint of a four year old.  He had to leave, and quickly.  The temptation was too great to stay, and he couldn't risk waking her up.

_//_If I didn't have faith, I would come undone.__

_So much promise in your eyes, //___

Rising from the bed, he turned to face her one last time.  His eyes stared at her soft pink lips that were parted minutely.  Memories of passionate kisses flashed through his mind.  He could almost feel the warmth of her lips pressed against his.  What he wouldn't give to feel them once again.

He backed away a few steps, his eyes still focused solely on her.  Only a few more feet and he'd be able to escape her innocently seductive lure.  But instead of moving backwards, he was going forward.  Not even his strongest resolve could stop him from getting closer and closer until his lips hovered centimeters from hers.  His eyes remained open as he placed one last kiss on her lips.

_//_Seems that I can only see__

_It always makes me wonder if you save it all for me. //___

Pulling away after the merest of touches, he licked his lips, savoring the faintest essence of her on his lips.  Desire wove its way through his body, the borrowed blood within him racing through his veins.  It only took the slightest of contact to set him on fire when it came to her.  Reigning in his need, he again backed away, determined to leave before it was too late.

He had just reached the window when the gentle song of her voice reached his ears.

"Angel?"

_//_Maybe you do__

_maybe__ you don't, //___

His body froze mid-step, torn between leaping through the window, and racing to comfort her.  He knew he shouldn't have even entered her bedroom.  He should have never come at all.  But he had come, and now he had to face her.  Pivoting his body, he turned only to find her no longer in her bed, but standing right in front of him.

"Buffy," he whispered softly, his voice caressing her name as only he ever seemed to do.

They stood there staring at each other, speaking through their eyes what their voices could not bare to enunciate.  He knew she understood why he was there.  He knew she wasn't expecting him to say he'd changed his mind and wasn't going to leave even though he knew she longed to hear it.

_//_maybe you should__

_probably__ won't._

_'Cause there will be....... //___

He flinched slightly at the touch of her warm palm against his cheek, and nearly groaned as her thumb slid across his lips.  Every ounce of sanity left within him was screaming at him to leave before things got even worse, but he couldn't find the will power to make his body move.  Instead, he helplessly stood there and allowed her hand to guide his head down to hers until he was leaning over her.

Their lips met in a sorrowful, gentle kiss that lacked the usual fervor of their past entanglings.  Tears streamed steadily from both, intermingling on the plains of their cheeks as their hearts and souls wept over the inevitable loss of their mates.  His hand glided lightly through her hair, relishing in its softness one last time

_//_There will be other guys.__

_Who will whisper in your ear. //___

So lost in her embrace he didn't notice her moving them toward the bed, or that her hands had snuck between their bodies.  It wasn't until her hands touched the bare skin of his chest that he realized she'd unbuttoned his shirt without him feeling it.  He pulled away harshly, gasping for breath he didn't need.

"Buffy, no, we can't," he spoke hoarsely, battling the emotions within him to feel her body pressed against his.

"Please?" she begged in desperation, her composure slipping at the knowledge that he would soon be gone.

"The curse...we...we can't," he sighed heavily, damning his very existence for the hurt he was once again causing her.

_//_Say they'll take away your sadness and your fear,__

_They may be kind and true, //___

"Please, Angel?" she pleaded in a whisper, moving closer to him.  "Could you be happy?  Could you forget about everything that's happened and will happen?  I...I can't....not when I know that you will be gone afterwards, not when my heart is breaking."

Angel struggled to fight the pull of her desperate cry.  He couldn't do it, couldn't give in.  There was too much at risk.  "Buffy, baby.  I can't.  I wish I could...," he trailed off, lost in the misery her eyes held.

"Please!  J-Just give me s-something to remember you by," she sobbed, knowing full well that she shouldn't be asking him to make love to her, but unable to banish the aching need inside her to be close to him one last time.

Angel opened his mouth to deny her request before forcing himself to finally leave, but he somehow found himself with Buffy in his arms, her lips pressed against his.  Any reservations he had flew from his mind the moment she pressed herself against him.  The heat of her body seeped into his skin as their tongues stroked and caressed within their mouths.  

_//_they may be good to you.__

_But they'll never care for you more than I do.... //___

He tried to fight, tried to remember why he couldn't do this, but no amount of logical reasoning could make him pull away from her.  And even though he reveled in the feel of her intimately touching him, there was no joy in his heart.  She was right, there was no happiness to be found in this moment.  Their shattered hearts could only find the slightest of absolution in their joining.

So he gave in, unable to fight the call of her soul to his.  Instinct took over, conscious action falling into the background, as he backed them up and slowly lowered her to the bed.  Their mouths fused, desperately seeking to draw the other into themselves.  Their movements were hurried, but not careless, driven by the underlying need to ease the aches in their hearts.

_//I'll be always there, there to the end._

_I can't do much to but your one true friend//_

At any other moment, in any other situation, they would have taken the time to savor the lingering kisses, to build the passion induced haze surrounding them, but foreplay was a luxury they could not afford.  Their actions were aimed with one goal in mind; the melding of their bodies into one, a physical farewell for the words that could not, and would not, be said.

The clothes they'd been wearing fell to the floor in small heaps, abandoned in favor of the touch of skin on skin.  They grasped at each other, forcing their bodies to meet wherever possible.  Momentarily, the ill-fated lovers were content just to feel the heated caress of the others flesh, and the soothing familiarity of their sparring tongues.  But the imperative need for more soon pushed them further, urging them on to the final step of their lovers tango.

_//To the end_

_To the end//_

They both gasped audibly at the consummation of their union.  Tears leaked from Buffy's eyes at the feel of Angel cradled deep within her body after so long.  Neither moved, fearing, and yet craving, the imminent ending that lay ahead.  Finally, their lips touched again, breaking the stillness that had settled over them.

Slowly, their bodies moved against each other, stoking their internal fires.  They stared into each other's eyes, memorizing the subtle shifts in color and relishing the emotions so easily recognizable.  Both knew this was their final act, a fitting ending to a typical tragic love story.

_//Our lives to spend with each other to the end_

_Of time... //_

How much time had passed, neither could tell.  The only thing they could focus on was each other and the moment they were sharing.  Their souls sang at the feeling of completion by being joined with their other half.  It was an experience they'd only had once before on the night of Buffy's seventeenth birthday.  Nothing could compare to the intimate embrace of joining with your one true love.

They knew, though, that their time together wouldn't last, and as they reached their peaks in unison both cried out not from joy, but from sorrow.  There was no happiness to be found, only sadness.  Tears matted both their faces as they clung to each other, riding out the waves of their release.  They should have felt peace, but, inside, they were both dying.

_//Stick to the promise in your eyes_

_I still wonder if it's for me//_

Angel immediately began regretting giving in to Buffy as he held her sobbing form in his arms, but not because of the risk to his soul.  No, not because of that.  He hadn't found perfect happiness no matter how much pleasure he found in making love to her.  He regretted it because it was one more way to cause her pain.  She was sobbing in his arms because he'd allowed himself to be close to her one last time and in the end it had upset her even more.

His actions couldn't be undone, though.  So he just held her as she cried against him.  He stroked her back soothingly and whispered endearments into her ear until her cries ceased.  He continued to hold her long into the night, even after she'd finally drifted into a restless sleep.  

_//But I know it's still there, even when you sleep._

_So I say//_

It wasn't until nearly five in the morning that he realized he needed to leave.  There was still time for him to drive at least an hour before the sun would rise.  And he knew he needed to leave before she woke up.  He hated the idea of not being there, again, the morning after, but it would only make things harder if he stayed.

With a heavy heart, he pried himself away from her warm body and dressed himself in his clothes that had been tossed to the floor.  His eyes took in her form one last time, memorizing each and every detail to remember later.  Carefully, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before turning and walking to the window.  He didn't turn back for one last look after climbing out the window.  He knew if he did, he may not have been able to leave.  Instead, he just kept going, feeling his heart shatter more with each step that took him farther from his soulmate.

_//Good Night Sweet Girl//_

~end dream~

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~several weeks later~

Wearily, Angel ambled down the walk leading away from the freighter.  His body swayed slightly, unused to the feeling of solid ground beneath him.  The weeks aboard the ship had been harder than he thought they would be.  There'd been nothing for him to occupy his time which left him with endless hours to think about the girl he'd left behind.  Even sleep provided no reprieve.  He'd only dream about her then.  At least now that he was on dry land he'd be able to find something, anything, to keep his mind busy.

First, though, he needed to find shelter.  Dawn would soon be arriving and he needed to hurry if he wanted to avoid being charcoaled.  Looking around, Angel studied the small French port the boat had docked in.  He had no idea where he was, other than it was in France.  It didn't matter, though, where he was.  All he knew was that Buffy was thousands of miles away and that his heart was still there with her.

Shoulders slumped; Angel wandered in the direction of some warehouses.  He'd be able to stay there at least for today.  Where he would go after that and what he planned to do, he didn't know.  He'd figure something out.  Somehow, he would find a way to go on.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

THE END!

Coming Next:

"Surviving The Day" - #3 in the 'Shadows in Time' Series:

Buffy begins to build a new life for herself in Seattle with the help of some old, and some new, friends.


	11. ACTST Part 1

***  
  
Finally, and update for the SiT series! I apologize for taking forever to get this written and posted...I had a really horrible case of writers block, and if it hadn't been for my fabulous beta *Stars* I'd still be nowhere near ready to post.  
  
But anyway, here it is, part 1 in the 3rd fic of the SiT series. This fic starts off a little slow, but there will be a lot happening in it! Make sure to read the Author's Note below.  
  
Enjoy,  
  
~Isis  
  
To read the other parts in this series, use the following URL:  
  
http://www.geocities.com/flyersgagne_12/sit.htm  
  
***  
  
Title: A Chance to Survive Today - #3 in the 'Shadows in Time' series  
  
Author: Isis Blue  
  
Feedback: vagabond_angel@comcast.net  
  
Disclaimer: must this be stated every time? But to answer the question, no I don't own them…I'm borrowing them because certain writers are cruel and heartless.  
  
Rating: PG-13 ish?  
  
Pairing: indirectly B/A, C/?, W/O  
  
Series Summary: post-s3 (BTVS) AU…departs from canon after the s3 finale and jumps into my own universe. From there, almost everything will be different. A few characters and concepts will pop-up, but really, this doesn't relate at all to the seasons that followed s3.  
  
Fic Summary: Buffy begins her new life in Seattle with the help of some new, and old, friends.  
  
Spoilers: The first 2 fics in the series, and anything through the end of s3 of BTVS, but mostly the end of s3, and also mild generic spoilers for AtS.  
  
Distribution: my site (Vagabond Soul), and if you already have any of my fics, you may take this one, if not, please ask first.  
  
Author's Notes: This is the 3rd fic in the SiT series, the first 2 can be found here:  
  
http://www.geocities.com/flyersgagne_12/sit.htm  
  
Anyways, this fic starts two months after Buffy left Sunnydale to go to Seattle with Cordy. From here on out, this fic/series jumps way out of canon, *but* there will be things/characters here and there that I've borrowed from the actual shows. You'll know them when you see them. Even so, the things I borrowed may not be exactly as they existed on the show...I made some modifications. Also, the pregnancy is a big part of the fic, but not entirely the focus. I didn't detail it as much as I should have, but it was kinda hard to write because I've never been pregnant and not been around many pregnant woman. Hopefully it's not overly noticeable!  
  
Thank yous: To *Stars* for being a wonderful beta, and also to PigPimping for the help with pregnancy research.  
  
Warnings: mild angst (not as bad as the first 2 fics in the series)  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 1  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~two months after Buffy and Cordelia left Sunnydale~  
  
   
  
Looking up the six flights of stairs, Buffy frowned unhappily. Why couldn't the apartment building have a *functioning* elevator? Didn't they understand that stairs and pregnant women just did not mix? Well, the landlord probably knew it, but just didn't care. Slimy bastard, it would serve him right if he got snacked on by a cadre of vampires, Buffy thought. Okay, so she wouldn't go that far, but the guy really did need to be put in his place.  
  
   
  
With an annoyed sigh, Buffy again looked toward the numerous stairs. At four months pregnant it wasn't that she was huge and waddling like a duck, but the extra weight she had gained so far had thrown off her balance somewhat, and never mind the aching back and feet. Those were the reasons that she dreaded the six flights of stairs. Unfortunately, they were her only option, so Buffy begrudgingly began her hike up the many stairs. Hopefully, if she ever moved to a nicer place, they'd have a working elevator.  
  
   
  
A short while later she arrived at her floor. Her nose wrinkled in distaste as it almost always did when she viewed the sight before her. The walls of the hallway were a dirty white, interspersed with an occasional crack. On the floor was a ragged, faded beige carpet that looked to be over thirty years old, and she really didn't want to know how the reddish-brown stain had gotten there. Then there was that smell that she didn't want to think too much about. The hallway just gave one the impression of a slum, but it wasn't that bad...exactly. The landlord of the building was just a lazy jerk-off who couldn't ever be bothered to do anything. The man had a serious aversion to work.  
  
   
  
At least it was a place to live, though. She had a roof over her head, one that thankfully didn't leak, and for that she was grateful. Things could definitely be worse. She could be homeless and pregnant. She'd managed to avoid the homeless part so far. The tiny apartment she lived in may not be much, but it was a welcome comfort. For now, it was the best she could do. Maybe in a few months she'd be able to upgrade her living conditions, but until then, she just had to take what she could get.  
  
   
  
Snapping out of her internal musings, Buffy trudged down the hall to her apartment. Her steps halted in front of the door labeled '68'. As usual, the number '6' had come loose and turned sideways again. She'd have to find a screwdriver and tighten the screw sometime. Maybe she'd go ask the middle-aged man who lived in '61' if she could borrow one. Buffy couldn't help but chuckle at the thought. Ever since the time when, a week after moving in, the sleazy asshole had come on to her and she'd forcefully shoved him into a wall and kneed him in the crotch, he'd avoided her at all costs. Nothing like slayer strength to ward off obnoxious men.  
  
   
  
Buffy reached up and straightened the crooked '6' before putting her key in the lock and opening the door. She walked tiredly into the small apartment, tossing her keys onto the uneven table to the left of the door. The sound of the television blaring caught her attention and she turned and walked around the corner toward the living room.  
  
   
  
"Hey Cordy," greeted Buffy, causing the brunette to jump slightly.  
  
   
  
"Jeez! Do you always have to sneak up on people?" huffed Cordy, capping the bottle of nail polish in her hand.  
  
   
  
"Sorry, I thought you heard me come in," apologized Buffy with a sweet smile.  
  
   
  
"Where were you anyway? I thought you had today off?" Cordy questioned as she turned down the volume on the tv and focused her attention on the weary looking blonde.  
  
   
  
Buffy shrugged, putting down the bags in her hand. "I was supposed to, but Tara called and asked if I could come in to help sort through a new shipment of stuff. I figured why not? Plus, it's more money."  
  
   
  
"Good point," conceded Cordelia with a nod. Anything that involved more money was definitely a good thing. Hopefully, they'd be able to get out of their rat-trap apartment sometime in the near future.  
  
   
  
Not long after arriving in Seattle, Buffy had found a job at an occult store owned by a shy, sweet girl named Tara. The shop was right around the corner from her apartment and Buffy had wandered into it one day, curious about what it sold. That's when she'd met Tara and taken an instant liking to her.   
  
   
  
Buffy hadn't known at first that the dirty blonde was a witch, and not just someone who liked the occult. The witch part hadn't come out until about a week after meeting Tara. After Buffy had found that out, she'd told Tara about her destiny being the Slayer. The young woman had taken the news in stride having already known a great deal about the supernatural world. She'd offered Buffy a job, saying it was hard to find people to work in a store such as hers. Buffy, though, later came to believe that Tara seemed a bit lonely, and also seemed to somehow sense Buffy's dire situation. Either way, it was a nice job, and she was grateful for it.  
  
   
  
"I brought dinner," Buffy pointed to one of the bags sitting on the floor.  
  
   
  
"Oooh! Goody! I'm starving. What did you get?" asked Cordy, eagerly getting off the couch that they'd gotten from a Salvation Army store. The thing was a hideous yellow-orange color, but Tara had saved them from having to look at it by making a navy blue slipcover.  
  
   
  
"Chinese from the restaurant next to Crescent Moon," Buffy replied referring to Tara's store.  
  
   
  
"Cool," Cordy stated, pulling cartons out of the bag and setting them on the coffee table, which also served as a dining table.  
  
   
  
The two sat on the floor and ate off their make-shift table while exchanging friendly banter about their day. It was a strange sight to say the least; two people who'd never really liked each other, now living together and engaged in a comfortable companionship. Yes, it was definitely strange, and not in the least expected. The camaraderie was appreciated by both, though. Neither was sure where they'd be right now without the other.  
  
   
  
They hadn't planned on sharing an apartment once they arrived in Seattle. Both figured they'd go their separate ways after reaching their destination, but during the long drive, they'd bonded over their situations and formed an easy alliance. The loss of their lives as they knew them gave them a common bond that allowed them to push aside past grievances. And although neither would actually admit it out loud, they didn't really want to be alone.  
  
   
  
Initially, they thought they would just help each other shop for apartments, but the unfortunate realities of life soon set in. Both came to the realization that affording rent on their own right away was going to be nearly impossible, at least if they wanted to live in a tolerable apartment. So they'd sat down soon after arriving in Seattle and pooled their finances. Cordy had worked the numbers out (Buffy was still shocked that the quintessential cheerleader was a bit of a math whiz) and then they'd figured out a plan for their near futures, one that involved them sharing a place to live.  
  
   
  
Even with combining their money, they still couldn't afford much, which was how they ended up in their current apartment. The place wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that great either. It had a short entranceway that opened into small, windowless living room. The kitchen, well it wasn't exactly a kitchen as much as it was an open space on one side of the living room that featured a refrigerator, stove, sink and counter space, was functional enough for two people who didn't really know how to cook. There were two closet-sized bedrooms, each with a tiny window, which connected to a joint bathroom. The one amenity the apartment had that Buffy was glad for was the cracked fiberglass bathtub. She knew it would come in handy as her pregnancy progressed.  
  
   
  
So their situation wasn't exactly great, but it could have definitely been worse. They hoped that in a few months they'd be able to afford something better. Cordy was working at a small, but expensive, boutique a few blocks away, and Buffy had her job at Tara's occult shop. Together, maybe they'd be able to save up enough money to move.  
  
   
  
"So what's on the menu for tonight?" Buffy sighed, pushing away the nearly empty large carton of sweet and sour chicken. Her pregnancy had certainly upped her appetite, and although money was tight, she was at least eating better than before.  
  
Ever since finding out that she was pregnant, Buffy had put a great deal of effort into taking care of herself. She'd been in horrible shape the first two months after Angel had left, and she knew that continuing on that path wasn't healthy. So she made sure she ate at least two meals a day, which really wasn't that hard. The growing child within her seemed to make her more and more hungry every day.   
  
   
  
She still had trouble sleeping, but not as much as before. The strains of her pregnancy, plus the numerous hours of work she put in almost every day, tended to wear her down and let her sleep at night. The dreams were still there, and often were of Angel. Many nights she'd wake up crying out for him, only to find him not there. She'd usually end up shedding silent tears until she finally drifted back to sleep. All in all, she wasn't in tip-top shape, but at least it was better than before.  
  
   
  
In response to Buffy's question, Cordelia picked up the TV Guide and flipped through the pages. She read through the listings, looking for something worthwhile to watch. It had sort of become a ritual to them; watching tv at night. They couldn't afford to go out anywhere, and Buffy had given up slaying, at least for now, because of her pregnancy. So they tended to stay in, most times watching tv, but other times Buffy would read, something she'd never really had time for before, and Cordy would practice some of her beauty habits that she just couldn't quite give up despite the changes in her life.  
  
   
  
"Hmm...oh, hey! Ferris Buehler's Day Off is on tonight!" Cordy exclaimed happily.   
  
   
  
"Cool! I love that movie!" laughed Buffy. She was in the mood for a good comedy, and really, neither of them wanted to watch a sappy romance.  
  
   
  
The two cleaned up the remains of their dinner and went to change into their pajamas. Buffy made some popcorn and grabbed a couple of sodas while Cordy turned on the tv and switched the channels. Soon, they were both settled on the fairly comfortable couch, laughing at the classic teen comedy.  
  
   
  
Neither would ever admit it to the other, but both were immensely grateful to have the other in their life. They may have settled into a routine in their new home, but the scars of their pasts still held strong in their minds. For Cordelia, going from rich to poor, and from popular to an outcast was an everyday struggle. She used to have everything, and now she could barely afford food and a place to live. But she was getting by, and she'd had time to get used to her new status in life.  
  
   
  
Buffy, however, even though she hid it well, was still deeply hurting over the way her life had changed in one horrible day. Despite the way they'd treated her, she missed her family and friends. She couldn't just stop loving them because they'd rejected her. As much as she wished she could forget them, she didn't have it in her heart to do so. And then there was Angel. She tried so hard to not think about him, but that was absolutely impossible. Especially since she was carrying his child. More often than not, she cried herself to sleep with her fingers stroking the taught skin of her abdomen, wishing he were there with her.  
  
   
  
Despite both of their inner turmoil's, they were surviving, and they were doing it together. Neither really wanted to think about where they would be if they'd had to start their new lives on their own, and thankfully, they didn't have to think about it.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
Forty-five minutes into the movie, a knock on the door sounded through the apartment. Cordelia and Buffy looked at each with frowns etched on their faces. No one ever knocked on their door, which was why they were wary of whoever had come to pay them a visit. Buffy knew that even though she kept her true identity low-key since moving to Seattle, there could still be any number of demons standing outside their door.  
  
   
  
Slowly, both girls got off the couch and looked toward the door when another knock sounded. Buffy reached under the sofa and pulled out an axe she kept stored there. Once it was safely in her hands, she nodded for Cordy to go open the door. The brunette waited until Buffy was tucked away behind the entry before opening it to see who was on the other side.  
  
   
  
The former cheerleader instantly scowled when she saw a short, sloppily dressed man staring back at her. "Can I help you?" she asked nervously.  
  
   
  
"Quite possibly," the gentleman smiled warmly at her. "I'm lookin' fer Buffy Summers. Does she live 'ere?"  
  
   
  
Cordelia heard Buffy's breath hitch and forced herself not to look at the blonde. "Why are you asking?"  
  
   
  
"I'll take that as a yes then," he replied with a raised eyebrow.  
  
   
  
"And I'll repeat my question," Cordy stated in annoyance over the strangers cocky attitude. "Why are you asking?"  
  
   
  
The teasing smirk left the man's face, replaced by a serious countenance. "It's important that I talk ta 'er."  
  
   
  
His change in demeanor was not lost on Cordy. She glanced at Buffy who gave a slight nod of her head. Stepping back, she opened the door wider to reveal Buffy standing behind it, axe still in hand.  
  
   
  
The tackily dressed man stared at Buffy for a moment before speaking. "Slayer," he spoke in the form of a greeting.  
  
   
  
Buffy's eyes narrowed at the word. She focused her senses on the man and immediately tensed. Taking a defensive stance, she replied forcefully, "You're a demon."  
  
   
  
"Only half demon, and non-violent," he clarified, looking pointedly at the axe in Buffy's hand. "Name's Allan Francis Doyle, but everybody calls me Doyle," he introduced himself and held out his hand.  
  
   
  
Buffy made no move to accept the handshake while Cordy eyed him with distaste.  
  
   
  
"I don't suppose you'd invite me in?" the man now known as Doyle asked politely, hoping they wouldn't turn him away. It was imperative that he speak to Buffy.  
  
   
  
"You're not a vamp, you don't need an invite," Buffy spoke slowly, trying to get a beat on the supposed half-demon named Doyle.  
  
   
  
"I know, I jus' don't make it a habit ta enter people's homes without permission," he explained with a sigh. "Look, I'm not 'ere ta cause trouble or ta try an' kill yer. I jus' need ta speak ta the Slayer."  
  
   
  
Buffy thought for a moment, and exchanged a look with Cordy before stepping to the side. "Come in, but if you try anything, you'll have an up close and personal meeting with my axe."  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC!! 


	12. ACTST Part 2

***  
  
Just one thing I wanted to mention now that everyone's read part one...Doyle's accent is a bitch to write, and probably not very authentic...just look past any errors and whatnot!  
  
Thank you to those of you who sent feedback on Part 1.  
  
Enjoy,  
  
~Isis  
  
***  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 2  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
Doyle nodded and entered the apartment. He walked into the living room with the two female inhabitants trailing behind at a safe distance, whispering softly to each other. The appearance of the living room made him frown. It was Spartan to say the least. Along one wall sat an undersized, two person couch, with a worn coffee table in front of it. To the right of the couch resided a dark blue bean bag chair, and then along the opposite wall a small tv was placed on the floor. That was it. There were no personal touches, no knick-knacks or other such things that you would find to make a place homey. He couldn't help but sigh in frustration. This was not the way things were supposed to be.  
  
   
  
"Thanks fer lettin' me in," he spoke, turning to face Buffy. He thought for a minute before continuing, not knowing how the Slayer would take what he had to tell her. "I was sent 'ere ta talk to yer."  
  
   
  
"Sent here?" Buffy's brow furrowed. "By who?"  
  
   
  
"The Powers That Be," he answered simply.  
  
   
  
"Huh?" grunted Cordy in a very unladylike manner.  
  
   
  
"The Powers...well, I guess yer could say that they are the bein's of good who have a hand in what 'appens in the universe. I'm one of their messengers," he furthered, pacing to one side of the room.  
  
   
  
"Oh," Buffy answered softly, growing worried over what some higher powers wanted to tell her. "And they have a message for me?"  
  
   
  
"Sort of," he replied with a shrug. "They sent a message, and well...me."  
  
   
  
"I repeat, huh?" Cordy eyed him in confusion.  
  
   
  
Doyle sighed loudly and took a seat on the couch. "The Powers know of yer...condition," he glanced at Buffy's slightly expanded abdomen. "They are worried that yer at risk because ya can't defend yourself as well. Yer important to them in the fight against evil and they don't wan' ta lose ya because of a demon attack while yer pregnant."  
  
   
  
Buffy was speechless at the revelation. She hadn't quite thought about her safety outside of slaying, which she'd stopped doing as soon as she found out she was pregnant. Now, she was suddenly worried about her baby even making it to its birth.  
  
   
  
"Oh," Buffy mumbled almost inaudibly, flopping herself down onto the bean bag chair. "I...they think something is going to happen to me and my baby?"  
  
   
  
"No...they don't know of anything specific, but they don't want ta take any chances," he clarified, leaning back on the couch. He could tell the poor girl was obviously shaken by his news and in a state of shock.  
  
   
  
"Wait....so these Powers, or whatever, just don't want to lose their Slayer?" Cordy stated with a look toward Buffy. "I would think her child would be more important."  
  
   
  
"No, well, sort of. They don't want ta lose one of their best warriors, but they also don't want ta see the child harmed," he stated as genuinely as possible given that there were certain things his bosses had forbade him from saying, and he intended on obeying them. He had no desire whatsoever to piss off the Powers.  
  
"And why exactly should we believe you anyway. For wall we know, you could be some assassin or whatever sent here to kill her. Or worse...ME!" Cordy nearly shouted the last part, inching a little farther away from the sketchy guy.  
  
"I can't prove ta yer that I'm not lying. You'll just have to believe me." If he had proof, he would gladly show them, but all he had was his word, and Doyle just hoped the took it.  
  
   
  
Both Cordy and Doyle turned their gazes back to Buffy who had been silent for a few minutes. Slowly, she raised her eyes to look at them. Tears trailed down her cheeks as she spoke, "I don't want anything to happen to my baby."  
  
   
  
The very thought that she could lose her child, her and Angel's child, was absolutely terrifying. It had only been two months since she discovered she was pregnant, but in that time she had grown to love her child dearly. And it was one of the very few tangible things she had left of her Angel. She didn't know if she could go on if she lost the child they had created together.  
  
   
  
"Now don't worry, lass. I'm going ta make sure nothing 'appens to ya, or yer little one," Doyle told her sympathetically. He honestly couldn't even begin to image what the young girl was going through.  
  
   
  
He was well aware of the Slayer's history. He knew about her Calling, the death of her first Watcher, her parents' divorce, the move to the Hellmouth, and also everything that had occurred there. For someone so young, she had been through more than any single person should have to. He really didn't know how she handled it all and kept going. It was just a testament to her inner strength, he supposed.  
  
   
  
Cordy stared at Doyle after his announcement and then burst out laughing. "You? You're going to protect her?"  
  
   
  
"Yer forget, princess, that I am part demon," he smirked at the chucking female.  
  
   
  
"So? What's that supposed to mean?" she questioned, trying to hold back the giggles that arose from the thought of the short man in front of her protecting Buffy.  
  
   
  
"The demon side of me makes me stronger when need be," Doyle went on to explain. He didn't always like acknowledging his non-human status, but in this case it was necessary.   
  
   
  
"S-so you're, uh, job is going to be staying around and looking after me?" Buffy interrupted the strange bickering between the two people who had never met before.   
  
   
  
Her voice was tired and wavering as she spoke. Most times she could keep up a strong front, but others it was just too hard. This was one of those times. Endless thoughts were circling through her head, and all of them centered on the infinite things that could happen to her baby.  
  
   
  
"Yup, I'm yer humble servant," he grinned and bowed, hoping to lighten the mood, but the gesture was lost on the preoccupied Slayer.  
  
   
  
"Oh, that's, uh, that's good," mumbled Buffy in response. Her mind was reeling over the fact that she had forgotten the threat to her child from the supernatural world even if she wasn't slaying anymore.  
  
   
  
"Wait!" Cordy nearly shouted. "How's this supposed to work? You're not moving in here because, well, A. I'm still not sure you're not and axe murderer, and B. this space barely fits the two of us."  
  
   
  
"I don't know how it'll all work, princess, but we can figure that out la-," Doyle abruptly stopped speaking when he noticed Cordelia staring at him, frowning slightly. "Uh, do I 'ave something on my face?"  
  
   
  
"No...I just...," she trailed off. "I just realized that you look familiar for some reason."  
  
   
  
The statement caused the half demon to fidget immediately, which in turn made both girls suspicious. Buffy quickly wiped away the tears blurring her eyes and stood up from the bean bag chair, taking a defensive posture toward the guilty looking man. Her eyes shifted to Cordelia, trying to figure out what the brunette was thinking, but her friend's gaze was entirely focused on Doyle.  
  
   
  
"Cordy?' Buffy asked hesitantly.  
  
   
  
"I know I've seen him somewhere before," she muttered mostly to herself.  
  
   
  
"Now princess," Doyle interrupted, growing worried over the brunette woman's sudden realization and how it may affect his alive state of being.  
  
   
  
"Why do you keep calling me that?" she snapped at him.  
  
   
  
The half demon ignored her angry question, and shook his head slightly before explaining the little detail he hadn't mentioned before. "I was in Sunnydale...two months ago to be exact."  
  
   
  
Cordelia thought about his words for a moment and then loudly exclaimed, "Oh!"  
  
   
  
"Yeah, that was me," he answered with a nod at Cordy's sudden understanding.  
  
   
  
"Uh...someone wanna fill me in here?" requested Buffy, relaxing her stance somewhat, but giving the other two people in the room with her strange looks.  
  
   
  
"Huh? Oh, sorry!" Cordy shook herself out of her daze. "Umm, do you remember that day...the one where you came to the hotel?"  
  
   
  
"Yeah," Buffy spoke sadly, not particularly wanting to remember one of the worst days in her life.  
  
   
  
"Well, you just up and passed out in the parking lot. I was trying to figure out what to do with you when this guy came along and asked if I needed help. He ended up carrying you into my room," Cordy relayed, staring at Doyle with mild curiosity and slight unease.  
  
   
  
Buffy turned to Doyle, "That was you?"  
  
   
  
"Yes," he answered with an affirmative shake of his head.  
  
   
  
"Why?" the blonde Slayer questioned. "I mean, what were you doing in Sunnydale then?"  
  
   
  
"The Powers...they, uh, knew of yer situation even before ya did. They told me I was ta go ta ya and help out in any way I could, but that I wasn't ta reveal myself until you were aware of the babe," he told the two friends. "I'd been watching yer from a distance. That day...I was on my way to yer house to speak with ya when I saw ya leave. I followed yer and saw what happened, so I offered my help."  
  
   
  
"Oh, uh, well, thanks," mumbled Buffy, her head was beginning to pound a bit over everything the half demon had told her over the last half hour.  
  
   
  
"Yer welcome," he smiled at her sincerely. He couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor girl. He was sure he wouldn't be handling things as well as she was if he were in her situation.  
  
   
  
"If you guys don't mind, I'm, uh, I'm going to go to bed," Buffy spoke wearily, suddenly feeling a need to be by herself. The walls were starting to feel like they were closing in on her.  
  
   
  
"Sure. I'll come back tomorrow night, and we can figure things out then," Doyle responded and then pulled a paper out of his pocket. "If ya need me, this is the address and phone number of the hotel I'm stayin' at."  
  
   
  
Cordy took the paper from Doyle and watched as he quietly strolled out of the apartment. She sighed loudly and shook her head once he was gone. Nothing was ever simple. She knew what the half-demon had told them had upset Buffy. In the two months since they'd left Sunnydale, one thing was painfully obvious to the brunette: Buffy loved her child dearly and would do anything for it. She couldn't imagine what would happen to her friend if something where to happen to the baby, the baby she'd created with Angel.  
  
   
  
Turning around with the full expectation that she would need to comfort her Buffy, something that was still a hard thing for the former cheerleader, Cordelia found herself alone in the living room. The door to Buffy's room was closed, and she knew without a doubt that the Slayer was likely inside, lying in bed crying. More than a few times since their arrival in Seattle, she had heard the quiet sobs of her friend through the thin walls of the apartment. She never brought it up, though.  
  
   
  
The past was something they didn't really talk about. Neither of them had yet to face their personal demons. They were only pushed aside. Out of sight, out of mind. It made life simpler, but it didn't stop the pain and the hurt. And right now Buffy was hurting. Everything Doyle had said had brought up reminders of the past, and the tenuous hold on the future. She just hoped that Buffy would be okay. Even though she hated to admit it, she was glad to have the other girl around.  
  
   
  
As she turned off the single living room light, Cordy could hear the muffled sobs coming from Buffy's room. They were a bit louder tonight than they usually were, but she could understand why. The old her would have wasted no time in telling the blonde to shut up so she could get her beauty sleep. But that was the old her. Life had changed. She had changed. And she hoped that they would be able to make it through whatever was to come.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
As soon as the door to her room closed, the tears that Buffy had been valiantly holding back came bursting forth. Her body shook under the force of her silent sobs as she stumbled toward the small twin bed resting in the corner of her bedroom. Not even bothering to pull back the covers, Buffy crawled onto the sagging mattress, curling into a fetal position as her head tucked itself onto the pillow.  
  
   
  
With Mr. Gordo, her trusty pink pig, clutched against her chest, she let herself cry for the hand that fate had dealt her. Only in the sanctuary of her room did she allow herself to be weak, to release all of the emotions she spent hours a day trying to conceal. In her room, where no one else could see her, she let herself mourn all that she'd lost, and all that she'd never had.  
  
   
  
Even though he'd been gone for four months, she still missed Angel dearly. He was never far from her thoughts despite her best attempts not to remember him. How could she push him out of her mind when the child she carried within her body was partially his creation? Every time she looked in the mirror and saw the growing swell of her abdomen, every morning she ran to the bathroom to throw up the contents of her stomach, every bodily ache and ounce of retained water, and anything else associated with her pregnant form reminded her bluntly of the man she'd loved and lost.  
  
   
  
Her heart still ached to be close to him, to feel his presence near her. She longed for the comfort his arms provided. Like she'd once told him, he was the one freaky thing in her freaky world that made sense. But he was gone now, leaving her to fend for herself under the guise of wanting her to have something better, something that wasn't him. She couldn't hold back the bitter laugh at that. Was this the better life he wanted for her?  
  
   
  
Not likely. His ideal life for her probably didn't involve being abandoned by her friends and family, and being pregnant and alone except for the company of a girl who'd once been her pseudo-nemesis. No, that was probably not the better life he'd left her for.  
  
   
  
She didn't want to be angry with him, but there was a part of her that was bitter over his actions. There was no denying that she missed him terribly, but there was also that side of her that was hurt and betrayed. He hadn't trusted her, hadn't believed in their love. How could she not be upset over that?  
  
   
  
None of it mattered, though. Angel was gone. Her Mother was gone, as were her friends. Even though they'd treated her horribly she couldn't help but miss them. She longed for her Mother's disapproving glares, for Giles' nervous stutter, for Willow's incessant babbling, and even for Xander's lame jokes.   
  
   
  
If she could go back and change everything, would she? No, she wouldn't. She'd do it all exactly the same if given the chance. She may have lost everything she'd ever known, but nothing would make her give up the cherished life she carried within her. Nothing. And she was damn sure that nothing was going to endanger her child. This baby was a miracle, her and Angel's miracle, and she was going to protect it at all costs even if that meant locking herself away in her room for the remainder of her pregnancy.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC!! 


	13. ACTST Part 3

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 3  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Author's Note: The song used in the last scene of Part 3 is 'Are You Lonesome Tonight?' performed by Elvis Presley, written by Roy Turk and Lou Handman.  
  
~two weeks later~  
  
   
  
Doyle stood outside the girls' apartment and retrieved the key from his pocket that they had given him to unlock the door. In the two weeks since he'd revealed his presence and mission to them, they'd come to trust him. So instead of having to knock every time he came to their apartment, they gave him a key so that he could just let himself in.  
  
   
  
Since their first meeting, Doyle had spent a lot of time with the two friends. When the Powers had first thrust this mission upon him, he hadn't been all that enthusiastic, but he was quickly growing to enjoy his time around Buffy and Cordy, especially the latter. There was just something about the feisty brunette that he liked.  
  
   
  
The three had quickly come up with a system to help keep Buffy safe. Pretty much, it solely involved making sure Buffy did not go anywhere alone, particularly at night. So Doyle often found himself walking her the few blocks to and from work, or to various places she needed to go. The blonde-haired Slayer had put up little fuss over the invasion of privacy, thinking more about the safety of her unborn child than of her own comfort and freedom.  
  
   
  
So far, they had not encountered any real threats to either Buffy or the baby. A few vamps had come across their path, but they had been easily dispatched. And then there was that one time when Doyle had heard something in an alley and had gotten worried, only to find it was a cat digging through a trash can. The two girls were still bringing that up and teasing him. He was just glad that things had been quiet and that there hadn't been any major dangers to face.  
  
   
  
Doing as had become habit, Doyle unlocked the apartment door and strolled inside. He didn't have any particular reason this night to stop by other than to see if they needed anything, and as a bonus he'd get to spend some time with Cordelia. He knew it was probably useless to think that the brunette girl would ever go out with him, but he could silently hope so at least.  
  
   
  
"Hey, princess!" he greeted Cordelia once he entered the living room and saw her sitting on the couch.  
  
   
  
Cordelia stopped filing her nails and glared at him. "How many times do I have to tell you NOT to call me that!"  
  
   
  
Doyle only grinned at her in response and took a seat on the couch next to her.  
  
   
  
"What are you doing here anyway?" Cordy huffed, not wanting to examine why it was he could get to her so easily.  
  
   
  
"Just wanted ta stop by and make sure everything was okay up 'ere," he replied with a shrug. "Where's Buffy?"  
  
   
  
The annoyance she felt at the obnoxious half demon left Cordelia's eyes at the question. She looked at Doyle for a moment before casting her gaze toward the closed door to Buffy's room.   
  
   
  
Doyle frowned at Cordy's non-verbal response and looked in the same direction she was. It was then that he caught the soft strains of music coming from behind the Slayer's bedroom door. He listened for a moment before realizing what the song was.  
  
   
  
"Is she listening to Elvis Presley?" he questioned, slightly bewildered.  
  
   
  
"Yeah," Cordelia sighed, sympathy for her friend filling her eyes.  
  
   
  
"Uh, no offense to The King, but why?" Doyle asked and then clarified his words. "I mean, Buffy doesn't strike me as the type ta listen ta Elvis."  
  
   
  
"She's not, at least not usually," Cordy relayed, staring at Buffy's door. "She heard this song a few weeks ago when we were watching the movie 'Elvis and Me' on VH-1."  
  
   
  
"Oh....okay. So, uh, why then is she locked up in her room listening to Elvis then?" a perplexed Doyle inquired.   
  
   
  
If he wasn't mistaken, he thought he could see a hint of tears in Cordy's eyes. And that was utterly surprising to him. The brunette didn't strike him as the type to cry in front of other people.  
  
   
  
"She, uh...," she began, her voice barely above a whisper. "She felt the baby kick for the first time today."  
  
   
  
"Oh," Doyle replied slumping back on the couch, suddenly understanding the situation.  
  
   
  
"Yeah," Cordy answered, looking back at Buffy's door. "I think it made the pregnancy seem more real than it was. Not that it wasn't before, but...well, you know what I mean."  
  
   
  
"I do," nodded Doyle as his eyes too looked toward Buffy's door. "And it made her think of him, right?" Between what he had already known, and what Cordelia had told him, he was well aware of what had gone on between the Slayer and the vampire with a soul.  
  
   
  
"I think so. She didn't say it, but how could it not?" Cordy stated softly. "We were just sitting here on the couch when it happened. She was so happy when she felt it....and then there was just this look in her eyes. She ran off to her room and has been in there ever since. I think she has that song on repeat."  
  
   
  
"Man, that's rough," stated Doyle, feeling sorry for the poor girl and the endless sorrows she seemed to be subjected to. He wished there was something more he could do for her, but he couldn't. His hands were tied when it came to this situation.  
  
   
  
Cordelia tore her gaze away from Buffy's door, knowing there was nothing she could do for her right now and looked at the man sitting next to her. A frown formed on her face when she saw Doyle staring at her wearing a rather odd expression.  
  
   
  
"What?" she questioned loudly.  
  
   
  
"Huh? Oh, nothing," Doyle mumbled, realizing he'd been staring at her.  
  
   
  
"Do I have something on my face?" Cordy asked worriedly.  
  
   
  
"No," he shook his head. "It's just...well, I just don't get yer."  
  
   
  
Cordelia opened her mouth to reply to the strange statement, but found herself oddly without something to say for a moment. Her brow furrowed as she tried to understand the implications of the half-demon's words, but came up blank. "Umm, okay..."  
  
   
  
"I mean, I don't know everything that 'appened in Sunnydale since Buffy moved there, but I do know yer two were never really friends," he explicated, hoping what he had said had come out as least offensively as possible.  
  
   
  
"No, we really weren't," Cordy conceded, wondering what Doyle was getting at.  
  
   
  
"And I know yer weren't exactly...nice...to her most of the time," he went on, watching the brunette with a curious eye. "Yet, 'ere you are, sharing an apartment with her, and concerned for her well-being."  
  
   
  
Cordelia's expression instantly changed as Doyle's statements reminded her of things in her past. She knew very well the person she used to be, and why she was no longer like that. It was still hard for her to forget the reasons she had left Sunnydale behind her.  
  
   
  
"I-I...," she stuttered, and then trailed off. The hurt of her situation reflected in her eyes before she cast them away from the man she hardly knew and generally found to be obscenely annoying.  
  
   
  
"Hey, princess," Doyle started, placing a gentle hand on her arm. "I'm not gonna judge you. I'm just curious about how you two ended up 'ere together."  
  
   
  
The former cheerleader sighed and looked back at Doyle. She smiled weakly at him, mildly touched by his concern. So she told him about her own reasons for leaving Sunnydale, about how she'd lost everything because of her Father's neglect in paying his taxes, and about how all of her so-called friends had shunned her once she was no longer rich. And she told him about how she and Buffy had ended up venturing out on their own together.  
  
   
  
To his credit, Doyle only listened, not passing judgment as she mentioned the contemptuous past she had with Buffy. It was easy for him to understand what had drawn the two girls together. They'd both lost pretty much everything, but in that process, they'd found a friendship that had never before existed. He was glad they had. They were good for each other. And on the plus side, the girls' friendship, along with his mission to protect the Slayer, gave him a chance to get to know the enigmatic brunette.  
  
   
  
They sat in silence for a few moments after Cordy had finished her story. Letting people in was still such a foreign concept for her. And never mind the fact that she was sharing an actual conversation with Doyle, the obnoxious half-demon with no fashion sense whatsoever. She really didn't want to examine that fact at the moment.  
  
   
  
Doyle, sensing her need to take the focus off her, switched his attention back to the beleaguered Slayer who was still locked away in her room, listening to Elvis on repeat. "Do ya think she'll be okay?"  
  
   
  
"I don't know," Cordy shook her head. "I honestly don't know."   
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
//Are you lonesome tonight,   
  
do you miss me tonight?   
  
Are you sorry we drifted apart?   
  
Does your memory stay to a brighter sunny day  
  
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart? //  
  
Lying on her bed, Buffy stared out the small window at the half moon rising in the night sky. Her right hand rested lightly on the small bulge of her abdomen, waiting in anticipation of feeling the small flutters again. That's all it had been earlier, just a small flutter. But she had felt it, and it had been wonderful, and excruciating all at once.  
  
//Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?   
  
Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?   
  
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?   
  
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight? //  
  
For one short moment after she'd felt the movement of her child, she'd wanted to run to Angel and tell him. She wanted to have him place his large, strong hands on her stomach and feel the miracle that was their child. But then she remembered. Angel was gone. And she'd never be able to share this experience with him. He'd never even get to know that he was going to be a father, that they had created a tiny life on that forbidden night they had spent together.  
  
//I wonder if you're lonesome tonight  
  
You know someone said that the world's a stage  
  
And each must play a part.   
  
Fate had me playing in love you as my sweet heart.//  
  
The instant she realized she couldn't go to Angel, the excitement and wonderment of feeling the slight flutter of her child had vanished, replaced with heart-wrenching misery. She hadn't even been able to excuse herself from the movie she'd been watching with Cordy. She'd just run off, needing the safety and solitude that her tiny bedroom provided on a nightly basis.  
  
//Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance  
  
You read your line so cleverly and never missed a cue  
  
Then came act two, you seemed to change and you acted strange  
  
And why I'll never know.//  
  
   
  
Now, she lay on her bed, willing herself to make it through this. She knew, though, that it wouldn't ever get better. Her body was changing more and more every day because of the child within her, and each change was a painful reminder of the man she loved. She also knew too that even after the baby's birth the sadness wouldn't go away. What if her child was a boy that looked just like his father? Or what if it was a little girl with her father's big brown eyes?  
  
   
  
//Honey, you lied when you said you loved me  
  
And I had no cause to doubt you.   
  
But I'd rather go on hearing your lies  
  
Than go on living without you. //  
  
Rolling over, Buffy stared at the cd player sitting on her night stand. The soft melody of Elvis Presley's 'Are You Lonesome Tonight' echoed through her ears. There was just something about the song that called to her. It had ever since she'd heard it a few weeks ago while watching a movie. Since entering her room, the song had been playing on repeat as she had laid there staring out at the night sky.  
  
//Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there  
  
With emptiness all around  
  
And if you won't come back to me  
  
Then make them bring the curtain down. //  
  
Reaching over to her night stand, Buffy finally turned off the cd player and rolled back over on her bed. She pulled the covers tighter around her body, trying to fight off the inner chill that seemed to have settled over her. Slowly, her eyes drifted shut as she watched the moon rising in the sky, wondering if her Angel was out there somewhere staring at the same thing.  
  
//Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?   
  
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?//  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC!! 


	14. ACTST Part 4

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 4  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~about a month and a half later~  
  
   
  
"Doyle!" Buffy screeched as she heard objects inside the refrigerator clanking together. "What are you looking for?"  
  
   
  
Doyle pulled his head out of the fridge, a heavy scowl on his face. "Don't ya two have anything ta drink with a li'l kick to it?"  
  
   
  
Buffy shook her head at the question. In the two months she'd known the half-demon, it was completely obvious that he fulfilled the stereotype of being a liquor-loving Irishman.  
  
   
  
"Well...considering that I'm pregnant, and also the fact that we can't afford booze, you're lucky we have anything at all to drink," she smirked at him, ignoring the loud groan that came from her friend.  
  
   
  
Doyle skulked back over to the couch, mumbling under his breath about needing a good shot of whiskey. He plopped himself down next to Buffy and kicked his feet up onto the coffee table, only to have them promptly knocked off by the blonde haired Slayer.  
  
   
  
"Don't put your feet there!" she yelled at him. "We have to eat on that table."  
  
   
  
"Oh! Sorry," he apologized guiltily.  
  
   
  
"S'ok," shrugged Buffy, adjusting the plate of cookies resting on her ever-expanding abdomen. She knew that she should hate the fact that she was practically twice the size she used to be, but in all honesty, she loved being pregnant. There was something so magical about it.  
  
   
  
"Looks like you got your own table there," Doyle, eyes twinkling mischievously, nodded to the plate that comfortably rested on Buffy's belly.   
  
   
  
The cookie Buffy had been about to put in her mouth halted its movement. She mock-glared at Doyle, trying her best not to laugh. It was true. Her pregnant stomach made quite a nice table. And it kept her plate of cookies within reach!  
  
   
  
"That wasn't nice," she feigned hurt, then threw the cookie in her hand at his head before bursting into giggles.  
  
   
  
Doyle shook his head at the Slayer's attitude. He couldn't help the grin that formed on his face. It was nice to see Buffy smiling and laughing. She'd been doing it more lately, and it made him happy to see that. He'd grown to genuinely like the blonde headed girl during the two months he'd known her. And he wouldn't be ashamed to admit that he admired her. Her life was rough, but she managed to survive every roadblock that tried to stop her.  
  
   
  
Seeing her smile and laugh was a bit of a relief to. He worried about her. Knowing about all she'd been through, and being around her the first few weeks after he revealed his presence had allowed him to see the pain and sadness she was enveloped by on a daily basis. She was slowly pulling out of it, though. Each day, her mood was a little lighter, her smile a little brighter. Even so, the sparkle still wasn't in her eyes. The hurt was still there. And he knew from Cordelia that there were still many nights that she cried herself to sleep, but she was getting by and that was all that mattered.  
  
   
  
"I was jus' pointing a fact out," smirked Doyle, trying to hold back a chuckle.  
  
   
  
Buffy rolled her eyes and reached for the remote to turn on the TV when she heard the door to the apartment open. Moments later, Cordy came trudging into the living room. Both Buffy and Doyle cringed at the expression on the brunette's face. She did not look happy.  
  
   
  
"Somebody's in a bad mood," Doyle whispered to Buffy.  
  
   
  
"Doyle!" Buffy murmured, elbowing him lightly in the ribs. "Bad day?" she asked Cordy.  
  
   
  
In response, Cordelia only glared at her before sighing and sitting down on the beanbag chair next to the couch. "Bad day doesn't even begin to describe it. Try horrible, crappy, totally sucky...," she trailed off.  
  
   
  
"What happened?" Buffy questioned, feeling concerned for her friend's unease.  
  
   
  
"There was this really great dress that came into the boutique. A one-of-a-kind knock out dress, but it was $275! I used to be able to afford clothes like that. Of course, that was before Daddy decided to be a criminal," Cordelia groused, a heavy frown on her face. "So I asked my boss if I could pay for it in installments...ya know, like layaway?"  
  
   
  
At Buffy's nod, she went on. "She wouldn't go for it. So I couldn't buy the dress. And then some obnoxious twit comes into the store, treats me like crap, and buys my freakin' dress!" the brunette ranted loudly.  
  
   
  
Both Buffy and Doyle were trying to hold back their smiles. Cordy may have changed, but she was still the same in a lot of ways. It was more than a little amusing to see someone get so upset over a dress.  
  
   
  
"That suc-" Buffy started to say but was cut off when Cordelia continued her rant.  
  
   
  
"And then as if that wasn't bad enough, I come home, and that lousy little leech of a landlord hits on me! Again! That's the third time in the past two weeks! I don't want to be in the same room as him let alone go out with him!" she yelled at no one in particular.  
  
   
  
"Ugh! That guy is such a troll!" agreed Buffy. He'd tried to ask her out once, but had backed off when he found out she was pregnant. She'd never expected her pregnancy to come in so handy.  
  
   
  
"I'm glad I'm a guy," Doyle stated with a frown. How could that prick come on to his Cordelia?...well, not that she was his, but that was a minor detail. At the girls' confused looks, he explained his previous statement. "He can't come on ta me since I'm a guy...err...well, he could, but ya know what I mean."  
  
   
  
"Uh huh," nodded Buffy, shuddering slightly as she thought of their gross landlord.  
  
   
  
"We *have* to do something about our living situation, Buffy. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this place," Cordy groaned and leaned her head against the arm of the sofa. "Not only do we have to deal with the horny troll, but this morning I found a cockroach in the bathtub!"  
  
   
  
"I know, Cordy," conceded Buffy, sighing in frustration. This place had seemed okay for a while, but it just seemed to get worse as time passed. "But what can we do? We can't afford anything better yet with the money we've saved."  
  
   
  
"That's another thing!" Cordy shrieked, still wound up from her bad day. "Money! We need more of it!"  
  
   
  
"Well, duh!" Buffy rolled her eyes. "I know that, but we don't have a lot of options. Unless you want to be a hooker, which eww, there's not much we can do."  
  
   
  
Doyle watched the two friends talk about their financial situation and wished that there was something he could do to help them. This place really wasn't good enough for them, and he really didn't like their landlord. But what could he do? He certainly didn't have any money to give them. He thought for a few minutes when an idea suddenly came to mind. Maybe there was something he could do...  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~a few days later~  
  
   
  
"Are you going to tell us where we are going yet?" Cordelia snapped, looking at Doyle with narrowed eyes. The annoying half-demon was being a particular pain in the ass tonight.  
  
   
  
"I told yer, we are goin' ta visit a friend of mine," Doyle replied with a sigh. The two had been questioning him non-stop since he'd gone to their apartment earlier that evening.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, you already mentioned that," grumbled Cordy, looking mournfully at her now dirty shoes. He hadn't told them they'd be trudging through yucky back alleys!  
  
   
  
"Uhh...not that I don't trust you Doyle," Buffy stated cautiously. She'd been quiet for a while, amusing herself by watching her two friends bicker, but she was a little worried about where they were going. "But, you could at least tell us who your friend is, and maybe why we are all going to see him...or her."  
  
   
  
"He's just a friend," Doyle shrugged, not looking at either girl. "And just as a warning, he is a demon, so don't got slicin' and dicin'."  
  
   
  
"Gee, thanks ever so much for the details!" Cordy muttered under her breath, sharing a look with Buffy. They'd go along with him, for now. He'd never given them a reason not to trust him.  
  
   
  
A few minutes later, Doyle's footsteps came to a halt in front of a large, brick building. Not having seen him stop, too busy chatting, both girls walked right into his back. Buffy would have fallen if Doyle hadn't turned and caught her arm at the last minute.  
  
   
  
"Next time, tell us you're stopping," scowled Cordy, smoothing down a wrinkle on her shirt.  
  
   
  
"Sorry, princess," Doyle smirked, loosening his hold on Buffy's arm. "We're 'ere," he pointed to the building they were standing in front of.  
  
   
  
"You're friend lives here?" Buffy asked, studying the building.  
  
   
  
"No, he just asked us to meet him here," he told them cryptically before walking up the stone stairs that led to the front door.  
  
   
  
The two friends shrugged at each other and followed Doyle up the staircase, but both kept cautious eyes on everything around them. It wasn't dark yet, but that didn't mean there still weren't demons around to cause trouble. So far, they'd not had any trouble, but that could quickly change.  
  
   
  
"Whoa!" stated Cordy in awe the second she stepped inside the building. The whole first floor was huge and wide open, and a lot cleaner looking than she would have thought when she first saw the building from the outside.  
  
   
  
"Nice place, ain't it?" Doyle smiled at Buffy and Cordy, who were wandering around the open space.  
  
   
  
"It's huge," Buffy mumbled, wondering if her voice would echo. They could fit at least five of their apartment in here!  
  
   
  
"Doyle! So glad you could make it!" an up-beat voice called out from somewhere to their left.  
  
   
  
The three friends turned to face the speaker, two of them finding themselves in shock at the sight. Buffy's eyes were widened in surprise while Cordelia's mouth was hanging wide open. This wasn't quite what they were expecting when Doyle said they were meeting a friend of his. They thought it was someone like him...not a green-skinned, red horned demon wearing the most awful looking electric blue suit they'd ever seen.  
  
   
  
Doyle stepped toward his friend and held out his hand, "Of course, we came!"  
  
   
  
"Any trouble getting them here?" the demon whispered low enough so that only Doyle could hear.  
  
   
  
"What do yer think?' Doyle muttered back with a roll of his eyes.  
  
   
  
The tackily dressed demon chuckled and walked toward where Buffy and Cordelia were still standing and staring at him.   
  
   
  
"Ladies, nice to meet both of you. My name's Lorne," he smiled widely at them.  
  
   
  
Buffy shook herself out of her daze, "Umm, hi?"  
  
   
  
"Hello, Sunshine! You must be Buffy," he held out his hand, which Buffy reluctantly shook. She wasn't getting any evil vibes from him, but she was still wary, especially considering Doyle's crypticness about the whole situation.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, that's me," Buffy smiled slightly. She'd never before met such a perky demon. It was a little unsettling.  
  
   
  
"And you," the green-skinned man turned to Cordy, "must be Cordelia. I've heard a lot about you two."  
  
   
  
"Wish I could say the same. Does he know how horrendous that suit is?!?" Cordy muttered under her breath to Buffy.  
  
   
  
The blonde stifled a chuckle. She'd wondered the same thing. It truly was an ugly suit, even more so when matched with his green skin.  
  
   
  
"So, uh, you're a good demon," the Slayer spoke, trying to break the awkward tension in the room.  
  
   
  
"Completely non-violent," Lorne held up his hands in his defense. He could understand their concern. Doyle had told him quite a bit about what the two friends had been through.  
  
   
  
"That's, uh, good," Buffy mumbled, feeling uncomfortable, and also glad that she wouldn't have to fight. In her six months pregnant condition, she really didn't think she'd be capable of kicking an eighty-year-old woman's ass, let alone this demon.  
  
   
  
"So...I don't suppose," started Cordy, looking at both Doyle and the freaky Lorne-demon, "that either of you want to tell us what we're doing here?"  
  
   
  
Lorne turned to look at Doyle, "You didn't tell them?"  
  
   
  
"Naw, thought I'd give yer the pleasure," Doyle nodded to him.  
  
   
  
"Oh...ok," Lorne shrugged indifferently. "Well, Ladies, I'm here with a...business... opportunity for the both, well three, of you."  
  
   
  
"Business opp-...huh?" Cordy stuttered in confusion, while Buffy looked on with curious eyes.  
  
   
  
"Yes, a business opportunity. I've been told about your...situation...," Lorne explained carefully. "And I think I have just the thing you need!"  
  
   
  
Cordy and Buffy looked at each other in surprise and bewilderment, but there was also a hint of something akin to excitement in their eyes. They had no idea what the demon was proposing, but something inside them was telling them that this was going to be a good thing. Suddenly, they were feeling hope that maybe things were about to get a lot better.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC! 


	15. ACTST Part 5

***  
  
New part ready finally. Sorry it took a week, but I was working on a new layout for my site. Oh, a warning: CLIFF ahead!!!  
  
Also with the recent 'discussion' over people wanting to know how a fic will end, I thought I'd offer this up: if anyone wants to know what kind of ending this series will have, you can email me and I will tell you. I won't tell anything other than if it will be happy or sad, so if you want to know that, email me: vagabond_angel@comcast.net  
  
Thank you to those of you who sent feedback on Part 4, hope you like the new chapter.  
  
Enjoy,  
  
~Isis  
  
***  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 5  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
"So I take it you are both interested in hearing Lorne's and my idea?" Doyle nearly smiled at the hidden excitement he saw from Buffy and Cordelia. He was growing more confident in the idea he'd come up with, knowing they were both frustrated with their living situation and lack of money.  
  
   
  
"Well, it can't hurt to hear it," Cordy answered as nonchalantly as possible. All the while, visions of new shoes and dresses were flittering about her mind.  
  
   
  
"Uh, yeah, sure," Buffy added in, still trying to get over her initial shock of the situation. This wasn't turning out at all like she had expected.  
  
   
  
"Good," grinned Lorne, who then wandered a few feet away. "See, I used to own a club in Los Angeles. It was quite popular, but LA can be rather...dangerous. I got tired of having the place destroyed. So I closed up shop, and moved up here a while back.  
  
   
  
Buffy's brow scrunched in perplexity. A club? Lorne, an obvious demon, owned a club? What the Hell kind of place was it?  
  
   
  
Cordy, on the other hand, laughed out loud at the idea, only stopping her chuckles when Lorne looked at her and frowned. "Sorry, I just can't picture you owning a club."  
  
   
  
"It wasn't a typical club," Lorne spoke, conceding that it was a bit of a strange concept. "It catered to the underworld of L.A."  
  
   
  
"The underworld?" Cordy questioned, head cocked.  
  
   
  
"Hey, even demon's like to have fun sometimes!" he exclaimed, a smile now on his face.  
  
   
  
"Umm, okay," Buffy stated, interrupting the banter. "What does this have to do with us?"  
  
   
  
"I'm getting to that, Sunshine," Lorne looked toward her. "Here's the deal, ever since moving here, I've wanted to reopen the club. But I was waiting for the right opportunity, and you two are just what the doctor ordered, so to speak."  
  
   
  
"Uhh...that's...wow. I umm wasn-," Buffy suddenly stopped her sputtering and looked at Lorne. "Wait. Why do you need us? I mean you had a club before so would you need help this time? And why do you want *us* anyway?"  
  
   
  
"My club in LA was strictly for demons, or those who knew of demons and didn't mind socializing with them. It drew a surprising amount of business, but now that I'm starting over, I'd like to expand to include the general public. Problem is, I don't think this," he gestured to himself, "is apt to draw people in. It'd more than likely scare them away. That's where you two come in."  
  
   
  
"Ya might want to close yer mouth Princess," Doyle pointed out, referring to Cordy's hung open jaw.  
  
   
  
"I...huh?...I mean...let me get this straight. You want us to help you open up and run a club?" the flabbergasted brunette asked slowly  
  
   
  
"Wait a sec!" Buffy interrupted quickly. "Maybe I'm having a dumb blonde moment, but I'm confused."  
  
   
  
"It's okay Sunshine. Here, have a seat, and I'll explain," Lorne pointed to a couple of crates near the center of the room. Buffy gratefully sat down, her feet and back were killing her. Cordy, though, looked at the dirty crates and decided to remain standing, as did Doyle.  
  
   
  
"What I want to do," began Lorne, "is open up a club that will draw your average humans because it would bring in quite a bit more revenue than just catering to demons. But, being what I am, I can't do that on my own. So I would like you two to handle the human side."  
  
   
  
"The human side?" Buffy asked, her mind reeling over what the demon was proposing.  
  
   
  
"Yeah. I'd still like to have a demon club, separate from the human club, which I would run, and then you two, along with Doyle could handle the other," he clarified, sharing a look with Doyle, who already knew what the plan was.  
  
   
  
"But we don't know anything about running a club!" Cordelia blurted out suddenly.  
  
   
  
"I realize that," Lorne conceded, shrugging slightly. "But that's why you'd still have me, Sugar! I'll be around to help out with the behind the scenes stuff. At least in the beginning until you understand things better. I would just need you to be here when the club is open to kind of manage things, you know, be the pretty faces behind the name. Besides, it certainly can't hurt business end of things to have said pretty faces dealing with the supplies, bands and such.  
  
   
  
"Wow...I, uh, don't know what to say," mumbled Buffy, wringing her hands together nervously. What did she know about running a nightclub? Sure, she'd been to the Bronze hundreds of times, but that was as a customer.  
  
   
  
"I know it's a lot ta take in," Doyle spoke up after being quiet for a while. "Ya don't have to give him an answer tonight."  
  
   
  
"Yes," agreed Lorne. "Please take some time to think about it. I'm hoping you'll agree. I've been trying to find the right people to help for a while. I couldn't hire just anybody, considering the whole demon aspect. When Doyle came to me and told me your situations and that you knew of the supernatural world, I knew you'd be perfect."  
  
   
  
"I, uh...yeah, I think we'd need to talk it over," Buffy looked to Cordy who nodded slowly. Both girls were in a bit of a daze over the opportunity that had literally landed in their laps.  
  
   
  
"So we'd just have to be at the club when it was open?" Cordy questioned, trying to get a better understanding of what exactly Lorne wanted from them.  
  
   
  
"Well, yes that, and as I said, dealing with face to face human interactions also. Plus, I'm hoping you'd want to help with the décor, since I've been told, just once or twice," he added with a chuckle. "That my taste is a bit extreme. You two would probably also be helpful in dealing with the music end for the human part of the club. I'm familiar with today's popular music, but I want to make sure we play stuff young people would like. It's better for business that way."   
  
   
  
"Decorating?" a giddy twinkle entered Cordy's eyes.  
  
   
  
Buffy couldn't help but laugh at Cordelia's statement. "So, uh, where is this club going to be?"  
  
   
  
"Right here," Lorne spread his arms out, gesturing to the space all around him.  
  
   
  
"Here?" both Cordelia and Buffy squeaked out loudly.  
  
   
  
"I know it doesn't look like much at the moment. It will need quite a bit of work to be turned into a club...well, sort of. A few years back, some renovations were done on it, but they were never completed. It's up to code, and in good shape otherwise. The interior would just need to be converted into a club atmosphere," the green-skinned demon explained, his eyes wandering around the space he hoped would soon be his new business venture.  
  
   
  
"Why don't we take 'em on a tour of the place, eh Lorne?" Doyle interjected, hoping to take some of the pressure off Buffy and Cordy, who he knew had to be overwhelmed.  
  
   
  
"Sure. We can start with this floor," he stated, referring to the area they currently were in. "This floor would be the human club. As you can see, it's quite large. There would be a bar, a stage for live bands, an area for a DJ, and also some tables and counters for the customers. I've not thought too much about the layout, yet, though.  
  
   
  
"You definitely have enough room for all that," Cordy pointed out. The space definitely was huge.  
  
   
  
"I know," Lorne laughed lightly. "Come on, let's go down to the basement floor."  
  
   
  
The group followed Lorne through a door near the back of the room, then down a hallway until they came to another door that opened to a staircase to the basement. Soon, they found themselves in a smaller, yet just as open area as where they had just been.   
  
   
  
Lorne flicked on some overhead lights before speaking to the group. "This would be for my demon customers. It's smaller than upstairs, but it won't draw as much business, so that works," he pointed out. "There's a direct entrance to here from the back of the building so the demons can come and go from here without running into the humans."  
  
   
  
"I don't know if I like the idea of a demon bar," Buffy stated doubtfully. "Demons aren't known for being nice. They tend to have one track minds: kill...present company excluded."  
  
   
  
"Oh, don't worry about that," Lorne shook his head. "I have some friends who can cast a no-fighting spell over the place. It works quite nicely. Plus, sometimes demons just like to kick back."  
  
   
  
"Oh," Buffy muttered, still not liking the idea.  
  
   
  
"Let's go upstairs to see the other floors," Doyle attempted to break the sudden tension in the room. He knew the demon aspect was going to be a bit of a stalling point, but hopefully, he'd be able to reassure them that it would all work.  
  
   
  
They started walking back toward the stairs when Buffy spoke again. "I don't suppose this place has an elevator."  
  
   
  
Lorne laughed at the question, knowing that in her condition stairs were probably not enjoyable. "It does, but it's not been used for a while so I didn't want to use it in case it needs some work."  
  
   
  
"Damn!" Buffy muttered, frowning at the prospect of climbing more stairs. They were even more of a hassle now that she was getting larger.  
  
   
  
"Don't worry, sweetie. If you two decide to accept my offer, I'll make sure I get it working properly as soon as possible," Lorne offered as he began climbing the stairs.  
  
   
  
A short time later, the group was standing on the third floor of the building. It was similar to the ground floor in size except that it was divided up into five or so separate rooms centered off of a large, open main area.  
  
   
  
"Geez! How many stories is this place?" Cordy questioned, internally grumbling over her choice of wearing heels for their outing and having to walk so much.  
  
   
  
"It's five floors, and then the basement. So technically six," Lorne responded, taking a seat on one of the chairs that sat around and oddly placed table.  
  
   
  
"What are you going to do with the rest of the floors?" Cordy asked, studying the new area they were in.  
  
   
  
"I'm getting to that, Sweetcheeks," he grinned teasingly. "This floor, since it's right above the first floor, would be for offices, and the business aspect of everything. Also, I don't know if you're planning on going back to slaying once you pop out the little one Buffy, but you can also set up a training area here too."  
  
   
  
"You told him about me!" Buffy glared at Doyle, clearly unhappy.  
  
   
  
"It was kinda necessary," shrugged Doyle helplessly.  
  
   
  
"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me," Lorne patted Buffy's arm. "I wouldn't want to put you in any danger. Do you plan to continue slaying?"  
  
   
  
"I don't know," Buffy sighed. "I haven't really thought about what I will do once I have the baby."  
  
   
  
"I'm sure you'll do what's best," he spoke sadly. He couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor girl. From what he knew from Doyle, she'd had quite a rough life for someone so young.  
  
   
  
"So, umm, what about the other floors," Cordy steered the conversation elsewhere, taking the focus off her friend before things got too serious.  
  
   
  
"Oh, yeah. Well, they are pretty much just like this floor. They would work well for you guys to live in," Lorne told them casually.  
  
   
  
"Live?...but....what....huh?" Buffy sputtered, completely not comprehending what had just been said.  
  
   
  
"Oh? Didn't I mention that before?" Lorne grinned, as did Doyle. "I was told you are looking for somewhere better to live, and I've got all this extra space. So why not put it to good use?"  
  
   
  
"But...but...we can't afford something this big!" Cordy said dejectedly. As much as she'd love to live somewhere this big, they so didn't have that kind of money."  
  
   
  
"Now don't you worry about that," Lorne spoke with finality to his voice. "You would be doing me a favor by helping me with a club. I wouldn't want one cent for you to live here. And yes, you would also get paid to work for me."  
  
   
  
"Man, this deal just keeps getting better every second," the brunette muttered under her breath.   
  
   
  
Both Lorne and Doyle hid smiles at the statement, knowing the offer was going to be extremely hard for them to pass up. Doyle was glad he'd gone to Lorne for help. The demon had certainly come through for him. Not only did he have a great job opportunity for the two friends, but also an improved living situation. He just hoped they'd take it. They deserved more than they had now.  
  
   
  
"I hate to toss all this at you and run," Lorne said, looking at his watch. "But I've got to run. Take a few days to think everything over and get back to me. Doyle has my number."  
  
   
  
The demon spoke his goodbyes and left, leaving behind Doyle and the two shell-shocked females. When Doyle had told them they were going to meet a friend of his, they certainly never imagined the night would turn out as it did. Lorne's offer was definitely enticing, but he was right, they really did need to talk it over before making a decision.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
Buffy, Cordelia and Doyle were nearing the girls' apartment when Doyle finally decided to ask them what they thought of Lorne's offer. If need be, he would plead his friend's case. The opportunity was perfect for them, but he knew they would probably be wary of accepting it.  
  
   
  
"So what do you think?" he questioned, taking a peak at the two friends.  
  
   
  
Buffy shrugged, honestly unsure of what she thought. It all seemed almost too good to be true. The job sounded good, and she certainly would be incredibly happy to get out of their crappy apartment, but....and there always had to be a but....it was all so perfect...too perfect. There had to be a catch.  
  
   
  
On the other hand, Cordy was already thinking about all the possibilities the new situation offered them. She hated being poor. It didn't suit her. And helping to manage a club? How cool was that? Especially if they did things right. They could make the club one of the newest, trendiest places in Seattle, and that would bring respect and credibility. What girl didn't like that?  
  
   
  
"It all sounds great, but...I'm not too sure about that Lorne guy," Cordy voiced the one concern she had over the whole thing.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, I mean, how much do you know about the guy...err...demon," spoke Buffy, supporting Cordy's wariness.  
  
   
  
Doyle sighed loudly, he knew this was going to be an issue. They were more trusting of him when he first arrived than Lorne. Maybe that was because he looked human, and Lorne, well, didn't. "Lorne's fine. I've known him fer a while, though I wouldn't say we were best buds, but he's good guy....just a little on the odd side."  
  
   
  
"I don't like the idea of having his demon bar right below the club where all the humans will be," Buffy repeated her earlier problem with everything she'd heard.  
  
   
  
"Yeah. Does he really think that it won't create any-," Cordy suddenly stopped speaking and halted her steps. "Oh shit!"  
  
   
  
"What? Cordy? What's wrong?" Buffy looked at her friend oddly, not understanding why she was acting the way she was.  
  
   
  
"Umm...I'd say we have some trouble...," the brunette trailed off, pointing about twenty feet in front of them.  
  
   
  
Doyle and Buffy followed the direction of her gesture and found themselves staring at two rather large demons. Both had to be around seven feet tall with orange-ish skin. There were wicked looking swords perched in sheaths across their backs, and their fingernails looked razor sharp. Buffy hoped for a moment that the demons hadn't spotted them, but unfortunately, the pair were staring directly at them, a wicked gleam shining in their eyes.  
  
   
  
"Get over there and out of the way!" Doyle snapped, roughly pushing both girls out of the way. He stared ahead at the now snarling demons and let his own demon come forth.  
  
   
  
Cordelia shrieked when Doyle's face changed to a blue hue and sprouted quills. They'd never before seen his demon side. He'd never had a need to use it, and hadn't ever actually told them that his appearance could change as it just did.  
  
   
  
"I suggest you leave," Doyle spoke forcefully to the two demons, who were taking slow steps toward them.   
  
   
  
"Now why would we do that?" the slightly larger demon snarled through a mouth full of vicious looking teeth.  
  
   
  
"Because you'll die if you don't!" he told them more confidently than he actually felt.  
  
   
  
The two demons laughed at the statement. "You think you can stop us?"  
  
   
  
"I plan to!" Doyle pulled a long dagger out from the inside pocket of his jacket.  
  
   
  
Quickly, the demons charged at him. Doyle sidestepped just as they were about to pounce, and spun around behind them. He jabbed the knife in his hand into the back of the second demon, which had yet to recover from Doyle's first movement. The blow was either perfectly aimed, or a lucky hit, because the demon fell to the ground motionless, green blood oozing from the wound.  
  
   
  
Reaching down, Doyle grabbed his only weapon out of the demon's back and stood to face the remaining threat. To his horror, he found the demon closing in on Buffy and Cordelia, who were standing helplessly a few feet away. The demon shoved Cordelia aside, causing her to land almost at his feet, and stalked closer to Buffy, who being pregnant, was the most defenseless of them all.  
  
   
  
Buffy pressed herself further against the brick wall behind her. Wildly, her eyes searched for anything she could use to defend herself, but there was nothing. At any other time, she'd be able to fight him with just her body, but not now. There was no way she could take on the demon when she was six months pregnant. Well, she could probably fight him, but she was out of shape, and her balance was nowhere near perfect because of the added weight. It was a toss up as to which was more dangerous: trying to fight the demon or standing there in hopes that Doyle would be able to take it out. Her body began to shake as the realization hit her that she was likely not going to make it through this, that this demon was going to kill her and her baby. Tears streaked down her cheeks with the knowledge that her child would never make it into the world.  
  
   
  
Doyle risked a glance at Cordelia and saw that she appeared to be fine so he focused his attention back on Buffy. He tried to think of a plan, but quickly came to the conclusion that there wasn't time to think. He needed to act. The demon had unsheathed it sword and was raising it to attack position.  
  
   
  
Taking a deep breath, Doyle stared forward, his gaze steely with determination. He would absolutely NOT let anything happen to the Slayer. It was his job to protect her, and he would do that at all costs, even if that meant putting himself in the line of fire. So without last thought toward himself, Doyle dashed towards Buffy and leapt in between her and the demon who was beginning to bring his sword down upon her.  
  
   
  
"BUFFY!! DOYLE!" Cordelia screamed, watching the horror in front of her unfold.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC!! 


	16. ACTST Part 6

***  
  
New chapter! Sorry you all had to wait to find out what happened to the gang! No cliff this time, which I'm sure you are all happy about.  
  
My thanks and appreciation go out to those who sent feedback on the last part!   
  
Enjoy,  
  
~Isis  
  
To read the other parts in this series, use the following URL:  
  
http://www.geocities.com/flyersgagne_12/sit.htm  
  
***  
  
Title:  A Chance to Survive Today - #3 in the 'Shadows in Time' series  
  
Author:  Isis Blue  
  
Feedback: vagabond_angel@comcast.net  
  
Disclaimer:  must this be stated every time?  But to answer the question, no I don't own them.I'm borrowing them because certain writers are cruel and heartless.  
  
Rating:  PG-13 ish?  
  
Pairing:  indirectly B/A, C/?, W/O  
  
Series Summary:  post-s3 (BTVS) AU.departs from canon after the s3 finale and jumps into my own universe.  From there, almost everything will be different.  A few characters and concepts will pop-up, but really, this doesn't relate at all to the seasons that followed s3.  
  
Fic Summary:  Buffy begins her new life in Seattle with the help of some new, and old, friends.  
  
Spoilers:  The first 2 fics in the series, and anything through the end of s3 of BTVS, but mostly the end of s3, and also mild generic spoilers for AtS.  
  
Distribution:  my site (Vagabond Soul), and if you already have any of my fics, you may take this one, if not, please ask first.  
  
Author's Notes:  This is the 3rd fic in the SiT series, the first 2 can be found here:  
  
http://www.geocities.com/flyersgagne_12/sit.htm  
  
Anyways, this fic starts two months after Buffy left Sunnydale to go to Seattle with Cordy.  From here on out, this fic/series jumps way out of canon, *but* there will be things/characters here and there that I've borrowed from the actual shows.  You'll know them when you see them.  Even so, the things I borrowed may not be exactly as they existed on the show...I made some modifications.  Also, the pregnancy is a big part of the fic, but not entirely the focus.  I didn't detail it as much as I should have, but it was kinda hard to write because I've never been pregnant and not been around many pregnant woman.  Hopefully it's not overly noticeable!  
  
Thank yous:  To *Stars* for being a wonderful beta, and also to PigPimping for the help with pregnancy research.  
  
Warnings:  mild angst (not as bad as the first 2 fics in the series)  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 6  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
In the blink of an eye it was over...and the Slayer had been saved. Buffy found herself unable to speak after what she had just witnessed. She could only stare at the gruesome sight before her. Her mind couldn't quite register what had just happened. She was still stuck on the belief that she was about to die.  
  
   
  
The urge to vomit tickled the back of her throat as she stared down at the dead demon, its head deftly lopped off, mere inches from her. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Had what just happened really occurred? One glance behind the now dead demon assured her it had.  
  
   
  
Ever so slowly, Buffy raised her eyes to meet those of Cordelia. The ex-cheerleader stood rooted in her spot, eyes wide in shock. The only movement came from her trembling hands which still tightly grasped the sword she'd taken from the other demon only moments before. Buffy's gaze went from Cordelia to the dead demon and back again. Cordelia hadn't really...had she? Yes, she had seen it with her own eyes. Cordelia had killed the demon.  
  
   
  
A low groan from nearby shook both girls out of their stupors. Cordy's borrowed sword clattered loudly to the sidewalk as she rushed to where Doyle lay in a heap to the left of Buffy. Still trying to process everything, the blonde Slayer followed.  
  
   
  
"Oh my God, Doyle! Are you all right?" the brunette cried out in worry.  
  
   
  
"Wh-...what happened?" a dazed Doyle asked, rubbing his head where it had slammed into the sidewalk. The last thing he remembered was leaping in front of Buffy...then nothing.  
  
   
  
"You're alive!!" Cordy shrieked and pulled him into a tight embrace, completely overwhelmed by the feelings of relief and fear for the half-demon.  
  
   
  
"I'm fine," Doyle mumbled softly. Well, he wasn't quite fine, but if he could stay there in his Princess' arms for the rest of his life he would be.  
  
   
  
"Good, I'm glad," she spoke quickly, hiding the few tears that had formed. Why was she crying anyway? Doyle was just an annoying twerp. And besides, he was fine!  
  
   
  
Buffy was tempted to smile at the exchange. She was well aware of Doyle's feelings for Cordy. How could she not be when the half-demon was always staring at her with a goofy smile on his face? She wasn't all that surprised by Cordy's actions either. The brunette spent a little too much time talking, or berating, Doyle to not be interested. It made her want to laugh at their silliness, but other times, it made her want to...well, it wasn't worth saying. She couldn't have what she wanted anyway.  
  
   
  
"Doyle! Your arm!" Cordelia's shrill voice sounded throughout the alley.  
  
   
  
"What?" Doyle looked down at his arm, finding his jacket sleeve sliced open and soaked with blood. "Oh...I hadn't even noticed."  
  
   
  
"Come on, we need to get back to our apartment," ordered Buffy, worried about Doyle, and wary about what else might be out stalking the streets.  
  
   
  
Together, Buffy and Cordelia helped the slightly woozy Doyle stand and supported him as they walked back to their apartment. Luckily, they didn't run into any other demons for the rest of the short trip. None of them were in any shape to have to do any more fighting that night.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
"Cordy? Go get the first aid kit out of the bathroom while I help Doyle get his coat and shirt off," Buffy requested as soon as they had gotten him seated on the couch upon their return to the apartment.  
  
   
  
"Ya know...dis is one of those times I wisssh you two kep' sumphin ta drink 'ere," Doyle slurred, feeling the effects of the blood loss and the knock on his head.  
  
   
  
Buffy smiled, "well, you're in luck. I had Cordy pick up a bottle of whiskey yesterday for you."   
  
"How'd she git dat?" he wondered outloud, remembering in the back of his mind that she was only eighteen.  
  
"You don't think Queen C made it through her teenage years without a fake ID do you?" she grinned and shook her head.  
  
   
  
Buffy went and retrieved the bottle and handed it to Doyle. Carefully, she helped him out of his jacket and shirt. The cut on his arm was nasty, but not as bad as she had expected it to be. Maybe it had something to do with him being part demon, or it could have just been one of those cuts that bled a lot but really wasn't that severe. Either way, she was glad it didn't look like it would need to be stitched up. It would probably hurt for a while, though.  
  
   
  
"Here ya go," Cordelia returned to the room and handed the kit to Buffy who quickly set about cleansing the wound and bandaging it. By the time she finished, Doyle was sound asleep with his head laid back on the couch.  
  
   
  
Buffy grabbed one of their few extra blankets and covered Doyle up before retreating to her room. She was exhausted, and her mind had yet to face what had gone on earlier. Honestly, she didn't want to face it. She didn't want to think about how close she'd come to dying, to never seeing her miracle child. Some things were just too horrible to face.  
  
   
  
Meanwhile, Cordelia sat on one end of the couch just staring at Doyle. Her emotions were in turmoil. First and foremost, they'd all come way too close to becoming demon food. Then there was the fact that she, herself, had sliced a demon's head off. And lastly, there was Doyle. Seeing him put his life on the line to save Buffy, and thinking he was hurt, or possibly worse, had stirred something in her that she didn't know if she was ready, or willing to accept. Hadn't she already learned her lesson by dating one loser? Still...there was something about him. Maybe it would pass...at least she hoped it would.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
The next morning, Doyle awoke to the quiet chatter of Cordelia and Buffy not far from him. Cautiously, his eyes opened and quickly closed again when he was assaulted by the bright, bare bulb, overhead light in the living room. A groan escaped his lips accidentally. His head felt like a sledgehammer was pounding on it repeatedly.  
  
   
  
"Aspirin?" a voice broke through his pain. He looked up to find Cordelia standing over him holding out a two pills and a glass of water which he gratefully accepted.  
  
   
  
Doyle was about to let himself drift back to sleep when he realized he still had no clue what had happened the night before and how it was the demon ended up dead. "Someone wanna tell me what happened last night?"  
  
   
  
"Last night?" Cordy feigned ignorance, not really wanting to talk about how close to death they'd been.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, and how the demon ended up dead, and us alive," he clarified, looking to Cordelia and then to Buffy.  
  
   
  
"I-I...I saw you dive between the demon and Buffy...a-and I saw the demon about to swing so...I don't know...I just grabbed the sword of the other demon and leapt," Cordy relayed with an uncharacteristic stutter to her voice. "Next thing I knew, the demon was dead."  
  
   
  
Doyle smiled at her words, feeling grateful, relieved, and proud all at once. "I knew you had it in you, Princess."  
  
   
  
"Yeah, well your lucky I did it or you wouldn't be here," she told him, regaining some of her bitchiness and ignoring the need to throw her arms around him and tell him she was glad he was okay.  
  
   
  
"Princess?" he spoke softly to her. "Thank you."  
  
   
  
Cordelia looked at him oddly, a slight blush on her face. "You're welcome."  
  
   
  
"So...uh...yer both okay, right?" Doyle broke his gaze with Cordy and asked both females.  
  
   
  
Buffy, who had been unobtrusively listening to the pair, walked over to where the two had been sharing their moment. "We're fine. A couple scrapes, a few bruises, but that's it. You got the worst of it."  
  
   
  
Doyle looked down at his bandaged arm and winced. "Yeah. That's gonna hurt fer a while."  
  
   
  
"You're lucky it doesn't need stitches," the blonde sat down on the couch next to him and began checking the wound. "It should be fine in a week or so, but make sure you keep it clean."  
  
   
  
"Yes, Doctor!" he mock saluted the Slayer.  
  
   
  
Buffy laughed at his actions before clumsily getting off the couch. It was getting harder and harder to move around with the growing baby inside her, but she loved it. Sure, carrying around so much extra weight was a bit of a hassle, but all she had to do was remember that it was her baby making her look like a whale and all would be good.  
  
   
  
For the rest of the morning, the three sat around chatting after having a small breakfast. They tried to steer their conversation away from the events of the previous night, but it had eventually come up. Doyle had apologized for not protecting them like he was supposed to, but the girls would have none of it. There was nothing that could have been done to prevent what had happened. All three did concede, though, that it would probably be best if they stayed away from empty, dark alleys at night.  
  
   
  
Eventually, Doyle left to return to his own apartment, leaving Buffy and Cordelia on their own for the rest of the day. He was exhausted despite the fact that he'd slept straight through the night, plus he knew the two had a lot to talk about. Lorne's offer hadn't come up during the morning, but he was pretty sure it was on both of their minds. So he'd left them to talk while he went to get some more sleep, and maybe a stiff drink.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
"So...," Buffy stated for lack of anything else to say.  
  
   
  
"So...," Cordelia echoed as they both sat on the couch.  
  
   
  
"Ugh! We're not getting anywhere," grumbled Buffy loudly. They'd been discussing all that Lorne had offered them for the past hour and hadn't yet come to a decision.  
  
   
  
"Wait a sec," Cordy ordered and got up off the couch, retreating to her room and returning a second later holding a piece of paper and a pen. "Okay, let's make a list of positives and negatives."  
  
   
  
"Kay, sounds like a good idea," Buffy agreed, getting more comfortable on the couch which was difficult considering her protruding belly. "Pluses...well, it would be better jobs."  
  
   
  
"Yeah, and working in a nightclub at that!" added Cordy gleefully.  
  
   
  
"And a better place to live," went on Buffy. "Which is a really, really good thing."  
  
   
  
"Second that! And we wouldn't have to deal with our slug of a landlord," she shuddered at the thought of that slimeball.  
  
   
  
"Or that creep down the hall who is always leering at me," Buffy's eyes narrowed. She hated that guy. He didn't seem to understand that she wasn't the least bit interested in him.  
  
   
  
Cordy looked at the list she'd been recording and shook her head, "so far we have all positives and no negatives."  
  
   
  
"I don't really like the idea of that demon part Lorne wants to do," Buffy shrugged noncommittally.  
  
   
  
"Why? It would be down in the basement. It's not like they'd be on the main floor," Cordy looked at the blonde questioningly.   
  
   
  
"Yeah, but demons and humans that close together is just asking for trouble," the blonde pointed out.  
  
   
  
"What about that spell, though? Lorne said he had some spell that kept trouble from happening," interjected Cordy quickly. It was becoming quite obvious what she wanted to do.  
  
   
  
"I guess that would help. Do we want to trust magic though?" Buffy sighed tiredly. The deal did sound great, but she couldn't help worry over what could go wrong.  
  
   
  
"I'm sure Lorne's witchy friends are a lot more reliable than Will-...umm, some people's," Cordelia quickly caught herself before saying Willow's name. For the most part, the two avoided talking about the people from Sunnydale.  
  
   
  
Buffy had heard the slip, but decided to ignore it. That was an issue she just didn't want to deal with at the moment. "Good point. Do you think this Lorne guy is trust worthy?"  
  
   
  
The brunette bit her lip slightly, "I don't know, but I mean, Doyle thinks he's a good guy, or demon."  
  
   
  
"'Doyle says' huh? Do I see some sparkage between you two," Buffy stated mischievously.  
  
   
  
"NO!" Cordy denied a bit too quickly.  
  
   
  
"Uh huh, sure!" Buffy chuckled.  
  
   
  
"He's just so...so...ugh...have you seen the way he dresses?" the brunette frowned.  
  
   
  
Buffy's face instantly took a serious expression, her mind thinking back to events in Sunnydale. "Cordy?" she waited until she had her friend's full attention. "Let me give you some advice: don't let little things get in the way. The only thing that matters is if you are happy. If you think that Doyle could make you happy, forget about everything else."  
  
   
  
Cordelia regarded Buffy and the solemn look on her face. She knew exactly what the blonde was thinking about. Maybe she was right, maybe everything else was inconsequential if, in the end, she was happy. Still, Doyle?  
  
   
  
The two sat in silence for long moments, both a bit distracted by the sudden turn of their conversation. It was Cordy who spoke first, taking them back to the issue at hand. "So do we accept Lorne's offer?"  
  
   
  
The blonde's eyes wandered around their shabby apartment. Was this any place to raise a baby? Not really. And she doubted they'd be able to find something better on their own before its birth. Her baby deserved a nice place to live, and she had promised herself she would do whatever was best for her baby.  
  
   
  
"I guess we do," Buffy smiled slightly. She still had her reservations about how it would all work out, but it was worth a try.  
  
   
  
"Great!" exclaimed Cordy happily. "I'll call Doyle and let him know!"  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~later that night~  
  
   
  
"Lorne, here," the green-skinned demon spoke into his telephone.  
  
   
  
"Hey, Lorne. It's Doyle," came a voice from the other end.  
  
   
  
"Doyle! I didn't expect to hear from you so soon. Why so glum sounding?" Lorne spoke in mild surprise.  
  
   
  
"Long night. We got attacked by demons on the way home...," began Doyle and then told his friend about their close all.  
  
   
  
"Wow. Gotta admit that you knew it would happen sooner or later, though," Lorne added dismally.  
  
   
  
"I know. I'm just glad that they are both okay. I don't want anything to happen to 'em," sighed Doyle.  
  
   
  
"Why Doyle. If I didn't know any better I'd say you were sweet on one of them," chirped Lorne teasingly. "You're not chasing after the Slayer are you? Cuz I don't think your bosses would like that much."  
  
   
  
"No! No, I'm not after Buffy. She's a sweet kid, had it rough, but I don't like her like that. And even if I did, I'd never have a chance. I don't know if she'll ever be over the vampire," relayed Doyle, thinking about all that he knew of their relationship.  
  
   
  
"Mmm, gotta agree with you there. I was getting serious sad vibes from that one," Lorne shook his head even though Doyle couldn't see it. "So that leaves the lovely brunette I met last night.  
  
   
  
"Cordelia," Doyle supplied a little too quickly.   
  
   
  
"Uh huh. Looks like I hit the nail smack dab on its proverbial head," laughed Lorne. "Good luck with that. That one's a firecracker. I can tell."  
  
   
  
"Don't I know it!" concurred Doyle with a chuckle.  
  
   
  
"So anyway, I'm guessing you didn't call to talk about your love life," Lorne spoke, anxious to hear what else the half-demon might have to tell him.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, yeah. You got me. I was callin ta tell ya that I guess ya gave the girls an offer they couldn't refuse because they called me a little while ago ta say that they'd do it," Doyle relayed, rubbing his still sore head.  
  
   
  
"Oh! That's just peachy!" Lorne replied cheerfully. "I'm so glad they agreed. I've been wanting to get this club going for a while now."  
  
   
  
"Yeah, I know. I'm glad too. This is a good thing for them," agreed Doyle, happy that they'd be getting themselves into a better situation.  
  
   
  
"Yes, I think so too, from what I've heard," said Lorne sadly. He didn't know a whole lot about them, but what he did was heart wrenching. "I'll go ahead and start making plans then. I think we should get them moved in as soon as possible. I've got some old debts I can call in to get the ball rolling on some renovations for the upper floors.  
  
   
  
"Great. Gimme a call in a few days ta let me know what's up," requested Doyle, already making plans for the upcoming move.  
  
   
  
"Will do. Talk to ya soon!" babbled Lorne before hanging up the phone. He had lots to do to get things moving on everything to come.  
  
   
  
Doyle smiled as he placed the phone back in its cradle. Things were definitely looking up. Buffy and Cordelia would be moving to a nicer place and be working better jobs soon. And if he wasn't mistaken, maybe he did have a chance with Cordy after all. Yes, life was definitely looking up.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC!! 


	17. ACTST Part 7

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 7  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Author's Note: Any information regarding liquor laws for the state of Washington come from the Washington State Liquor Control Board's website, found here:  
  
www.liq.wa.gov/default.asp  
  
My references may not be perfectly accurate...I had no intention of reading the probably over 100 pages of laws.   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
~about two and a half months later~  
  
   
  
"Ooomph!" Buffy groaned out loud as she lay in her bed, munching on pretzels and mayonnaise. She wiped off her hand on a napkin before letting it drift down to her bulging abdomen.  
  
   
  
"Ya know, you don't have to kick so hard," she told the shifting body inside her as she lightly stroked the taut skin. "It's not like I could forget you're there."  
  
   
  
The large bump kicked again before settling down. Buffy couldn't help but stare at her pregnant stomach in amazement. Sometimes it was still hard for her to accept that there was a little life growing inside of her. She thought that being only a couple of weeks from her due date that it would have finally hit her, but really it hadn't. No matter how many times she felt the baby kick, or found herself puking up everything in her stomach, or saw her child's image on the sonogram it was all still so unbelievable.  
  
   
  
Maybe it was because she never thought she would be in this situation. When her Destiny had come calling, her entire focus had shifted to fighting evil, and surviving to see another day. Then...then Angel had appeared in her life. For a short while, she had wondered what it would be like to carry his children, but that dream had effectively been quelled with his 'I can't have kids' speech one dark night in a graveyard. Since then, children just hadn't been a part of her vision of the future, a future she wasn't even sure she would live to see.  
  
   
  
Now, here she was, pregnant, and by the very vampire who had told her it wasn't possible...and who was now gone from her life. It was rather ironic, really. All of it was. Slayer and vampire fall in love, a truly paradoxical occurrence. Later, vampire leaves Slayer so that she can have a normal life, one that includes kids, only to leave her with a parting gift that had no logical explanation. A child. A little miracle created from their love. Yes, there really was some serious irony there.  
  
   
  
Whoever pulled the controlling strings of her life was either completely evil, or just had a seriously twisted sense of humor. Regardless, it wasn't like she could change anything. Not that she wanted to. The child she was about to have was a miracle. It was created out of true, pure love. How many people got to experience that in their lifetimes? And how many of those got to bore a child from that love? Not very many, if she guessed correctly.   
  
   
  
Her unexpected pregnancy had also forced her to pull her life together again. Maybe it shouldn't have taken something such as that for her to garner the strength to go on, but the truth was that Angel's departure had left her a broken person. She had no doubt that her death would have been imminent if things had remained status quo. Her mind had not been on slaying, and her physical state had been absolutely horrible. Sooner or later, some demon would have gotten the best of her.  
  
   
  
But everything had changed with the realization that she was pregnant. Literally everything. Her life barely resembled what it had once been. A year ago she could have never dreamed that she would be in a new city, a new life, and living with Cordelia. No, that had definitely not been on the menu. But one of the few certainties in life was that it was never predictable.   
  
   
  
Soon, her life would again be changing, this time because of the birth of her child. She was filled with excitement, and at the same time, deeply saddened by what was to come. Everything was as close to perfect as it could be, except that her friends, family, and her Angel weren't there to share it all with her. It was the latter that struck the deepest chord in her heart.  
  
   
  
They should be going through all of this together. That was what couples were supposed to do. But he was gone, and she had no idea where. She couldn't help the warring emotions she felt over Angel's departure. Yes, there was a part of her that could understand his reasons, but then there was the part that was, unreasonably or not, angry with him. She should have had a say in their future, but he had taken that option away. And in the process he'd lost possibly the only opportunity to be a father.  
  
   
  
Her heart ached at that thought. He would make a wonderful father. She knew he would. But it was not to be. Still, she couldn't help but wonder. Would he have rubbed her sore feet? Would he have held her hair back when she ran to the bathroom each morning? What would his face have looked like the first time he saw their tiny baby? She could almost picture him standing there with a blinding smile on his face as he held their child, wrapped in a soft blanket, within the safety of his arms.   
  
   
  
A few stray tears cascaded down her cheeks as she thought of Angel and their baby. Even though he'd been gone almost nine months, he could still make her cry. He was her soulmate, though, and she'd lost him. How could she possibly ever not feel his loss?  
  
   
  
She was surviving, though. Her friends, her real friends: Cordelia, and now Doyle and Lorne had helped her pull through and build a new life. And, thankfully, her pregnancy had progressed without any complications whatsoever. At least fate had been kind to her in that manner. If something had gone wrong with the baby, she really didn't think she'd have been able to go on, but that was something she just really didn't want to think about.  
  
   
  
Sighing, she laid her hand back onto her stomach and rubbed her hand back and forth. As much as she loved being pregnant, she wouldn't be unhappy to have it over with. Trying to fall asleep on her back could be a real bitch half the time.  
  
   
  
"How 'bout we get some juice, huh? Orange? Apple? Grape?" she felt a slight kick at the last option and laughed. "Grape it is then!"  
  
   
  
With a conspicuous waddle, Buffy made her way out of her bedroom and into the living room. She couldn't help but sigh as she looked around their new apartment. Well, it wasn't really an apartment. It was an entire floor of a building, and a serious upgrade from where they had been living. They'd moved in almost a month and a half ago and she still wasn't used to the place.  
  
   
  
Lorne and Doyle had sprung yet one more surprise on them, when a month after accepting Lorne's offer, they'd been ushered up to the third floor of their future home/place-of-business and found themselves face to face with a fully renovated, and furnished apartment. Apparently, unbeknownst to both her and Cordelia, Lorne had immediately started getting the place together after the phone call of their acceptance. His generosity still completely shocked her, but she wasn't about to question it. It was a much nicer place to live and was a lot larger which would come in handy once the baby was born.  
  
   
  
Their floor of the building was divided up into a large living room, four bedrooms, one and a half bathrooms, and a full size kitchen, plus the random closets and storage spaces. Her bedroom alone was almost the size of their old apartment. Overall, it had a bit of an industrial feel due to the fact that it was a converted warehouse, but it had been decorated in a way that you really didn't notice. Not even Cordelia had found any grievances with the décor. The piece de resistance of the entire thing, in Buffy's slightly biased opinion, had to be the absolutely fabulous king sized bed that sat dead center in her room. The thing felt like heaven to her oft-aching back. Lorne had received a very enthusiastic hug for that little detail.  
  
   
  
All in all, Buffy had very little to complain about in her new life. She had a wonderful place to live, great friends, and once the baby was born and relatively settled she'd have a steady, well-paying job. At the moment, she was only really helping with the planning. Her condition kept her from much else. Still, even though everything was working out, there was the ever present sadness in her heart over all that she had lost. She suspected it would always be there, but she was determined to get on with her life as best she could. It was the only thing she could do, and it was what her baby deserved.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
After retrieving, and then promptly guzzling, a large glass of juice, Buffy had opted to plop herself down on one of the plush forest green sofas in their living room rather than go back to her ever-so-comfy bed. She'd been lounging in it all day and figured it was time for a change of scenery. So for the last half hour she had been reading the latest issue of Cosmo with her feet propped up on the coffee table. Now that they were no longer eating off of the coffee table she could care less if feet were on it.  
  
   
  
Hearing the elevator door open on the other side of the living room, Buffy looked up to see a dirty and dusty Cordelia stagger in. The brunette promptly walked into the room and flung herself into one of the chairs near where Buffy was sitting.  
  
   
  
"God! Who knew working could be so much...work!" she exclaimed in utter exasperation which prompted her blonde haired friend to giggle. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up! I don't see you helping."  
  
   
  
Buffy gave Cordy a 'duh' look and gestured to her large belly. "I'm eight and a half months pregnant Cordelia!"  
  
   
  
"Excuses, excuses," huffed Cordy with a wave of her hand. "Just so you know, once the baby is born, I'm making you do all my work."  
  
   
  
"Gee, thanks ever so much," Buffy rolled her eyes.  
  
   
  
"You're welcome," Cordy grinned at her. "It wouldn't be so bad if Lorne wasn't such a slave driver! He had me unpacking and cleaning all of the stuff he had stored away from his old club!"  
  
   
  
Buffy instantly sobered at her words. "Cordy, we do owe him a lot. If it weren't for Lorne, we wouldn't have any of this."  
  
   
  
"I know," she sighed dramatically. "But this manual labor crap sucks!"  
  
   
  
As best she could, Buffy reached over and patted Cordy's leg. "It won't always be this bad. Once the club is up and running it'll be different."  
  
   
  
"Speaking of which," stated Cordy, staring in dismay at her ruined nails. "Lorne said he's aiming to open on June 1st."  
  
   
  
Buffy considered the date for a moment before speaking. "That doesn't sound too bad. It's about a month and a half after the baby should be born."  
  
   
  
"Yeah, that's what he said. He could have everything ready sooner, but he wanted to give you some time to adjust," Cordy explain, giving up on the idea that she could repair her damaged nails.  
  
   
  
"How's everything going? I haven't been down yet today," questioned Buffy, wondering if she'd missed anything important. The last week or so she'd pretty much been staying off her feet. Her doctor had told her it was better for her to avoid anything strenuous even though she was perfectly healthy.  
  
   
  
"Not really. They finished up the last of the stage installation. Tomorrow they start on the bar area. I think the kitchen work is going to start soon now that they've walled off an area for it. Oh, and the guy who is doing the special lighting should be in later this week," the brunette recited her mental checklist. Even though the work was hard, she kinda liked being involved in something, and she did have a nose for business.  
  
   
  
"Good. Sounds like everything is going according to plan," Buffy answered, pulling her feet off the coffee table with a minor struggle. "So...how's Doyle?"  
  
   
  
Cordelia blushed at the question. "I don't know what you are talking about."  
  
   
  
"Uh huh. Whatever. So that wasn't you who came in at one a.m. last night from Doyle's," the blonde stated, referring to the half-demon's apartment on the floor above theirs. Since there was so much extra space Lorne had offered him a place to stay on the fourth floor, in exchange for his help with the club, of course.  
  
   
  
"Fine, fine. You caught me!" Cordy glared at her nosey friend. "We were just talking, though."  
  
   
  
"Yup, sure. I believe you," Buffy smiled innocently.  
  
   
  
"Anyways," Cordy decided to change the topic. "What did you do today, other than lounge in bed watching talk shows?"  
  
   
  
"I was not watching talk shows!" Buffy narrowed her eyes at her friend. "I was watching movies."  
  
   
  
"Pfft, yeah, whatever!" Cordy rolled her eyes.  
  
   
  
"Actually, I did do something today," Buffy stated proudly. "That baby book I have says I should have a bag packed and ready once I enter my eighth month so that when labor starts it'll be right there and we won't have to rush around getting ready."  
  
   
  
"Sounds like a good idea," Cordy nodded her head. "Where'd you put it?"  
  
   
  
"It's right inside my bedroom door. I'll have to remember to tell Lorne and Doyle its there," Buffy made a mental note to do so.  
  
   
  
"I still can't believe you never found out the baby's sex!" Cordy looked pointedly at Buffy. "Everything we bought had to be neutral colors since we didn't know what it was going to be!"  
  
   
  
"I want it to be a surprise," Buffy stated, slightly frustrated. She'd had this conversation with Cordelia practically every other day.  
  
   
  
"Whatever. I'd want to know if it were me. We can't even pick a name!" she exclaimed loudly.  
  
   
  
"We?" an amused Buffy asked.  
  
   
  
"Well, I have to make sure you don't pick something that will scar it for the rest of its life!" Cordy explained.  
  
   
  
"Uh, huh," Buffy chuckled slightly. "At least the baby's room is almost done. I can't believe Lorne bought all that stuff for me."  
  
   
  
"Yeah. We'd be screwed if it weren't for him," Cordy replied gratefully. "It was funny, though, watching him and Doyle trying to put all that stuff together."  
  
   
  
"I know," Buffy laughed for a moment before the smile fell from her face as an image of her and Angel preparing the nursery flashed in her mind.  
  
   
  
Cordelia noticed the suddenly sad look in Buffy's eyes and knew what she must have been thinking about. She knew she needed to change the subject before her friend was a puddle of tears again. "So...what do you want to get for dinner?"  
  
   
  
Shaking the images out of her head, and silently thanking Cordy for stopping her brooding, Buffy pondered the question. "Dunno. What do you feel like?"  
  
   
  
"I'm up for anything. Just don't make me watch you eat peanut butter and chicken again! Ugh!" Cordy cringed, thinking of the absolutely disgusting things Buffy had been ingesting regularly because of her wicked cravings.  
  
   
  
They both laughed at the statement before going off to raid the kitchen for food. Deciding she was done working for the day, Cordy showered while Buffy cooked the pasta they'd chosen to eat. Afterwards, they settled onto their couches and watched a movie, something they hadn't had as much time to do since taking on their new jobs.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~two days later~  
  
   
  
The entire group, Buffy, Cordelia, Lorne, and Doyle, were seated in various places around the large office space on the second floor of the building going over some details for the club. It was the first time Buffy had been down to do some work in a couple days. Her excessively pregnant condition left her feeling exhausted most of the time, even when she wasn't really doing anything except watching tv.  
  
   
  
"Ugh! Have you seen some of these resumes for the DJ position?" snorted Buffy, tossing down the papers on her cluttered oak desk.   
  
   
  
"That bad?" Lorne frowned and looked up from his paperwork. For whatever reason, they were having a terrible time finding a DJ.  
  
   
  
"Half of them are under eighteen! Can they even work in a place that serves alcohol? For that matter, can we work here considering we aren't twenty-one yet?" Buffy suddenly wondered.  
  
   
  
"You can work in a place that serves alcohol when you are eighteen, but I'm not sure about anyone younger. I'd have to check on it," Lorne replied, shuffling around the paper work in his hands.  
  
   
  
"Ok. Good. Still doesn't help us find a DJ, though. None of these resumes are very good. Or at least they don't look good to me, but you can check them over," Buffy placed the papers in the 'for Lorne' pile on her desk.  
  
   
  
"Ok," Lorne answered absentmindedly, focusing on what he was reading.  
  
   
  
"What's got you all distracted," Cordy waved a hand in front of his face.  
  
   
  
"Oh, sorry," the green-skinned demon sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "I'm just going over the liquor law information. Any place that serves alcohol has to adhere to strict rules, and of course, they differ for each state so I'm just making sure I've got everything covered."  
  
   
  
"There are laws for serving liquor?" Cordy asked, wrinkling her nose at the tediousness of it.  
  
   
  
"Yeah...and there aren't just a few! They have to make sure everything is done properly, and that minors can't get a hold of alcohol," he explained, setting his papers down. "For example, in the state of Washington, anyone who serves booze must be trained, apply for and carry a permit."  
  
   
  
"Huh. Never realized there was so much to it," Buffy shrugged. "Glad you know all about this stuff."  
  
   
  
"I got ya covered, Sunshine," Lorne laughed lightly and then got up off the couch. "Whadya say we call it a night and get some dinner? Pizza, on me?"  
  
   
  
"Oooh! Can we get anchovies and pineapple???" Buffy's eyes twinkled and her stomach growled.  
  
   
  
The rest of the group cringed, suddenly feeling less hungry than they had been. They'd indulge her, of course, knowing from experience that it wasn't wise to piss the hormonally unbalanced Slayer off.   
  
   
  
"Whatever you want, Buffy! We'll, uh, even get you your very own pizza," Doyle offered gallantly even though his ulterior motive was so that he and the others could have a more appetizing pizza.  
  
   
  
"Goody!" Buffy cheered with a grin. Slowly, she pulled herself out of her chair and turned to the coat rack behind her desk.  
  
   
  
The door to the office area opened, revealing a muscular black man in jeans and a t-shirt. The man stopped in the doorway, waiting for someone to notice him.  
  
   
  
"Yes, Gunn?" Lorne paused in the act of putting away his paper work when he saw the man standing there. Charles Gunn was an acquaintance of his who was familiar with the demon world and knowledgeable about safety issues. He was going to handle security once the club was open, but in the meantime, he was helping with the preparation.  
  
   
  
"There's, uh, someone here to see Buffy," Gunn answered uneasily. Knowing all the things he knew about this world, he was suspicious of pretty much everyone.  
  
   
  
"Huh? Me?" Buffy squeaked out in surprise, her back still to the door as she tried to get her coat on. Who the hell could be asking for her? Practically everyone she knew in Seattle was already in the room, except for Tara her former boss.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, asked for Buffy Summers," Gunn stated, tossing a slight glance behind his shoulder and stepping out of the line of vision.  
  
   
  
Buffy frowned, growing worried over who would ask for her by name like that. She was about to turn around when she heard Cordy gasp. Fearing what was about to happen, Buffy cautiously rotated to see whoever was here looking for her. The sight that greeted her caused her eyes to widen in shock.  
  
   
  
"Willow?" she breathed out heavily, her heart tripling its rate.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC!! 


	18. ACTST Part 8

***  
  
A bunch of people have been asking about Angel...I just wanted to tell everyone that I haven't forgotten about him! He'll be dealt with in the near future (sort of) *g*  
  
Thank you to everyone who sent feedback on part 7! You guys made my week with all the wonderful comments I got and I really appreciated them!  
  
Oh yes...Cliff! (yes, I know, I suck)  
  
~Isis  
  
To read the other parts in this series, use the following URL:  
  
http://www.geocities.com/flyersgagne_12/sit.htm  
  
***  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 8  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
"Oh my God!" Buffy whispered harshly at seeing her former best friend, and also Oz, standing only a few feet away.  
  
   
  
"Buffy! You're all right!" the redhead raced into the room and pulled Buffy into a tight hug.  
  
   
  
Buffy was shocked into stillness over the sudden appearance of Willow. A desperate urge arose inside of her to run and never look back, but well first off, running was very much out of the question considering her condition, and second, she didn't think her feet would move even if she wanted them too. Her mind couldn't seem to process the fact that Willow, one of her best friends and one of the people who had deeply hurt her, was clutching at her stunned body. Not knowing what to do, her eyes looked to Cordelia, pleading for help.  
  
   
  
"What are you doing here, Willow?" Cordy responded to her friend's silent cry for help.  
  
   
  
At hearing the new voice, Willow released Buffy and spun around to face its owner. "Cordelia?"  
  
   
  
"Who did you think it was? The Queen of England?" the brunette snapped harshly. She'd never really been friends with Willow, and after what had happened to Buffy she thought even less of her.  
  
   
  
"But...but...what are you doing here?' Willow stuttered, looking from Cordy and then to Buffy. "Together?"  
  
   
  
"I think the more important question is what are you doing here? Especially after what you and your merry band of friends did!" Cordy folded her arms over her chest and stared angrily.  
  
   
  
Willow's eyes immediately went downward, her shoulders slouching, at the reminder of what had gone on in Sunnydale. "I'm sorry," she whispered softly.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, well, it's a little late for that. Don't you think?" snorted Cordy, not backing down.  
  
   
  
"Cordy!" Buffy spoke quietly, giving her friend a look. She was feeling a torrent of emotions. Mostly, there was anger, but there was still that part of her that remembered Willow was once her best friend.  
  
   
  
"Umm, maybe we should, uh, go," Doyle interrupted the scene before him from his spot next to Lorne. Neither man had much of an idea what was going on except that the redhead was named Willow and was obviously someone both Buffy and Cordelia knew.  
  
   
  
"No," Buffy shook her head and tried to gather herself back together. "Well, I mean you can go if you want, but you're my friends and you can stay."  
  
   
  
Realizing there were other people in the room, Willow spun around and flinched slightly at the sight of the two men, well, actually it was one man, and one obvious demon. She backed up slightly to get closer to Oz who had come to stand next to her.   
  
   
  
"Don't worry, they're fine. Doyle is a...friend, and Lorne, the green guy, is our boss and landlord," Buffy stated, rubbing her now throbbing temples. Sighing, she sat herself back down in her desk chair, knowing that dinner was just going to have to wait. "What are you doing here, Willow?"  
  
   
  
Cordelia moved to speak up on Buffy's behalf when Doyle put a hand on her arm, "Leave it, Princess. They need to work this out." Although he hated seeing Buffy distressed, he knew it would be better for her if she had a resolution to something from her past.  
  
   
  
"Buffy...y-you just disappeared. I...we...were worried!" Willow exclaimed, her face reflecting the hurt she was feeling.  
  
   
  
"Gee, sorry, Willow! What was I supposed to do when everyone made it perfectly clear that they wanted nothing to do with me!" Buffy bit out angrily, leaning her elbows on her desk. This was so not what she needed right now.  
  
   
  
"You didn't give me a chance. Buffy...you just sprung that on me, us, and I didn't know how to react. I was shocked, and hurt you hadn't told me, and of course I was angry over the risk you had taken. I just needed some time to let it set in," Willow explained softly, her voice beseeching forgiveness.  
  
   
  
"You just sat there and let them treat me like dirt," Buffy turned her head away from those present and hastily wiped at the tears beginning to fall. She didn't want to cry, not anymore, but she couldn't stop herself.  
  
   
  
Willow walked over to where Buffy was sitting and kneeled in front of her. "I'm sorry, Buffy. You'll never know how bad I feel about what happened that day."  
  
   
  
Looking into her (former?) friend's eyes, Buffy could see that Willow was honestly sorry for her actions. As much as she had been hurt over what had gone on that day, she missed her friend. "Thank you."  
  
   
  
"I hope you'll be able to forgive me someday," the redhead whispered. "I-I went to your house, the day after...everything...to apologize, but your Mom....s-she slammed the door in my face. I was so worried that something was really wrong. I called Oz and we waited until your Mom left and snuck into the house. When I saw that most of your stuff was gone, I panicked. We went to Giles', but he didn't answer the door, and Xander...well, you don't want to know what Xander said...," she trailed off, fighting the tears threatening to fall.  
  
   
  
Oz, seeing his girlfriend's struggles, put a hand on her shoulder and continued. "We looked all over town for you, but obviously didn't find you. Willow's been searching on the net ever since."  
  
   
  
The room was quiet for a few short minutes while those present digested the conversation and let their emotions settle. Cordelia was tempted to get Gunn and have him usher Willow and Oz out of the room. Buffy had been doing so well, and now she was sitting at her desk crying. This really wasn't what the pregnant Slayer needed, especially not with her due date so close. But Cordy begrudgingly admitted that Doyle was probably right. It would be better in the long run if Buffy were to make some peace with all that had happened before they left Sunnydale. So instead of asking Willow and Oz to leave, she grabbed a couple tissues from her purse before walking over to the blonde's desk and handing them to her.  
  
   
  
"How did you manage to find us...or rather Buffy?" Cordy asked as she sat herself on the edge of the desk.  
  
   
  
Willow looked strangely at Cordy, completely flabbergasted to not only find Buffy, but to find her with Cordelia of all people. That was definitely unexpected. Bottom line, though, she was just happy to have finally found Buffy and that her friend seemed to be all right. Sighing, she sat down on the ground near Buffy and folded her hands in her lap.  
  
   
  
"It was kind of an accident, actually," Willow started her explanation. "We'd been searching for a while, but there was nothing. Then, umm, Oz's band wanted to go on tour, so I was researching places to play on the 'net. I came across information for a club that would be opening soon called 'Black Destiny'. It sounded interesting so I looked into it further and saw on one of the site's pages to contact Lorne or Buffy for information on guest bands and it gave a phone number. Something told me it had to be you...and well, here we are."  
  
   
  
Doyle gave Lorne an annoyed look. "I thought I told you to take her name off the contact info on the website."  
  
   
  
"Whoa, whoa! Hold up there, Mr. Protector. I did. They just must have seen it before I had the site changed," Lorne defended himself. Doyle had not been happy to find the Slayer's name, well at least just her first name, advertised on the club's new website, saying anyone could figure out it was the Slayer and come after her.  
  
   
  
"Sorry," Doyle mumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets. He knew he was being perhaps over cautious. He just didn't want to unnecessarily put Buffy in any more danger than she already was.  
  
   
  
The blonde Slayer in question shook her head at the two and was about to speak when her stomach decided to remind her it was dinner time and growled loudly. Everyone in the room laughed and eyed her in amusement causing her to blush. "Sorry...my stomach has a mind of its own these days."  
  
   
  
"That's okay, Sweetpea. We understand. The offer for pizza still stands. Your...," Lorne paused for a second. "Friends are welcome to join us and then you can finish talking after we get you fed."  
  
   
  
Buffy ran a hand through her hair and glanced at Willow out of the corner of her eye. There was still so much to be said, and truth be told, she was still angry. How could she not be angry when the person who was her best friend, at the time, had turned a blind eye while Xander had said the horrible things he did and Giles had mocked her and walked away? She had needed her best friend the most then and Willow hadn't been there. On the other hand, she could understand what Willow must have been going through. The question was, could she forgive her for it? Maybe...probably....she really didn't know, but she supposed she could try.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, I think food would be good," Buffy agreed, pushing herself out of the chair once again. She turned to the two guests, deciding she might as well extend the olive branch. "Willow, you and Oz are welcome to come."  
  
   
  
"A-are you sure it's okay? We don't want to intrude," the redhead questioned in her typical shyness.  
  
   
  
Buffy saw Cordelia about to say something and silenced her with a glare. "Please come."  
  
   
  
"Umm, sure, okay," Willow mumbled, taking Oz's hand as he offered it to help her up.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
A little while later, after having a tense and quiet dinner at a local pizza parlor, Buffy, Cordelia, Doyle, Willow and Oz were in the elevator on their way up to Buffy and Cordy's apartment while Lorne had decided to do a little more work down in the club before going home for the night. They'd decided to go up to the apartment to talk some more since it was more comfortable there. In the meantime, they were all silently standing in the elevator unsure of how to act or what to say.  
  
   
  
Doyle coughed slightly and decided to break the tension. "Umm, do you two have a place to stay tonight?"  
  
   
  
"Not really, we came straight here after getting to Seattle. We just figured we'd find a hotel somewhere," Willow shrugged, looking to Oz who nodded.  
  
   
  
"Well, err, I have an extra room...actually three of them, on the floor above. Yer welcome to stay there," the half-demon offered before briefly wondering if he should have asked Buffy if it was okay first.  
  
   
  
"Umm...w-we don't want to impose," the redhead stuttered slightly, feeling awkward accepting a room from someone she didn't really know even if Buffy seemed to trust him.  
  
   
  
"It's fine, Willow. There's no sense in getting a hotel room when we have extra space," Buffy stated, smiling slightly at Doyle to show it was okay.  
  
   
  
"Oh, I...umm..sure...if it's okay with Oz," she looked to Oz for confirmation.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, fine with me," the ever-quiet Oz answered.  
  
   
  
"Good," Buffy nodded just as the elevator came to stop at their apartment. "This is our floor. Doyle, why don't you go get a room ready for them."  
  
   
  
"Yes, ma'am," he saluted her with a chuckle and stayed in the elevator as they exited.  
  
   
  
The moment Willow left the elevator, which opened directly into the living room, her eyes went wide with surprise. "Wow. You guys live here?"  
  
   
  
"Yup, home sweet home," Cordy replied, her voice not entirely pleasant.  
  
   
  
Buffy took off her coat and hung it in the closest in one corner of the living room. "Umm, why don't you guys have a seat on one of the couches. Do you want something to drink?"  
  
   
  
Both Willow and Oz declined the drinks and sat down next to each other. Cordy took a seat on the stylish black leather chair while Buffy nervously wandered the room. None of them knew how to start the conversation that was to follow even though they knew there were things that needed to be talked about. Willow finally took the initiative and asked what she'd been wanting to know all night.  
  
   
  
"How did this all happen? I mean...how did you two end up here together? And this...the jobs, and the apartment...," she trailed off, her eyes wandering over the rather nice living room.  
  
   
  
"It's kind of a long story," Buffy mumbled from where she was leaning against one of the walls. "Let me go change into something more comfortable and then we can talk."  
  
   
  
Nearly and hour later Buffy and Cordelia had filled Willow and Oz in on everything that had happened that led to their current situation. From Buffy's falling out with her Mother, to the accidental meeting at the cheap motel in Sunnydale with Cordelia, to the trip to Seattle, to living together and then meeting Doyle, and finally to how they'd come to live in such a nice apartment and have great jobs. For their part, Willow and Oz had sat and listened quietly, taking in every little detail.   
  
   
  
"Ugh," Buffy groaned uncomfortably. "I shouldn't have drunk all that juice. I'll be right back."  
  
   
  
Willow watched as Buffy waddled out of the room and toward the bathroom before turning to Cordelia. "How is she doing?"  
  
   
  
Cordy looked at her with accusing eyes, "didn't she just tell you?"  
  
   
  
"Yes, but I mean how is she *really* doing?" the redhead questioned in concern.  
  
   
  
"She's..," Cordy sighed and shook her head a little. "She's doing better than she was. The first couple months she was really quiet and I could hear her crying a lot, but it's gotten not been as bad lately."  
  
   
  
"I can't imagine how hard this has been on her," Willow glanced in the direction Buffy had gone.  
  
   
  
"Why'd you do it Willow? You were her best friend. She needed you," Cordelia asked bluntly.  
  
   
  
"Cordy, I'll never forgive myself for not standing up for her that day. But put yourself in my shoes," she stated softly. "First she told us she was pregnant, and then that the father was Angel. I mean, we all knew what could happen if they were together. I was just in shock. That whole day seems like a blur, but I know I was wrong not to support her."  
  
   
  
"I'm glad you know that," came a voice from off to their left. Willow looked up to see Buffy standing there listening to them.  
  
   
  
"Buffy," Willow squeaked in surprise.  
  
   
  
"Willow...I-I know you had every right to be angry at me and upset...but it hurt that you just sat there the whole time," Buffy stated as she walked back to the couch and carefully sat herself down. Her fingers gently rubbed her abdomen as she fought back the tears that were threatening to fall.  
  
   
  
"I'm so sorry, Buffy. I know that doesn't mean much, but I am. I just hope someday you'll be able to forgive me," spoke Willow barely above a whisper.  
  
   
  
"It still hurts, Willow, and it will for a while, but I'd like to try. I miss my best friend," Buffy replied in an equally quiet voice.  
  
   
  
"Oh, Buffy," Willow cried out and reached over to pull her friend into a hug. She knew it would take her a while to regain her friend's trust, but she was glad that they were getting a chance to make things work.  
  
   
  
The two girls embraced each other for a long while, both shedding tears over their trials and tribulations, until Buffy pulled away. "I'm sorry I cried all over you."  
  
   
  
"It's okay, I did it to you, too," Willow laughed, brushing at the tears that had wet her face.  
  
   
  
"Soo...I hate to ask this, but how are things in Sunnydale?" Cordy asked out of the blue, wanting to break up the endless crying going on around her.  
  
   
  
"Oh, well, umm, t-they're fine," Willow answered hesitantly.  
  
   
  
Buffy and Cordelia shared a look, not believing the redhead one bit.   
  
   
  
"What's wrong?" Buffy demanded, looking straight at Willow.  
  
   
  
"There's nothing wrong...," she trailed off.  
  
   
  
"Things there are just...different," Oz filled in for her.  
  
   
  
"Different? How?" inquired Buffy, somewhat nervous.  
  
   
  
"Well, you're not there so we really had no reason to do the demon fighting thing anymore. We haven't talked to Xander since right after you left. I...I tried to talk him about...well, you know, and it was useless. So we just kinda stopped talking," Willow told them, holding Oz's hand tightly in hers. "And Giles..."  
  
   
  
"What about Giles," Buffy interrupted, feeling worried for her one-time father figure despite how he treated her.  
  
   
  
"He...he moved back to England about two months after you left. He said he knew you weren't coming back this time," Willow replied delicately.  
  
   
  
"Oh," Buffy mumbled, not knowing what else to say.  
  
   
  
"He calls every once in a while to check up. I think he likes being back in England," Willow shrugged and then shared a look with Oz, knowing the next thing she had to say would ruffle some feathers.  
  
   
  
Buffy noticed the look, a sinking feeling developing in her gut. "What?"  
  
   
  
"Umm...there's...uh, another Slayer has been handling the demons in Sunnydale," Willow stated, avoiding looking at Buffy.  
  
   
  
"What?...but...but...," Buffy stuttered in disbelief. "Who?"  
  
   
  
"Faith," Willow muttered in disgust.  
  
   
  
If she had been physically able to, Buffy would have shot up out of her seat. Instead, she only sat up straight. "WHAT?!?" she screeched loudly.  
  
   
  
"She...she came out of her coma about three months ago. The hospital called me when they couldn't get a hold of either Giles or you. By the time Oz and I got there, she had disappeared s-,"  
  
   
  
"Damnit," Buffy cut her off. "I knew something like that would happen. How'd she become Miss Slayer again?"  
  
   
  
"We started looking for her and found her at the same cheap motel she stayed at when she first came to Sunnydale. She wouldn't answer the door so Oz picked the lock and we found her sitting in a corner in the dark. She was shaking and her eyes...they just had this look in them. I don't even know how to explain it," Willow explained, shuddering at the memory.  
  
   
  
"It was like she had no clue what was going on," Oz supplied for her.  
  
   
  
"Next thing we knew, these Council goons burst into the room and grabbed Faith. They shot her up with something and took her away. It was like we weren't even in the room. Next thing we know, Faith is patrolling like everything is peachy and there's a new Watcher in town," she finished explaining.  
  
   
  
"Is it just me, or is that entirely weird?" Cordy spoke up, frowning.  
  
   
  
"No, it's not just you. I wonder what they did to her," Buffy pondered, not at all trusting the Council or Faith.  
  
   
  
"I called Giles to tell him about it and he thinks that the Council might have given her something when she was in the coma to wipe out some of her memory, or some kind of behavior modification. It's the only thing he could come up with, but he doesn't know for sure since the Council's cut him off," the redhead relayed, yawning after she'd finished speaking.  
  
   
  
"It's wouldn't surprise me," Buffy shook her head, remembering the test they'd put her through on her eighteenth birthday. "So she's just out their patrolling like everything's fine?"  
  
   
  
"Yeah, as far as we know. So far no dead humans have turned up that could have been her. I guess whatever they did to her is working for now," Willow replied, yawning again.  
  
   
  
Buffy noticed her sleepiness and looked at the clock on the wall. "You guys must be exhausted. Why don't you go up to Doyle's and get some sleep? We can talk more tomorrow."  
  
   
  
"Thanks. We've been up since early this morning," Willow blinked her eyes, fighting the exhaustion that was quickly settling over her.  
  
   
  
"Cordy? Can you take them up and show them their room?" requested Buffy of her friend.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, sure," Cordy shrugged, getting out of her chair. "Do you guys need to get your stuff?"  
  
   
  
"Yeah, it's down in the van," Oz nodded, helping his tired Willow up from the couch.  
  
   
  
Buffy watched as the three left the apartment and the events of the evening finally started hitting her. She was still surprised that they'd managed to track her down. There was still a large part of her that was hurt over everything, but really, she was glad to have Willow back in her life. It would take some time to rebuild their friendship to what it had once been, and maybe they'd never again reach that point, but she felt better having made peace with her best friend.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~a few days later~  
  
   
  
Willow laughed as Cordelia told them about how Doyle had almost jumped an old lady as they were walking down the street one day because he'd thought they were being followed. They were all sitting around the club's office talking about random things. It'd been three days since their arrival in Seattle, and since that first day, they had pretty much avoided talking about anything serious. The closest they'd come to it was when Willow had asked about the baby and how the pregnancy was going. Willow hadn't missed the sad look on Buffy's face as she talked about her unborn child. She knew that Angel was the cause, but she hadn't brought it up, not knowing if Buffy would want to discuss the love of her life that had walked out on her.  
  
   
  
So instead of rehashing the past further, Buffy and Cordelia had showed them around the club and told them of all the plans they had. Oz had been quite interested in the music aspect and talked at length with Lorne about DJ's, bands and such. They all seemed to be enjoying their time together. Even Cordelia had eased up a bit about Willow's presence.  
  
   
  
Their casual conversation was suddenly interrupted when Buffy grunted loudly and clutched at her stomach.  
  
   
  
"What's wrong?!?" everyone on the room who was not Buffy questioned at once.  
  
   
  
"M-my water just broke. I t-think I'm in labor!" she raised her head showing her eyes, wide with fright.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC!!! 


	19. ACTST Part 9

***  
  
New chapter! Time for baby B/A to be born! *g* Only 1 more chapter left in this fic. And just to make sure everyone knows, there is still more to come in this series. There will be 5 fics total (this is the 3rd one).  
  
Thank you to all of the wonderful people who sent me feedback on the last part! You guys are absolutely awesome and I really appreciate everything you've said to me about this fic and series!!!  
  
~Isis  
  
***  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 9  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
Cordelia nearly fell off her seat at the words that came from Buffy's mouth. "BUT IT'S NOT TIME! YOU STILL HAVE 2 WEEKS TO GO!!!" she shouted loudly and pointed at the wall calendar with a big red circle around the approximate due date.  
  
   
  
"I don't think the baby cares...ugh," she doubled over as more pain rippled through her abdomen. Didn't those books say labor was supposed to start out slow? Buffy was sure they had, but obviously, she had to do things the difficult way, just like everything else in her life.  
  
   
  
Sheer panic took over the room as everyone started talking and moving around at once. In any other situation, Buffy would have found it endlessly amusing, but at the moment, it was just annoying as hell. Her attempts to break up the confusion were met with deaf ears as all of the other occupants of the room were too busy arguing. She shook her head and wondered if she'd be better off getting herself to the hospital. It could take them two hours just do decide what do to.  
  
   
  
Willow, realizing that they were only making things worse, took control of the situation. "Everybody STOP!"  
  
   
  
The chatter and movement in the room ceased, each person turning to stare at the redhead who'd just shouted at them. When Willow saw that she had everyone's attention, she proceeded.  
  
   
  
"Ok...now...Oz, go down and get the van, pull it up to the curb in front of the club and wait for us. Lorne, go upstairs and get Buffy's bag. It's just inside her bedroom. Doyle and Cordy, you two help Buffy get her coat on and get her downstairs. I'm going to call the hospital and let them know we are on our way...err, well, I will once someone tells me where we are going," she finished off her orders, but noticed everyone just standing their staring at her. "MOVE IT, PEOPLE!"  
  
   
  
Willow's final directive sent its recipients scurrying from the room in order to carry out their chores. Despite the pain and nervousness she was feeling, Buffy giggled at the sight of her quiet, shy friend taking charge. Her amusement was cut short as another contraction wracked through her body.  
  
   
  
The next minutes flew by in a rush of words and hasty movements as Cordy and Doyle stuffed Buffy's arms into her coat and supported her to the elevator. They staggered through the club, through the front door and found Oz as well as Lorne and Willow waiting in the van for them. After a short argument over where they should put Buffy, making her feeling somewhat like an object, they settled on the open area in the back and took off for the hospital.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
Outside the delivery room, both Doyle and Oz winced when they heard a blood-curdling scream come from Buffy. Each contraction seemed to be bringing a louder and louder reaction from the Slayer. They could only imagine what was going on inside the room where Buffy was about to have her baby, and both were just a little glad that they'd opted to wait in the hallway.  
  
   
  
"Maybe I should have brought earplugs," Doyle mumbled half to himself and half to Oz.  
  
   
  
"No kidding," Oz agreed, his thoughts drifting to what Willow would be like in that situation.  
  
   
  
Inside the room, Buffy was covered in sweat and panting as if she'd just run a marathon. Cordelia stood on one side, holding a cool cloth to Buffy's forehead while Willow stood on the other side hoping that her hand would survive this ordeal. The labor was progressing extremely quickly, especially for someone having her first child, but rapid pace did nothing to ease the painful contractions. Willow wanted to shout in relief as Buffy finally released her hand until she found herself being pulled closer to Buffy by her sleeve.  
  
   
  
"I am never, and I mean NEVER, HAVING SEX AGAIN!" the blonde screamed through gritted teeth, receiving a mild chuckle from her doctor. Her very male doctor. Buffy turned her glare to the man between her legs, "why don't YOU try squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of YOUR body!"  
  
   
  
The doctor ignored the ranting, having heard it many, many times before. "Just a few more pushes, Buffy."  
  
   
  
"You can do it, Buffy. Soon you'll be able to hold your baby," encouraged Willow, picking up Buffy's hand once again.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, and we'll finally know what it's going to be!" Cordelia added, removing the cloth and re-soaking it in cold water.  
  
   
  
Willow rolled her eyes at the comment and then soon found herself distracted by the death grip on her hand as another contraction seized her friend. The next few minutes flew by in a haze of words and movement as the doctor began the delivery of the baby.   
  
   
  
"One more! PUSH!" the doctor urged from the end of the bed.  
  
   
  
Buffy fought the urge impale her doctor with a stake and clutched at her propped up knees. With a deep breath, she pushed as hard as possible, releasing one final scream. She fell back to the bed, panting, as the first cries of her baby reached her ears.  
  
   
  
"Congratulations, Buffy! It's a girl!" he held up the newborn for Buffy, and the others to see.  
  
   
  
If she hadn't already known what love at first site was like, Buffy would have the very moment her eyes landed on the precious baby that was hers. Tears freely streamed down her cheeks as she took in each and every inch of the screaming child in the doctor's hands. Of their own free will, her arms reached out, silently pleading with the doctor to let her hold her baby. Happily obligingly, he carefully placed the little girl on Buffy's chest and stepped back, a smile on his face at the sight of the happy mother.  
  
   
  
Buffy stared in utter awe at the tiny bundle gazing up at her. Never in her life had she felt what she was feeling right then. This small, helpless person was her daughter. Her DAUGHTER! The very idea was mind boggling, but yet it felt so natural, so perfect. She sobered for a moment. Well...it wasn't entirely perfect. There was one key ingredient missing, her Angel. She wished that he could be standing there by her side, a goofy grin plastered on his face as he watched her hold their child. But he wasn't there. So instead she held on tightly to her daughter, knowing it was her last, and only, link to the man who would forever hold a piece of her heart.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
A timid knock on the door aroused Buffy as she dozed. Opening her eyes and raising her head slightly, she saw Cordy peeking her head into the room with an apologetic look on her face.  
  
   
  
"Hey," Buffy mumbled, rubbing her eyes.  
  
   
  
"Hey. Sorry to bother you," apologized Cordy, taking a step into the room. "Are you up for guests?"  
  
   
  
"Yeah," she spoke, letting a small yawn out. "But not for long, and tell them to be quite. I don't want to wake her up."  
  
   
  
"Kay," Cordy nodded and looked toward the bassinet next to the bed where the baby was sleeping. She opened the door and motioned, murmured a few words to the people on the other side and then allowed them to enter.  
  
   
  
"Hey, Buffy," Oz greeted her quietly.  
  
   
  
"You look exhausted," Doyle pointed out bluntly.  
  
   
  
"Gee, what a gentleman," Buffy chuckled, making herself more comfortable, which was difficult considering her body ached all over.   
  
   
  
"She just gave birth you moron!" Cordy whacked him lightly on the shoulder.  
  
   
  
"I know," Doyle grinned teasingly.  
  
   
  
Willow walked over to the bassinet and gazed down at the sleeping newborn. "She's beautiful, Buffy!"  
  
   
  
"I know," Buffy answered, a dazzling smile gracing her face. She reached a hand out and placed a feather-light touch on her daughter's cheek.  
  
   
  
"Speaking of *she*," Cordy interjected, cocking her head and looking at the baby. "Have you decided on a name yet?"  
  
   
  
Buffy looked up at her friends, chewing on her lip. "Yeah."  
  
   
  
"Well?" the ex-cheerleader asking impatiently.  
  
   
  
"Ashlynn Darcy Summers," Buffy recited contentedly.  
  
   
  
The smile on Doyle's face slipped minutely. Sharing a look with Buffy, he nodded his head almost imperceptibly. "It's perfect."  
  
   
  
"I agree," Willow smiled as she leaned back against Oz.  
  
   
  
"Hmm, well, it could have been worse. Of course, anything is better than Buffy," Cordelia pondered out loud, ignoring the annoyed glare from Buffy. "Where'd you come up with it?"  
  
   
  
Buffy shrugged, casting her eyes down to her hands which were fiddling with the hem of the blanket. "I looked at baby sites on the 'net."  
  
   
  
Cordelia frowned at the evasive answer, but decided not to push it. She'd question Doyle about it later. The look he'd shared with Buffy hadn't been missed by her. "Well, I suppose it'll do."  
  
   
  
"Thank you so much, Cordy," Buffy snort indignantly before yawning once more.  
  
   
  
"I think we should let Buffy get some sleep," Oz interrupted the friendly bickering.  
  
   
  
"Okay," Doyle agreed and then turned to Buffy. "We're going to make sure someone is here at all times. I don't want to take any chances while you're here in the hospital. I doubt anything would happen, nobody really knows that the Slayer is even in Seattle, but I don't want to take any chances."  
  
   
  
"Sure, whatever," Buffy murmured, her eyes already drifting closed.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
A few hours later, Willow gently opened the door to Buffy's room, intent on making sure Buffy was doing okay without waking her up, but found her friend sitting up in bed, nursing her daughter. The redhead blushed furiously, mumbling her apologies before attempting to leave the room.   
  
   
  
"No, it's okay, Will. You can stay," Buffy motioned for her to have a seat with her free hand.  
  
   
  
Willow conceded, albeit it nervously, but then again, she supposed it was a natural thing for a mother to breast feed her child. She was still having trouble processing the very real fact that Buffy was a mother. They were the same age and she couldn't even begin to imagine herself being a parent, but Buffy had always been stronger, emotionally and physically, than her.  
  
   
  
"How come you're still here?" Buffy pondered out loud.  
  
   
  
"Oh, well, Doyle and Cordy decided to go out and get something to eat so Oz and I are on 'guard duty'," she repeated Doyle's choice phrasing. "He's a bit overprotective."  
  
   
  
"Yeah, he is," Buffy glanced down at her daughter. "But I guess he has reason to worry, and he's been a really good friend."  
  
   
  
"So, uh, h-how are you doing?" she stuttered awkwardly, trying to keep her eyes off Buffy's bared chest.  
  
   
  
"I'm...good, considering. I think my Slayer powers are speeding up the healing process a little. I don't feel as sore as a couple hours ago," Buffy relayed in relief, her eyes fixated on the suckling of her daughter.   
  
   
  
"That's good," Willow nodded, relaxing a bit. "The whole...process seemed a bit, uh, painful."  
  
   
  
"That's putting it mildly," Buffy grimaced at the memory. "Those baby books do nothing to prepare you for what it feels like."  
  
   
  
"Well, if they told the whole truth, they'd probably scare everyone off from having kids," joked Willow, handing Buffy the burping rag she was trying to reach.  
  
   
  
"True," agreed Buffy heartily while lifting the baby to burp her. The action seemed almost natural despite the newness of it.  
  
   
  
Once through, she rocked the baby for a few moments, lulling her to sleep. She supposed the ordeal of being born had worn not just herself out, but also her daughter, because the newborn was soon fast asleep. Placing her back into the bassinet, Buffy tucked the blanket around her, staring at the wonder that was her daughter. The very phrase daughter still struck a chord in her heart. She raised her fingertips to her lips, kissing the lightly, before placing them on her baby's cheek.  
  
   
  
Willow smiled at the gesture, watching the interaction between the two. "You are a natural with her."  
  
   
  
"Ya know," Buffy started and sat herself up a little higher in the bed. "It feels kinda natural. I thought I'd be nervous, and not know what to do, but I'm not."  
  
"Motherly instinct," filled in Willow.  
  
   
  
"Maybe," Buffy shrugged noncommittally. "I've been meaning to ask you. When are you guys going back to Sunnydale?" The question had been on her mind, but she kept forgetting to ask. She knew they'd have to go back sooner or later, despite how much they'd miss each other.  
  
   
  
"Umm, well, actually...," she paused, not sure of what she wanted to say.  
  
   
  
"I mean, I know you have to go back, but I'm going to miss you," Buffy tried to hold back the frown that was threatening.  
  
   
  
"We've, uh,...well, we've been considering staying," Willow spoke, stumbling over her words. She wasn't sure how Buffy would take the idea of her and Oz moving to Seattle.  
  
   
  
"What?" Buffy spoke, a little louder than intended. Her eyes shot to her sleeping daughter, relieved to find her still fast asleep.  
  
   
  
"We haven't actually decided, but we have been talking about it," Willow furthered.  
  
   
  
"But...but...what about everything in Sunnydale? And don't you have to go back to school?" Buffy questioned in shock over what Willow had said. She'd figured they were on Spring Break and that was why they'd been able to stay a few days, and that they'd have to return soon.  
  
   
  
"Umm...well, I kinda didn't register this semester," Willow replied meekly.  
  
   
  
"You what? But why?" Buffy questioned, totally flabbergasted. Willow and school were synonymous. She couldn't believe her friend had dropped out.  
  
   
  
Willow sighed and leaned back in her chair. "I decided to take a semester off. Things were kinda...rough."  
  
   
  
"What happened?" Buffy was suddenly feeling a little guilty over things she must have missed in Willow's life.  
  
   
  
"Right after last semester ended, my parents came home one night and informed me that they had sold the house and were moving to South Africa for some research thing. They told me I could go with them, or...not go with them," she explained, trying to mask the hurt at her parents' careless actions. "I decided to stay."  
  
   
  
"Wow....that's harsh," Buffy frowned, remembering how clueless Willow's family seemed to be.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, well, that's them for you," Willow rolled her eyes.  
  
   
  
"So what did you do?" asked Buffy, taking a sip from the glass of water on her bed-side table.  
  
   
  
"They didn't offer to help me find a place to live, so I ended up staying at Oz's house. His parents didn't seem to care. I was going to go back to college for the second semester. My parents had said they would still pay for school, but...I don't know...I just needed some time," the redhead conveyed, still feeling confusion over where her life was going.  
  
   
  
"Okay...so, you don't have to go back to school this semester. What about Oz? Wasn't he going?" Buffy continued her questioning, trying to figure how it would be possible for them to move. Not that she didn't want them to, it was just unexpected.  
  
   
  
Willow shrugged for what seemed like the millionth time. "He ended up not going second semester either. The band had been talking about touring so he didn't want to deal with classes and road dates."  
  
   
  
"Understandable," Buffy concurred in agreement. She'd often wondered when she was still back in Sunnydale how college was going to mesh with her slaying, but she'd escaped that responsibility. Of course, now she had an even bigger one; her daughter.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, so we both just skipped out," Willow stated, tugging on her sleeve. "I've been working on my magic, and Oz has been practicing with the band."  
  
   
  
"What about the band? How can you move with them being located in Sunnydale? And what about the tour?" Buffy added to her already numerous questions.  
  
   
  
"See, that's the funny thing," began Willow, shaking her head slightly. "Oz and I had been looking up places for them to play, and we'd just found the information that led us to what we thought was you, when Devon just up and decided he didn't want to be in the band any more."  
  
   
  
"He didn't want to-...ok, why doesn't that surprise me?" Buffy chuckled at the oddness that was Devon.  
  
   
  
"I know, really" Willow laughed along with Buffy. "So we don't exactly have anything holding us in Sunnydale. And...and it's just not the same without you there."  
  
   
  
"Oh, Willow," Buffy fought, and lost, the battle not to cry. She reached her arms out to hug her friend.  
  
   
  
The two females, glad to once again be a part of each other's lives, embraced tightly, crying happy tears, until Buffy winced in mild pain. Willow pulled back and looked at her in confusion.  
  
   
  
"Did I hurt you," she asked in concern.  
  
   
  
"Oh...not really...they, umm," Buffy looked down at her breasts. "They're, uh, just a little tender."  
  
   
  
Willow turned a brilliant shade of red, but eventually both girl burst into quiet laughter over the silly situation.   
  
   
  
"I guess I'll have to get used to that kind of thing," Willow stated. "The breast feeding, and all that."  
  
   
  
"Yeah," Buffy smiled and looked down at her peacefully sleeping daughter. "So I guess you're moving?"  
  
   
  
"Guess so," Willow sat back down in her chair. "I'll have to talk to Oz, but you know him. He goes along with anything."  
  
   
  
"Yup, that's Oz for ya," Buffy stated knowingly.  
  
   
  
"We'll probably have to go back to Sunnydale to get the rest of our stuff, though," Willow added, internally groaning over having to drive all the way back home, actually she corrected herself, what used to be her home.   
  
   
  
"I'm glad you're staying," Buffy looked at her friend sincerely.  
  
   
  
"Me, too," Willow smiled happily.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
"What was all that about?" Cordelia questioned out of the blue the moment she and Doyle left the hospital.  
  
   
  
"What was what about, Princess?" he turned to look at his sort of girlfriend, wondering what he'd done this time. He seemed to be able to piss her off at the drop of a pin.  
  
   
  
"Back at the hospital." At his confused look, she explained further. "Buffy told us the baby's name, and you gave her this look. Then she got that sad face. Ya know the one that means she is thinking of Angel."  
  
   
  
"Oh, that. It was...er it...," he blustered, surprised she'd picked up on the fleeting glance to Buffy. "It was just the meaning of the names she picked."  
  
   
  
"The meanings?" Cordy repeated, not understanding.  
  
   
  
"The names, both first and middle, are Irish," he told her, thinking it would make the issue clearer.  
  
   
  
"So?" Cordy looked at him with a raised eyebrow.  
  
   
  
Doyle sighed. He lo-...err, liked her dearly, but she could be a bit dense at times. "Angel is Irish, and she picked Irish names. The names also have meanings which are a bit...significant."  
  
   
  
"Oh," Cordy mumbled, suddenly getting his point. "What are the meanings?"  
  
   
  
"Well, they tend to vary a bit, but Ashlynn can mean 'vision' or 'dream', which you can kinda see why she'd pick that. But that other one...," he trailed off, his thoughts on the heartbroken Slayer. "Darcy can often mean 'descendant of the dark one'."  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~a few days later~  
  
   
  
She was finally alone. Ever since returning from the hospital earlier that day, Buffy had been constantly surrounded by people. They had all wanted to see her and the baby and had crowded around her at every possible moment. It was completely overwhelming and tiring. Now, though, she was alone in her room, her cooing daughter cradled in her arms as she stood staring out of the large window next to her bed. She couldn't help but stare at the tiny life that was her daughter.  
  
   
  
Ashlynn Darcy Summers.  
  
   
  
Buffy wondered if maybe that hadn't been the best choice of names for her daughter. Her child alone was going to be a constant, everyday reminder of the one thing she wanted most, and could never have. And then she had to go and chose a name that was a direct link to the man that was gone from her life. Did she really want more reminders? Then again, Buffy thought with a sad smile, she really didn't need anything to make her miss Angel. He would always be a part of her, physically and emotionally.  
  
   
  
As much as it pained her to admit it, though, Buffy knew that she couldn't spend the rest of her life dwelling on her past. Angel had walked away from her. He had made that choice alone. She couldn't spend the next however many years she is alive wanting to change what could not be changed, especially now that she had Ashlynn depending on her. From here on out, she was going to be somebody's mother, and she was damn sure she would do her best to be a good one. Maybe she'd never be able to let Angel go, but she knew in her heart that it was time to focus on more important things, like her daughter.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC!! 


	20. ACTST Part 10

***  
  
Last chapter of SiT #3! It's shorter than recent chapters...there just wasn't much left to tell for this fic. But there is much more to come. I know this fic has been a little...dull?...at times, but this one was about setting up Buffy's life. Believe me when I tell you the action kicks into full gear in the next fic (A Small Sacrifice For Tomorrow) which I will begin posting starting next week.  
  
Thank you so much to everyone who has sent feedback to me through this fic and series. I greatly appreciate all the support, feedback, and comments that you've given me!   
  
~Isis  
  
***  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 10  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~almost two months later~  
  
   
  
Buffy groaned and looked down at the pale pink baby-tee she was wearing that was now the proud owner of a lovely spit-up stain from Ashlynn. "I swear you do that on purpose," she looked her smiling daughter in the eyes.  
  
   
  
It almost never failed that whenever she was wearing something nice, Ashlynn would find some way to stain it. She laid her daughter down in her crib and set about changing shirts. If she had any hope of getting rid of the stain, Buffy knew she better go soak it in cold water immediately. So she changed into an old sweatshirt and walked toward the bathroom.  
  
   
  
The last two months had been full of new experiences not just for Buffy, but for all those around her. At one point or another, all of them had had the experience of changing dirty diapers, even Cordelia, although she'd complained non-stop the whole time. Then there were the late night feedings, the crying fits, the constant responsibility to a helpless child, and various other aspects of having a baby around. Buffy didn't mind it all, though. Sure her sleep had suffered somewhat, but when it got to be too much; one of her friends would watch Ashlynn for a while, letting her catch up on some much needed dream time.  
  
   
  
There were moments when it became overwhelming, but they usually passed quickly. The hardest were often the late night feedings, when she would be sitting on the couch, alone, feeding Ashlynn. It wasn't difficult because she was tired, or because she'd been woken up by a crying baby. No, it was difficult because she was alone. Something in her heart told her that if Angel had been there, he would have gotten up with her each night and sat by her side.  
  
   
  
Buffy shook off the maudlin thoughts. Angel wasn't there. He was gone, and she'd promised herself after the birth that she wouldn't let him consume her. Still, it was hard not having him near her. Every time Ashlynn did something new, she longed to share it with her Angel. What would Angel look like holding their daughter? She could only guess. He was gone from her life, never even knowing she was pregnant.   
  
   
  
Every so often, the fleeting thought entered her mind that she should try to find him, but she somehow knew that he'd probably hidden himself away somewhere. And even if she did want to try and locate him, she had no idea where to start. He could be anywhere. The world was a large place, and looking for a single person was like looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack. So she'd basically resigned herself to never seeing him again, and for her daughter to never meet her father. Maybe someday he'd return, and maybe not. Whichever was the case, she would live out her promise of not dwelling on the past, and being the best mother she could be.  
  
   
  
"Hey, you almost ready?" spoke Cordy as she walking into Buffy's room, interrupting her silent brooding.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, just let me change into something less slackerish," Buffy answered sheepishly, looking down at her ragged sweatshirt. She, Cordy and Willow were heading out to do a little shopping. The club's opening was the following night, and the three friends decided that nothing in their current wardrobe was sufficient for such an event.  
  
   
  
"Ok. Doyle and Oz are here, ready for babysitting duty," Cordy gave a wry smile, finding it amusing that the two of them would watch Ashlynn.  
  
   
  
"Cool, I'll be out in a minute," stated Buffy, returning the smile. She hated leaving her daughter, but it would only be for a little while, and truth be told, a tiny break every so often was a bit refreshing.  
  
   
  
A few hours later, the three returned from their shopping trip, laden down with packages. The sight that greeted them brought forth chuckles from each. Doyle was sitting in a chair, holding a crying and red-faced Ashlynn as Oz sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of him, waggling a stuff monkey around.  
  
   
  
"What did you do to my daughter?" Buffy laughed and walked over to the two. She picked up her little girl who ceased crying the moment she was in her mother's arms.  
  
   
  
Doyle frowned and stared at the baby menacingly. "How do you do that?"  
  
   
  
"I'm her mother," answered Buffy simply, rubbing noses with her now happy child.  
  
   
  
"Uh huh, sure. I think it's a conspiracy ta drive us nuts," Doyle replied in all seriousness. "She started screamin' the second ya left."  
  
   
  
"And I see you had fun trying to get her to stop," she looked amusingly at the monkey in Oz's hand before turning her gaze to her daughter. "Did you give them a hard time, Ash?"  
  
   
  
Scowling at the baby's cooing gurgle in response to the question, Doyle turned his attention to the many, many bags now littering the floor. "Did you guys leave anything in the stores?"  
  
   
  
"No," Cordy answered with a grin. "What fun would it be if we did?"  
  
   
  
"Well, we did leave that horrible yellow dress there," Buffy mused lightly.  
  
   
  
"Oh! And those really ugly shoes!" Willow chirped in, sharing looks with her two fellow shoppers.  
  
   
  
Doyle leaned closer to Oz, shaking his head at the three. "This is why they shouldn't be allowed to shop."  
  
   
  
"Whatever makes them happy," Oz shrugged indifferently.  
  
   
  
"Have I thanked Lorne lately for the fact that we can go shopping again?" Cordy stated with a sigh, happy that she was no longer broke. She wasn't as wealthy as she once was, but their new jobs had afforded them the ability to spend more freely than when they first arrived in Seattle.  
  
   
  
Buffy thought for a moment. "I don't think you've thanked him this week."  
  
   
  
"We get it, ya like shopping," Doyle rolled his eyes. "Why don't ya three go put yer stuff away and then we'll go meet Lorne downstairs. He wants to go over some last minute stuff."  
  
   
  
"Oh fine! Ruin our fun!" Buffy grumbled unhappily.  
  
   
  
"Work, work, work," groaned Cordy as they each picked up their bags and headed to their rooms.  
  
   
  
"You enjoy doing that, don't you?" Oz asked Doyle in mild curiosity.  
  
   
  
"No idear what yer talkin' about," Doyle held back a grin. "Anyways, everything ready music wise for tomorrow?"  
  
   
  
"Should be," Oz answered, hoping that everything was prepared.  
  
   
  
Not long after Ashlynn's birth, he and Willow had returned to Sunnydale to pack up the rest of their stuff and then driven back to Seattle. Lorne had offered them a room in Doyle's apartment on the fourth floor of the building. The layout was identical to Buffy and Cordy's place, so there was plenty of room. They had readily accepted the room, and the low rent. Both were also now employed at 'Black Destiny', Lorne's club.  
  
   
  
The green demon had been more than happy to hire Oz to handle the music and DJ'ing considering all the trouble they'd been having finding someone to do that. He also told Oz that if he ever joined another band that he'd be welcome to play at the club during live band nights. Willow was now in the process of computerizing the club, telling Lorne it was wiser and faster. She also took on the task of helping make sure the club followed the abundance of liquor laws for the state of Washington.  
  
   
  
Buffy had been ecstatic that her two friends from Sunnydale were going to be a constant part of her life. There was still some lingering hurt over what had happened there, but she was learning to get past it. Willow's reasons for her actions were understandable, if not acceptable. Bottom line, Buffy was happy to have her best friend back, and happy to have her and Oz as part of her and her baby's life.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~the next night~  
  
   
  
"He's pretty good," Willow nodded her head toward the stage where a guy in his twenties was singing.  
  
   
  
The club was jam packed on its opening night. There was barely room to walk let alone dance, but people seemed to be enjoying themselves which was an incredibly good thing, happy people meant more revenue. Lorne had decided that for the grand opening they would have both live performers, and also Oz DJ'ing. So at the moment, Buffy and Willow were sitting at one end of the bar watching the current guy up on the stage singing.  
  
   
  
"Yeah," Buffy agreed, shouting over the noise all around them while swirling her straw in her Sprite. "He's got a nice voice."  
  
   
  
"Uh huh, and he's quite a hottie!" Willow yelled back.  
  
   
  
"Willow!" chastised Buffy with a look. "Don't let Oz hear you say that."  
  
   
  
"Hey! There's nothing wrong with saying he's cute! I wouldn't trade my Oz in for anybody," the redhead corrected her previous statement.  
  
   
  
"Okay, just checking," Buffy chuckled and then glanced at her watch.  
  
   
  
Willow frowned at the action. Buffy had been checked her watch every half hour or so. "What's up? Got somewhere to go?"  
  
   
  
"Huh?" Buffy wondered what Willow meant and then saw her friend nod to Buffy's watch. "Oh...no. I just miss Ash. I hope she's doing okay."  
  
   
  
She hated being away from her daughter for so long, but she knew it was necessary. It wasn't plausible to bring her to the club, and Buffy had to be there since it was opening night. So she'd begrudgingly admitted that she needed a babysitter. The problem was who. Having been in Seattle for less than a year, she really didn't know many people, especially ones she would trust to watch her daughter.  
  
   
  
The answer had literally appeared at her door one day when Tara, her former boss from the occult store, had stopped by to bring a gift for the baby. Ashlynn had taken well to the shy blonde, and Tara had been wonderful with the baby. Plus Buffy trusted Tara, and she knew that if there were to be trouble that the Wiccan would be able to use magic to protect both of them. So at the moment, Tara was upstairs watching Ashlynn, and even though Buffy knew she was fine, she missed her daughter.  
  
   
  
"She probably misses you, too, but I'm sure she's doing okay. She seemed to like your friend Tara," Willow smiled sympathetically at Buffy, knowing it must be hard for her to be away from her daughter at such a young age.  
  
   
  
"I know," Buffy sighed sadly. She knew she was worrying too much. It was just hard not too.  
  
   
  
Willow patted her leg. "We're only open for another hour so you'll be able to leave soon."  
  
   
  
"Thank God! I mean, not that I'm not having fun, or glad it's going so well, but I'm exhausted!" Buffy explained looking slightly sheepish.  
  
   
  
"I can imagine! I don't know how you're managing to do all this...the club and Ashlynn." Willow was truly amazed that Buffy had the energy to do anything at all considering how time consuming a baby is.  
  
   
  
"Trust me, I don't know how I do it either!" Buffy yawned as if indicating her point.  
  
   
  
Nearly an hour later, things were finally winding down. Most of the guests had already left, but a few were still lingering, trying to extend the night. Buffy was standing by the bar, talking to the bartender about a few issues that had come up that night that needed to be resolved. There was always something that needed fixing, Buffy thought as she made notes on the problems that had been told to her.  
  
   
  
"Hi," an unfamiliar voice spoke from behind her.  
  
   
  
Buffy turned to face whoever was talking to her and saw it was the guy who had been singing earlier. "Hey."  
  
   
  
"Good night, huh?" the stranger smiled at her.  
  
   
  
"Yeah. You're, uh, performance was great," Buffy chatted awkwardly.  
  
   
  
"Well, thank you," he gave a slight nod of his head.  
  
   
  
"You're welcome," she set down her clipboard and tried to think of something to say.   
  
   
  
"I'm Lindsey. Lindsey McDonald," he introduced himself, breaking the uncomfortable silence.  
  
   
  
"Buffy Summers," she returned and held out her hand, giving a small smile to the handsome stranger.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
Later the night, after getting the club closed down, Lorne stood in the doorway to Buffy's room watching as she rocked Ashlynn in her arms and hummed softly to her. It was a beautiful sight. He couldn't help but be amazed by the tiny blonde's inner strength. She'd been through so much and survived. A lesser person would have crumbled if they'd had to face half of what she did. Somehow, though, she'd pulled through and gotten herself back on her feet. She was truly something to marvel at, and he was proud to call her a friend. He only hoped that what was to come wouldn't break her.   
  
   
  
"Yer reading her. Aren't ya?" a voice whispered softly to his right causing Lorne to jump.  
  
   
  
He turned to find Doyle staring at him intently. "I...I...yes," the green demon finally admitted.  
  
   
  
"Thought so," Doyle shifted his focus to the still humming Buffy who was oblivious to their presence.  
  
   
  
They stood there for a long minute, just watching their friend until Doyle spoke up again. "That bad, huh?" He could tell by that look on Lorne's face that whatever he saw wasn't pleasant.  
  
   
  
"Yeah," Lorne turned, pausing for a moment. His last words were spoken softly over his shoulder as he walked away. "Poor girl's got a long, painful road ahead of her."  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
THE END!  
  
   
  
Coming soon:  
  
'A Small Sacrifice For Tomorrow' - #4 in the Shadows in Time series:  
  
Buffy's made a life for herself when a face from her past suddenly reappears, and there's evil lurking in the shadows. 


	21. ASSFT Part 1

***  
  
Well, here ya go, part 1 of SiT #4!! Lots of angst in store, and for those of you (which is pretty much everyone) who want to know what's up with Angel...time to find out! There are probably a lot of warnings I should give about this fic (as a whole, not this part), but I'll settle for saying that by a few parts into this fic you'll probably all hate me, and by the end, I may have to enter the Witness Protection Program. But I hope you will all stick with it and keep in mind that there will be a 5th (and final) fic in this series.  
  
Anyways, thank you to all of my wonderful feedbackers. I greatly appreciate all the comments on the last part!!  
  
~Isis  
  
***  
  
Title: A Small Sacrifice For Tomorrow - #4 in the 'Shadows in Time' series  
  
Author: Isis Blue  
  
Feedback: vagabond_angel@comcast.net  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em...though that should be quite obvious.  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Pairing: B/?, B/A, C/D, W/O, X/A  
  
Series Summary: post-s3 (BTVS) AU…departs from canon after the s3 finale and jumps into my own universe. From there, almost everything will be different. A few characters and concepts will pop-up, but really, this doesn't relate at all to the seasons that followed s3.  
  
Fic Summary: It's six years later and an old face is about to resurface as danger lurks.  
  
Spoilers: The first 3 fics in the series, and anything through the end of s3 of BTVS, but mostly the end of s3, and also mild generic spoilers for BtVS & AtS later seasons  
  
Distribution: my site (Vagabond Soul), and if you already have any of my fics, you may take this one, if not, please ask first.  
  
Author's Notes: This is the 4rd fic in the SiT series, the first 3 can be found here:  
  
http://www.geocities.com/flyersgagne_12/sit.htm  
  
This fic jumps six years into the future. As with the last fic, a few concepts have been taken from the actual BtVS and AtS seasons and twisted to fit the alternate reality I've created. So there will be a few things you're familiar with, but they won't be exactly the same.   
  
Thank you: to *Stars*, my fab beta, and to everyone who has sent feedback throughout this series. You guys are the greatest!!  
  
Warnings: very angsty, maybe a few bad words, possible character death  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 1  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~almost six years later~  
  
   
  
"Night sweetie," Buffy whispered, placing a light kiss on her now sleeping daughter's forehead.  
  
   
  
She carefully raised herself off the bed, not wanting to wake Ashlynn up. It had taken her long enough to get the energetic little girl to go to sleep and she really didn't want to go through it all over again. Leaning over the bed, Buffy tucked the covers in around her daughter and turned away from the bed. Instead of leaving the room and heading to her own bed, she walked over to the rocking chair in front of the window and sat down.  
  
   
  
For a few moments, she stared out of the large window, thinking of years past before her gaze drifted back to the sleeping form of her precious baby girl. Well, she wasn't really a baby anymore. Ashlynn was almost six years old, a fact she liked to point out regularly these days. Six years old. How had the time passed so quickly? It seemed like only yesterday that Buffy had run from Sunnydale, pregnant and alone. Now she had an almost six year old daughter, a steady well-paying job, a great group of friends...she had almost everything she could ever want. But it still boggled her mind that in a few weeks they'd be having Ash's sixth birthday party.  
  
   
  
Being a mother was more than she could have ever imagined it would be. Every single day was a learning experience. Who would have thought that a little girl could find so much trouble to get into! They'd all learned pretty quickly to keep things out of reach of the curious toddler. Of course, that was after Ash had raided the bathroom and played with Mommy and Aunt Cordelia's makeup. And then there was the oh-so-fun case of chicken pox. Poor Cordy. The former cheerleader had never had the chicken pox and had caught them from Ashlynn. That little episode had cost Buffy a trip to a spa for Cordy once she was better.  
  
   
  
All in all, though, she loved being a mother. It was an amazing feeling to have someone love you unconditionally, and to look to you for guidance and support. Each and every turn in Ash's life had brought warmth to Buffy's heart; seeing her crawl for the first time, watching her learn to walk, teaching her to read, and all the other things that had come across their paths. She never knew what a rewarding experience it was to have a child.  
  
   
  
The others were quite enamored with the lovable girl as well, and Ashlynn adored all her 'aunts' and 'uncles', even Lorne. Buffy's happy thoughts faltered slightly at that thought. Ash wasn't quite the normal little girl, though she wasn't exactly abnormal. She was rather intelligent for someone her age, and she seemed to possess more strength than she should, which was likely because of her parentage. The odd part was that, even at an early age, Ash appeared to grasp the concept of good and evil, and humans and demons. None of them could figure it out, but Ash just seemed to understand. She knew that Lorne was a demon, and it didn't bother her in the least. Buffy just hoped that it wasn't a prelude to anything, such as being Called as a Slayer.  
  
   
  
If that time came though, she would find a way to deal with it. She couldn't fight fate anyway, and she had her friends to help her through anything that might come their way. When she'd left Sunnydale nearly seven years ago, Buffy could have never imagined that she would be surrounded by such wonderful people. Cordy had become one of her best friends, Doyle had also become someone who she could count on, Lorne had been a savior when he came into her life, and then there was Willow and Oz who had come back into her life years ago and remained. They were her support group, and her confidants, always there when she needed a friend, or two.  
  
   
  
Cordy and Doyle were now 'officially' together, though they'd been 'dating' for quite a long time. Buffy couldn't help but shake her head at those two. They had a strange relationship and were always bickering with each other, but it worked for them. Cordy had recently moved upstairs to Doyle's apartment and they were now planning their wedding, a huge, all-out affair at Cordy's insistence that would take place in a few months.   
  
   
  
Not wanting Buffy to be alone in her apartment after Cordy moved upstairs, Willow and Oz had moved in with her. The two of them had gotten married three years earlier on a trip to Vegas. Lorne had decided that the club needed some remodeling so he closed it down for two weeks and told them all to take a vacation. So they'd gone off to Vegas where Willow and Oz decided on a spur of the moment wedding. It was perfect for them, though, and Buffy couldn't have been happier.  
  
   
  
The club was doing better than any of them could have expected. It was a huge hit among young adults, and most nights they found themselves turning away people. They'd all found their niche when it came to their jobs at the club. Oz handled all the music; Doyle dealt with the liquor; Cordy worked with the finances; Willow was solely responsible for anything computer related; Lorne oversaw everything and made sure the club met regulations; and Buffy found herself in charge of all the employees. It was a nice little thrill to have control over people, and she had a knack for giving orders. Their jobs kept them fairly busy, but the success of the club and the resulting income washed away any complaints.  
  
   
  
There was still evil to be fought as well. As much as she wished she could have left her role as a Slayer behind, Buffy couldn't. It was part of who she was. Still, she didn't patrol nearly as much as she did in Sunnydale. Usually, she only went out two or three nights a week, and never alone. Her friends never let her slay alone, knowing she had a better chance of returning if she had backup. No one ever said it out loud, but they knew there was always a chance that Ashlynn could be left motherless. So when Buffy did patrol, they went out in groups, usually with either Cordy and Doyle, or Willow and Oz accompanying her. Most times, though, their evil fighting centered on uprisings that either Doyle or Lorne heard about through their connections.   
  
   
  
On the surface, her life appeared perfect, but there was still a gaping hole in her heart. A hole left by the absence of her soulmate, and which had never fully healed. The ache was less these days, but all Buffy had to do was look at her blonde haired, brown eyed daughter and she'd see Angel staring back at her. It brought tears to her own eyes more than once when looking at her beautiful little girl, but she couldn't dwell on it. Angel was gone, and had been gone for much longer than they'd been together. It wouldn't do her any good to stay lost in the past.  
  
Ashlynn was almost three when she first asked about her Father. They'd been at the park when she'd seen another girl playing with an older man. With the typical curiosity of a child, Ash had asked who the man was and why he was with the girl. It had broken Buffy's heart to explain that the man was the little girl's father. When she'd asked where her father was, Buffy couldn't hold back the tears that crept down her cheeks. She was torn about what to tell her daughter about her father.  
  
Her first instinct had been to not say anything. Why give Ashlynn memories of a man she'd never know? But the questioning deep brown eyes of her beautiful baby girl told her she couldn't deprive her of knowing about her father. So she'd given in and told Ashlynn about Angel. It was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. All Buffy could really tell her was that her Daddy was a wonderful man named Angel and that he couldn't be with him, but that he loved her very much. Being so young, Ash had taken the words at face value.  
  
As she got older, she asked more questions, and in time, Buffy became more comfortable answering them. Angel couldn't be there with them, but that didn't mean Ashlynn didn't deserve to know about him. Many nights, when Buffy put her daughter to bed, she would tell Ashlynn a story about her father. Given that they had not been together that long and that a lot of their time together was not child-rated, stories were often repeated. But Ash didn't seem to mind. She was happy just to hear about him.   
  
Buffy had even given her a picture of Angel which was kept on her nightstand. It wasn't easy for her to talk about the man who'd walked away from her, but in the end, she'd do anything to make her daughter happy. And she knew that it wasn't fair to let her past interfere with Ash knowing who her father was. So she persevered and did the best she could when it came to mentioning Angel.  
  
   
  
Sighing, Buffy pushed all thoughts about her daughter's father out of her head. The less she thought about him, the better she felt. He wasn't part of her life anymore. She'd long ago accepted that fact and moved on. It didn't matter that Ashlynn deserved to know her father, or that Angel should know he had a daughter. She couldn't change the way things were, and that was really all there was to it.  
  
   
  
Buffy looked over at her sleeping daughter once again for a minute before realizing she, herself, needed to get to bed. She had a busy day at the club tomorrow and it would do her no good to stay up half the night. Pushing herself out of the rocking chair, Buffy was overcome by dizziness and quickly reached out to steady herself on the windowsill. Her eyes closed, waiting for the feeling to pass. When they opened again, the world had righted itself. Buffy shook her head, cursing herself for not getting enough sleep, and quietly walked out of Ashlynn's room.  
  
   
  
Within moments of lying down in her bed, Buffy was sound asleep. Her age and active life seemed to be catching up with her quicker these days. It was the price she paid, though, for the life she led.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~somewhere in Europe~  
  
   
  
The door slammed loudly behind him as Angel stumbled into a quaint little pub somewhere in Ireland. With slow steps, he wandered toward the bar area and plopped down onto one of the empty stools in the corner. He slouched heavily against the counter, his entire body worn and exhausted. Absently, he noticed the many cuts and abrasions on his hands, but he paid them no mind. They were a small price to pay for the battles he fought.  
  
   
  
His night so far had been spent taking out a nest of Gur'boluck demons that had taken over an empty building a few blocks away. Nasty little buggers they were, had a tendency to try and bite. Angel frowned in distaste and glanced at the holes in his pants. Damn demons. They hadn't stood a chance, though, against the battle hardened vampire with a soul. Now, each and every one of them were buried in the forest behind their hideout, ripped to shreds by a warrior's axe.  
  
   
  
It was the same thing every night for Angel. Fighting the good fight, ridding the earth of the demon plague. It was the only thing he could do. There was nothing else for him in this world, at least not anymore. Once upon a time there had been someone; a smiling young woman with golden blonde hair, and mesmerizing hazel eyes, but she was just a memory now. A painful reminder of who he was and what he could never have.  
  
   
  
So he fought, night in and night out, city to city, country to country. His travels had taken him from France, to Spain, to Germany, to Italy, to China, and virtually everywhere in between. Now he found himself in Ireland, a place he hadn't been to since before the return of his soul many, many years ago. Why on earth he had to come back here, he did not know. There were so many bad memories associated with his homeland, but it seemed to be calling to him. He had to admit there was a certain comfort level being back in Ireland. Still, he probably wouldn't stay for long. He had no cause to drop down roots anywhere. That was just the way things were for him. The more he moved around, the more he fought, the easier it was to block out everything else.  
  
   
  
Angel's brooding was slightly interrupted when he heard the stool next to him pulled out and a body haphazardly seat itself on the rickety wood. Ignoring the unwanted company, he leaned further into the shadows, content to be alone. When he heard the new person speak, though, his attention quickly snapped to his left.  
  
   
  
"Gimme a beer, would ya?" the all too familiar accented voice shouted loudly despite the fact that the bartender was only two feet away.  
  
   
  
Warily, Angel lifted his eyes, dreading, but knowing exactly what he would find. And he was right. If the voice hadn't given it away, the bleach blonde head would have.  
  
   
  
"Spike?!?" he bit out in annoyance.  
  
   
  
The blonde head whirled around at the word, eyes widening.  
  
   
  
"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" Spike smirked and frowned at the same time.  
  
   
  
"What the Hell are you doing here?" Angel nearly screamed at him. He had no desire to deal with his arrogant childe.  
  
   
  
"Fuck off, mate," Spike waved his hand at him and turned back to his beer causing Angel to roll his eyes. Same old Spike.  
  
   
  
Deciding he might just be better off ignoring the blonde, Angel shifted away from Spike. He carelessly guzzled at his own beer, wishing he wasn't a vampire so that he could get completely wasted. Nothing like the ignorant bliss of alcohol, but it would take more than just a few beers to dull the ever-present memories in his mind.  
  
   
  
The two sat in silence for a long while, enjoying only the company of their drinks. It wasn't until Spike reached his fourth dark brew of the late night that his attention switched back to his brooding ponce of a sire.  
  
   
  
"Ya know, mate," he started cockily, and waited until Angel's exhausted, bleary gaze was on him. "I woulda thought you'd be blowin' in the wind by now."  
  
   
  
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Angel growled at him.  
  
   
  
"Honestly...," Spike pondered the idea momentarily. "Yes. But, really, I'm surprised to see you sittin' 'ere."  
  
   
  
"And why is that?" Angel asked, not entirely caring what the answer was, as he twisted on his stool to fully face the bleached wonder.  
  
   
  
"No reason," shrugged Spike indifferently. "Jus' thought that with that bloody tormented soul of yours you wouldn't be able to go on now that your precious blondie's gone."  
  
   
  
Angel's body stiffened instantly. "What are you talking about?"  
  
   
  
His childe went on as if Angel hadn't spoken. "I figured you'd have taken the first sunrise train to Hell after the little Slayer bit the big one. Now, really, with you still being here, unfortunately, what does that say about that fuzzy love crap between you two?"  
  
   
  
"What the fuck are you talking about?!" Angel roared, leaping to his feet and pulling Spike off his seat by the lapels of his worn duster. Spike couldn't be saying...no it wasn't possible! It couldn't be...  
  
   
  
"Easy on the coat, mate! It's real leather!" the blonde vampire shoved Angel away from him.  
  
   
  
"I'm going to ask this one more time, boy," Angel spoke clearly, fighting off the cold that was settling deep in his soul. "WHAT are you talking about?"  
  
   
  
"Settle down you bleeding ponce," Spike sat back down on his stool, his eyes though, focused on Angel, reading the frightened worry. "You don't know do you? Such a shame about her. She had quite a scrumptious little body, for a Slayer an all."  
  
   
  
"Spike!" Angel growled threateningly.  
  
   
  
The blonde stared at Angel for a minute. "You really don't know do you?"  
  
   
  
"KNOW WHAT?" Angel shouted in frustrating, his worry increasing ten-fold. He couldn't even think what Spike's words were meaning.  
  
   
  
"I paid a little visit to good old Sunnyhell last year," Spike began, enjoying the slow torture of his sire. "Ran into a feisty brunette. Imagine my surprise to find that she was a Slayer. Pity too. Bet she woulda been a good screw."  
  
   
  
"A Slayer?" Angel questioned in bewilderment. Another Slayer? His body wilted, falling carelessly onto his stool.  
  
   
  
"Surprising, I know," Spike replied, not caring in the least about the effect his words were having. "Disappointment too. I was looking forward to a good tumble you're your little Fluffy."  
  
   
  
"But....no," the last word came out in a harsh whisper. It wasn't possible. She couldn't be gone. All these years he'd told himself that she was happy, living the life she deserved. She couldn't be...no, it just wasn't possible.  
  
   
  
"So I asked the feisty brunette where Blondie was," Spike continued disinterestedly. "Was told she's been gone for almost seven years."  
  
   
  
"No...," Angel pushed away from the bar, knocking over his stool. "No!"  
  
   
  
He staggered backwards a few steps, not hearing another word out of his childe's mouth. The only thing he could focus on was the word 'gone.' She was...no! No! It wasn't possible.  
  
   
  
Angel turned and fled from the bar, running as fast as his feet would take him. He ran until his body could take no more, collapsing to his knees on the dirt covered ground somewhere.  
  
   
  
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" his anguished howl sounded loudly through the stark night.  
  
   
  
A long while later, face wet with tears, Angel found himself still on his knees, praying to anyone that would listen that it wasn't true. Buffy couldn't be...dead. The word caused a strangled cry to escape his lips. She couldn't be. Just couldn't be. That wasn't what was supposed to happen! She was supposed to be happy!  
  
   
  
His eyes flashed amber as the unwanted thought of some vicious beast ending her life entered his mind. No! He pushed the idea from his head. He wouldn't accept it. She wasn't dead! He would have known it if she had...died.  
  
   
  
Angel pushed himself to his feet unsteadily. He had to know. All this time he'd gone on believing she was living a happy life. Now...he had to know. And if it was true...if she was really...gone, he'd find the son of a bitch who'd done it and tear him limb from limb until there was nothing left. Maybe throw in a few weeks of torture first. But first, he had to know.  
  
   
  
It was time to go home.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC! 


	22. ASSFT Part 2

***  
  
Part 2 of SiT #4 for your reading enjoyment *g* Umm...nothing else to say today.  
  
Thank you to everyone who sent feedback on Part 1. All of your kind words are greatly appreciated!  
  
Cliff (as usual).   
  
~Isis  
  
***  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 2  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~several days later~  
  
   
  
Standing in the doorway to Buffy's room, Willow peered in hoping to find Buffy awake. Actually, she wasn't sure if she wanted Buffy to be awake or not, because she wasn't sure she had the nerve to tell her what it was she was here for. She honestly didn't know how her friend was going to handle the information she just found out. Still, she had to tell her, it was the right thing to do.  
  
   
  
Buffy was in fact awake, standing in front of her full length mirror wearing only panties and a bra. The sight would have made Willow blush if she hadn't gotten caught up looking at the same thing Buffy appeared to be studying. Trailing down the blonde's back and twisting around her side was an ugly, raised scar about half an inch wide. A slight tremor of terror rippled through Willow as she saw the highly visible mark.  
  
   
  
Unlike other wounds, this one had never faded having been too severe to be fully healed by the Slayer's advanced powers. It would likely forever be a reminder of the battle they fought almost two years earlier. An old warehouse had been taken over by a group of Cystyic demons who had a penchant for feeding on the flesh of homeless people. Lorne had heard there were at least eight of them living in the warehouse so they had come to the conclusion that they would all be needed to take them out.  
  
   
  
The demons weren't actually that tough, but unfortunately, neither Doyle nor Lorne had been informed that the demons had two minions each, raising the total number of demons to twenty-four. Upon realizing this after their arrival at the warehouse, the group had been totally thrown off. Buffy and Doyle immediately went after the Cystyic demons while Cordy, Willow and Oz tackled the vampire minions (Lorne was home with Ashlynn).  
  
   
  
Things had been going okay until Doyle was thrown across the room and knocked unconscious. The two remaining demon leaders ganged up on Buffy and one of them slashed at her from behind with a dagger, deeply shredding her skin from the center of her back and down around her side. To her credit, Buffy kept fighting, managing to kill both demons and helping with the remaining vamps.  
  
   
  
Once the battle was over, Buffy collapsed, blood quickly pooling around her body. If it hadn't been for Tara, who'd accompanied them in case magic was needed, Buffy may not have made it. She performed some type of healing spell to stem the blood flow until they could get her to the hospital. The Slayer survived, for which Willow was immensely grateful, but still bore the mark of that fight. The others hadn't escaped injury either. Oz had broken his wrist, Doyle received a concussion, and Cordy had been pushed into a piece of exposed metal, cutting her arm and requiring sixteen stitches plus tetanus boosters.  
  
   
  
Willow knew Buffy was happy to have made it through the battle, but she also knew that the lasting mark on her skin bothered her. It was just another reminder of the destiny she lived, but never asked for. She never complained about it, though, just accepted that the scar would always be there.  
  
   
  
Breaking out of her reverie, Willow took a deep breath, remembering what she'd come for, and knocked on the door. Buffy startled at the sound and looked up to see Willow standing in the doorway. Remembering that she was almost naked, Buffy quickly pulled on her robe.  
  
   
  
"Sorry," Willow blushed, saying nothing about seeing Buffy looking at the scar.  
  
   
  
"It's okay," Buffy shrugged nonchalantly. "We're both girls. I have the same parts you do. Come on in."  
  
   
  
Willow walked into the room and took a seat on the Slayer's bed. "Where's Ashlynn?"  
  
   
  
"Upstairs with Cordy and Doyle. She wanted to play dress-up with Cordy," Buffy rolled her eyes, wondering if it was smart to let her daughter play dress-up with a fashion princess. "So what's up?"  
  
   
  
Averting her eyes, Willow pulled at the hem of her shirt. "Oh...umm...well..."  
  
   
  
"Just spit it out, Will," Buffy sat down next to her friend, growing slightly nervous.  
  
   
  
Willow took a deep breath and looked up, meeting Buffy's eyes. "Oz talked to his parents on the phone today. They, umm,...they said that...that your Mom-."  
  
   
  
"What about my Mom?" the blonde interrupted sharply.  
  
   
  
"Buffy," Willow placed a hand on Buffy's arm. "She was in a car accident last week."  
  
   
  
"What?" she whispered hoarsely, feeling tears sting her eyes. "But...but...she's okay right?"  
  
   
  
"She...," her eyes closed for a second before continuing. "It was a head on collision with a drunk driver. She didn't make it. They said she died instantly from the impact."  
  
   
  
"No!" Buffy cried out, her tears now falling freely. "No...s-she can't be dead!"  
  
   
  
"I'm sorry, Buffy," Willow pulled the sobbing Slayer into her arms.  
  
   
  
"She c-can't be d-dead," Buffy mumbled against Willow's chest. It didn't matter that they hadn't spoken in nearly seven years. She was still her mother, and even though they'd parted badly, Buffy still loved her.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
An hour later, the entire group was sitting around in Buffy, Willow and Oz's living room in silence. No one knew what to say to the distraught Slayer. They were aware that Buffy and her Mother were not speaking and hadn't seen each other since she left Sunnydale, but they knew it still had to be hard for her to hear about her death.  
  
   
  
"Okay," Willow announced, looking up from her laptop. "I made you reservations to fly to LA."  
  
   
  
"Good, thanks Willow," answered Buffy softly, wiping at her eyes.  
  
   
  
Willow sat back against the couch, "are you sure you don't want us to come too?"  
  
   
  
"I'm sure," Buffy nodded. "You've got that Wiccan thing to go to with Tara this weekend, and I know she's excited for you to go with her."  
  
   
  
"Okay, but I wish I could go with you," Willow sighed, reaching for Oz's hand.  
  
   
  
"I know, but it's okay. Plus Cordy and Doyle will be there with me," Buffy yawned after she finished speaking.  
  
   
  
"And we're taking Ashlynn," Cordy chipped in, reminding them that Buffy wanted to have her daughter with her.  
  
   
  
"Why don't you go get some sleep, Sunshine," Lorne placed a comforting hand on her shoulder from where he stood behind the couch. "You're flight leaves early tomorrow."  
  
   
  
"Okay," Buffy agreed, standing up from the sofa. "I'll see you guys in the morning."  
  
   
  
The Slayer walked numbly out of the room, leaving her friends to stare sadly at her back. Each wondered why it was that Buffy always had to deal with such tragic events in her life. It seemed as though fate was constantly testing her with new obstacles. They knew she'd make it through this, but they also knew it had to be difficult for her.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~on a plane somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean~  
  
   
  
Angel paced restlessly around the small cabin of the plane. If he hadn't been so preoccupied with thoughts of Buffy, he would have been petrified about being on an airplane, but he hadn't given a second thought to the first time experience. Planes and vampires usually weren't things that went together due to the sunlight issue, but he felt it was necessary in this instance. He needed to get to Sunnydale, and he needed to get there quickly.   
  
   
  
It had taken many, many favors, and digging into finances he hadn't touched in a very long time to get passage on the small plane. Thankfully, his deeds fighting demons had made him a few friends and he was able to find someone to fly him to the States, and then to the small airport in Sunnydale. The fact that it was a small private plane allowed him to make sure coming into contact with sunlight wasn't a problem.  
  
   
  
So now he was pacing back and forth across the floor, waiting anxiously for their arrival in New York. They would refuel the plane there, and unfortunately stay for a day while the pilot dealt with some other business. Then they would begin the trek to Sunnydale. For Angel, it seemed like a never-ending journey even though they'd only left Ireland a few hours earlier.  
  
   
  
He couldn't get his mind off of Buffy and what Spike had told him. Seven years. That would mean that he had only been gone a couple months when she... No! He wouldn't accept that. He wouldn't accept it because it wasn't true. She wasn't dead. She was alive. Spike was lying, just trying to get a rise out of him. There was no possible way that his Buffy could be dead.  
  
   
  
Angel tiredly leaned his head against the wall of the plane, repeating over and over to himself that Buffy was in fact alive. He conjured up a mental vision of her smiling, walking in the sun with a loving husband on one side and a beautiful little girl on the other. The happy fantasy caused a different sort of anguish to ripple through his body.   
  
   
  
He'd left her so that she could have a real life, one with sunlight, and family, and someone to love her, but the very thought of her having that with anyone but him shattered his already fractured heart. Even though they'd been apart for so long, he still loved her with every fiber of his being, and even if all he wanted was for her to be happy, it still hurt beyond words. If he had to choose between her having a life with someone else, and her being dead, it was an easy pick. He'd rather see her smiling in the arms of another, than as a cold, lifeless body, buried and forgotten in the ground.  
  
   
  
His fist banged loudly against the solid metal of the plane. He wouldn't accept that she was dead. In the back of his mind, though, he knew it was a real possibility. She was the Slayer after all, fighting night after night. There was always a risk, always the chance that she'd not survive her next battle. Buffy was strong, though. She'd beaten the odds more than once. For now, he would hold on to that knowledge.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~Sunnydale~  
  
   
  
Inside the rental car, Buffy tiredly leaned her head against the window, wishing that this day would end and that she was back in her home in Seattle. Being in Sunnydale was taxing enough on its own, but being here because of her Mother's death seemed to push the emotional and physical strain to another level. They'd only been in town for about twelve hours, but to Buffy it felt ten times longer.  
  
   
  
After arriving in Los Angeles, Doyle had gotten them a rental car and driven the four of them to Sunnydale. Once there, Buffy hadn't really known what to do. She hadn't really thought about what she would do once she returned to her former home. Eventually, they'd decided to go to Joyce's house for lack of anything else to do.  
  
   
  
At the house, the group had encountered Buffy's Aunt, Joyce's sister, who was in town dealing with the aftermath of the accident. Her reception of Buffy and her friends had been cold to say the least. Obviously, she was well aware of all that had occurred between Buffy and Joyce. At least she hadn't kicked them out.  
  
   
  
The rest of the morning and afternoon they spent going through the house, sorting through what would be kept and what would be thrown away or given to charity. Joyce's sister had already gone through much of the house, but they'd finished up the rest while Buffy was there. It was surreal to the blonde headed Slayer, being in her old house with her Mother not there, knowing she'd never be there again. The family pictures and mementos brought tears to her eyes.  
  
   
  
Not for the first time, Buffy found herself wishing that she'd tried to work things out with her Mom. Maybe if she'd sent her a letter, or called, they could have repaired their relationship. Maybe...just maybe...but now it was too late. She'd never have the chance to mend what had been painfully broken years before. Her Mother would never again be part of her life, Ashlynn would never get to know her grandmother, and Joyce would never meet her granddaughter.  
  
   
  
Buffy supposed that all those sayings about how you never realize something until it's too late were true. Since hearing of her Mother's death, she'd been filled with regrets. Not over what she'd done, and not over her refusal of her Mom's demands, but because she'd never tried to contact Joyce after leaving. Seven long years and she'd let the rift between them remain. Maybe they wouldn't have been able to work out their differences, but at least she would have tried. Now, she would never know. Now, it was too late.  
  
   
  
Wiping a tear off her cheek, Buffy looked out the window at the cemetery they were approaching. Joyce's funeral and memorial had been a few days earlier, but Buffy wanted to visit the grave site. If she'd known before hand, she would have come for the funeral, but she hadn't know till yesterday so she would have to settle for visiting the grave.  
  
   
  
"We're here," Doyle broke the complete silence inside the car.  
  
   
  
The sound jolted Buffy out of her half-asleep daze and she raised her head off the window, taking a deep breath in the process. "Thanks."  
  
   
  
"Do you want us to come with you?" Cordy asked in a whisper, turning to face Buffy in the back seat.  
  
   
  
"No. I...I-I want to go alone," Buffy ran a hand through her hair and started to open the car door.  
  
   
  
"What about Ash?" Doyle nodded his head to the little girl.  
  
   
  
Buffy looked down at her sleeping daughter for a moment and shook her head. "Let her sleep, she's had a long day."  
  
   
  
"Ok, we'll be here if you need us," Cordy squeezed her hand sympathetically.  
  
   
  
Smiling faintly, Buffy climbed out of the car, smoothing down her skirt for no reason other than to give her hands something to do. Hesitantly, she walked toward where she was told the grave rested. Her hands trembled as she neared the place where the woman who had given birth to her would forever rest. Within seconds, the light granite headstone was right in front of her, making her face the harsh reality of death.  
  
Step by small step, she approached large stone until she stood right in front of it. Her eyes closed as a wave of nausea swirled deep down in her stomach. Opening them again, Buffy knelt down in front of the grave. Tears falling, she placed the bouquet of white roses down onto the grass. With a shaky hand, she reached up to touch the cold stone that bore her Mother's name.  
  
   
  
"Hi Mom," she whispered brokenly, her fingers tracing the lettering on the headstone.  
  
   
  
"I wish I knew what to say," she began, leaning back on her heals. "I'm sorry we never got to make things right. I-I never stopped loving you. Even though we haven't talked for seven years, you were always my Mother. I can't apologize for what happened because I don't regret having my daughter, but I wish you could have been a part of our lives."  
  
   
  
"I had a little girl, Mom," Buffy smiled at the thought of her daughter. "She's beautiful, and smart. I never thought being a Mother could be like this. You would have loved her. I know you would have. I told her about you. I wanted her to know who you were. There's a picture of you and me together in her room."  
  
   
  
"I know we had our problems, Mom, but I know you did the best you could. I wasn't the easiest kid to deal with. And the Slayer stuff didn't make things any better. I wish I could have ignored it and been the daughter you wanted, but I did what I had to do. I hope that you understand that," she paused, taking a moment to calm herself. "I never hated you for all the bad stuff."  
  
   
  
She kissed her fingers and placed them over the scripted name. "I love you, Mommy."  
  
   
  
Rising from her spot, a wave of dizziness stuttered her steps. Buffy reached up and grasped at her head, willing the spinning to stop. After breathing in a few deep lungfuls of air, the sensation eased away. Taking one last look at the grave, she turned and began to walk away when an all too familiar voice stopped her dead in her tracks.  
  
   
  
"I didn't think you had the nerve to show up here."  
  
   
  
Buffy whirled around, immediately wishing she hadn't as the dizziness returned.   
  
   
  
"Xander?"   
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC! 


	23. ASSFT Part 3

***  
  
Next chapter of SiT #4! Getting closer to the part you've all been waiting for (though not there yet). *g*. No cliff this time, which I'm sure you're all happy about.  
  
For the ff.net'ers in response to reviews:  
  
Boa – totally aware of what the initials look like *g*. I noticed it right away, but couldn't think of anything else. Oh well.  
  
Crazyradish – I don't want to say if B/A will end up together in case some don't want to know. But if you email me (vagabond_angel@comcast.net) I'll tell you.  
  
Yummy – ASSFT stands for the title of the the fic: A Small Sacrifice For Tomorrow  
  
BA Shipper – sorry about the inaccuracies about Seattle. I've never been there. I'm and East Coaster  
  
...and thank you to the rest of you that have left me feedback!!  
  
~Isis  
  
***  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 3  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
Buffy felt frozen in her spot, like time had ceased moving as she stood there staring into the eyes of her one time friend. It had never crossed her mind that she'd run into him while in Sunnydale, and really she did NOT want to see him. Her anger over what had happened before she left was still strong, and it was obvious that his fury with her remained as well.  
  
   
  
"Should I be touched you still know my name?" he bit out harshly, eyes showing nothing but distaste for the girl he once held on a pedestal.  
  
   
  
"What do you want, Xander?" Buffy spoke tiredly, pressing a finger to her throbbing temple.  
  
   
  
Xander shook his head condescendingly at the question. "I can't believe you'd show your face here again. What? You think you can just waltz back into town?"  
  
   
  
"What I do is none of your business!" she snarled at him, her anger replacing the overwhelming weariness. "My Mother is dead, Xander. I came here to say goodbye and that's it."  
  
   
  
"A little late for that, isn't it?" he raised a sneering eyebrow. "Seven years too late, I think."  
  
   
  
"Ya know what, Xander," she marched up to him, her voice echoing loudly. "I don't give a FUCK what you think of me, of what I've done, or not done, but don't you dare bring my Mother into this!"  
  
   
  
"Just pointing out the facts, Buff. You left here and never looked back. You never gave a damn about anyone but yourself," he looked at her in disgust.  
  
   
  
"Think whatever the Hell you want," Buffy started, but was interrupted before she could continue.  
  
   
  
"Buffy? Is everything all right," Cordy's voice sounded through the quiet night.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, we heard yelling," added Doyle as the two stepped into view.  
  
   
  
"Cordelia?" Xander spat out in shock and took a step back.  
  
   
  
"Mommy?" Ashlynn's sleepy voice spoke softly as the little girl raised her head from Cordy's shoulder.  
  
   
  
"Hey, Sweetie! Did you have a good nap?" Buffy forced a smile onto her face, pulling her daughter into her arms.  
  
   
  
"Yup!" Ash grinned at her Mommy. "Who's that?" she pointed to Xander.  
  
   
  
Buffy looked from Ashlynn to Xander and back. This was not a situation she wanted to expose her daughter to. "That's...that's just someone I used to know, baby."  
  
   
  
"Oh," the little girl frowned slightly and laid her head on Buffy's chest.  
  
   
  
"What the Hell is going on?" Xander shouted and then eyed Cordelia. "Why are you here?"  
  
   
  
"What's it matter to you?" she retorted in annoyance. Xander Harris was definitely someone she would like to forget existed.  
  
   
  
"I see the Bitch is back," he snarked at her.  
  
   
  
Doyle stepped forward, finding himself growing angry at the unknown man. "I better not hear ya speak ta my fiancée like that again."  
  
   
  
"Fiancée? You're engaged to that loser?" Xander laughed out loud.  
  
   
  
"Mommy? What's going on?" Ashlynn spoke up, her eyes wildly looking around at the arguing adults.  
  
   
  
"Nothing, baby. It's okay," Buffy soothed her frightened daughter and then looked back to her ex-friend. "Xander, just leave."  
  
   
  
The sound of a cell phone ringing stopped Xander from answering. Buffy reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the noisy device, glad to have a distraction from the current conversation.  
  
   
  
"Hello?" she responded into the phone. "Oh, hey Wil...no, everything's okay...yeah, we'll be heading back to the airport soon....I just want to get back home...okay, we'll call when our flight gets in...bye."  
  
   
  
As Xander listened to the conversation, his eyes darkened in rage. So that's where Willow was? They hadn't been talking, all because of Buffy he had to add, and then her and Oz had just up and left Sunnydale one day. And now he finds out that she's been with Buffy the whole time! Willow had been his best friend since childhood and she'd just traded him in for some traitorous bitch.   
  
   
  
"What did Willow want?" Cordy asked as Buffy was stuffing the phone back into her pocket.  
  
   
  
"She just wanted to make sure we were okay, and to check if we were still flying back tonight," Buffy relayed, looking directly at Cordy and Doyle, her hand stroking her daughter's back.  
  
   
  
"We better leave soon if we want ta make our flight," Doyle looked at his watch.  
  
   
  
"Okay. Xander...," she started as she turned back to face the angry man only to find him no longer there.  
  
   
  
Cordy looked around but found no trace of her ex-boyfriend and shrugged her shoulders. "Good, he's gone. Can we leave now? I think this town is giving me hives."  
  
   
  
Glancing to where Xander had been standing, Buffy sighed. "Yeah, I don't particularly want to be here anymore than you two.  
  
   
  
"Come on, girls," Doyle put his arms around his fiancée and friend. "Let's hit the road."  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~Sunnydale, the next night~  
  
   
  
By the time the small plane landed at Sunnydale's non-commercial airport, Angel felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin. The near day-long wait in New York felt like twenty days. When they finally took to the air to fly to Sunnydale, his nerves were completely shot. He both feared and anticipated what he would find when he returned to the place that had been the source of his greatest happiness and his most agonizing sorrow.  
  
   
  
Now that he was here, he wasn't quite sure how to proceed. A glance at his watch told him it was just after eleven p.m. He supposed he could try searching through the cemeteries. If she was here, if she wasn't...dead...she would likely be patrolling. The numerous graveyards in Sunnydale made that a daunting task, though. He took a deep, unneeded breath and clenched his hands before deciding that his best bet would be to try going to her house. Maybe there he would get some answers.  
  
   
  
Twenty minutes later, Angel was walking up the pathway leading to what he hoped was Buffy's house. In the back of his mind he knew it was unlikely she would still live there anymore. His vision of her life always had her residing in a cozy, two-story house with a large back yard, and a swimming pool. It was possible, though, that Joyce still lived there. The prospect of encountering Buffy's Mother made him shudder involuntarily, knowing that Joyce had always hated him.  
  
   
  
Stepping onto the front porch, Angel frowned as he looked around. The entire place was dark, there were no cars in the driveway, and he couldn't detect any heartbeats inside. He walked up to one of the windows and peered inside. His enhanced vision allowed him to see the interior of the house, but what he found was even more disheartening. All of the furniture was gone and he could see boxes scattered around the floor. Inhaling deeply, he scented the air. A myriad of smells wafted through his nose. Very faintly, he thought he could detect Buffy, but he wasn't sure and it was not enough to ease any of his fears.  
  
   
  
Angel again studied the inside of the house hoping to find anything to identify who had lived there recently. Near the window he could see an open box, a few items peeking out. He squinted his eyes slightly and shifted his position to get a better look. There, on the top of the pile in the box, was a picture frame holding a picture of Buffy and Joyce. The small find was enough to tell him that this was still Joyce's house. Why then wasn't he picking up a stronger trace of Buffy? If her Mom still lived here, wouldn't she be over to visit often?  
  
   
  
Maybe she moved to another town, he thought to himself. Sunnydale was still the Hellmouth, though, for all he knew. Would she be able to move away? And what about that other Slayer Spike had said he ran into? Angel didn't want to examine the answers to those questions too deeply because they all pointed to one thing and he wasn't yet ready to face that. Backing away from the window, Angel resolved to try another avenue. He was determined to find out what was going on.  
  
   
  
A short while later Angel arrived at Giles' apartment. There was a light shinning through one of the windows so he decided to knock on the door. If he felt it would make a difference, he would have prayed that Giles answered the door. To his dismay, it wasn't the Watcher who appeared before him, but rather a young couple who looked at him warily.  
  
   
  
"Can we help you?" the man asked, his arm protectively around his girlfriend.  
  
   
  
"I'm sorry to bother you," Angel apologized, keeping his hands in full view so they wouldn't be afraid. "I won't keep you long. I was just wanting to know if Rupert Giles still lived here."  
  
   
  
"Umm, no, this is my apartment," the woman spoke up, smiling at the handsome man before her.  
  
   
  
"Oh, uh, thanks. If you don't mind me asking, how long have you lived here?" he questioned as his heart sank further.  
  
   
  
"I've been here for about four years," she told him.  
  
   
  
Angel's shoulders slumped. "Do you know who lived here before you?"  
  
   
  
"An older woman. I think she'd lived here for about two or three years," she added helpfully.  
  
   
  
"Okay," Angel fought the tears in his eyes. "Thank you. I apologize for interrupting your evening."  
  
   
  
"Good night," he turned and walked away solemnly.  
  
   
  
After that, Angel wandered around Sunnydale feeling as if his worst fears were coming true. He had been so sure she was alive, but now, everything was beginning to tell him otherwise. There was still hope. He still wanted to believe she was happily living her life somewhere, but it was growing harder to think that way. There had to be someone in this town who had answers for him.  
  
   
  
As if by fate, Angel looked up and found himself standing near Willy's bar. Perfect! Surely the annoying snitch would know about Buffy. Straightening out his long coat, he walked determinedly into the bar.  
  
   
  
"Angel," Willy's voice squeaked out the moment the vampire stepped up to the bar.  
  
   
  
"Hello, Willy," Angel spoke menacingly, wanting to intimidate the little weasel.  
  
   
  
"Uhh, what can I do for ya, buddy?" Willy inched a few steps away, not liking the look in Angel's eyes.  
  
   
  
"Information," the ensouled vampire stated simply.  
  
   
  
"S-sure. Information. W-what do you, uh, want to know," the small bartender questioned nervously.  
  
   
  
"Buffy. Where.Is.She," he stated forcefully, leaving no room for debate.  
  
   
  
"B-buffy?" Willy repeated, not quite surprised that the vampire was asking about his former girlfriend. "She's gone."   
  
   
  
Angel reached over the bar and grabbed Willy's shirt, pulling him half over the intrusive barrier between them. "What do you mean she's gone?!?"  
  
   
  
"I-I didn't mean anything, Angel. Really!" Willy replied quickly. "She's gone. Disappeared about s-seven years ago. N-no one's seen her since."  
  
   
  
"Are you telling me the truth?" Angel's face shifted to his demon form.  
  
   
  
"Y-yes. I wouldn't lie to ya, Angel! Promise!" Willy assured him. "No one k-knows what happened. S-she was just gone one day."  
  
   
  
The urge to throw the obnoxious man across the room overwhelmed him, but instead he just dropped him to the floor. Without saying another word, Angel quickly fled the bar.   
  
   
  
Once outside, his body began to shake as heavy sobs rose in his throat. It was true. Everything that Spike had told him was true. Buffy was gone. His foot shot out and kicked a nearby trashcan across the alley. Needing more, he punched at the brick wall next to him, bloodying his knuckles. The pain never reached his brain. All he could think about was that Buffy was dead. He needed to know more. He needed to know what exactly had happened and then he would find and dismember whoever was responsible for her death. Turning, Angel took off in a sprint to the only other place he could think of that would provide answers.  
  
   
  
A mere two minutes later, he arrived at the front door to The Bronze. He hoped that one of Buffy's friends would be there. They would be able to tell him what he needed to know. Opening the door, he strolled into the noisy club, ignoring the pang in his heart over shared memories with Buffy at this very place. It took him only a moment to spot the brown-haired boy sitting at the bar with a vaguely familiar strawberry blonde.  
  
   
  
"Xander," he spoke after walking up to the boy, wishing he'd found Willow and not someone who had always hated him.  
  
   
  
Xander's head slowly raised when he heard his name. His eyes instantly narrowed at finding his worst enemy standing two feet away. "What the Hell are you doing here?"  
  
   
  
"What happened to Buffy?" Angel cut right to the chase.  
  
   
  
"That isn't any of your business," he foolishly stood up and faced the larger man.  
  
   
  
"Listen, boy," growled Angel as he took step closer. "You will tell me what happened."  
  
   
  
"She's gone," Xander backed up a step, wanting desperately to hit the vile creature. It was all his fault he'd lost his friends. "They are all gone."  
  
   
  
"Do you know what happened to Buffy?" Angel questioned in growing frustration.  
  
   
  
Xander sized up the situation for a moment before answering. "No," he lied convincingly, having no desire to help the thing that had cost him all that was important in his life.  
  
   
  
"Fine," Angel snarled angrily. He didn't bother to say goodbye, just turned and walked out of the club. Just as he exited the door, he plowed over someone about to enter the club.  
  
   
  
"I'm sorry," he stated distractedly, reaching a hand down to help the person up.  
  
   
  
"Why don't you watch where you're going!" the pissed off female brushed the dirt off her pants.  
  
   
  
The voice shook Angel out of his internal thoughts, and he abruptly backed up a step. "Faith?!?"  
  
   
  
"Yeah, who wants to kn-," she started to say as she raised her head. "Angel?"  
  
   
  
"You're back slaying," Angel blurted out for lack of anything else to say when he saw the stake in her hand. He didn't trust the girl one bit.  
  
   
  
"Uh, yeah," Faith frowned, not understanding why that was a surprise. She was a Slayer, she was supposed to slay.   
  
   
  
Angel looked at her oddly. Something seemed different about the young woman. Her entire posture was different, and her eyes didn't have that hateful, angry look anymore. He was mildly curious, but it wasn't important. His thoughts were needed elsewhere. He still needed to find out about Buffy. He suddenly eyed the girl expectantly.  
  
   
  
"Do you know what happened to Buffy?" he spoke no pretenses about what he wanted to know.  
  
   
  
"Buffy? Why?" she wanted to know.  
  
   
  
"Because...because they told me she's go-," no, Angel told himself. He needed to face the truth. "They told me that she's dead."  
  
   
  
"Dead?" Faith repeated in surprise. "No, Buffy's not dead."  
  
   
  
"S-she's," he stuttered, hope surging throughout him. "She's not dead? But they all told me..."  
  
   
  
"Last I heard, she'd skipped town," Faith shrugged. "That's what Willow told me when her and Oz came back to get their stuff."  
  
   
  
"Where? Do you know where she is?" he asked hurriedly. He didn't care about anything else. All that mattered was that he finally had hope.  
  
   
  
Faith thought for a moment before answering. "I think Willow said Seattle. Not sure though."  
  
   
  
"Seattle?" Angel perplexedly asked. "Do you know why she left?"  
  
   
  
"I think Seattle, but like I said, I'm not sure. And no, I don't know why. Willow only told me she'd left," Faith was growing more confused by the second.   
  
   
  
She didn't understand any of this. No one had ever bothered to tell her what had happened to Buffy. If she hadn't of run into Willow years ago, she wouldn't even have known the blonde Slayer had moved. She couldn't help but feel like there was a lot going on that she didn't know. But that didn't particularly surprise her. Ever since she woke up from the coma everything had seemed so off, and her Watcher would never answer any of her questions. She had shrugged it all off though and focused on slaying.  
  
   
  
"What's going on Angel?" she questioned, not missing the look of relief on the vampire's face.  
  
   
  
"Nothing," Angel answered curtly, his mind elsewhere. "I've got to go."  
  
   
  
Before Faith could press him more, Angel quickly walked away. The brunette's behavior had been strange, but that was at the very back of his mind. All he could think about was that Buffy was alive. If he was to believe Faith, that is, but he hadn't seen anything in her to make him think she was lying. Any lead was better than nothing, though.   
  
   
  
The relief he felt at the news was mildly muted by the need to see it for himself. He had to know for a fact that she was alive and well. Seeing a payphone nearby, Angel jogged over to it and dialed the cell number of the pilot who had brought him to Sunnydale. He hoped he was still in town because Angel had at least one more trip to make.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC!! 


	24. ASSFT Part 4

***  
  
new chapter of SiT today! To quote my beta: this is 'where the good stuff begins to happen' which means that the actions is about to pick up.  
  
If anyone's gotten as discombobulated as I have because I'm posting two fics at once at the moment; here's a tiny recap of where we are in SiT: Buffy's just visited Sunnydale because of her Mother's death and is now back in Seattle with the gang. Angel has finally gotten a clue and gone to search out Buffy. He's now on his way to Seattle after hearing from Faith that Buffy may be there.  
  
Thank you to everyone who sent feedback on SiT #4 part 3! Your comments are greatly appreciated!  
  
~Isis  
  
***  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 4  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~back in Seattle~  
  
   
  
"No buts, Buffy," Cordelia stated as she folded her arms across her chest.  
  
   
  
"But-," Buffy started to reply but was cut off.  
  
   
  
"I'm pretty sure I said no buts," the brunette repeated and then turned to look at Doyle. "Didn't I?"  
  
   
  
"That's what I heard, Princess," Doyle nodded in agreement.  
  
   
  
"I have work to do, though!" yelled Buffy in frustration, not liking being ordered around.  
  
   
  
"No, you have until Friday off," Cordy smiled smugly. "Lorne's orders."  
  
   
  
Buffy frowned and glared at her two friends. Pouting slightly, she leaned back against the couch before conceding defeat. "Fine."  
  
   
  
"Buffy," Cordelia sighed and walked over to sit down next to the blonde. "We just want you to take it easy for a couple days. Things have been pretty stressful with your Mom's death and then running into Xander. Take some time just to let everything settle."  
  
   
  
"I'm fine, really, I am," she tried to reassure them, though she knew they were right. Her life was already busy with having an almost six-year-old daughter, a job, and slaying, and then add onto that the recent events and she was a bit worn out.  
  
   
  
"We know you're fine," stated Cordy sympathetically and put her hand over Buffy's. "But it can't hurt to take a few days to relax. And hey, how often do you have your boss ordering you to take time off?"  
  
   
  
Buffy had to chuckle at the statement. She supposed a few days off would be nice. "Okay, okay. I'll do it. I won't set foot inside the club until Friday."  
  
   
  
"Good!" Cordy grinned. "Oooh! Why don't we kick off your vacation right and go shopping later?"  
  
   
  
"Yeah, and I can watch the li'l one," Doyle offered his assistance. "I can take her down ta the office. Ya know how much she loves ta sit in yer big chair."  
  
   
  
"I think she spends more time in that chair than I do," Buffy mock frowned, but then couldn't help but smile thinking of her little daughter happily seated in the huge leather chair that sat behind her desk.  
  
   
  
"So, shopping?" Cordy reiterated anxiously.  
  
   
  
"Sure. I have to get some stuff for Ashlynn's birthday, plus something to wear for the party," Buffy answered, mentally going through all the things she needed to get while out.  
  
   
  
"Good. I have an appointment to get my nails done in half an hour, so how about we plan to leave in and hour and a half?" Cordy checked her watch to see what time it was.  
  
   
  
"Sounds good. I'll check with Willow to see if she wants to come with us," Buffy added, knowing the redhead could probably use a day of shopping since she spent so much time working.  
  
   
  
"Okay," agreed Cordy. She and Willow weren't exactly the best of friends, but they managed to get along fairly well these days. As she was about to get off the couch, she felt Buffy put a hand on her arm.  
  
   
  
"Thanks for being there for me, and for being such a good friend," Buffy spoke seriously, her eyes showing her genuine appreciation.  
  
   
  
"Anytime," Cordy smiled warmly as the two girls hugged briefly before Cordy stood up. "All right, I'll see you in an hour and a half then."  
  
   
  
Buffy watched Cordy and Doyle leave, silently saying 'thank you' to whoever was responsible for bringing them into her life all those years ago. She honestly didn't know how she would have made it to this day without their support. Would she have even made it out of Sunnydale without Cordy? Probably, but she was glad that she didn't have to do it alone.  
  
   
  
Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy saw Willow standing in the doorway leading to the hall that their bedrooms were off of. She turned her head to look at her friend and noticed the pensive look on the redhead's face.  
  
   
  
"Something wrong?" she asked worriedly.  
  
   
  
"What? Oh...no, nothing's wrong," Willow shook herself out of her internal thoughts. When Buffy gave her a disbelieving look, she spoke again. "It's just still weird, even after all these years."  
  
   
  
"What is?" Buffy asked in confusion.  
  
   
  
"Cordy. Or you and Cordy I guess you could say." Willow walked into the room and sat down on the couch next to Buffy. "It's just still kinda hard to fathom that you guys are such good friends."  
  
   
  
Buffy frowned at the statement, which Willow immediately noticed and corrected herself. "I didn't mean like that. I just remember how she used to be, and how she treated all of us, and it is odd seeing her the way she is now."  
  
   
  
"I know. It is kinda strange, but she's been a really good friend," Buffy answered honestly.  
  
   
  
A flash of guilt flickered in Willow's eyes as she remembered all that had occurred nearly seven years earlier. "Yeah, she has," she agreed in a quiet voice.  
  
   
  
The tone was not lost on Buffy. She knew exactly what her friend was thinking about. Even after all these years, the memories of her last days in Sunnydale were still vivid in her mind. She'd long since forgiven Willow for her inaction during the confrontation at Giles', but even so, she would never forget it.  
  
   
  
"Does it bother you? That Cordy and I are such good friends?" Buffy asked suddenly.  
  
   
  
Willow's eyes flickered to Buffy for a moment before she looked down at her hands. "It did a lot...at first. Seeing you so close to her when Oz and I first came was really hard. I remembered the way she was, and to see you two the way you were...it just made no sense. And I guess I was kinda jealous."  
  
   
  
"I can understand that, but you know you are important to me too, right? I'm glad that you found me, and that you and Oz stayed here," Buffy told her friend.  
  
   
  
"I'm glad we came too. I really missed you after you left," she smiled back at Buffy. "And I'm glad that Cordy was there for you when I wasn't."  
  
   
  
"Oh, Willow," sniffled Buffy slightly, and then wrapped her arms around one of her best friends. They hugged for a long moment before they both burst into small chuckles at themselves over their impromptu bonding session.  
  
   
  
"So, uh, did I hear something about shopping?" Willow questioned as she dabbed at the moisture in her eyes.  
  
   
  
"Yup. Girls' Day Out. You game?" Buffy grinned, thinking about how nice it would be to get out for an afternoon and not think about anything serious.  
  
   
  
"Of course! Though are you sure shopping with Cordy is such a good idea?" Willow raised a teasing eyebrow.  
  
   
  
"Probably not," Buffy laughed and shook her head.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
Several hours later, Buffy stood in line at a small Thai restaurant waiting to get some dinner. They'd decided to take a break from shopping so that they could eat. Actually, she and Willow had. Cordelia stated that she wasn't hungry and was going to try on some more clothes at the boutique they'd just been in. After she and Willow ate, they would go back and drag Cordy out of the store.  
  
   
  
Once she'd gotten her food, Buffy surveyed the seating area of the small food court for Willow. She found her friend still waiting in line at the pizza place so she walked toward the nearest empty table. Placing her tray down, she realized she'd forgotten napkins and a straw. Not wanting to carry everything back with her, she left the tray and her bags at the table and went to fetch the items she needed.  
  
   
  
Having gotten napkins and a straw, Buffy turned to walk back to the table. She wasn't quite paying attention and ended up walking smack into a person standing behind her. Her balance faltered momentarily and the napkins and straw slipped out of her hand, falling to the dirty ground.   
  
   
  
"I'm so sorry!" she apologized quickly, and bent to pick up what she'd dropped.  
  
   
  
When she stood back up to face the person she'd almost run over, there was no one there. She glanced to her right and left but found the tall gentleman nowhere. Shrugging, she threw the soiled napkins into the nearby trashcan and picked up some new ones. This time, she made sure to watch where she was going as she walked back to her table.  
  
   
  
As she sat down and looked at her tray, a frown formed on her face. Her fork unexpectedly lay half nestled in the plate of food. Hadn't it come in a plastic wrapper? She didn't remember taking it out of the protective covering and putting it in her food. Or was it the Italian place that gave out forks in wrappers? She couldn't remember, they'd only eaten here a few times before.  
  
   
  
Shrugging, Buffy told herself that the Thai place must just give out plain plastic forks. After all, who would come and unwrap her fork and put it in her food. Her thoughts about the oddly placed fork quickly left her mind as Willow walked up to the table and sat down opposite her.  
  
   
  
"Ugh! That line took forever!" the redhead groused unhappily.  
  
   
  
"Told ya you should have gotten Thai with me," Buffy grinned smugly.  
  
   
  
"Whatever," Willow waved her hand in a sarcastic gesture. "I can't believe that Cordy is still trying on clothes!"  
  
   
  
"Did you expect anything else?" Buffy chuckled and started to eat her food.  
  
   
  
"Actually," Willow pondered the thought for a moment. "No."  
  
   
  
The two continued eating their dinners, sharing random chatter about various topics as they ate. They were almost finished when Willow suddenly remembered there was something she was supposed to tell Buffy.  
  
   
  
"Oh shit!" the redhead exclaimed, smacking herself lightly on the forehead. "I totally forgot that I was supposed to tell you something!"  
  
   
  
"Tell me what?" Buffy gave Willow and odd look.  
  
   
  
"Lindsey called yesterday morning," she relayed with a pointed look toward Buffy.  
  
   
  
"Shit!" This time it was Buffy who knocked herself on the side of the head.  
  
   
  
"Uh huh," Willow acknowledged Buffy's screw up. "He's not very happy with you."  
  
   
  
"Damnit!" the blonde cursed herself. "I meant to call him before we headed to Sunnydale, but everything was so screwy."  
  
   
  
"Understandable," Willow gave her a sympathetic look. "He said you should have called and told him, though, and that he would have come home early and gone to Sunnydale with you."  
  
   
  
"I know he would have," Buffy smiled gratefully, thinking about what a sweetie Lindsey was. "Is he still staying until next week?"  
  
   
  
"No, he said he'd probably be home either tomorrow or the next day. I think his parents are driving him nuts," relayed Willow while getting her trash ready to throw away.  
  
   
  
"He knew that they would," Buffy shook her head. "I don't know why he planned a two week visit knowing how they usually are."  
  
   
  
"Men," snorted Willow and rolled her eyes. "They never think things through. Well, except my Oz."  
  
   
  
Buffy laughed at the exemption of Oz and started gathering her stuff together. "Come on, let's go get Cordy before she buys the whole store."  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~the next night~  
  
   
  
"Are you sure you don't want to go to a movie, Darlin'?" Lindsey asked as he and Buffy walked back toward the club after having dinner out. He'd arrived back in Seattle earlier in the day.  
  
   
  
"Yeah. I'm sorry," she apologized and then released a heavy yawn. "I'm just really tired tonight for some reason."  
  
   
  
"Nothing to be sorry for. We can go see a movie over the weekend," he grinned at her, showing that he was not at all upset. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, the two continued the remaining short walk to Buffy's apartment.  
  
   
  
Nearly two blocks away, Angel's anxious footsteps stopped abruptly. His eyes closed as he felt a slight tingle trickle down his spine. It was a feeling he hadn't felt in so long. One that told him that a Slayer was nearby. But not just any Slayer, His Slayer. The feeling was faint, but enough for him to recognize, though.  
  
   
  
For long moments, Angel only stood and let himself luxuriate in the sensation. He wanted to jump for joy and weep all at once. She was alive. She was really alive. The hope that had sprung from his conversation with Faith now burned brightly inside of him. He had wanted to believe it before, but there was a small part of him that knew it was entirely possible that Faith was lying and trying to trick him. But now...now he had real hope. He could feel her presence, and he could finally truly believe that the nightmare that had started in a small bar in Ireland was just that; a nightmare.  
  
   
  
He'd arrived in Seattle nearly two days ago and immediately set about tracking down any possible lead. It hadn't been easy. He wasn't familiar with the town and didn't have any sources to draw upon. So he'd had to resort to walking the streets; eavesdropping on other demons' conversations. The lucky break had come when he ran into one of Spike's old minions who, thinking he was still Angelus, had warned him to stay away from the opposite side of town because a Slayer was working the streets there. He'd pumped the vampire for everything he knew and then promptly staked him as a thank you.  
  
   
  
So now he found himself walking toward some club called 'Black Destiny' that, if he was to believe the minion, Buffy was working out of. He was anxious and afraid and everything in between. All he wanted to do was see her, catch one small glimpse to reassure him that she was alive and well. After that, he didn't quite know what he would do.  
  
   
  
Crossing a street, Angel glanced at his surroundings. On the opposite side of the road his eyes were immediately attracted to a large brick building with a neon sign above the door that read 'Black Destiny'. He scented the air, picking up trace amounts of what he knew was her, but it was muddled with many others. This was the right place, though, he was sure of it.  
  
   
  
Hesitantly, his eyes scanned the building and then to the right. As he shifted his gaze to the left, he could make out two figures walking toward the club across the street. Immediately, he knew it was her. It wasn't the short, petite figure, or the medium length blonde hair that gave her away, but rather a feeling inside him. He released a cleansing sigh as a solitary tear trailed down his cheek over the definitive proof that she was really alive.  
  
   
  
Angel tucked himself into the shadows and watched as the two figures drew closer. His unbeating heart lurched when he realized that the other person was a man. And not just any man, but one who had his arm leisurely draped around his Buffy. Shattered at the sight, he slumped back against the wall, closing his eyes against the horrible truth. He'd always told himself that he'd wanted it to happen, that he had wanted her to find someone to spend her life and be happy with. Now that it was staring him dead in the face, tearing his heart to shreds, he didn't think there could be anything more painful.  
  
   
  
He wanted to run, to get as far away as possible from the happy pair, but he was rooted in his spot. Slowly, he pried his eyes open and forced himself to watch the woman who would forever hold his heart. She looked as beautiful as ever, smiling and laughing in the arms of another. Obviously life had been good to her. That was what he'd wanted wasn't it? It hurt like a million holy water drenched stakes being shoved into his body at once, though. Still, he couldn't take his eyes off her, drinking in every nuance of the woman he hadn't seen in seven years.  
  
   
  
The two arrived at the entrance to the club, and what he was also told was where she lived, with Angel's eyes still glued on them. Just as Buffy reached the door, he saw her abruptly stop and turn quickly around. Slinking further into the shadows he saw her eyes scan the surroundings searching for her discontent. He didn't reveal himself, and moments later she shrugged and entered the building with the lecherous man following behind.  
  
   
  
For the remainder of the night, Angel remained standing in the same exact spot. He didn't know why he stayed, but he just couldn't seem to make himself leave. Part of him dreaded walking away and no longer feeling her soothing presence washing over his body, and other parts of him wanted to wait for the man to leave so that he could do something he knew he shouldn't. The man never left, though. He waited until nearly sunrise, but the only people he saw leave were drunken club-goers.   
  
   
  
He didn't want to face it, but he knew he had to. She'd moved on. She was happy. He hated it, but his feelings were inconsequential. All that mattered was that she was really alive and that she was doing well. At least that was what he told himself was all that mattered. Ignoring the ache in his heart, Angel finally turned and slowly walked away, again, from the woman he would always love.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~same night~  
  
   
  
Lorne and Doyle stood stoically inside the office, both nursing stiff drinks. They waited until the club closed and all the others had gone off to bed before retreating to the club's private sanctum. But now that they were there, each found themselves unable to voice the thoughts in their heads.  
  
   
  
Doyle was the first to break the uneasy silence. "It's starting isn't it?"  
  
   
  
"'Fraid so, my friend," Lorne sighed and shook his head.  
  
   
  
"Damn!" the half demon cursed loudly, slamming his glass down on the desk. "Have ya been able ta read anything else off her?"  
  
   
  
"No, not even a smidge of detail out of the perky little head of hers," Lorne frowned at his lack of information. "All I get off her is that things are about to get ugly with a capital 'U'."  
  
   
  
"Damn!" Doyle cursed once again. "They're not making this easy on us."  
  
   
  
"Do they ever?" the green demon grimaced. "The Bosses aren't givin' you anything either?"  
  
   
  
"Nothing," Doyle shook his head. "Whatever is going ta happen has them worried, though."  
  
   
  
"That's not good. You sure we shouldn't tell her?" Lorne's eyes glanced upwards to where the object of their discussion was sleeping.  
  
   
  
"Ya know we can't interfere in things like this. The bosses would have my head. And it's not like we really know anything," Doyle sighed and slumped down on the office's leather couch.  
  
   
  
"I don't like it," Lorne again looked to the ceiling. "I just hope she'll make it through."  
  
   
  
"Me too," Doyle added worriedly.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC!! 


	25. ASSFT Part 5

***  
  
New SiT chapter! There's a wee bit of a cliff *g*, and you'll probably groan and want to throw things at me. Sorry!  
  
I had a couple questions I wanted to answer here relating to the use of AtS canon...most of what happened on AtS never occurred in the case of this fic. So Angel doesn't know Lindsey, and there is no such thing as the word 'Shanshu'. Everything from AtS is pretty much nonexistent accept for the use of Lorne, Doyle, a club, etc.   
  
Enjoy!  
  
~Isis  
  
***  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 5  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~a few days later~  
  
   
  
The bright morning sun slowly crept across Buffy's bedroom until it reached her pillow. Her eyes flickered open, blinking furiously against the harsh light assaulting her vision. After a few moments of adjusting to the light, she sat up in her bed, yawning away the remnants of sleep. The movements made her wince as wave after wave of nausea wracked her body. She closed her eyes, trying to force the uncomfortable feeling away, but within seconds was making a mad dash to the bathroom.  
  
   
  
Once inside, she fell to the floor in front of the toilet, retching up the contents of her stomach. Minutes later, with her heart racing and beads of sweat pouring down her face she slumped down to the cold tile floor. Her fingers trembled as they tried to soothe the spasms still attacking her insides. Gradually, the nausea and pain began to fade away, leaving Buffy weak and exhausted on the bathroom floor.  
  
   
  
She laid there for another fifteen minutes, allowing her body to recover from the sudden sickness. Carefully, she pulled herself off the floor hoping that the nausea would not return. When it didn't, she made her way to the sink and brushed her teeth, removing the foul taste from her mouth. After splashing some cool water on her face, Buffy quietly opened the bathroom door and peeked out into the hallway. She was glad to find no one nearby. If they knew she wasn't feeling well, they'd pester her non-stop.  
  
   
  
Walking into her room, she tiredly laid down on her bed and curled into a ball. Being sick was definitely not on her list of fun things to do. And today was not a good day to be sick. Ashlynn's birthday party was tonight and she just couldn't ruin it. Her daughter had been looking forward to it for weeks. Lorne was closing down the club for the night so that they could use the downstairs for a party for family and friends. She just couldn't mess up Ash's night.  
  
   
  
Buffy let herself rest for a few more minutes before taking in a deep breath and resigning herself to getting up. At least whatever illness that had come over her this morning seemed to have, for the most part, passed. She still felt kind of gross, but the nausea was gone. Happy for that, Buffy went to her closet and pulled out some old clothes so that she could go down into the club and get it ready for the party. No matter what, she planned on making this a fun night for her daughter.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~that night~  
  
   
  
Angel once again found himself standing on the sidewalk across from 'Black Destiny'. He didn't know why he was still in Seattle. His intention had been to come, make sure Buffy was okay, and then leave again. She didn't need him here. He'd only mess up her life. But as he'd walked away a few nights ago there'd been a nagging feeling deep in his gut telling him not to leave, that it was important for him to stay. So against his better judgment, he was still in Seattle, standing only a short distance from Buffy.  
  
   
  
He knew he was playing with fire by getting so close, but he couldn't help himself. After seven years apart, he was starved for her. Just seeing her face and her smile touched him on a level he couldn't even begin to describe. He craved the mere feel of her presence nearby. Maybe that was why he was now risking being found.  
  
   
  
Creeping across the street, he moved closer to the building. He could tell that she was inside. The tingling in his spine told him that much. He wasn't sure he wanted to know who she was with, though. His heart ached at the thought of seeing her in the arms of that man again. Wanting her to be happy with someone else was one thing, seeing it was an entirely different issue.  
  
   
  
Despite that, he snuck up to one of the windows to the right of the staircase. Maybe just one more glimpse of her would sate his need and he'd be able to leave and let her live her life in peace. Or it could just make him want to stay. It was a toss up. Either way, he needed to see her again.  
  
   
  
His height allowed him to peer unobtrusively through the window and into the club. He was surprised to see that it didn't appear to be open. From what he could tell there were only about ten people inside gathered around a couple large tables in the center of the room. A large column was blocking his view, though, so he couldn't get a clear picture.  
  
   
  
Angel looked to his left and noticed there were a few windows on the other side of the stairs. As quietly as possible, he left his position and moved to one of the other vantage points. The new angle gave him a much clearer view of the inside of the club and also its occupants.  
  
   
  
He was only somewhat surprised to see Willow and Oz present and sitting together. If he was remembering correctly, Faith had said something about Willow and Seattle. The only other person he recognized he was quite shocked to see. What on earth was Cordelia doing there? She and Buffy had never really been friends. Angel was slightly baffled by the brunette's presence, but he supposed that things could have changed in the seven years he'd been gone.  
  
   
  
None of the others were familiar to him. There was a short, rather sloppy looking man with dark hair sitting close to Cordelia. It appeared as though they were romantically involved. Another surprising detail since the guy didn't look to be the former cheerleader's type. Then next to those two was what was obviously a demon with green skin, red horns, and the most ugly suit he'd ever seen. Angel assumed the demon was a good guy since everyone seemed okay with his presence. There was also a shy looking woman with dirty blonde hair sitting near Willow and Oz.  
  
   
  
Finally, there was Buffy standing at the head of the center table wearing an absolutely gorgeous deep blue dress. He involuntarily sucked in an unneeded breath at the sight of her. Gods, she looked amazing. Angel was dismayed, though, to see the man from the night before walk up to the table holding a cake in his hands. The mere presence of the strange male made Angel's fists clench at his sides.  
  
   
  
Soon, it became apparent to Angel that they were having a birthday party for someone. He watched as Buffy lit the candles on the cake and then walked out of his line of vision. When she returned a few moments later, his dead heart nearly fell out of his chest. In her arms rested a blonde haired little girl with her hands over her eyes. He knew in an instant that the child had to be Buffy's. If it weren't for the way she lovingly held the girl he would have known it from physical appearance.  
  
   
  
Buffy had a child. The realization made him want to combust on the spot. She really had moved on. She had a...lover...and a child, and what looked like a great job and place to live. The perfect life. She'd found it all. And without him. It hurt more than he possibly thought it could. In the back of his mind he'd always hoped that someday they'd have a chance. That hope was gone now. She didn't need him, not when she already had it all.  
  
   
  
There was no need for him to stay and watch anymore, but he did anyway. Maybe it was his masochistic need to punish himself that made him remain, or maybe it was just his need to get his fill of her before he left. The reason didn't really matter as he continued to stand there and watch the group's activities through the window.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
Inside the club, Buffy walked back toward the tables with Ashlynn in her arms. They wanted to surprise her with the cake so she'd told her young daughter to keep her hands over her eyes and not take them off until she told her too. The cake was custom made strawberry and vanilla swirl on the inside, vanilla icing, a picture of the Power Puff Girls on top, and 'Happy 6th Birthday Ashlynn' written in pink gel icing above the picture. Buffy knew Ash was going to love it.  
  
   
  
The little girl squealed in delight once she was finally able to remove her hands from her eyes. She impatiently waited while the group of friends and family sang 'Happy Birthday' to her and then excitedly blew out the candles. As is tradition, she received the first piece of the cake and managed to eat it and get only a little bit on her clothes.  
  
   
  
After cake came what was of course the best part of the night: presents. As usual, Buffy spoiled her only daughter by giving her numerous new outfits and toys. Willow and Oz got her the video game system that she'd been asking for months to have. To go with that, Cordy and Doyle had gotten her several children's rated games. From Lorne, she received several teen-pop cds. Buffy had grudgingly allowed him to buy them, wary of the influence of scantily clad females on her little girl. Tara gave her quite a few books since she knew Ash loved to read even at her young age. So at least that balanced out the questionable music.  
  
   
  
The last gift came from Lindsey. Knowing of Ashlynn's love for drawing, painting and other such activities, he'd gotten her a large, and rather expensive, art set. The birthday girl grinned broadly at the wonderful present and ran to Lindsey, allowing him to swoop her up in his arms. She laughed at the act and gave him a hug and he kissed her cheek lovingly. After a minute, he set the girl down and watched as she raced off to play with all her new toys.  
  
   
  
Her joy was contagious and the adults in the room found themselves smiling happily. They contented themselves at the tables with drinks and chatter while Buffy quietly slipped away to the far side of the room. She leaned heavily against the wall, feeling a sad pang in her heart as she watched her daughter giddily fiddle with the art set from Lindsey.  
  
   
  
Moments like these brought memories long past to the forefront of her mind. She was well aware of the heritage of Ashlynn's artistic abilities. The child certainly hadn't gotten them from her. No, they were a genetic link to a man she'd never met; her father. She'd only ever bore witness to his abilities during his time as Angelus, but she knew of his love to draw just as she knew that talent had been passed on to their offspring. It was a painful reminder of what was lost and gone, never to be returned.  
  
   
  
Seven years may have passed, but to Buffy, it was always there. He was always there. How could he not be when all she had to do was look into her daughter's deep brown eyes and see him reflected within. It soothed and stung all at once, an ever-present reminder of her past and a man never forgotten, but gone nonetheless.  
  
   
  
A sudden chill swept down Buffy's spine as she reclined against the wall. She shivered at the sensation, her body growing tense. Unable to shake the feeling, nor the growing tension in her body, she swirled her eyes around the club searching for...something. She found nothing, though, except her friends jovially laughing a few feet away and her daughter engrossed with her gifts.  
  
   
  
So lost in her thoughts, Buffy startled slightly when an arm wrapped around her shoulders. "You okay, darling?"  
  
   
  
Buffy turned her head to find Lindsey gazing worriedly at her. Forcing a smile onto her face, she answered, "I'm fine. It's just been a long day."  
  
   
  
"You sure?" he pushed, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.  
  
   
  
"Yeah," Buffy nodded her head and relaxed against him though she couldn't lose the earlier feeling that had rushed over her, one that felt oddly like she was being watched.   
  
   
  
Cautiously, her eyes again scanned the club for the source of her discomfort, but there was still nothing. Maybe she was just still feeling the remnants of whatever sickness had overcome her this morning. Sighing, she forced away her worries and walked with Lindsey back to the tables where her friends sat. She was supposed to be having fun tonight, not stressing over something she wasn't even sure was there.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
Under the guise of retrieving more snacks, Lorne and Doyle had managed to slip away from the group and back into the club's kitchen. They carefully checked to make sure the room was indeed empty, not wanting to have their upcoming conversation heard by anyone. Once positive they were alone, Doyle carefully closed the door and walked to the center of the room, leaning heavily against the stainless steel counter.  
  
   
  
"Seems as though the Angel-cakes I've heard so much about has made his triumphant return," Lorne stated with a bit more glee than he was actually feeling.  
  
   
  
"So ya noticed that too?" Doyle sighed and ran a hand through is already disheveled hair.  
  
   
  
"Kinda hard not to with that one's aura just screaming away to anyone and everyone," the green-skinned demon grimaced at the things he felt radiating off the unexpected visitor. Typically he had to hear a person sing to get a beat on them, but with the infamous vampire, well...his soul was like Rudolph's nose in a pitch-black room.  
  
   
  
"Well, that's better than having the bosses mentally slap ya upside the head and point out our peeping-tom," Doyle frowned unhappily. The move was a little surprising for The Powers, but he supposed they wanted to make sure he was aware of the vampire's presence. Given that piece of information, Doyle was forced to believe that the souled one had a role to play in whatever was about to happen.  
  
   
  
"You thinkin' what I'm thinking?" Lorne questioned when he noticed that Doyle was lost in thought.  
  
   
  
"That if the bosses want me ta know he's here, he's supposed ta be here?" the half demon voiced his thoughts.  
  
   
  
"Pretty much," Lorne shook his head in the affirmative.  
  
   
  
"Yup, that's what I was thinking," he reiterated and ran a hand over his face.  
  
   
  
"Think she knows he's here?" pondered Lorne absently.  
  
   
  
"No, but I think she feels something," Doyle shrugged noncommittally.  
  
   
  
Lorne's eyes drifted to the door, past which his friend was enjoying a night with her friends and daughter. He couldn't help but worry over whatever it was she was about to face. "We better get back. Don't need them wondering what is taking us so long."  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Still perched outside the window, Angel had watched each and every moment inside the club with morbid fascination. A little voice in his head told him that what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't force himself to leave. So he'd stood there and watched every heart rending detail of the life he was no longer part of.  
  
   
  
He'd watched friends laugh and gather together; the cake and the singing; the exchange of gifts; and he'd watched Buffy, the girl, and man who had taken his place. It tore at every fiber of his being when the giggling blonde headed child had leapt into the man's arms, and the resulting smile on his beloved's face. And he'd watched as the man worriedly embraced his love just moments ago after he'd almost been found out.  
  
   
  
Yes, he'd also noticed the sudden concern tense the ever-vigilant Slayer. But he had also noted the lack of recognition in her eyes. She no longer felt his specific presence. That small iota of information only further reinforced the knowledge that his place in her life was gone. He tried to keep telling himself over and over that that was what he had wanted for her, but it made no difference. Seeing her happy with someone else, and with a child was a veritable nightmare. But, he reminded himself, she was alive, not dead as he had believed when he first started this 'mission'.  
  
   
  
That realization alone was enough to temper even the fiercest of his varying emotions. He was a man, or rather demon, who could endure much. But Buffy being dead was something he knew deep inside he would not survive. If her being alive meant that she was with another, then he would accept it. He didn't like it, but he would accept it. All other feelings could be pushed aside and he would take a small amount of comfort in the knowledge that she was alive and happy.  
  
   
  
Still, the fact that she had not recognized his presence struck a sad chord in his soul. He knew she had felt something, her wondering eyes had told him that much. The roving gaze had forced him to tuck out of the line of vision so that she would not spot him. Luckily, he had not been caught. At least not by her.  
  
   
  
It had not escaped him that the dark haired man with Cordelia had glanced almost directly at him. Angel had been about to run, afraid to be confronted, but the man had casually redirected his eyes back to the party and said nothing to the others to lead him to believe he'd been spotted. Maybe the unknown man had just heard something and looked in his direction. Either way, he was relieved nothing had come of it.  
  
   
  
The remainder of the night held much the same for Angel. He never left his position, watching the group inside laugh, smile, and be happy. Even after the party ended, he stayed. Only the dirty blonde had left, accompanied by the dark haired man and the odd looking demon. The man returned a short while later and helped some of the others clean up. All the while, Angel still watched.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
Sometime later, Buffy walked quietly out of the front door of the building, frowning to herself. She hated lying. Her friends thought she was going to run to the all-night market a few streets away for some ice cream. It wasn't an unusual act, at least not to them. To Buffy, though, it was her typical story when she just needed to get out for a short while on her own. She loved her friends dearly, but they had a tendency to be a bit over-bearing.   
  
   
  
The rule was that she never go out alone at night, or at least patrolling alone. It was safer that way. They made concessions when she wanted to 'run out to get ice cream' thinking that she would stay only on well-lit, busy streets. So that was the excuse she used tonight, needing even just a few short moments by herself. She was well aware that she was putting herself at risk, but she was the Slayer. It wasn't like she couldn't handle trouble. She wasn't going to go looking for it either. All she wanted was a short walk to try and clear her head a little bit. Too many things were bothering her at the moment.  
  
   
  
Striding down the concrete staircase, she turned right and headed down the street. In her mild distraction, she never noticed the shadow beneath the window that shifted ever so slightly. She walked slowly down the sidewalk, taking time to enjoy the fresh air, and the cool temperature. There were a fair number of people out and about so Buffy relaxed somewhat, knowing a vamp attack on a busy street was unlikely.  
  
   
  
She was a few blocks away from her home when the feeling from earlier returned, but even stronger this time. There was someone watching her, she was positive of that. Years of being a Slayer clued her in to the sensation. Instinctively, she wanted to turn around and confront whoever, or whatever, was following her, but she knew that probably wasn't the wisest decision. So instead, she carefully scanned her surroundings, looking for a way to outwit her stalker.  
  
   
  
In front of her, a large group of people, drunk teenagers she thought, were goofing off in front of a twenty-four hour coffee shop. Seeing the opportunity, Buffy advanced directly into the group, allowing herself to be surrounded by the oblivious teens. She pushed to the other side as nonchalantly as possible until she was free and then quickly ducked left into an alley just past the coffee shop.  
  
   
  
Using her Slayer speed, Buffy dashed down the alley, turned left, and then circled back around. The movements, she hoped, would bring her out behind whatever was shadowing her. As she neared the end of the second alley that would lead her out onto the street she'd originally been on she slowed her pace considerably. Reaching the exit point, she carefully peeked her head out, searching for anything suspicious.  
  
   
  
At first, she saw nothing of relevance. Then, as she continued inspecting the area, she saw a dark figure hovering in the shadows along a building just before the group of teens she'd just walked through. Bingo! she spoke triumphantly to herself. Her feeling had been dead on. Someone was indeed tracking her. Except she'd lost him...it...whatever...and now had the upper hand.  
  
   
  
Sneaking silently out of the alley, Buffy crept toward the unaware stalker who appeared to be searching for her everywhere but behind him. That, of course, made it all the more easier for her to sneak up on him. And from her vantage point now, it did appear to be a him. A tall, bulky him. She felt a little twinge in her gut at that, but ignored it, focusing entirely on the situation in front of her. Within seconds, she was only a few feet from the still unaware man. Raising a brow at that, Buffy halted her steps, and crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
   
  
"Any particularly reason you are following me?" she spoke clearly into the night. The sound of her voice, she noticed caused the man's body to tense immediately, but he made no movement otherwise and said nothing in response.  
  
   
  
The relative lack of response irked her and she shifted her weight slightly before speaking again. "Do I get an answer or do I have to beat it out of y-."  
  
   
  
Anything else she had to say died on her lips as the mysterious man slowly turned in her direction. The face that met her eyes sent her mind reeling. Never in a million years would she have expected this. So great was the shock that the stake held poised in her hand fell clamoring to the ground without a second thought. All she could focus on was the oh-so-familiar face now staring back at her intently.  
  
   
  
She told herself she was dreaming, that it wasn't possible. There was no way that he was standing mere feet from her. It couldn't be him. It just couldn't. She knew otherwise, though. The eyes searching hers were the same dark brown ones she'd dreamt about for so long. The supple lips were the ones she remembered kissing more times than she could count. There was no denying who it was that was stalking her, but still she couldn't quite face what was staring straight at her. She didn't know if she wanted to face it.  
  
   
  
Her feet took two steps backwards, needing space, needing air...needing anything but to be in the situation she was currently in. Frantically, her eyes darted around her, looking for what she didn't know. This was too much. It was all too much. And then he spoke.  
  
   
  
"Buffy," came her whispered name in only that tone he could create.  
  
   
  
The single word snapped something inside of her. Confused and dazed, she did the only thing she could think to do; turned and ran.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC!! 


	26. ASSFT Part 6

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 6  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
Angel could only watch as Buffy ran away from him as fast as she possibly could.  He was torn between going after her and falling to the ground in tears.  How could he have been so stupid to let her catch him?  She'd snuck right up on him and he hadn't even noticed until she'd spoken.  He mentally cursed himself for not paying attention.  This was not what he had wanted to have happen.  
  
   
  
Buffy wasn't supposed to see him; she wasn't supposed to know he was here.  Her life was perfect now.  She didn't need him coming along and lousing it up.  And now that is just what he had done.  The look on her face was enough to tell him that she didn't want to see him.  There hadn't been an ounce of happiness in her eyes.  Had he really expected there to be?  Maybe before he'd come here he had, but now that he knew about the life she'd built he could understand her reaction.  
  
   
  
There was no place for him anymore in her life.  She had friends, a job, a life, and someone who could give her all things he could not.  Whoever the man was, he filled the void that Angel couldn't.  He gave her love, happiness, security, and a child, all things she rightly deserved.  Angel was glad she had them, really he was.  But it still hurt.  
  
   
  
His eyes closed for a moment and his shoulders slumped as he felt the loss deep within his soul.  Yes, he'd already lost her many years earlier, but now it felt even more final.  She was truly gone to him now.  And judging by her actions just minutes ago, she did not even want to speak to him or see him.  So he opened his eyes and stared in the direction of where Buffy had run, knowing in his heart what he needed to do.    
  
   
  
He didn't belong here.  There was no reason to stay, not that he had planned on staying anyway.  He also hadn't planned on letting her see him, but it had happened.  Now it was time to leave before he caused any more damage.  Turning, Angel started to walk away.  He only made it a few feet before a voice stopped him.  
  
   
  
"Going somewhere?"  
  
   
  
Angel quickly faced the direction of the voice and saw a man step out of the shadows.  He instantly recognized him as the dark haired gentleman that had been at the party.  Shocked by the unexpected event, he could say nothing in return.  
  
   
  
"Looks ta me like ya were about ta high tail it outta town," Doyle's accented voice spoke again.  
  
   
  
"Who are you?" Angel narrowed his eyes at the stranger.  
  
   
  
"Ya didn't answer my question," Doyle shot back.  "But ta answer yer question, I'm a...friend...of yer old buddy Whistler."  
  
   
  
"You know Whistler," Angel took a step forward and scented the air, picking up on something he had missed before.  "You're a demon."  
  
   
  
"Half demon, thank you," corrected Doyle in irritation.    
  
   
  
"What do you want?" the vampire asked, growing wary of the half demon's intentions.  
  
   
  
"Fer ya ta answer my question," Doyle repeated again.  "Though, knowing what I know about ya I should already know."  
  
   
  
"What's it matter to you?" Angel answered sadly, turning his head away from Doyle.  
  
   
  
"It matters a lot ta me," Doyle replied hotly to the back of the vampire's head.  "It matters because it involves people I care about."  
  
   
  
"She doesn't need me," Angel spoke in a near whisper.  
  
   
  
"She doesn't need you?" Doyle parroted in the form of a question.  "And how would ya know that?  A couple hours of stalking and ya have all the answers?"  
  
   
  
"Leave me alone!" demanded Angel, growing angry with the stranger and still refusing to face him once again.  
  
   
  
"Piece of advice, buddy," started Doyle, hoping this would work out.  "I wouldn't be leaving so quick if I were you.  There are things you don't know, things that you need ta face.  You'll regret it if ya don't."  
  
   
  
Angel heard the words, but didn't immediately react.  When he finally turned his eyes back toward the half demon to question him on his statement, the man was gone.  He searched for him in the surrounding area, but didn't find the cryptic messenger. Frowning, Angel just stood there trying to figure out what the demon meant and what exactly he was supposed to do now.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
"When's Mommy coming back?" Ashlynn looked up and asked Cordy from her spot on the floor amongst all her gifts.  
  
   
  
Cordy knelt down and smiled at the little girl.  "She'll be back real soon.  She just went to get something."  
  
   
  
"Okay," Ash nodded her head and went back to looking through the books she'd received from Tara.  
  
   
  
Cordelia sighed and straightened herself up.  For a few seconds, she watched Ashlynn play before walking toward where Willow was cleaning up one of the tables in the center of the club.  She carefully glanced at the others to see what they were doing and found Lindsey taking down decorations on the other side of the room.  Doyle, though, was no where to be found.  She wondered where he'd run off to after walking Tara home.  Seeing that no one was paying attention to her, though, she pulled Willow into a corner, needing to talk to the redhead.  
  
   
  
"You noticed it, too, didn't you?" the brunette whispered, hoping the guys wouldn't notice their conversation.  
  
   
  
"Unfortunately.  Something was definitely bothering her," Willow answered and leaned back against the wall.  
  
   
  
"I know.  She seemed worried about something and then she just ~had~ to go out and get ice cream," Cordy continued Willow's train of thought, keeping an eye on the others.  
  
   
  
Willow frowned and thought back on Buffy's slightly odd behavior.  "It was like she kept looking around the room for something."  
  
   
  
"Or someone," added Cordy with a shrug not really meaning anything in particular.  The statement, though, lingered between the two girls.  
  
   
  
For an unseemly long minute, both females allowed the implication of Cordy's word to roll around their heads.  There was something familiar about Buffy's behavior.  Both knew it but couldn't quite yet place it.  The realization seemed to hit both of them at the same time.  
  
   
  
"No...," Cordy started to say.  
  
   
  
"You don't think...," Willow trailed off, not sure she wanted to actually complete what she was thinking.  
  
   
  
"Shit," spoke Cordy, her voice low and full of worry.  
  
   
  
"We have to be wrong," Willow shook her head, trying to tell herself they couldn't possibly be right.    
  
   
  
"Willow, we've both seen this before," the brunette whispered harshly, knowing they were correct, but hating it all the same.  
  
   
  
"But-" Willow never got to finish her sentence because at that moment, the blonde in question came bursting through the front doors of the club.  
  
   
  
The sounds of the doors slamming against the wall sent all eyes in the room looking toward the commotion.  What they found caused instant worry in each of them.  Buffy was standing just inside the door, half doubled over, panting with tears trailing down her face.  The group quickly rushed toward her, noticing that she didn't appear to be hurt but instead, was upset about something.  Willow and Cordelia shared a look of recognition, realizing their earlier assumption was likely true.  
  
   
  
"Buffy?" Willow spoke softly so as not to spook her friend.  
  
   
  
At first, the blonde didn't respond, but slowly she raised her head, casting her glazed eyes at Willow.  She said nothing in return, only stared at the redhead looking lost and confused.  At one point, Buffy's mouth opened as if to speak, but no words came out.  Her mind was too trapped in a jumble of thoughts to try and form a coherent sentence.    
  
   
  
"Buffy?"  This time it was Cordelia who spoke, placing a hand gently on Buffy's shoulder.    
  
   
  
The physical contact made the Slayer jump slightly.  Her eyes nervously darted around the room for a few seconds.  The walls felt like they were closing in on her.  Everyone was staring at her, expecting something.  She needed to get away, needed space, needed to get away from all these people who wanted something.  So for the second time that night, she ran.  In the blink of an eye, Buffy rushed passed the concerned group and darted up the stairs, not bothering to wait for the elevator to take her up to her apartment.  
  
   
  
Willow and Cordelia looked at each other, growing more worried by the second.  There was only one thing that could make Buffy act this way.  They were both well aware of that.  And neither really knew what to do.  This was all so unexpected.  Their state of shock was quickly halted when they saw Lindsey move to run after Buffy.    
  
   
  
"Lindsey!  No!" Cordelia shrieked without thinking.  
  
   
  
"What?" the dark blonde haired man asked in confusion.  
  
   
  
"Umm...don't go.  You, uh, need to stay here.  We'll go," Cordy nodded to Willow.  The last thing Buffy needed was to deal with Lindsey at the moment.  
  
   
  
"Why shouldn't I go?  She's my-,"  
  
   
  
Cordelia quickly cut him off, knowing she needed to do anything to keep him away from Buffy for right now.  "It's a, uhh...."  
  
   
  
"Girl thing!" Willow supplied for her.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, right.  Girl thing," babbled Cordy nervously, grabbing Willow's arm and pulling her toward the stairs.  
  
   
  
"How do you know that?" Lindsey frowned at them.  
  
   
  
"Because we're, uh, girls?" Willow spoke more in the form of a question.  
  
   
  
"Yes!  We're girls, and we...know these sorts of things!" Cordy supported Willow's previous statement.  
  
   
  
"Aunt Cordy?  What's wrong with Mommy?  Why was she crying?" Ashlynn interjected suddenly making the group remember she was standing there watching all that occurred.  
  
   
  
"Oh, umm...," Cordy knelt down to look at the little girl.  "She's okay, sweetie. Sometimes, adults get upset over things and cry.  Don't worry, though.  She'll be fine.  Aunt Willow and I will go make sure.  Okay?"  
  
   
  
Ashlynn looked toward where her Mom had run up the stairs and frowned.  "Okay."  
  
   
  
"Lindsey, stay here and help Ash clean up her presents.  Willow and I will go talk to Buffy."  Without waiting for his agreement, Cordy grabbed Willow's arm again and pulled her as she quickly ran up the stairs.  
  
   
  
"You do know that we just made him even more suspicious," Willow mumbled as she was struggling to keep up with Cordelia.  
  
   
  
"Yeah, well, did you want him to go up there and try to talk to her?" Cordy snapped back.  
  
   
  
"No, but we don't even know if we're right!" the redhead glared.  
  
   
  
Cordelia turned and gave Willow a 'duh' look.  "Trust me, there's only one thing that could make her act like this.  Now shut up."  
  
   
  
The two girls quietly walked into Buffy's apartment above the club, looking for any sign of their friend.  They didn't see her right away, but they could certainly hear her sobs emanating from what they thought was her bedroom.  For what seemed like the millionth time that night, they shared a worried look before heading towards the sounds of crying.  If they were right in what they thought happened, they knew things were about to get a whole lot more difficult.  
  
   
  
Standing in the doorway to Buffy's bedroom, they found the blonde Slayer sitting on her bed with knees to chest and Mr. Gordo clutched in her arms.  The strength of her sobs was causing her entire body to shake uncontrollably.  It appeared as though she had no idea that two of her friends had followed her and were now in her room.  
  
   
  
"Buffy?" Cordy spoke up, wishing she could do something for the person who had become one of the best friends she ever had.  
  
   
  
She received no response, which wasn't entirely unexpected.  Both Willow and Cordelia were torn on how to handle this situation.  They knew it was likely that Buffy wanted to be left alone, but they also knew it was probably better if she talked about it.  So they walked further into the room and sat on the bed, one on each side of their crying friend.  
  
   
  
"Buffy, talk to us.  Please?" Willow requested softly  
  
   
  
"Whatever it is," Cordelia started, acting as if they had no idea what was behind Buffy's actions.  "We're here for you.  We want to help."  
  
   
  
Still, there was no reaction from Buffy.  The only sound in the room was that of her heavy sobs.  Cordy and Willow began to wonder if she even realized they were there.  Not knowing what else to do, Willow grabbed the soft fleece blanket from the end of the bed and draped it over Buffy's shoulders.  It was when Cordelia was about to speak again that Buffy finally broke her silence.  
  
   
  
"I saw him."  Her voice was came out as a small, choked whisper.  
  
   
  
"Who, Buffy?  Who did you see?" Willow questioned although she already knew the answer, but needed confirmation.  
  
   
  
Buffy said nothing for a moment, but finally, she raised her head off her knees.  "A-angel."  
  
   
  
Cordy closed her eyes and cursed inside her head.  She and Willow were right.  After seven long years, Angel was back.  In the back of her mind, she knew it was something that would happen someday.  Well, at least years ago it was something she had considered.  But as time passed, it had become less of a possibility.  She didn't know whether to be angry or grateful for his reappearance.  On one hand, this was the man, err creature, who'd long been a part of her friends heart and deserved to know he had a daughter, but on the other hand this was something Buffy didn't need.  Everything was going so well and now he was back.  Either way, she supposed, it didn't matter because he was already here.  
  
   
  
"Oh, Buffy," Cordy stated sympathetically and pulled the crying girl into her arms.  
  
   
  
"What happened?" asked Willow, ignoring the slight pang of jealousy over the closeness between Buffy and Cordelia.  
  
   
  
Buffy pulled out of Cordy's arm and swiped at the tears on her face with the edge of the blanket that was around her shoulders.  After taking a few deep breaths she hoped would calm herself down, she told them about the feeling she had gotten at the party.  She then explained about her walk and how she knew she was being followed.  And finally, she described sneaking up on the man and finding that it was Angel.  
  
   
  
"So you ran," Cordy concluded after hearing the tale.  
  
   
  
"Yeah," Buffy looked down, feeling a modicum of shame for her cowardice.  
  
   
  
"It's understandable that you did, Buffy," comforted Willow, sensing her friend's displeasure.  "I probably would have passed out if I were you."  
  
   
  
"I almost did," Buffy let out a meek laugh that turned into a sob.  "I can't believe he's here."  
  
   
  
"Did he say anything?" questioned Cordy, reaching for the box of tissues on Buffy's nightstand.  
  
   
  
"No, just my name, and then I ran."  Buffy accepted the tissues and tried to dry her eyes though it was a useless act because her tears were still falling.  
  
   
  
Cordy looked to Willow for a moment before taking the plunge and asking the question she had on her mind.  "Do you wish he hadn't of come?"  
  
   
  
"No...yes...I don't know," she pulled the blanket tighter around her.  "I used to hope, so long ago, that he would come back to me, but now....it's so hard.  I just stopped thinking it would happen."  
  
   
  
"Do you still love him?"  Willow figured she might as well get to the real heart of the matter.  
  
   
  
"Always," Buffy answered swiftly, leaving no doubt to her feelings.  "I never stopped."  
  
   
  
"Are you going to talk to him?"   This time the question came from Cordelia.  
  
   
  
Buffy's eyes closed and her shoulders sagged under the weight of her stress as she pondered the question.  "I don't know."  
  
   
  
"Why?" Cordy prodded.  
  
   
  
"Because I'm angry with him," she finally revealed, releasing a tense sigh.  "I know I shouldn't be.  I know his reasons for leaving made sense, but it still hurts.  He didn't talk to me about it.  He just decided it all on his own."  
  
   
  
Buffy crawled out of the bed and walked to the window, her hand reaching up to touch the cool glass.  "He just walked away and never looked back.  If he loved me so much how could he do that?"  
  
   
  
"Buffy, you know he loved you," Willow tried to reassure her.  
  
   
  
"I know," Buffy conceded.  She knew he really did love her.  It was just hard to believe it sometimes considering what he had done.  "It's just hard.  And he doesn't even know...Oh God!  Ashlynn!"  
  
   
  
Reality suddenly smacked Buffy in the face.  In the shock and confusion over Angel's reappearance, the full implication hadn't quite hit her.  Angel was Ashlynn's father.  Ashlynn was Angel's daughter.  Buffy's forehead thumped loudly against the window pane as it became clear to her that this situation wasn't just about her.  She had her daughter to consider.  And, despite her anger with him, she had to consider Angel.  
  
   
  
"Are you going to tell him?" one of her friends asked, though Buffy was so lost in thought she didn't know which.  
  
   
  
"He deserves to know," she whispered more to herself than to Willow and Cordelia.    
  
   
  
She'd always told herself that no matter what, Angel deserved to know he had a child, and Ashlynn deserved to know her father.  Could she get past her own feelings and do what she knew was right?  Buffy wanted to say yes, but there was still that part of her that resented his actions.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~several days later~  
  
   
  
Buffy sat in the rocking chair in her daughter's room alternately watching Ashlynn sleep and staring out the window at the night sky.  She was still torn on what to do about Angel.  Even now, three days later, she had yet to make any decisions.  Her mind was constantly distracted by Angel's reappearance.  Everyone was worried about her, not knowing what was going on since she had sworn Willow and Cordelia to secrecy. They'd been told it was just hormones from 'that time of the month' and because her daughter was growing up.  She knew they weren't buying it, but so far no one had pushed the issue.  
  
   
  
Angel was still there.  She could feel him lurking outside in the shadows.  Now that she was aware of his presence the tingle down her spine was stronger and she knew he was near.  If she was guessing correctly, he was outside right now, standing across the street in an alley.  Part of her wanted to run out there and leap into his arms, and the other half of her wanted to completely ignore he was there.  And a small corner of her mind wished she could go back to a week ago before all this happened.  
  
   
  
She knew she should talk to him.  She knew she had to tell him about Ashlynn.  She knew lots of things, but she still couldn't make herself confront the past.  Hundreds of questions echoed in her mind.  Why was he there?  How did he find her?  Did he still love her? Was he staying?  
  
   
  
Of course, she knew that if she wanted answers to those questions she had to talk to him.  Knowing what she should do, and actually doing it, though, was a bit harder.  She wasn't quite sure she even wanted to know the answers.  Could she handle it if he was just dropping by and had no intention of staying?  As far as she knew, nothing had changed.  Then again, she couldn't be sure.  She had no idea why he was there.  And she wouldn't know until she talked to him.  Maybe she just needed a few more days to let this all sink in.  
  
   
  
Glancing back at her daughter, Buffy was again struck by pangs of guilt.  She knew she needed to deal with this because of her daughter.  How would Ashlynn react to hearing her Father was there?  Would she accept him?  Would Angel want to even meet her?  So many questions, and so many answers she didn't have.    
  
   
  
Deciding to go to sleep instead of trying to come up with a solution, Buffy pushed herself out of the rocking chair.  Her body swayed as a wave of nausea rolled through her stomach.  Damn, she wished she'd kick this flu-bug already.  Spending time getting to know the toilet wasn't making any of this any easier.  She was just glad her friends hadn't noticed yet that she was sick.  They'd only pester her more if they knew.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC! 


	27. ASSFT Part 7

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 7  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~a few days later~  
  
   
  
Buffy ran her hand across her forehead as she walked along the sidewalk a few blocks from her home.  She swiped her hand on her jeans, wiping off the sweat from her forehead.  Despite the fact that she was only casually walking down the street, she was sweating as if she were battling an eight-foot tall demon.  She shook her head, hoping to clear away some of the fogginess, but it only served to make her dizzy.  Pulling her jacket off, Buffy looked ahead and was glad to find that she was almost home.  All she wanted to do was climb into bed and go to sleep.  
  
   
  
Glancing at her watch, she saw that it was almost two a.m.  She hadn't meant to be out this late, but she'd been visiting with Tara and they'd lost track of time.  At least she had managed to convince Doyle and her friends that she would be fine by herself.  It had taken a bit of arguing, but in the end, they'd let her go.  She knew they just worried about her being out on her own because of all the dangers she tended to run in to, but they were a bit too over protective sometimes.  They would probably be surprised, and rather angry, if they knew how many times she'd used excuses to just get even a few minutes to herself.  
  
   
  
Tonight she hadn't used an excuse, though.  She really had gone to visit Tara.  Over the years her former boss had become a really good friend.  Tara also still babysat for Ashlynn when needed and she spent time at the club on her nights off.  Usually Tara came over to her apartment, but she'd had a late shipment of artifacts coming into the store tonight so Buffy had gone to visit her there and kept her company.  
  
   
  
Buffy was nearing the club and her apartment when she heard a scream come from the alley across the street.  Groaning out loud, she grabbed the stake out of her waistband and dashed across the roadway towards where she could hear someone struggling.  The source of the noise was immediately evident.  A rather large, male vampire had a middle-aged woman pinned against a dumpster trying to hold her still long enough to bite her neck.    
  
   
  
The vampire had yet to notice Buffy's presence so she was able to come up behind him without any trouble.  Grabbing his body, she pulled him off the woman and threw him a few feet away.  She glanced at the woman, and seeing she appeared unharmed, told the female to run and then turned her attention back to the vamp.  By now, he'd gotten back on his feet and was growling angrily at Buffy for interrupting his meal.  
  
   
  
Taking a fighting posture, she glared at the demon, waiting for him to charge.  He didn't make her wait long and she rolled to her left to avoid the attack.  She circled around and faced the vamp again trying to form a battle plan in her mind.  The vamp charged again, and this time Buffy raised her right leg intent on kicking him in the chest.  Her balance faltered though and the kick was only a glancing blow on his side.  The botched move made the vampire laugh and he swiped at her with his arm, sending Buffy flying into the brick wall along the alleyway.  
  
   
  
The sound of the thud of her head against the wall reverberated throughout the alley.  Buffy's head throbbed, spots appearing before her eyes as she slid down to the dirty ground.  She tried to push herself back up, but the dizziness overwhelmed her and she slumped back down.  Looking up, she could see the vampire stalking toward her, a feral grin plastered on his face.  Again, Buffy tried to stand up, but as she attempted to do so a dark body tackled the vampire, sending him sprawling to the ground.  
  
   
  
Within seconds, the stranger had staked the vampire and was brushing the dust off his long coat.  She knew in an instant who it was.  If the coat hadn't of given it away, the feeling now tingling down her spine would have.  She should have known he was following her, but she hadn't felt him earlier.  He must have stayed far enough away to keep her from noticing him.  
  
   
  
As she once again began to try and pick herself up off the ground a large, familiar hand gently grasped her arm and helped her to stand.  The contact caused shivers to go down her spine, and sent her mind back to days past.  For a moment, she could only stare at her arm where his hand was positioned.  She wanted to reach out and touch his skin, but reality took over and she twisted out of his grip, backing a few feet away.  
  
   
  
"I could have handled it," she found herself mumbling to him as she brushed the dirt off her pants.  
  
   
  
"Usually people say thank you," Angel frowned at her reaction.  "And it didn't look like you were handling it."  
  
   
  
"I was fine," she bit back in annoyance.  "And thank you."  
  
   
  
"Are you okay?" he gestured to the lump on her head from where it hit the brick wall.  
  
   
  
Buffy raised her hand and winced when it came into contact with the wound.  "It's just a bump."  
  
   
  
"Are you sure?"  Angel took a few steps toward her and moved to touch the injury.  
  
   
  
Panic seized Buffy.  He was getting too close.  "I-I have to g-go," she sputtered and quickly turned to walk away, or run if need be.  
  
   
  
"You can't keep running," Angel's voice echoed all around.  
  
   
  
Buffy's steps halted at the words.  With narrowed eyes, she turned to face him. "What? You mean like you did?"  
  
   
  
"That's not fair, Buffy," Angel walked toward her, stopping a few feet away.  
  
   
  
"Fair?  You walked away from me.  And what?  You just reappear out of nowhere and expect me to leap into your arms?  It doesn't work that way," Buffy replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
   
  
"That's not what I expect," he corrected her.  No, he certainly didn't expect her to come running back to him.  In fact he hadn't even wanted her to know he was there.  But it was too late for that now.  He honestly had no idea what was to come next.  
  
   
  
"What do you want from me, then, Angel," Buffy sighed loudly, trying to ignore the pain in her head.  
  
   
  
"I...I don't know," he told her.  It was the truth after all.  
  
   
  
"I have to go.  People are waiting for me."  Buffy cringed as she realized that her friends could be out looking for her right now.  She'd called them right before she left Tara's to let her know she was on her way home.  
  
   
  
"Right.  Have to get back to your boytoy?" Angel snapped at her without really thinking about what he was saying.  
  
   
  
Buffy's mouth dropped open as she attempted to respond, but she said nothing.  He'd seen her with...she should have known he'd been following her longer than she'd realized.  Her anger, rational or not, flared at the fact that he was snooping around her life after he was the one to walk away.  What right did he have to spy on her?  
  
   
  
"It's what you wanted for me, isn't it?"  The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.  "Didn't you say you wanted me to find someone who could take me out in the sun, who could have sex with me, and who could give me kids?"  
  
   
  
She wasn't finished with her tirade and stepped right in front of Angel.  "I clearly remember you telling me that.  So I did.  Went out and got what you told me to.  And now, seven years later, you're back and acting like a jealous boyfriend.  Well, guess what, you're not my boyfriend, and you certainly have no right to be jealous."  
  
   
  
Angel wanted to reply, but there wasn't much he could say.  Everything she'd said was true.  He'd done all that and then some.  What, then, could he say?  Nothing.  And apparently Buffy agreed with him.  
  
   
  
"Ya know what?  I can't deal with this."  Buffy swayed as she spoke, dizziness and nausea swirling throughout her head and stomach.  Without waiting for a response, she turned and walked away, leaving Angel to watch her retreating back.  
  
   
  
Buffy left the alley as quickly as possible, though her gait was slower than normal as she struggled not to fall.  Her entire body ached and her head felt as if it were under a thousand feet of heavy ocean water.  The urge to vomit tickled the back of her throat, but she fought to keep it contained.  She just needed to make it a few feet and she'd be home, and away from him.  
  
   
  
"Buffy!" a voice called out somewhere in front of her.  "Oh my God!  What happened?"  
  
   
  
Through her blurry vision, Buffy could see Lindsey running toward her.  Relief flooded through her at the sight of the familiar face.  "I-I...my head..."  
  
   
  
"What happened?" Lindsey grabbed at her arm to keep her from falling over.  "We were so worried when you didn't come home right after callin'."  
  
   
  
"I...there was a vamp...the wall...," she reached a hand to her head hoping to dull the pain and leaned, or rather fell, against Lindsey's sturdy body.  
  
   
  
"Shh, Darling.  It'll be all right," he scoped her small body up into his arms and rushed toward the club where the others were nervously waiting.  
  
   
  
Buffy allowed him to pick her up, knowing that if he didn't she would be on the ground in seconds.  His embrace comforted her battered body and she laid her head down against his shoulder.  She was tempted to glance behind them.  He was watching.  She knew he was.  Instead, she clumsily wrapped her arms around Lindsey's neck and ignored the pang of guilt that was thumping in her heart.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
Inside of his rented motel room, Angel had been pacing from one end of the room to the other for the last hour.  This trip wasn't turning out at all as he had expected.  He'd gone from believing Buffy was dead, to having a small sliver of hope, to knowing that she was in fact alive and well.  Once he knew she was fine, he had planned on leaving, but even that had gotten screwed up when he'd been careless and she'd snuck up on him.    
  
   
  
After her less than pleased reaction to his presence he told himself that leaving would be the best thing.  She didn't need him there, not when she had a happy life.  He'd only mess it up.  Then that half-demon had appeared.  His words still haunted Angel.  What had the man meant when he said he should stay and that there were things he didn't understand and didn't know?  The message had been worrisome.  Enough so that Angel decided to stick around if only to find out who the half-demon was and what he knew.  He told himself he'd leave Buffy alone, but that hadn't work and he'd found himself following her once again.  
  
   
  
The events from earlier that night were running in a loop through his head.  He couldn't stop thinking about the confrontation with Buffy.  He couldn't stop thinking about her period.  She looked as beautiful as ever, he thought to himself.  There was a maturity that hadn't been there before, but that was only natural.  Her hair was longer and her body more defined and toned than it had been.  She still captured his heart, though.  
  
   
  
The words she'd spoken to him tore a hole in his dead heart.  They were true.  He was well aware of that.  He had told her to move on with her life; to find someone to be with; to walk in the sunlight, have kids, and all that accompanied; and most of all to be happy.  Yes, he had told her all that, and he had meant it.  But there was that small part in him that wanted her to hold onto their love forever.  They were soulmates.  Weren't they?  Or had he been wrong?  
  
   
  
She had moved on.  She didn't even seem to care that he was back.  Maybe he had underestimated the love between them.  That thought hurt almost more than he could bear.  Had he meant nothing to her?  Had it all been a lie?  Had she even cared about him at all?  Angel shook his head for even thinking that.  He knew she'd loved him.  Loved, in the past tense.  It was obvious to him that whatever they'd once had was over.  She had someone else now, a family.  He was just an ex-boyfriend.  He supposed it was better that way.  Nothing had changed.  He still couldn't give her anything.  
  
   
  
Something else was bothering Angel about his encounter with Buffy.  He couldn't quite figure out what it was, but something had been off.  He was sure of it.  Sure she'd taken that blow to the head and it had affected her, but that wasn't what was worrying him.  In his mind he replayed each moment from earlier in the evening.  She'd been at that store and then left.  He remembered her wiping her forehead and looking a little unbalanced.  Then in the alley she'd tried to fight the vampire.  The kick!  Buffy had moved to kick at the vamp and almost completely missed.  That wasn't like her at all.  
  
   
  
Angel was positive now.  Something was definitely wrong with her.  She'd never been that off in fighting a vampire.  Perhaps she was sick.  If she was, then why was she out by herself at night?  That was pretty much asking for trouble.  She was in no condition to fight demons if she was ill.  Angel felt himself growing angry that she'd put herself in such a dangerous position.  She was always stubborn, but even she should no better than to do what she did.  That vamp could have killed her if he hadn't of been there.  
  
   
  
Pacing over to the window, Angel stared off in the direction of Buffy's home.  He couldn't help but worry about her.  She may not want him to care, but he would always worry about her.  He loved her, would always love her, and because of that he would always worry about her.  She was ignoring what her body was telling her and that concerned him.  He couldn't let anything happen to her, not after just finding out that she was alive.  She may hate him for it, but Angel had no intention of leaving her alone until he was sure she was better.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~the next night~  
  
   
  
Buffy slowly moved around the various tables and counters collecting trash after a busy night at the club.  Why people couldn't throw their own cups away was beyond her.  Of course, they had hired people who were supposed to do this work, but she needed to be doing something.  Ever since what happened the night before, they'd been pestering her non-stop.  She wasn't some invalid, but they were treating her like one.  It was just a bump on the head.  Well, to them it was.  They didn't know there was more.  
  
   
  
The bump on her head was almost gone, but she still felt awful.  She hardly slept at all the night before and then had spent a half hour in the bathroom this morning throwing up everything in her stomach.  The sight of food made her want to run back to the toilet and she hadn't eaten a thing all day.  And now, as she cleaned up trash, she had to force her hands to stop trembling so no one would notice.  She knew that if her friends realized she was sick they would make her go to the doctor and that was not something she wanted to do.  It was just the flu.  She'd be fine in few days.  
  
   
  
"You're supposed to be upstairs resting," she heard Lindsey come up behind her and speak.  
  
   
  
"I'm fine, Linds, really," Buffy lied without turning to face him.  
  
   
  
"No, you're not," he took the bag of trash from her hands.  "Now go back upstairs and get into bed.  
  
   
  
"I'm not an invalid!" Buffy snapped at him.  
  
   
  
"I didn't say you were, Darling," Lindsey tried to console her, a little thrown by Buffy's attitude.  
  
   
  
"Then don't treat me like one!" she said in exasperation, harshly grabbing the trash bag back from Lindsey.  
  
   
  
"Buffy," Lindsey took hold of one of her hands.  "I'm sorry.  I'm just worried about you."  
  
   
  
"I'm fine, Linds," she softened slightly and squeezed his hand, hoping he wouldn't notice her sweating palms and trembling hand.  
  
   
  
"Are you sure?" he eyed her warily.  
  
   
  
"Yes, positive.  And see, it's almost gone," she pointed to the barely noticeable bump on her head and forced a grin on her face.  
  
   
  
"All right.  But you better get your butt in bed after you finish cleaning up," Lindsey ordered her sternly  
  
   
  
"I promise.  I don't want to keep Tara much longer anyway," she referred to her friend who was upstairs with Ashlynn.  
  
   
  
"Okay.  I'm gonna go help Oz get the music equipment shut down," he leaned down and kissed her cheek before walking toward the stage area.  
  
   
  
The moment Lindsey was gone, Buffy's hand dropped down to grip the counter she was standing in front of.  Her fingers tightly held onto the wood as she tried to stop the room from spinning.  The action did little and the dizziness persisted.  Not wanting anyone to notice her discomfort, she forced herself to focus on cleaning up.  Her hand shakily reached for the leftover cup on the counter, almost knocking it over before finally grabbing it at the brim.  She managed to get it into the trash bag and realized that maybe she should go upstairs and get into bed.  Someone was sure to detect her unsure actions if she stayed down here much longer.  
  
   
  
Glancing around the club, Buffy took note that her friends were all preoccupied at the moment.  With a bit of a struggle, she tied the top of the trash bag in a knot and slowly walked toward the door.  Her vision blurred causing two, then three, doors to swim before her eyes.  She blinked her them furiously, trying to still the moving images.  Finally, she reached the exit and as hurriedly as possible stepped outside, glad to be out of view of her friends.  
  
   
  
Holding the railing tightly, Buffy descended the stairs in front of the club.  She turned left and walked to the dumpster that was just around the side of the building.  It took her two tries, but she managed to somehow throw the light bag of trash onto the top of the heap.  She took three steps back towards the entrance of the building before pausing to lean against the rough brick and clutch at her stomach.  Biting her lip, she tried not to scream as intense pains shot through her gut.  
  
   
  
"Buffy?"  Damn!  She should have known he was out here.  
  
   
  
"Go away, Angel."  Buffy straightened up and forced her façade back up.  
  
   
  
"No," he spoke definitively.  
  
   
  
She whirled around at the denial and immediately regretted it.  Her hand again sought the support of the wall to keep herself from falling.  "No?"  
  
   
  
"No, I'm not going to leave you out here alone like this," he waved his hand at her swaying body.  
  
   
  
"W-what are you t-talking about?" she stuttered out as spots began to blot her vision.  
  
   
  
"Something's wrong with you," Angel took a step closer, noticing that her footing looked more and more unsteady.  
  
   
  
"I...I'm f-fine."  Buffy was anything but fine.  She had no intention of telling him that, though.  
  
   
  
"You're lying," he glared at her.  
  
   
  
"Lea-....leave m-," she never finished her sentence as her eyes rolled back in her head and her body went lax.  
  
   
  
"Buffy!" Angel lurched forward and was able to catch her before she hit the ground.  
  
   
  
He cradled her unconscious body in his arms.  For a split second, Angel reveled in the feel of her against him for the first time in seven years, but his glee was short lived.  Something was very, very wrong.  He could feel her heart pounding in her chest and the clamminess of her skin.  His eyes scanned her body searching for some sign as to the source of her illness, but there was nothing.  
  
   
  
Holding Buffy securely in his arms, Angel strode quickly up the stairs and haphazardly pulled the door open.  In any other circumstance he would have been panicking about revealing himself to the others, but now was not the time for that worry.  He was concerned with Buffy's health and nothing else.  
  
   
  
"Willow!" Angel bellowed the second he entered into the club.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
TBC!! 


	28. ASSFT Part 8

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 8  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
"What the Hell did you do to her?!" someone screamed at him.  Angel knew without looking that it was the boytoy.  
  
   
  
"I didn't do anything to her," Angel nearly snarled at the insipid man.  
  
   
  
"Angel?  What...Buffy!" Willow ran to where he was still holding Buffy in his arms.  Angel briefly took note of the lack of surprise in Willow's eyes at his presence, and quickly realized Buffy must have told her about him.  
  
   
  
"Who the Hell are...Angel?"  The name finally clicked in Lindsey's head.  "You're Angel?"  
  
   
  
"What happened?"  This time it was Cordy who spoke as the entire group closed in on him and the limp Slayer he cradled close to his body.  
  
   
  
"I was talking to her outside and she passed out," he explained tersely.  
  
   
  
"Let's get her upstairs," Doyle ordered worriedly.  He met Lorne's eyes for just a moment before he ran over to the elevator and pulled the gates open.  
  
   
  
Angel ignored the boytoy's movement to grab Buffy out of his arms and strode quickly to the elevator.  Freeing one of his hands, he pulled the gates closed before anyone else could enter.  Grateful to be away from the group's prodding, if only for a minute, he leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes as Doyle pushed the button to take them to the third floor.  Being around all these people who knew him, or at least knew of him, was making his skin crawl.  That was the least of his worries right now, though.  Buffy's health was the utmost priority.  
  
   
  
As the elevator came to a stop, Doyle finally spoke.  "Decided to stick around?"  
  
   
  
"Yeah," Angel grunted in response and swiftly left the confining space.  
  
   
  
Momentarily, his eyes widened in shock at the large, homey room he found himself in.  It was immediately obvious that this was Buffy's home.  Her scent attacked him from every corner of the room.  He wanted to stand there and breathe in every last nuance of her essence, but there wasn't time for that now.  Instead, he spotted a sofa on the opposite side of the room and moved toward it.  As gently as possible, he laid her still unconscious body down onto the soft material of the couch.  
  
   
  
For an instant, he regretted the loss of her body in his arms, but he pushed the feeling aside and focused on making her comfortable.  The half demon, whose name he still did not know, tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a cold cloth, which he carefully placed on Buffy's heated forehead.  Just as he was about to ask Doyle for a pillow, he heard a door open and turned to see all of the others coming from what he assumed was the stairs.  He knew they'd want to check on their friend, but he couldn't seem to make himself move from his spot kneeling at her side.  
  
   
  
"Angel?  Is she awake yet?" Willow came around the couch and bent down next to Angel.  
  
   
  
"No," he answered without looking at the redhead and then lifted his hand to brush the hair off Buffy's face.  
  
   
  
"Tell us what happened?" Angel heard the weird one with green skin request.  
  
   
  
"I already told you," he half growled in irritation, but seeing the concerned looks decided to repeat his earlier explanation.  "She came out, threw a bag of trash into the dumpster, we talked, and then she passed out."  
  
   
  
"You're sure you didn't...do...anything to her?" Lindsey asked suspiciously and glared at Angel.  
  
   
  
Hearing the accusatory statement, Angel stood and stalked toward the boytoy with narrowed eyes.  "Don't you EVER suggest something like that again," he ordered forcefully, the demon within him raging to escape.  
  
   
  
"Listen, Vampire, why should I trust you?" Lindsey stepped right up to Angel, not the slightest bit intimidated.  
  
   
  
Willow and Cordy, seeing that a fight that was about to start, quickly scrambled to get between the two combatants.  The last thing they needed right now was Angel and Lindsey beating the crap out of each other while Buffy lay unconscious on the sofa only a few feet away.  
  
   
  
"Now stop it you two," Cordy demanded with arms crossed over her chest.  
  
   
  
Angel spared another angry glare at his replacement before returning to Buffy's side.  He ignored the various looks from those around him as he took one of Buffy's hands in his and stroked his thumb across the back.  The urge to scoop her up in his arms pulsed through out his being.  The feel of her touch after so long without sparked an unquenchable need inside him to be as close as possible to her.  
  
   
  
"Damnit!" Doyle exclaimed while pacing across the room.  "I knew that knock ta her head was worse than she told us!"  
  
   
  
"We should have made her stay in bed today."  Willow sat down on the edge of the couch and took Buffy's other hand.  
  
   
  
"Maybe we should take her to the hospital," Lorne posed, receiving incredulous looks from just about everyone.  "Just a suggestion."  
  
   
  
"Don't you remember the last time we had to take her to the hospital?" Oz reminded them of the time a year earlier when Buffy had sliced her hand open while attempting to cook Thanksgiving diner.  
  
   
  
"Oh right.  But still..." Lorne trailed off, leaving his inference up to them.  He couldn't help but worry, and he couldn't seem to shake the feeling that the foreboding darkness he'd seen whenever he read Buffy was coming to fruition.  
  
   
  
"She's sick," Angel quietly interjected.  
  
   
  
The quiet chatter that had started up abruptly ceased.  Every single pair of eyes turned and focused on Angel.  It was quickly apparent to him that they'd been unaware of her condition.  He wasn't surprised that Buffy hadn't told them.  She'd probably figured they'd make her see a doctor.  Still, he was a bit angry and wondered how people who were supposedly her friends had missed the signs.  
  
   
  
"What are ya talking about?" Doyle stepped forward, Lindsey following suit.  
  
   
  
"It's not her head.  She's sick," Angel repeated, finally tearing his eyes off of Buffy.  
  
   
  
"No, she's not," Lindsey loudly denied the claim.  He had a million questions running through his head, first and foremost being why the notorious Angel was outside talking to Buffy.  And why exactly he seemed to be the only one surprise by the vampire's presence.  
  
   
  
"Lindsey!  Be quiet!  Don't wake up Ashlynn!" Willow shooshed the angry man and looked toward the little girl's bedroom where she knew Ash and Tara were.  
  
   
  
Seeing the confused yet pained look on Angel's face, Cordy quickly changed the subject.  "Why do you think she's sick?"  
  
   
  
Angel released Buffy's hand, stood, and faced the group.  "I was following her last night."  
  
   
  
"She didn't tell us that," Willow spoke over the semi-shocked gasps coming from around the room.  
  
   
  
Ignoring the questions he could see about to be asked, Angel continued with his explanation.  "I saw her leave the place she'd been.  I didn't realize it until afterwards, but she looked like she wasn't feeling well.  Then she went after a vamp and I watched from the end of the alley.  It was just a normal vamp, but she couldn't stake him.  She almost fell over trying to kick him out of the way and then he threw her against the wall.  I saw the vamp moving in so I knocked him out of the way and staked him."  
  
   
  
"She just said it was a strong vamp," Cordy stated softly as the group digested what Angel had just told them.  
  
   
  
Any further questions or statements were held in as a small moan drifted to their ears from the couch.  Holding their breaths out of sheer nervousness, they watched as Buffy's eyes slowly flickered open.  She moaned again when the bright apartment lighting assaulted her eyes but kept them open.  
  
   
  
"Buffy?" Willow spoke gently, not wanting to scare her friend.  
  
   
  
Buffy blinked here eyes and focused on the person who had spoken to her.  "Wil?"  
  
   
  
"Hey," greeted Willow with a smile.  
  
   
  
"Hey Buffy," Cordy knelt down near Buffy's head.  "Glad you decided to wake up."  
  
   
  
"What's going on?" the dazed Slayer tried to sit up, but was unsuccessful.  
  
   
  
Lorne sat down on the arm of the couch by Buffy's feet and studied her for a second before speaking.  "Do you remember what happened, Sunshine?"  
  
   
  
"I...I...," Buffy paused and tried to remember what had happened and how it was that she ended up on the couch with everyone staring at her.  "I was outside, and..."  
  
   
  
Angel's hands twitched nervously when Buffy's raspy voice trailed off.  He knew she remembered their confrontation outside.  He held his position behind the others, though, and watched as her eyes apprehensively scanned the group until they landed on him.  For a split second, when her eyes met his, he thought he saw shades of what he used to see when she looked at him, but it was quickly gone.  She held his gaze for a second longer before looking back to her friends.  
  
   
  
"I remember," she told them flatly.  
  
   
  
Lindsey walked over and knelt down next to Cordy, "You gave us quite a scare."  
  
   
  
"I'm sorry," Buffy gave him a weak smile  
  
   
  
"What's going on?" a whispered voice interrupted.  The group looked over to see Tara standing in the entrance leading to the hallway.  
  
   
  
Willow and Cordy quickly filled in Tara on what had happened while the others in the room shifted glances between Buffy, Angel, and then back again.  It wasn't lost on any of them that Angel couldn't take his eyes off Buffy, and if they weren't mistaken, the blonde was stealing looks at Angel as well.  Those seeing the two together for the first time were almost mesmerized by the tension that sizzled between them.  
  
   
  
Angel, for his part, remained quiet, and stood near the large windows on one side of the room.  It was true, he couldn't take his eyes off of her.  Aside from the pale, sickly look, she was absolutely beautiful.  He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her soft, pale pink lips.  He knew he couldn't, and shouldn't, not when the blonde headed leach was kneeling there fawning all over her.  So he contented himself to stand on the sidelines and watch.  
  
   
  
"Why didn't you tell us you were sick?" Angel heard Cordelia ask.  He was still a bit baffled that the snobby brunette appeared to be such good friends with Buffy.  What exactly had happened between the two?  
  
   
  
"I-I didn't want you to worry," Buffy answered, her voice hoarse and weak.  "I'm sorry."  
  
   
  
"How long have you been sick?" Willow asked the question they had all been wondering.  
  
   
  
"Since just after we came back from Sunnydale," she answered, her eyes looking down in guilt.  
  
   
  
"Buffy!" Doyle exclaimed in shock.  "That was almost two weeks ago!"  
  
   
  
"I'm sorry," Buffy mumbled quietly before yawning.  
  
   
  
"I think our favorite Slayer here needs to get some shut-eye.  We can finish talking about this later," Lorne looked pointedly at Buffy telling her that her not-so-little fib wasn't going to be forgotten.  
  
   
  
"Thanks," Buffy smiled weakly at Lorne in gratuity.  She tried to sit up on the couch but her arms buckled and she fell back down.  
  
   
  
"Woah, Darling," chastised Lindsey with a frown.  "I don't think you're in any condition to be walking yet."  
  
   
  
Angel had to bite back a growl as he watched the blonde boytoy manhandle HIS Buffy.  He wanted to go over there and knock a few teeth out of his annoying, loving smile, but he didn't think anyone would appreciate him attacking Buffy's...lover.  That didn't mean he had to stand there and watch, though.  Seeing her go off with another man was too much, so he quietly and unobtrusively walked around the edge of the room toward the door leading to the stairwell.  He was almost there when Willow called out to him.  
  
   
  
"Where are you going?" she walked over to him and placed a comforting hand on his arm.  
  
   
  
"Back to my hotel room," he grunted out in response.  
  
   
  
"Angel," she sighed and nodded toward the window.  "The sun is starting to rise."  
  
   
  
Angel's eyes flittered to the window.  She was right.  The sun was coming up.  There was no way he'd make it back to the hotel room he'd rented, but he could at least get out of here and find somewhere else to hide until nightfall.  He didn't think he'd be able to stay here all day only feet from where Buffy was snuggled into her bed, someone else's arms wrapped around her body.  
  
   
  
"I'll find some place to stay," he almost spat out and continued toward the door.  
  
   
  
"No, you won't," Willow dashed into his path and stared at him determinedly.  "You're staying right here."  
  
   
  
"I'll be fine," he assured her even though he didn't believe his own words.  
  
   
  
Willow ignored the statement and looked to Oz.  "Go get some heavy blankets and cover up the windows in the extra room."  
  
   
  
Angel went to deny the offer, but Willow cut him off.  "No, buts!"  
  
   
  
"It's no use saying 'no' to her, man," Oz patted him on the back and left to do what Willow asked.  
  
   
  
Looking back at the redhead, who seemed to have grown up immensely during his absence, Angel again went to turn down her offer.  The look in her eyes, though, told him it would do no good.  She was not about to let him walk out of the building, let alone the room.  
  
   
  
"Fine," he relented a moment later.  
  
   
  
Angel reluctantly followed Willow through the living room and toward the room she'd mentioned.  He paused at the doorway to the room he'd seen Buffy be carried into.  The door was open so he could see inside, though he wasn't sure that was a good thing.  Lindsey was sitting against the headboard of her bed with Buffy's head in his lap, stroking her hair.  He wanted so badly to be the one in there with her, but it wasn't his place.  Not anymore.  
  
   
  
With his head down, he trailed behind Willow and into what he assumed was a guest room.  He said nothing, only nodded at her before she closed the door and left the room.  Did she really expect him to be able to sleep with Buffy so close?  Angel highly doubted he'd be able to do anything but stare in the direction of her room.    
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Lindsey questioned, not so much out of anger but more out of hurt, after they'd seen Willow walk past the bedroom door with Angel and then walk back past without him.  
  
   
  
"Tell you what?" Buffy shifted her head to look up at Lindsey as she willed the various aches and pains in her body to go away.  
  
   
  
"That he is Ashlynn's father," he clarified, trying not to be upset.    
  
   
  
In all the years he'd know Buffy, he'd heard a lot about the vampire Angel and her relationship with him, but she'd never told him about Ash's conception.  Whenever he brought it up, she would quickly change the subject.  He always figured that she had made a mistake when she was grieving over the loss of her sort of lover.  Seeing the vampire for the first time, it was rather obvious he was the father.  How that was possible, he didn't know.  Everything he'd been told about vampires led him to believe it wasn't possible.  
  
   
  
"I'm sorry," Buffy mumbled, her eyes starting to drift shut.  
  
   
  
"I just wish you'd told me," he sighed and pulled the blanket tighter around her now shivering body.  "Does he know?"  
  
   
  
"No..." Buffy spoke, a slight hesitation in her voice.  
  
   
  
Lindsey stared at her for a moment, the pain in her eyes obvious to him, before saying what he hated himself for saying.  "Doesn't he deserve to know?"  
  
   
  
"Yes."  Buffy turned her head away from him.  "But I don't know if I can tell him," she breathed out heavily before falling into a restless sleep.  
  
   
  
For a few minutes after she fell asleep, Lindsey only stared at her sleeping form.  He shook his head and rested it against the headboard of the bed and thought about what he now knew.  Angel was Ashlynn's father.  He'd never even suspected it, though now that he thought back on the little things over the years it made sense.  Why was Angel here anyway?  Had he heard about Ash and come for her?  And why hadn't Buffy told him he was back?  From what he'd gathered, she'd known for a few days he'd returned.  It hurt that she hadn't trusted him enough to tell him.  Then again, it didn't surprise him.  The 'Angel issue' was one Buffy tended to avoid at all costs.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~later that day~  
  
   
  
Gathered in the doorway to Buffy's room, Willow, Cordelia, Oz and Doyle fearfully watched as Lindsey sat in a chair next to the bed and swabbed their friend's forehead with a damp cloth.  She was getting worse.  They all knew it even if no one had yet to say it out loud.  Speaking it meant accepting it, and none of them wanted to do that.    
  
   
  
Buffy had been fine for a few hours after falling asleep, but since then, she'd gone down hill.  About a half hour earlier she'd starting groaning in pain and her body was trembling so strongly that it made the bed shake.  She was still conscious but she wasn't really responsive to their presences.  Something was very wrong, they were just beginning to realize.  
  
   
  
"I think we should take her ta the hospital," Doyle stated solemnly, though a little voice in his head told him it wouldn't do any good.  
  
   
  
"I agree.  She...she's getting worse.  What if...," Cordy's voice faltered.  "What if something's really wrong with her?"  
  
   
  
Silence hung in the air after Cordy finally said what'd they'd all been thinking.  Willow was the first speak again.  "I'm going to get Angel."  
  
   
  
She hurriedly turned and walked to the room she'd forced him to stay the day in.  Without knocking, she entered the room and saw Angel asleep on the bed, or at least it looked like he was asleep.  She wasn't quite sure.  Cautiously, Willow approached the bed and contemplated how to wake him.  Deciding on the direct approach, she reached out a hand and shook his shoulder.  
  
   
  
Angel's eyes instantly shot open, causing Willow to jump back in surprise.  "Willow?"  
  
   
  
"Angel...," she started hesitantly.  
  
   
  
"What's wrong?"  He leapt out of the bed, sensing immediately that something wasn't right.  
  
   
  
Willow took a deep breath and let her eyes travel toward Buffy's room.  "She's getting worse."  
  
   
  
The words hadn't even finished coming out of Willow's mouth before Angel was on his way out of the room.  The redhead's hand on his arms stopped his forward progress.  "What?"  
  
   
  
"I...I'm worried, Angel," she tried to hold back the tears threatening to fall.  "Something's not right."  
  
   
  
"What do you mean?" he looked at the young woman in confusion, anxious to get to Buffy.  
  
   
  
"I don't know how to explain it," Willow thought for a second, trying to put into words her concern.  "I just keep getting this feeling that there is something more going on."  
  
   
  
"Like what?" Angel gave her his full attention now.  
  
   
  
"I don't know.  It's just this feeling...I-I don't know how to explain it," Willow's shoulders slumped, wishing she could tell him more.  "I called Tara to come over.  She might be able to help."  
  
   
  
"Tara?" Angel questioned, not knowing who that was.  
  
   
  
"The blonde that was here last night.  She's a friend of ours, and is a powerful Wiccan.  She might be able to sense something," Willow relayed just as Cordy came to the door.  
  
   
  
"Willow, Tara's here.  She said you called her," the brunette stated and moved aside so Tara could enter the room.  
  
   
  
Willow greeted her friend and introduced her to Angel.  She waited for Cordy to get the others before explaining to the witch what she wanted her to do.  Once they were all present, she explained to them the feeling she was getting.  Tara agreed to try and read Buffy's aura, but said she didn't know if she'd be able to find anything out.  
  
   
  
Quietly, the group moved into Buffy's room.  Tara sat on the edge of the bed where Buffy slept fitfully while the others stood around the outskirts of the bedroom.  She closed her eyes and performed a short mediation to center herself before focusing on Buffy.  Pushing the hair off Buffy's face, Tara placed her palm on her forehead and closed her eyes again.  
  
   
  
The group of Buffy's friends and family watched in trepidation as Tara's body went rigid and all of the color drained out of her face.  A tremble shook through her body before she abruptly pulled her hand off Buffy's forehead, acting almost as if she'd been burnt.  Fear gripped the voyeurs as Tara stumbled away from the bed and clutched at a nearby dresser.  
  
   
  
"Tara?  What's wrong?" Willow moved toward her friend.  
  
   
  
"Magick...dark magicks...consuming her...," the blonde witch choked out before collapsing to the floor.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC!! 


	29. ASSFT Part 9

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
Part 9  
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
"How's Tara?" Doyle questioned as Willow walked back into the living room.  
  
   
  
The blonde Wiccan was currently resting in the extra bedroom, recovering from whatever had happened when she read Buffy's aura.  They didn't really understand what exactly had occurred, and Tara was still too dazed to fully explain it to them.  She'd been out for nearly a half hour and when she woke up all she could tell them was that there were dark magicks in Buffy's body.  That alone was enough to send them into a panic, but they all worried that there was more bad news to come.  
  
   
  
"She's still out of it," the redhead sighed and sat next too Doyle.  
  
   
  
After Tara's revelation, the group had been stunned.  Their worry over their friend's health had quickly escalated into sheer terror.  If she didn't have the flu or something along those lines, then what was making her sick?  That was what they were now trying to figure out.  Every single book related to the supernatural world had been carted up from the offices downstairs and were now spread throughout the apartment's living room.    
  
   
  
Despite their desire to be by Buffy's side, they knew they needed to focus on researching.  Cordy was currently on Buffy watch while the rest of them scoured the books in search of answers.  Willow, Oz, and Angel were familiar with the tedious task, but for Lindsey, Lorne, and Doyle, it was a daunting mission.  They had absolutely no idea what they were looking for or where to look for it.    
  
   
  
"Find anything yet?' Cordelia asked as she walked into the living room.  
  
   
  
"Not unless a lot of dusty books count," Oz chimed in without looking up from the old tome he was reading.  
  
   
  
"How's Buffy?" Willow looked up and blinked the bleariness out of her eyes.  
  
   
  
"The same," Cordy said as she slumped down on the couch next to Willow.  "She's still drifting in and out of sleep."  
  
   
  
"I'll go in and sit with her.  Maybe sing her a song or two," Lorne tried to say cheerfully but failed.  
  
   
  
"What about the club?  Don't we have to get ready to open?" Willow suddenly remembered that they all had jobs.  
  
   
  
"Don't you worry you're pretty little head about that.  The club will be closed for a few days.  We have more important things to be worried about," he answered and left the room before the issue could be debated.  
  
   
  
Cordy watched him leave and then looked around the room and frowned.  "Where's Doyle?"  
  
   
  
"He went to pick Ashlynn up from school," Willow relayed, rubbing at the tension headache she was getting.  Then, suddenly realizing what was about to happen, her eyes snapped up, glanced briefly at Angel before moving over to Cordelia.  
  
   
  
Catching the look, Cordy almost leapt off the couch.  "Uhh, Willow, why don't we go get some drinks and, uh, snacks for everyone."  
  
   
  
"Yeah...snacks...good...sure," babbled Willow incoherently and practically dashed out of the room.  
  
   
  
Angel stared in confusion over the odd antics until the initial statement registered in his mind.  Ashlynn.  Buffy's daughter.  The child she'd had with someone else.  The boytoy's child.  If there was a hole nearby for him to crawl into, he wouldn't have hesitated.  A small part of him wanted to meet the little girl that was part Buffy, but the larger part of him didn't want to see one of the reminders that she had moved on.  It was bad enough that her...lover...was sitting only a few feet away from him.  
  
   
  
Inside the kitchen, Cordelia was pacing anxiously across the floor.  "This is sooo not good!"  
  
   
  
"Shhh!" Willow peaked out the door and saw Angel looking in her direction.  
  
   
  
"What are we going to do?" Cordy whispered as quietly as possible.  
  
   
  
Before the redhead could respond, they heard the noise of the elevator rising to their floor.  Both girls quickly dashed out of the room and toward the elevator, reaching it just as the gates opened.  Ashlynn skipped out the compartment and smiled when she saw her two favorite Aunts waiting for her.  
  
   
  
"Hey, Sweetie!  Did you have a good day at school?" Cordy asked and knelt down and to gave the little girl a hug.  
  
   
  
"Yup! Look what I made!" she chatted happily, pushing a large piece of paper in front of Cordelia's face.  
  
   
  
"Oooh!  Did you draw that?  It's beautiful!" Cordy beamed as she looked at the wonderful drawing Ash had done.  
  
   
  
"Lindsey!" Ashlynn squealed when she caught sight of the blonde man out of the corner of her eye.  Before Cordy could stop her, the girl was across the room and sitting on Lindsey's lap showing him her drawing.  
  
   
  
"Where's Mommy?" Ash asked after Lindsey had complemented her picture.  
  
   
  
"She's still not feeling well, Darling," Lindsey replied smoothing down the hair on her head.  
  
   
  
"Oh," she mumbled, some of the happiness in Ash's eyes fading.  "Can I see her?"  
  
   
  
"Maybe later.  She doesn't want you to get sick too," he lied to her.  They'd all agreed earlier in the day that it was best to keep Ashlynn from finding out how sick her Mommy was.  
  
   
  
"Okay." Her lower lip trembled and she squirmed out of Lindsey's lap.  
  
   
  
The moment her little feet hit the floor, Ashlynn froze.  The picture that had been clasped tightly in her hand fell fluttering to the floor.  She didn't need anyone to tell her who the strange man sitting opposite her was.  Years of staring at his picture left his image ingrained in her memory.  Cautiously, she took a small step toward the man she'd heard so much about.  
  
   
  
"Da-."  
  
   
  
"Ashlynn, Sweetie, why don't we go get you out of that dress?" Cordy spoke, cutting Ash off as she rushed over and swept the girl up into her arms before she could finish the word that had started to come out of her mouth.  
  
   
  
"But-," she started to speak again, but was again interrupted.  
  
   
  
"Nope, no buts!  You don't want to ruin your dress now do you?"  Cordy didn't give her the chance to speak again and quickly left the room with Ashlynn.  
  
   
  
Angel's eyes followed her out of the room.  Looking into the little girl's eyes had given him the strangest feeling.  It was almost as if he should know her, but he supposed that wasn't that odd.  After all, she was Buffy's child.  There was something else, though.  She ignited a feeling in him that he couldn't put a finger on.  
  
   
  
Confused, his gaze drifted back across the room and landed on Lindsey, who was staring intently at him.  She had called him 'Lindsey'.  Why?  Shouldn't she have called him Daddy?  She didn't though.  That would mean...Angel didn't want to think about what that meant.  He didn't want to know that there had been others.  But obviously there had been, and he was just one of the pack.  
  
   
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
A few minutes later, Willow was waiting outside of Ashlynn's room for Cordelia to emerge.  Her hands nervously twisted at her sides as she thought about what had almost happened out in the living room.  She should have known that Ashlynn would recognize Angel.  Buffy had never kept his identity a secret from her and had even given her daughter a picture of her Father.  Now Angel was here, not knowing he had a daughter, and Buffy was bed-ridden with a mystical illness.  Gods, Willow thought, could this situation get any worse?  
  
   
  
"That was way too close," Cordy whispered after she'd stepped out of the room and closed the door.  
  
   
  
Willow grabbed Cordy's arm and pulled her down the hall into her and Oz's bedroom, closing the door behind them.  "What did you tell her?"  
  
   
  
"What could I tell her?" Cordy paced across the room.  "She already knew who he was."  
  
   
  
"You told her the truth?" Willow screeched a little too loudly.  
  
   
  
"Shut up!  Do you want him to here you?" she waved a hand toward the living room.  "I didn't really have a choice!"  
  
   
  
"What exactly did you tell her?"  This time Willow kept her voice low.  
  
   
  
"I told her that, yes, that was her Father, but that he didn't know who she was.  I said that he had to leave before her Mommy could tell him about her and that's why he didn't know," Cordy explained, wondering how she'd gotten into this mess.  Why did this have to happen when Buffy wasn't able to deal with it?  
  
   
  
"How did she react?" Willow took a seat on her bed.  
  
   
  
"She was sad about it.  You know she always wanted her Daddy."  Cordy's heart broke for the poor girl.  "She asked why he had to leave.  So I told her that he fought bad guys like her Mommy did and that he had to go away to fight them."  
  
   
  
"Did she believe you?"  Willow couldn't imagine what the child was going through.  She was only six years old.  Grant it, she was a bit advanced for her age, but it still had to be confusing.  
  
   
  
"I think so.  But we need to keep her away from Angel for now.  I told her there was a bad guy we needed to catch right now and that she needed to stay in her room so that we could figure out how to catch him," relayed Cordy tiredly.  This was going to be a long night, or days even.  
  
   
  
"Good.  That'll buy us some time hopefully.  We better get back to the researching," Willow sighed and stood up from the bed.  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
~two hours later~  
  
   
  
The room was deathly quiet except for the rhythmic flipping of book pages and the occasional shift of bodies on furniture.  They were all intently searching through the many books for the slightest clue about Buffy's illness, even Lindsey as he sat by Buffy's bedside keeping vigil.  So far, they had not found anything to give them answers.  Not even Tara's recovery had helped.  All she could tell them was that there was dark magick reeking havoc on Buffy from within.  Their only hope was to find something in the books.  
  
   
  
"Nothing!" Cordy threw the book she'd finished scanning down onto the growing pile by her feet.  "There's got to be something else we can do!"  
  
   
  
"Calm down, Princess," Doyle put a calming hand on her back.  
  
   
  
"Calm down!" Cordelia looked at him incredulously.  "She's getting worse, Doyle!"  
  
   
  
"I know," he said dejectedly and slumped back into his seat.  
  
   
  
"Isn't there something you can do?  I mean you have connections and stuff," she asked, looking at him hopefully.  
  
   
  
"Not ones that would help in this situation," he answered dismally.  
  
   
  
Cordy was about to reply when suddenly the door to the stairwell flew open.  All eyes in the room quickly landed on the two figures that raced into the room without warning.  
  
   
  
"Giles?!?  Faith?!?" Willow screeched, jumping up from the couch.  
  
   
  
"It's happening isn't it?" was all the former Watcher said in response.  
  
   
  
Angel was in front of him before anyone could blink an eye.  "What are you talking about?"  
  
   
  
"Buffy.  Something's wrong with her isn't it?" he panted from the exertion of racing up the stairs.  
  
   
  
"Yes.  What do you know?" Angel practically growled at him.  
  
   
  
"Damn!"  Giles threw his bag to the floor and shared a look with Faith.  
  
   
  
"Giles?  What's going on?  Do you know what's wrong with Buffy?"  Willow managed to squeeze her way between Angel and Giles.  
  
   
  
"Yes, unfortunately I do," he responded as he pulled his glasses off.  "The Watcher's Council has poisoned her."  
  
   
  
"What?" nearly everybody in the room gasped.  
  
   
  
"But why would they do that?" Willow choked out, shock running through her system.  
  
   
  
"Please, why don't we sit and I will explain," Giles said and pointed to the various couches and chairs.  
  
   
  
It wasn't until they were all seated that it occurred to Angel that Giles' arrival had surprised the others.  He hadn't noticed before that the Watcher was missing.  What exactly had happened?  Why wasn't Giles with his Slayer?  And why was Buffy in Seattle anyway?  He'd never bothered to think about it before, but now he began to wonder about what had happened after he left.  Still, now wasn't the time for those questions.  Getting Buffy well was first priority.  
  
   
  
"We're waiting, Giles," Cordy snapped harshly, remembering what Buffy had told her about the confrontation at Giles' apartment back in Sunnydale.  
  
   
  
"Oh, yes, s-sorry," Giles stuttered, tearing his eyes off the vampire.  His presence was unexpected.  His sources had not told him that Angel had returned.  
  
   
  
"You see," the Watcher began the long explanation.  "When Buffy...left...I told the Council that she had disappeared.  They believed her to be dead.  Another Slayer was not called because Faith was still, alive, or rather in a coma.  They intervened and made her the active Slayer once again," he looked at Faith who still did not know about the Council's full actions against her.  
  
   
  
"You let them think she was dead?" Doyle asked in disbelief.  
  
   
  
Giles gave the strange man a cursory glance, wondering who he was.  "Yes.  It was better that way.  If they had found out that their Slayer had gone off on her own, and of her...situation...they surely would have sent a retrieval team to...eliminate her."  
  
   
  
"They would have killed her?" Oz frowned at the disturbing thought.  
  
   
  
"Likely, yes.  The Council does not take well to Slayers who go against their rules," Giles confirmed.  
  
   
  
"So they thought she was dead all this time?  How did they find out she wasn't?" Willow wanted to know.  
  
   
  
Faith looked to Giles and took over this part of the explanation.  "Apparently my Watcher was following me.  I don't know why, but the same night I'd run into Angel I overheard my Watcher on the phone telling someone he had reason to believe Buffy was alive.  He must have heard me talking to Angel when he came to Sunnydale looking for Buffy."  
  
   
  
"Faith then called me to inform me of the situation," Giles continued on.  "I was instantly worried for her safety.  I used some contacts I still had within the Council and found that once they suspected that there was a chance Buffy was still alive that they had quickly searched for and located her."  
  
   
  
Angel listened as the others talked and couldn't help feeling like there was a backstory that he was completely unaware of.  There seemed to be much more going on than he had initially thought.  He wanted to ask what else he had missed, but he knew they had to focus on Buffy at the moment.  There would be time for his questions later.  
  
   
  
"So they just decided to take her out?" Doyle spoke up again.  He was quite disturbed by the current turn of events.  
  
   
  
"To put it simply, yes.  They were rather displeased, to say the least, to find that one of their Slayers was working outside of their guidance.  They felt she was too much of risk to allow things to remain as they were," Giles relayed and shook his head at the Council's ways.  
  
   
  
"Poison doesn't sound like something the Council would do," Angel absently interjected.  
  
   
  
"No, you're quite right," the ex-Watcher agreed.  "But, you see, for the last few years, the Council has been in a state of disrepair.  Quintin Travers still has a tedious hold over everyone, but insurrections have arisen from within led by a small group who feel that the Council's ways are antiquated.  So far, they have not succeeded in taking control, but Travers' resources have become limited due to the lack of trust in his own organization.  So he was unable to handle the situation as he once would have."  
  
   
  
"What did they do to her?" Angel asked, leaning forward and staring at the Watcher.  
  
   
  
"From what I was able to learn, Travers sent two of his confidantes here to Seattle with a mystical poison.  They likely followed her until an opportunity presented itself to administer it, possibly in her food," he relayed solemnly.  
  
   
  
"Mystical poison?" Willow repeated and glanced toward the hallway.  "That would explain why Tara felt dark magicks in her."  
  
   
  
"Tara?" Giles asked in confusion.  
  
   
  
"She's a friend of ours who is a witch.  When Buffy got worse we had her read Buffy's aura.  She said there were dark magicks consuming Buffy.  Whatever she felt, it was so strong she passed out afterwards," Willow explained of the events from earlier that day.  
  
   
  
"The poison would cause such a reaction," Giles nodded in confirmation.  
  
   
  
"What do you know about this poison?" Doyle looked expectantly at the man he assumed was Buffy's former Watcher.  
  
   
  
"It is mystical in nature, as I said," Giles started and again took off his glasses.  "I'm not quite sure about the details, but I believe it takes over the body and systematically attacks the internal organs.  The effects start off slow, but once it takes hold, the recipient rapidly deteriorates."  
  
   
  
"That sounds about right," Doyle said with a sigh and ran a hand over his face.  "Apparently she was feeling sick for almost two weeks.  We didn't even know until last night when it got so bad that she passed out."  
  
   
  
"So what do we do Giles?" Willow questioned and turned to the older man, feeling slightly relieved that they now knew what they were facing.  "How do we stop what they did to her?'  
  
   
  
"W-well...I...t-that is...," sputtered Giles, his eyes suddenly looking downwards.  This was the part he didn't want to face.  
  
   
  
"Giles?" Willow sad nervously as she stood up, her earlier relief vanishing instantly.  
  
   
  
Giles gazed up at the group staring waitingly at him.  They were all so young, with the exception of Angel.  Too young to have to face things like this.  And Buffy.  She'd been through so much in her short life.  It broke his heart to think about the girl who was still like a daughter to him despite what had happened.  She didn't deserve this.  She deserved so much more than this wretched life she'd been dealt.  
  
   
  
Finally, after a long moment of silence, Giles found the courage to tell them what he knew they would not want to hear.  
  
   
  
"There is no cure."  
  
   
  
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^  
  
   
  
TBC!! 


	30. ASSFT Part 10

  
  
My apologies to everyone for taking so long to get this part posted. I've been in a major fic funk (writing and reading wise). Anyways, here is the next part.   
  
And to those of you at ff.net, I'm having a horrible time with formatting here. No matter what type of file I upload, things don't show up the way they should. So, sorry if things look weird. You can always go read at my site if you want.  
  
Enjoy,  
  
Isis  
  
---------  
  
Part 10  
  
---------  
  
_Author's Note – words in italics in this part are excerpts from earlier in this series._  
  
---------  
  
No one spoke after Giles' tragic words. They were all shocked into silence. If there was no cure then that would mean Buffy would...die. That was a reality that none of them wanted to face. Buffy was a friend, a confidante, a Mother, a savior...a soulmate, she couldn't die. They all needed her just as much as she needed them. She couldn't die. There had to be something they could do.  
  
Before anyone could deny the claim, the group was startled out of their silence by a small noise coming from the hallway. Looking up, they found Buffy hunched over, leaning against the wall. The look in her eyes was enough to tell them that she had heard enough to know the situation.  
  
"Is it true?" she wheezed, her eyes landing directly on Giles.  
  
"Yes, I'm sorry, Buffy. I tried every source I had, but they all told me the same thing," Giles tried to be diplomatic, but he couldn't fight the emotions within and a tear slipped down his face.  
  
Buffy's eyes closed and her head drooped back to rest against the wall. Angel was by her side in an instant, picking her up in his strong arms. She trembled in his grip, a combination of the illness and the sobs she was fighting to keep inside. Needing the comfort, and no longer able to fight it, she relaxed into his arms and let herself cry.  
  
"Shh, don't cry, baby," Angel soothed. The endearment slipped out, but he didn't care. "We'll find a way. We'll fight it."  
  
"Some things you can't fight, Angel," she whispered in resignation.  
  
"Don't say that! You can always fight," he responded with more determination in his voice than he actually felt.  
  
"He's right, Buffy. We can't, and won't, give up," Cordy said in support and came to stand next to them.  
  
Buffy looked at her friend and then around at the others staring at her. She knew they'd try, but she knew in her heart that it wouldn't do any good. They wouldn't find anything to make her better. This thing...this poison...was going to finish its job. It was going to kill her. And she knew what she had to do. There wasn't time to wait any longer.  
  
"I...I need to talk to Angel. Alone." She didn't say why, but everyone, except Giles, Faith, and Angel himself, knew what was about to happen.  
  
Angel's head whipped down to look at her in confusion. "What?"  
  
"C-can you take me t-o my room?" she requested, wincing as a wave of pain racked her body. "There are t-things we need t-to talk a-about."  
  
"Buffy, we can do that later." Though he wanted to talk to her, Angel didn't know if now was the right time, not when they were in a dire situation.  
  
"Please?" she begged, gazing at him with pleading eyes.  
  
There was no way he could deny such a request. When no one from the group made any attempt to stop them, Angel relented. Slowly, he turned and carried Buffy toward her bedroom. All the while, he wondered what was so important that she needed to talk to him right at that moment.  
  
"Oh shit," Willow blurted out once they were out of site.  
  
"Willow!" Cordy gaped wide-eyed at redhead.  
  
---------  
  
Buffy lay in her bed watching Angel as he stood near the window staring at her. So far, neither of them had said anything. He had only carried her into her bedroom and gently placed her in her bed, tucking the covers around her trembling body. After, he had stepped toward the window and waited. Now, several minutes later, he was still waiting.   
  
Unconsciousness was beckoning her; a sweet oblivion that would take away the debilitating pain terrorizing her body. But she fought it, for now at least. She needed to keep it together just a little bit longer. He needed to know. She needed to tell him, and she needed him to make a promise to her. She just didn't know how to start.  
  
Exhaustion overwhelmed her and her eyes began to drift shut, but she pried them back open. Just a little bit longer, then she could sleep.   
  
"Buffy, you need to get some sleep," Angel's calming voice broke through the haze clouding her mind.  
  
"No...n-not yet...need to...talk," she wheezed, using all her remaining strength to pat the bed next to her. "Sit."  
  
Angel walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking one of Buffy's hands in his. "Whatever it is, it can wait."  
  
"No, Angel." Her head shook a fraction of an inch. "No time...need to...now."  
  
"Shh, you're going to be fine," he tried to soothe her and reached up to brush the hair off her sweaty forehead.  
  
"D-don't...know t-that," Buffy forced out, willing herself to remain awake for just a little bit longer.  
  
"Yes, I do." Angel couldn't help it as a tear slipped from one of his eyes. "You're going to get through this."  
  
"Angel," she coughed and groaned at the exertion. "P-promise...me..."  
  
"Buffy-," he attempted to stop her words.  
  
"No...promise m-me...if I...d-don't...p-promise." The last word was so quiet that if Angel hadn't been a vampire he wouldn't have heard it.  
  
"Promise what, baby?" Angel's worry was growing each second. She was slipping further and further away from him.  
  
"Ashlynn...must...take care...of Ash." That wasn't how she meant to say it, but it was the best she could do.  
  
"Ashlynn? Your daughter?" Angel asked, perplexed at the statement.  
  
"Yes...promise...she...will...need you," Buffy barely whispered. She knew she wasn't going to be able to go much longer.  
  
"Me? Buffy, you're not making any sense." Angel began to wonder if the illness was making her delirious.  
  
"P-promise me," she demanded as forcefully as she could muster.  
  
"I promise," Angel agreed. How could he not heed her request? Still he was confused. Why him?   
  
"Thank you," she replied and smiled weakly. "She will...need you."  
  
"What about your friends...and Lindsey." The question was out before he could stop himself.  
  
"N-not Lindsey's...," she blurted out hoarsely, her eyes closing for second before she pried them open again. "She's yours."  
  
Angel frowned and tried to understand what she had just said, but it didn't make sense. "Buffy-"  
  
She didn't let him finish. "Ashlynn...your...daughter...yours."  
  
Angel's hand flinched away from Buffy as her words registered in his mind. Ashlynn was his daughter? No, that wasn't possible. He was a vampire. He couldn't have children. The poison had to be making her see things as they weren't. That was the only possible explanation. There was no way. No possible way. But even as he thought that, a feeling eased down his spine that made him shudder.  
  
"Buffy," he started again, not sure what he was going to say, but when he looked at her he saw her eyes were closed. The sound of her breath and heartbeat assured him she had just fallen asleep.  
  
Several long minutes later, Angel was still staring at her sleeping face trying to process what he knew couldn't be true. Even as he contemplated that, thoughts and memories began to tick down in his mind: the last night with Buffy, the candle shaped like a six on the little girl's birthday cake, the feeling he got the first time she looked into his eyes, Cordy's actions earlier that day, and the way everyone seemed to stare at him. All those things were leading to a conclusion that couldn't possibly be true. Could it?   
  
Blindly, he stood from the bed, nearly falling in the process, as he tried to deny what his soul was telling him was true. Stumbling toward the door, he was greeted by Cordelia, Willow and Doyle. All staring at him in sympathy. Angel's eyes met theirs then shifted toward Buffy before returning back again. He knew they were about to tell him it was just the sickness that had made her say the things she had. It was the only reason. It had to be.  
  
"Come on, Angel," Willow said instead of denying Buffy's claim.   
  
He said nothing as Willow and Cordelia each took one of his arms and steered him toward the living room, and he never even noticed when Doyle slipped into Buffy's room behind them. There was only one thing he could think about; Buffy...Ashlynn...daughter...his daughter? No, he told himself again. She wasn't his. She couldn't be his.  
  
Angel didn't even realize that they were now in the living room. His numb body didn't feel them shove him down onto one of the chairs. He didn't see that the room was now empty except for Willow and Cordelia. The outside world was all a blur as Buffy's words echoed in his mind. It wasn't until Cordy spoke up that he pulled his focus elsewhere.  
  
"Angel, there are some things you need to know."  
  
---------  
  
_"...I'm pregnant..."  
  
"...A-about two months..."  
  
"...That would have been around graduation. We didn't know you were seeing anybody..."  
  
"...Angel..."  
  
"...So you slept with him..."_  
  
No....no...it wasn't possible. That was all he seemed to able to tell himself. Yes, they had made love that last night, but he was a vampire. He wasn't able to give her a child. It was a physical impossibility. Yet here he was, sitting in a chair, listening to Willow and Cordelia tell him that Buffy had gotten pregnant from that final night together.  
  
Could it be true? Could that little girl in the other room be his? Oh how he wanted it to be true. To have a child with Buffy was something he'd only imagined in his dreams. How wonderful it would have been to have created life with her, something that was part her, part him, and a combination of their love. But he was a vampire, he kept reminding himself.  
  
They told him it was true. There had been no one else right after he left. It was his child. His. He had a daughter. A beautiful, blonde haired image of her mother. As much as he wanted to fight the truth, he knew deep down inside that their words were true. The physical impossibility couldn't negate everything else. It was true. It was all true. That little girl was part his.  
  
The tears fell unhindered as he accepted a reality he never thought feasible.  
  
_"...You disgust me...you put all of us, and the world, in danger just so you could screw your vampire lover!..."  
  
"...I used to look up to you, admired you for everything you've done and sacrificed…but you're just a whore who can't keep her legs shut. You don't give a shit about the rest of us or the world as long as you can have your vampire lover..."  
  
"...To say I'm extremely disappointed and ashamed of your actions is an understatement...you have ridiculed your Calling and my position as your Watcher. The Buffy I know would have never put the world in mortal danger like that. I do not think I know who you are anymore..."  
  
"...Poor little Buffy, the pride and joy of the Council, knocked up by a vampire. I hope you have a nice life with your demon spawn..."_  
  
Willow and Cordelia visibly jumped at the vengeful growl that Angel emitted as he listened to the aftermath of Buffy's revelation back in Sunnydale. It was a good thing neither the Watcher nor the useless whelp were within his sight or he'd be forced to do something he'd regret. They deserved nothing less for being heartless cads.  
  
How could they be so uncaring? How could they treat her as if she was some kind of plague? Buffy had needed her friends and family most then, and they had not only turned their backs on her, but also berated her in a way that no one deserved. It broke his heart to think about what she must have gone through at the hands of her so-called friends. And she had had no one to turn to because he was gone as well.  
  
If he hadn't of known what guilt felt like before, he certainly did now.  
  
_"...You want me to get an abortion?..."  
  
"...Why, yes, of course. You certainly cannot have this baby..."  
  
"...I'm dead serious. I'm keeping this baby..."  
  
"...If you plan on keeping this baby then you can find yourself somewhere else to live..."  
  
"...I'm not going to get an abortion..."_  
  
An abortion? No....no! The very thought of losing a child he hadn't even known about until minutes earlier was like a holy-water drenched stake to the heart. To think that the beautiful little girl he'd met earlier might possibly have never existed sent shudders through his body. But it hadn't happened. Buffy had not aborted their child.  
  
Buffy! Gods! What she must have felt to have her Mother not only tell her to get rid of the baby but then to kick her out when she wouldn't. It must have been absolutely horrible for her. He'd like to say he was surprised by Joyce's actions, but truthfully, he wasn't. Everything he knew about Buffy's Mother told him that the woman would have never gotten past her ideal of what her daughter should be, and obviously eighteen and pregnant, by a vampire no less, was not part of that ideal. And she'd been kicked out of her house and alone because of it.  
  
Would things have been different if he had been there? That was a question he'd never know the answer to.  
  
_"...I plan on getting out of this Hell-hole town, probably in a day or two. I can't stand being here any longer..."  
  
"...What about you?..."  
  
"...Same. No one wants me around. They made that perfectly clear. And I don't want to raise my baby anywhere near them..."  
  
"...So I guess we're going to Seattle..."_  
  
That answered quite a few of the questions in his mind. After being tossed to the curb by everyone important to her, Buffy saw no reason to stay. Angel couldn't say he blamed her. She'd been subjected to so much and the town must have held one too many bad memories. Leaving had probably been the best thing for her, though he wished the situation would have been different. At least she hadn't been completely alone. She'd had Cordelia.  
  
The strange camaraderie between Buffy and the brunette hadn't been lost on him since his arrival. It had definitely seemed odd, but now it all made sense. And Angel found himself feeling grateful that the ex-cheerleader had been there for Buffy when she needed it the most. It didn't cease his heartache, but it helped somewhat to know that someone had been there to support Buffy.  
  
As he looked at Cordelia, he couldn't help but think of that phrase that said sometimes the worst situations bring out the best in people.  
  
_"...Name's Allan Francis Doyle, but everybody calls me Doyle..."  
  
"...The Powers know of yer...condition. They are worried that yer at risk because ya can't defend yourself as well. Yer important to them in the fight against evil and they don't wan' ta lose ya because of a demon attack while yer pregnant..."  
  
"...Now don't worry, lass. I'm going ta make sure nothing 'appens to ya, or yer little one..."_  
  
The Powers That Be? Doyle? Half demon? Angel's mind was swirling over this latest round of 'let's recap Buffy's life after you ran away'. Whoever these Powers were had had enough interest in Buffy to send a protector for her. He didn't know whether to be glad or concerned over that fact. What was so important about Buffy that they felt the need to send Doyle?  
  
Not that he wasn't grateful for the half demon's presence. It seemed as though this Doyle had been a welcome addition, and had become good friends with both Buffy and Cordelia. Angel couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy that someone else had done what he was supposed to do. He should have been there to keep Buffy safe while she was pregnant. It was his child, after all, he should have been there.  
  
He hadn't been, though, but at least Buffy had others around her when he had abandoned her.  
  
_"...Well, Ladies, I'm here with a...business... opportunity for the both, well three, of you..."  
  
"...I...huh?...I mean...let me get this straight. You want us to help you open up and run a club?..."  
  
"...I was told you are looking for somewhere better to live, and I've got all this extra space. So why not put it to good use?..."  
  
"...So do we accept Lorne's offer?..."  
  
"...I guess we do..."_  
  
Another piece of the puzzle to Buffy's life fell into place after hearing this latest explanation. He was a bit awed by the generosity of a complete stranger. Lorne, the one with the green skin he'd seen earlier, had opened up his life for two people he didn't know, and given them a chance at a better life. From what Cordelia said, things hadn't been good before that.   
  
They had been given a wonderful opportunity, though, and thrived in it. Pride swelled at all that Buffy had accomplished. She'd been at one of the lowest points in her life and risen from it to make a life for herself and her...their...child. All because of the generosity of a stranger.  
  
Angel knew that the next time he saw the demon named Lorne he would have to say thank you which wouldn't even begin to express his gratitude over what the demon had done.  
  
_"...M-my water just broke. I t-think I'm in labor!..."  
  
"...Congratulations, Buffy! It's a girl!..."  
  
"...Have you decided on a name yet?..."  
  
"...Ashlynn Darcy Summers..."_  
  
A little girl. She'd had a girl. Their child. And he hadn't been there for any of it. He'd missed seeing her grow with their child, feeling it kick within her stomach, soothing her aches and pains, and experiencing his daughter's birth. He was supposed to be there for those things. That was what fathers did, but not him. He hadn't been there for Buffy or Ashlynn.  
  
Ashlynn Darcy Summers. A shadow of a smile flickered across his face. Buffy had picked an Irish name for her...their...child. It warmed his heart in ways he couldn't begin to express. Despite everything, she'd given the child a piece of his heritage. And they weren't just any names. She'd picked ones with meaning, though he could only imagine the pain it must have caused her.  
  
Logic fought to convince him that this all wasn't possible, but his soul was telling him it was true. He had a daughter.  
  
---------  
  
Anger. Hate. Fear. Hurt. Pride. Sorrow...what wasn't he feeling as he sat there and listened to Willow and Cordelia highlight Buffy's life. It was almost like watching a movie and experiencing the gamut of emotions that one went through. But this wasn't just a movie. It was something he was connected to. The main character wasn't some bubbling actress playing a roll, it was his Buffy.  
  
He wanted to run into her room and crush her to him in a never-ending hug. So much. She'd been through so much for someone so young. Why did fate have to throw so much at her? Being Called as a Slayer was bad enough, but it hadn't ended there. No, the trials and tribulations had just kept coming and coming and coming for her. And for a while, he'd been there to support her.  
  
Then he'd left, never knowing that she'd gotten pregnant the night they spent together after graduation. He'd often chastised himself for being weak and going to her that night, but knowing now that that joining had resulted in a child he could never regret it. He knew Buffy didn't regret it either. One look at the interaction between Mother and Child was enough to tell him that Ashlynn was the light of her Mother's life. No, there were no regrets anymore about that night.  
  
The question of how the conception was possible vaguely plagued his mind as Angel sat by himself in the living room; Willow and Cordelia having left him alone to brood to go downstairs and research a cure for Buffy with the others. He was vampire. His body wasn't alive. How could he have helped create a child? Angel supposed the why didn't matter because he knew it was true. He didn't know how he knew, but he could feel it in his soul, and he knew that Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia wouldn't lie to him about something like this.  
  
A moving shadow on the wall caught Angel's attention out of the corner of his eye. Raising his head, he saw Lindsey leaning against one of the walls of the living room staring at him openly. Angel fought a growl as he looked over the boyto-...no, he caught himself. This was someone important to Buffy, someone who made her happy. He wasn't going to begrudge her that. If that meant being nice to...Lindsey...then he would, for Buffy's sake.  
  
---------  
  
TBC!! 


	31. ASSFT Part 11

---------  
  
Part 11  
  
---------  
  
Lindsey silently moved toward Angel and sat on the opposing couch, setting the object in his hands down on the coffee table in front of the vampire. Angel looked from Lindsey to the object and back to the blonde man. After a few moments, he finally reached over and picked up the item. It was a book of some kind from what he could tell. He was tempted to open it and see what was so important about the book, but instead, Angel's eyes were trained on the man sitting opposite him.  
  
Before he could think too much about it, Angel blurted out the first question on his mind. "How long have you and Buffy been together?"  
  
Lindsey neither flinched nor answered the question immediately. Instead, he stared pensively at Angel for a minute before responding. "We're not."  
  
"Oh, that's ni-...you're not?" Angel snapped to full attention. That wasn't what he was expecting to hear at all.  
  
"No," Lindsey raised an eyebrow, knowing full well what the vampire had assumed.  
  
"But..." Angel's brow furrowed in confusion as he struggled to find something to say.  
  
"We're friends," the blonde man who was apparently not Buffy's lover stated. "Close friends."  
  
"You're...you're friends?" Angel choked out, relief and the slightest hint of hope filling his heart.  
  
"Yes," Lindsey leaned back on the couch and crossed his right leg over his left. "Don't misunderstand me. Buffy is an amazing person, which I'm sure you know, and I wouldn't say no to being more to her, but her heart is still taken by someone else."  
  
Angel gaped at Lindsey, a plethora of emotions playing on his face. Things he hadn't noticed before suddenly came to the forefront of his mind. He'd never seen them kiss, never heard them say I love you, never noticed anything remotely intimate between them. And the scents. Buffy's room smelled overwhelming of her and was only minutely tinged with others. In her room, there was not trace of their scents being intimately intertwined with each other.  
  
A morose chuckle rose in Angel's throat, but he held it back. Man, he'd really jumped the gun on this one hadn't he?  
  
Lindsey, meanwhile, was watching Angel with his own thoughts running through his head. He loved Buffy. He really did, and once upon a time years ago, he'd thought that if he waited long enough she would finally let him in. It never happened, though. Buffy always held a part of herself back; the part of her that had, and would, always love the souled vampire named Angel. So he'd settled for being her friend, and now that the vampire was back it was obvious to Lindsey that that was probably a wise decision. Anyone could tell that Angel still loved Buffy, and he knew that Buffy, even though she never said it, still held deep feelings for Angel.  
  
"I thought...," Angel mumbled more to himself than to the man opposite him.  
  
"I know what you thought," Lindsey's face remained expressionless. "Aren't you going to look at the book?"  
  
Angel looked at the heavy book sitting in his lap and wondered what it was. The cover was plain with no writing on it giving him no clue whatsoever as to what could be on the pages inside. When he looked up to question Lindsey about its contents, Angel saw that the man was no longer seated on the couch. Looking around the room he caught sight of Lindsey's back just as the door to the stairwell closed behind him.  
  
Shaking his head at the odd situation and fighting the urge to get up and jump up and down like a little kid over the revelation that Buffy and Lindsey were not together like he thought they were, Angel turned his focus back to the mysterious book in front of him. He didn't know why, but his hands were shaking as he pulled the front cover open.   
  
Inside, on the first page, all he found was a plain white envelope. Something told him to open it and read whatever was in it so he carefully pulled the flap open and drew out what was a soft pink sheet of paper. Opening it, Angel read the words that he found were addressed to him.

> > > _My Sweet Angel,_  
  
_If you're looking at this book, it means you must now know the truth; that Ashlynn is your daughter. We made a child together, Angel. You and me. Something that is a part of both of us._  
  
_I know you wish you could have been there to see it all, and I wish that you could have been there too. But we don't always get what we want do we? Well, at least we never seem to._  
  
_I knew, somewhere deep down inside, that I'd see you again someday, that you would finally get the chance to meet your daughter. I don't know when it will be, or if ever. Maybe it's just wishful thinking that you're not gone forever. If you ever do return, I know that there's nothing I can do to give you the memories of your daughter that you will have lost. So I made this for you._  
  
_Cordelia is the only one who knows what this book really is. She helped me put it together and add to it over the years. Everyone else thinks it just a photo album, but it's not. It's a chronicle from early in my pregnancy until now. There are pictures from the various stages of the pregnancy, a few sonograms, ones from the birth, and then others from different times in Ashlynn's life. I know they can't replace real memories, but maybe they will help, if only a little._  
  
_Love Always,_  
  
_Buffy_

By the time he finished reading the letter, Angel's face was drenched with tears. He almost couldn't believe that Buffy had done something so incredibly thoughtful after the way things had ended between them. She had, though, and now he had in his hands a pictorial of his daughter's life. He was almost afraid to look, afraid to see what exactly it was that he had not been there for, but his need for even the smallest taste of his beautiful little girl was too overwhelming. So with shaking hands he turned the page, bracing himself for the emotions he knew were forthcoming.  
  
---------  
  
Some time later, after Angel had finished looking through the entire book, he sat staring at one picture in particular. It was one of Buffy and Ashlynn sitting under the shade of a large tree smiling and laughing as they blew bubbles. They looked so happy and he could almost feel the love between mother and daughter. It was a sight he never thought he would see; Buffy with their child, and it was amazing and heart breaking all at once.  
  
He never thought a bunch of pictures would be so hard to look at. Each and every one was a reminder of some part of Buffy's and his daughter's life that he had been absent for. Looking at the images of Buffy's expanding stomach had made him want to rub his hands all over the bulging skin and place gentle kisses upon it. The one of Buffy holding newborn Ashlynn had made him shed more tears, as had the following pictures of various times in his daughter's life.  
  
With each new picture he looked at, Angel fell more in love with the little girl he'd only met once. He was awestruck by every little detail: the smiles, the laughs, the tears, all of it. She was absolutely amazing. For one of the few times in his long, miserable life, he felt like he had been part of something truly good. He had helped to create something so completely pure and wonderful that he couldn't help but feel unworthy of it. He didn't deserve to be this little girl's father after all that he had done in his life.   
  
Buffy did, though. She deserved everything their daughter brought to her life. He could tell from looking through the pictures and from watching the birthday party a few nights earlier that Buffy loved Ashlynn dearly. After all she'd been through in her life she had finally been given something to look forward to each day. And now something was threatening that happiness she'd found.  
  
Looking back at the smiling picture of his soulmate and his daughter, Angel knew that he had to do something. He couldn't let Buffy die. He couldn't let Ashlynn lose her mother, the only parent she'd ever known. There had to be a cure to the poison that was decimating her body. And Angel was damn sure he was going to find it.   
  
Feeling more confident than he knew he should, Angel set the photo album on the coffee table, hating to walk away from it but needing to do something, and strode toward Buffy's room. It was time to stop sitting around. It was time to do something. It was time to save Buffy's life.  
  
As he passed by a door with a colorful nameplate that said 'Ashlynn' Angel paused momentarily. He could hear her inside watching what he assumed was TV. The temptation to go in and see her was great, but he fought it off, at least for now. Dealing with Buffy's illness was the foremost priority. He needed to focus on that before he could even think about getting to know his daughter. So he pulled his hand away from the doorknob and proceeded down the hall.  
  
From the doorway of Buffy's room he could see Buffy lying motionless in sleep. In the chair next to the bed, Doyle sat reading what Angel assumed was one of the books they'd pulled to research Buffy's affliction. He remained silent for a few minutes content to merely watch the labored breathing of his beloved before turning his eyes once again to Doyle; the half demon who had been sent to protect Buffy years ago.  
  
When Doyle finally looked up from his book, their eyes met and held for a second until Angel gave a slight nod of his head signaling that he wanted to talk to the half-demon. Sparing one more glance at Buffy, Angel turned and walked back into the living room and waited for Doyle to meet him.  
  
"I think you can do something for me," Angel stated the moment Doyle had entered the room.  
  
---------  
  
the next morning  
  
"Are you sure you're ready to do this?" Cordy spoke quietly, her hand poised on the doorknob in front of her.  
  
"Yeah," Angel replied though he wasn't quite sure he was ready.  
  
"Okay," the brunette sighed, feeling sympathy for the vampire. "Let me go in and close the shades first."  
  
"Ash? You have a visitor" Angel heard Cordy say after she had entered into the little girl's bedroom. Moments later, once the threat of sunlight was gone, he stepped over the threshold and saw his daughter sitting at her desk with her back to him.  
  
"Who's here?" Ashlynn looked up at her Aunt Cordy.  
  
"Why don't you turn around and see," Cordy smiled and pointed toward the door where Angel stood.  
  
Slowly, Ashlynn revolved in her seat and let out a small gasp when she saw the man standing a few feet away. Her eyes followed him as Angel walked into the room and knelt down next to her tiny desk chair. An eternity seemed to pass as the two stared into one another's eyes.  
  
"Hi," Angel finally spoke and then cursed himself for such a lame greeting.  
  
"Daddy!" Ashlynn flew off her chair and into Angel's arms, nearly knocking him over backwards.  
  
Angel was shocked at the reaction but relished the feel of his daughter in his arms for the very first time. He hugged her tight to his body as a few stray tears trickled down his cheeks and onto the little girl's blonde hair. It was almost impossible for him to believe that this child was his daughter. Nothing could have prepared him for the feelings she brought about in him.  
  
"You're here," Ashlynn stated softly as she loosened her grip and pulled back to look at the man she had heard so much about.  
  
"You know who I am?" he asked and then raised a hand to gently touch her cheek.  
  
"Uh huh," she nodded emphatically before she scurried out of his arms and raced over to her nightstand to grab something that Angel could not see.  
  
Upon returning, Ashlynn plopped herself down onto Angel's lap and handed him what she had just retrieved. He took the object from her and instantly knew what it was; a picture of him and Buffy at her senior prom. Shakily, his fingers touched the smooth glass as his mind drifted back to that night when he'd held Buffy in his arms on the floor of Sunnydale High's gym. It was such a long time ago, but he remembered each and every second of it.  
  
"Your Mom gave you this?" his voice was hoarse as he studied her big brown eyes.  
  
"Yeah. She said it was you and her a long time ago," Ashlynn told him, settling comfortably in his lap.  
  
"She's right," Angel gave her a sad smile and wondered what else Buffy had told their daughter about him. "She told you about me?"  
  
"Uh huh," Ash tilted her head and looked at Angel. "Mommy and Aunt Cordy and Aunt Willow tell me stories about you."  
  
"They do?" To say he was surprised that they'd talk about him was an understatement.   
  
"Yeah." Ash's smiled turned to a frown. "But it makes Mommy sad and sometimes she cries."  
  
Angel's shoulders slumped as he thought about Buffy talking to Ashlynn about him. Did he ever cause her anything but pain? That's all he seemed to do. Despite the sadness it caused her, Buffy had told Ashlynn about him. It warmed his dead heart to know that he hadn't been forgotten, that even though he hadn't been there he was still her Father.  
  
"What did she tell you about me?" he inquired after his curiosity got the better of him.  
  
Ashlynn took a second to consider the question before answering. "She said that you had to go away to fight the bad men and that's why you couldn't be here. She said that you loved me very much," she paused and peeked at Angel with tear filled eyes. "Do you love me, Daddy?"  
  
His heart almost broke over the timid question. Without hesitation, he once again pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. "Of course I love you, Sweetie. Never doubt that I love you."  
  
They simply held each other for the next few minutes, building a rapport that had never before had a chance to grow. For Angel, the little blonde headed ball of energy clutching at him was a miracle. When he was a human eons ago being a Father had never once popped into his drunken, lust-driven mind. His years as Angelus had been focused on torturing, killing, and other things that he didn't want to think about let alone mention. When his soul had been returned the only thing he could think about was all the atrocious things he'd done. Then came Buffy.  
  
From the moment he first saw her sitting on the steps of Hemery High, sucking on a lollipop, he had loved her. She was the epitome of everything good and pure about the world. And never in a million years would he have thought she'd return his feelings. She had, though, and it was then that the idea of creating a child with her had first entered his mind. It was a pipe dream. He was a vampire; a demon living in a body that should have been long dead. He was supposed to take life, not create it.  
  
He'd resigned himself to never giving Buffy a child, and in the end had left her so that she could have all that he couldn't give her. But by some miracle his dead body had done the impossible, creating the bubbly little girl now snuggled against his chest. What he'd done to deserve such a blessed gift was beyond him. He didn't know how it had happened, but he wasn't about to question something so wonderful.  
  
"Wanna see the picture I drew?" Ashlynn's voice broke through his internal musings.  
  
"Sure," he grinned at her and helped his daughter stand so that she could give him a glimpse of who she was.  
  
---------  
  
Later that day, after spending hours getting to know his daughter, Angel finally slipped from her bedroom and closed the door quietly behind him. He took a few steps before stopping to lean against the wall, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. As he stood there, head leaned back, his mind recalled part of the time he'd spent with Ashlynn.  
  
_"Can I see Mommy soon?" her voice trembled as she asked the question.  
  
  
  
"She's still not feeling well, Sweetie," he told her, tucking a wayward strand of blonde hair behind her ear in a gesture so familiar to him.  
  
  
  
"Oh. Will she be better soon?" Ashlynn tried not to cry, but she wanted to see her Mommy.  
  
  
  
"Soon. I promise," he swore and tried to smile, knowing in his heart that he was not going to let Buffy die.  
  
  
  
"Okay," she nodded, seeming to believe him. "Daddy? Are you going to stay?"  
  
  
  
"I-I...," Angel stuttered, the question taking him completely off guard. "I don't know."  
  
  
  
"Oh," her lower lip trembled and a few tears slid down her cheeks. "Please stay, Daddy."  
  
  
  
"I can't make any promises, Ashlynn," he took one of her tiny hands in his. "But I can tell you that no matter what happens that I will always love you. Even if I'm not here you'll still be my little girl."  
  
  
  
"I love you too, Daddy," Ashlynn threw herself into her Father's arms and cried._  
  
Angel ran a hand through his hair as he thought about the amazing little girl. He hated lying to her, but he couldn't tell her the truth. He couldn't tell her he wouldn't be staying, that he wouldn't be there to see her grow up. As much as he wanted to be there, he couldn't, and it wasn't fair to her to make promises he knew he wouldn't be able to keep. Pulling his tired body away from the wall, he continued on to his next destination: Buffy's room.  
  
He found Lorne sitting in the chair by Buffy's bed, humming lightly to her. "Any change?"  
  
Lorne startled at the question having not noticed Angel's presence. "Geez! You are a stealthy one aren't you? To answer your question, no, she's not woken up again."  
  
Angel gave a quick nod having expected to hear that. Buffy hadn't regained consciousness since the previous night. "Do you mind if I spend a few minutes with her?"  
  
"Not at all," Lorne rose from the chair. "I'll go read some more dreadfully boring books with the others."  
  
"Thanks," Angel mumbled and solemnly took his place in the chair Lorne had just abandoned.  
  
From the doorway, Lorne studied Angel and frowned. The vampire was giving off weird vibes. He needed to find Doyle. Maybe the half demon would know what's going.  
  
"Hey, baby," Angel murmured to Buffy once Lorne had left the room.  
  
"I met Ashlynn," he started to tell her about his first real encounter with their daughter. "She's beautiful. You did an amazing job with her."  
  
Angel sighed, wishing Buffy was awake so he could talk to her. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, and for her. I know it must have been hard. But you made it through. You have everything I always wanted you to have."  
  
"I promise you, Buffy, I won't let anything happen to you," he reached up to cup her cheek. "Ashlynn needs you. Your friends need you. I won't let you die."  
  
---------  
  
"There has to be something we can do!" Angel could hear Cordy's voice before even entering the living room an hour later. "We can't just let her die!"  
  
"I wish there was something, Cordelia, but the poison has no known cure," Giles repeated what he had already told them many times.  
  
"We're just supposed to let her...," Willow couldn't finish the sentence as she began sobbing on Oz's shoulder.  
  
So caught up in their arguing and misery, the group never noticed Angel enter the room and creep along the outer edges until he reached the door to the stairs. He paused for only a moment, questioning himself and the decision he'd made while on his errand the previous night. He glanced to the group of friends only feet away, then to Buffy's room, and finally toward Ashlynn's room, before carefully pulling open the door and sneaking out into the night.  
  
---------  
  
TBC!! 


	32. ASSFT Part 12

  
  
Last part of SiT #4. Have no fear, there is still one more fic to go in this series (keep that in mind when you get to the end of this part).  
  
Uhhh...a few warnings: angst, tissues, and a really big, sucky cliff.  
  
Please don't throw large, heavy objects at me. They tend to hurt and give concussions! g  
  
Enjoy,  
  
Isis  
  
---------  
  
Part 12  
  
---------  
  
later that night  
  
Despite Giles' assurances that there was no way to stop the mystical poison slowly killing Buffy, the group of friends was still determinedly scouring the books for any shred of hope to save Buffy. Cordy was currently sitting with Buffy, keeping watch in case anything happened. No one said it, but they were beginning to feel like they were on a death watch. Though they kept searching for a cure, hope was dwindling. Buffy had not spoken or even woken up in over a day. Time was running out, and they all knew it.  
  
"Pizza's here," Oz walked out of the elevator and sat two full pizza boxes down on the coffee table.  
  
"I think if I eat I'll throw up," Willow said, cringing at that thought of the pizza.  
  
Silence descended upon the room as they all just sat and stared at the food. Eating meant acting like everything was normal, but things certainly weren't normal. Their friend was dying. How could they possibly think about eating now?  
  
"There's nothing we can do is there?" Lindsey finally said what everyone was thinking.  
  
"I'm afraid not." Giles' eyes teared up at the thought of losing Buffy. Things hadn't been good between them for so long, but he certainly didn't want her dead.  
  
"She can't die," cried Willow helplessly.  
  
"I-I can go to my s-store and try some of m-my contacts," Tara offered. She'd finally recovered enough from reading Buffy's aura to join in the researching earlier that day.  
  
Giles was about to respond when they heard Cordy shriek from Buffy's bedroom. "OH MY GOD!!"  
  
No one moved immediately following the shout. They all feared that the worst had finally happened. But even so, they needed to know. Almost as one, each person leapt from their seat and dashed toward Buffy's room, bumping and knocking into each other in the process. The sight that met their eyes was one none of them expected in the least.  
  
"Dear Lord!" Giles exclaimed as he stumbled further into the room.  
  
"Buffy?" gasped Willow, steadying herself against Oz.  
  
"Uh, hi? Someone wanna give me a hand?" Buffy pleaded as she struggled to get out from underneath Cordelia's unconscious body.  
  
Oz and Doyle quickly rushed to the bed and pulled Cordy's limp body off of Buffy and laid her down on the other side of the bed. Once free of the cumbersome weight, Buffy sat up on the bed and pushed her hair out of her face. "Thanks. She was kind of heavy."  
  
"What happened?" Doyle worriedly looked down at his girlfriend and then to the Slayer who seemed to be perfectly fine.  
  
"I think she fainted," Buffy answered with a shrug, the oddness of the situation not fully dawning on her yet.  
  
"Ow," groaned Cordy as she started to come to. Suddenly she shot up in the bed and turned to look at Buffy. "Oh my God!! You're all right!!"  
  
"What's going on?" Buffy was growing more confused by the second. The last few days were such a blur and she didn't understand why everyone was staring at her like she was a ghost.  
  
"Yes, that's a very good question." Giles took his glasses off and furiously wiped at them with his handkerchief.  
  
"Cordy? What happened?" chimed in Willow, torn between going over and giving Buffy a giddy hug and getting some answers to the strange occurrence.  
  
Cordelia massaged her temples for a minute before answering. "I was sitting here reading when Buffy just woke up and was fine."  
  
"Fine?" questioned Giles in disbelief. That simply wasn't possible.  
  
"Yeah, fine," Cordy repeated and glared at the ex-Watcher.  
  
"That makes no sense," he mumbled, brow furrowed in confusion.  
  
"You don't feel sick at all, Buffy?" Willow moved to stand next to the bed.  
  
"No," Buffy shook her head and glanced around at her friends who were all in her room. "Someone wanna please fill me in here?"  
  
"Tara?" Giles turned to the dirty blonde. "I don't suppose you could do whatever you did before?"  
  
"S-sure." She nodded her okay even though she really didn't want have a reoccurrence of what had happened before.  
  
Buffy watched with wide eyes as Tara sat down on the edge of the bed. The witch went through her short meditation and then placed her palm onto Buffy's forehead. The others watched nervously, waiting for any sign to clue them in on to what she was sensing. Those who had seen her do the reading previously were immediately aware that Tara wasn't having the same reaction. When Tara pulled her hand away a minute later, they eagerly awaited the news.  
  
"S-she's clean," Tara faced the group and stated. "T-the magick isn't t-there any m-more."  
  
"This...this is unprecedented," Giles mumbled, staring hard at Buffy and needing to verify the fact that she was fine.  
  
"Umm...hello?" Buffy waved her hands to catch the groups' attention. "I'm still waiting for an explanation here."  
  
"Oh, sorry," apologized Willow sheepishly. "We're just glad you're okay."  
  
"Yes, she is right," agreed Giles as he sat down in the chair near the bed. "Buffy, you were poisoned by the Council."  
  
"Poisoned?" Buffy repeated, somewhat shocked. She could vaguely remember hearing Giles talk about a poison days ago, or what she thought was days ago.  
  
"Yes. They found out you were not dead, as I'd led them to believe." At Buffy's hurt look he clarified his statement. "I knew if they found out that you had...left...Sunnydale and my guidance they would send a retrieval team for you so I told them you'd disappeared and were presumed dead."  
  
"Oh. I guess that makes sense," Buffy mumbled.  
  
"Unfortunately, they were able to gain the knowledge that you were in fact alive and here in Seattle. Needless to say, they did not take the news well and sent a team to, well for lack of a better term, take you out," Giles explained and carefully eyed Buffy. "They somehow slipped you a mystical poison."  
  
"That's why I haven't been feeling well," pondered Buffy out loud, recalling the sickness that had plagued her for the past two weeks.  
  
"You are correct," Giles confirmed her assumption. "The poison's effects start off slowly and then rapidly get worse which is why you have been so ill the past few days."  
  
"But I feel fine now," Buffy stated, trying to understand all of what Giles was telling her.  
  
"It appears so. That is what has us quite perplexed," Giles replied, standing so he could pace around the room.  
  
"Why?" Buffy's eyes followed Giles as he paced.  
  
"Buffy," Willow started softly. "The poison had no cure."  
  
"No cure? Then how..." Buffy suddenly understand what had the entire group confused. "I was going to die?"  
  
At her question, all eyes in the room shifted away from Buffy, not wanting to admit that they'd all but conceded defeat. How were you supposed to tell someone that they were going to die? Giles' fervently recalled the time years ago when Buffy was to face the Master and meet her death. He hadn't wanted to tell her then, and he didn't want to tell her now even though it seemed as though the poison was gone from her system.  
  
"I was, wasn't I?" Buffy whispered through her tears.  
  
"I'm afraid so," Giles affirmed her suspicions.  
  
Doyle, hand still clutching Cordelia's, lifted his head to face the former Watcher. "Do ya have any idea what's goin' on?"  
  
"None whatsoever," Giles shook his head. "The poison should have..."  
  
"Killed me," Buffy filled in the final words, a shudder going through her body.  
  
Their discussion was interrupted by a small voice coming from the doorway. "Mommy?"  
  
"Hey, baby." Buffy smiled at her daughter, tears once again threatening to fall as she realized how close she'd come to never seeing her beautiful little girl again.  
  
"Aunt Cordy said you were sick. Are you better?" she asked softly, her tiny hands clutching her favorite stuffed animal to her chest.  
  
"Yeah, Sweetie. I'm feeling better." Buffy patted the bed next to her. "Come here."  
  
Ashlynn padded softly into the room and climbed up onto the bed. "I missed you."  
  
"I'm missed you, too. Were you a good girl while I was sick?" Buffy questioned, smoothing her hand down Ashlynn's hair.  
  
"Yes, Mommy," Ash nodded insistently. "And I played with Daddy this morning."  
  
"You played with...oh my God! Angel!" Buffy tensed and her eyes shot up to scan the room looking for the vampire. "Where's Angel?"  
  
"I don't know." Willow tried to remember when she'd last seen Angel. "He was here earlier tonight."  
  
"Where'd Daddy go, Mommy?" Ashlynn's lower lip quivered. She already missed her Daddy.  
  
"I don't know, Sweetie," Buffy distractedly answered as she tried to remember what had happened while she was sick and how it was that Ashlynn appeared to now know her Father. She had fuzzy memories of Angel being there and talking to him about Ashlynn. He must have met her at some point after that. Where was he now, though? Would he just disappear after meeting their daughter?  
  
"He, uh, probably just went ta get somethin' ta eat." Doyle was grasping at straws, but he had to say something. A sinking feeling in his gut was telling him that something wasn't quite right, and that maybe he'd played a roll in whatever that was.  
  
"I'm hungry, too, Mommy," Ash chirped and bounced lightly on the bed.  
  
"Oh, uh, right," Buffy said, running a hand through her messy hair. There was so much plaguing her mind; Angel returning, him finding out and meeting his daughter, the Council poisoning her, but right now her daughter was her first responsibility. She could freak out about everything else later.  
  
"We have pizza. It's probably still warm," Oz chipped in.  
  
"Cool!" Ashlynn scrambled off the bed and was out the door before anyone could even blink.  
  
"I guess we should follow the Little One if we want any pizza," Lorne laughed at the exuberant child.  
  
Buffy started to get out of the bed when Doyle caught her attention. "Are ya sure yer okay to get up?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little stiff," she replied and stood up, stretching her achy muscles.  
  
Almost the second she was on her feet, Willow pulled her into a firm hug. "I'm so glad you're okay."  
  
"Me too, Wil," Buffy tearfully mumbled.  
  
Cordy followed suit and hugged Buffy the moment Willow released her. "Don't do that to us again."  
  
"Ya gave us quite a scare, lass," Doyle told her and kissed her on the cheek.  
  
"I don't know what we would've done without your pretty face to look at everyday, Sunshine," Lorne too gave her a welcome back hug.  
  
"I love you guys, too," Buffy returned the sentiment, wiping at the tears falling down her cheeks.   
  
It was then that she noticed both Giles and Faith standing uncomfortably in one corner of the room. She hadn't even noticed Faith before, and it threw her slightly to see her sister Slayer for the first time since their fight before graduation. From what Willow had told her years ago, Faith had returned to the good side, and her appearance with Giles seemed to reinforce that. For now, she'd give the brunette Slayer the benefit of the doubt. It wasn't Faith's presence, though, that had her tense. Giles was the cause of that.  
  
Sure she'd spoke to him just minutes earlier, and listened as he explained what had happened to her, but it was just now hitting Buffy that Giles was in her room. With everything that was going on, her mind hadn't had a chance to associate the facts, and now that she had, the memories from her last few days in Sunnydale came back full force. His words that day in his apartment still stung as if they had just happened. She could tell he wanted to hug her as the rest had, but she couldn't let him, not after what he had said to her.  
  
Giles seemed to notice the change in her posture because he gave her a slight nod of his head before speaking. "I'm glad you are well, Buffy."  
  
"Thank you," Buffy replied stiffly, staring at him for another second before walking out of the room. At some point, she knew she'd have to talk to him, but she wasn't ready for that yet.  
  
Upon entering the living room, Buffy saw that Ashlynn was already chowing down on a slice a pizza while Doyle and Willow were handing out plates to everyone else. She took a moment just to watch her friends and thank whatever higher powers there were for keeping her alive and for giving her such great friends and family. As she was about to join the group, Buffy noticed a familiar book on the coffee table. She didn't remember getting that photo album out.  
  
"What's this doing here?" she asked as she walked over to the table and pointed to the album.  
  
Lindsey looked up guiltily and strode over to Buffy. "I, uh, gave it to Angel so he could look at the pictures. I hope that was okay."  
  
Buffy paled slightly, realizing that Lindsey had no idea that the book was more than just a photo album. Only Cordelia knew that she'd made the book for Angel, so that if he ever returned he'd able to get a glimpse of his daughter's life. She didn't know if she actually expected him to really return, and she definitely hadn't thought about what was going to happen when and if he did.  
  
"Uh, yeah, fine," Buffy muttered while lifting open the front cover of the book. The letter she'd felt compelled to write a few years earlier had been opened, she could tell. That meant Angel had read it and looked through the book. Was that why he'd disappeared? Did he now want nothing to do with her and his daughter?  
  
"Mommy? Aren't you going to eat?" Ashlynn interrupted her worrying.  
  
"Yeah," Buffy said, forcing a smile on her face as she looked at her daughter. She could agonize over all this later when she was alone. Picking up the album to move it so they would have room to eat, she was startled to see a white envelope underneath with her name written on the front in a flowing script that she knew instinctively was Angel's.  
  
"What's that?" Cordy asked with a frown and stepped closer to Buffy who was now holding the envelope in her hands.  
  
"I don't know." Buffy turned the off-white paper over and hesitantly pulled out the letter inside. As she started to read the words addressed to her, she couldn't shake the sickening feeling settling in her gut.

> > > _My Dearest Buffy,_  
  
_If you are reading this letter, it means that you are better and that what I have done was not in vain. I know you have no idea what I am talking about, but I will explain._  
  
_First, I want to tell you how sorry I am that I was not there for both you and our daughter. Words can not even begin to make up for all that I have been the cause of. It seems as though the only thing I ever do is hurt you. I never wanted to cause you any pain, but I didn't succeed in doing that did I?_  
  
_I don't know if leaving you was the right thing to do. I don't know if staying would have worked either. Hindsight is twenty twenty, though, isn't it? I can't change what I did or did not do. All I wanted was for you to have a happy life. And you've done that, beloved. You have everything I thought you deserved and wanted you to have._  
  
_Ashlynn is a beautiful little girl. You've done an amazing job with her. I couldn't be any more proud of you. I'm honored to be her Father and glad to have been part of her life, if only for a little while. Please tell her that no matter what, I will always be her Father and that I will always love her._  
  
_I couldn't let you die, Buffy, not when you have so much to live for. You've survived so much and made the perfect life for yourself. You have loyal friends, a great job, and a truly wonderful daughter. They all need you, the world needs you._  
  
_No one needs me. That is why I have done what I've done. Willow and Cordelia told me about all that has happened to you since I left and about your friend Doyle. I thought that since he had a connection to The Powers That Be that there was a way I could talk to them and beg them to help you. He took me to this place where I could speak with the Oracle, a being who represents the Powers. I never told Doyle why I wanted to talk to them, just that I did. So don't be mad at him. He didn't know what I was going to try to do. _  
  
_I offered the Powers a trade; my life for yours. There was no way I could let you die, Buffy, not when I could do something, anything, to stop it. You deserve more than to suffer because of some poison administered by a group that is supposed to be on your side. The Powers agreed with me. They said they would cure you of the poison in exchange for my life. They knew, just as I did, that your life is worth so much more than mine._  
  
_I took the deal without regret, only asking that they give me a few hours before they acted upon it. The reason I asked for time was so that I could me our daughter and spend some time with her, and with you. I couldn't leave without saying goodbye._  
  
_Since you're reading this, I'm assuming They honored our agreement. You can go on with the life you built for yourself, now. I wish you all the happiness I could never give you._  
  
_Always remember that I love you,_  
  
_Angel_

"NO!" Buffy cried, the sound coming out in a wretched howl as the letter falling from her hands down to the floor. Her knees buckled, Lindsey catching her before she to hit the ground. She sobbed uncontrollably in his arms, hating Angel for giving up his life and hating herself for never saying all the things she wanted to say to him.  
  
The others watched in confused horror, not understanding what had just happened. They could only make out one thing; a phrase Buffy seemed to be repeating over and over.  
  
"But I needed you."  
  
---------  
  
THE END!!  
  
Coming soon:  
  
'A Choice For The Future' - #5 in the Shadows in Time series:  
  
The final fic in the series. 


	33. ACFTF Part 1

** Title**: A Choice For The Future - #5 in the 'Shadows in Time' series   
**Author:** Isis Blue   
**Started:** February 13, 2004   
**Completed:** May 27, 2004  
  
**Feedback:** vagabondangelcomcast.net   
  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'em...though that should be quite obvious.   
  
**Rating:** PG 13   
**Pairing:** B/A, C/D, W/O, X/A   
**Series Summary:** post-s3 (BTVS) AU…departs from canon after the s3 finale and jumps into my own universe. From there, almost everything will be different. A few characters and concepts will pop-up, but really, this doesn't relate at all to the seasons that followed s3.   
**Fic Summary:** Final installment in the Shadows in Time series.   
**Spoilers:** The first 4 fics in the series, and anything through the end of s3 of BTVS, but mostly the end of s3, and also mild generic spoilers for BtVS & AtS later seasons   
  
**Distribution:** my site (Vagabond Soul), and if you already have any of my fics, you may take this one, if not, please ask first.   
  
**Author's Notes:** This is the 5th, and final, fic in the SiT series, the first 4 can be found here:   
  
**Thank you:** To Stars for beta'ing even though she's really busy, and to Roz for being a test reader!  
  
**Warnings:** mild angst  
  
---------  
  
Part 1  
  
---------  
  
Five days. Five incredibly long days had passed since Buffy and her friends and family found out how it was that she was cured of the mystical poison that was rapidly killing her. At times it felt as if they had just read Angel's letter explaining his selfless actions to save Buffy's life yesterday, but at other moments, it seemed as though months had passed. Really, it had only been five days.  
  
They were all still utterly shell-shocked to learn of the extent to which Angel had gone to ensure that Buffy's life would continue. He had made the greatest sacrifice for her. He had given up his own life so that she would live. It was awe-inspiring and tragic all in the same breath. They could only imagine the love the ensouled vampire felt for Buffy to do what he did. There were likely very few people in the entire world that would save another even though the cost was their own life.  
  
No one knew quite what to feel about the events that had occurred five days ago. On one hand, they wanted to rejoice in the fact that their friend was going to be okay. She was someone who made everyone around her a better person. None of them wanted to lose her. Then, there were also the parts of them that were weeping over the loss of Angel. Even those who hadn't really known him, including Lindsey who could never win Buffy's heart because of Angel, were terribly saddened by his death.  
  
At the moment, each and every one of them was incredibly worried about Buffy's well-being in the aftermath of reading Angel's explanatory letter. The blonde haired Slayer had basically fallen apart after realizing what he had done, and as of yet, had not even begun to recover. Truthfully, none of them were sure that she would be able recover from this latest horrible blow.  
  
All of them were aware of the vampire's importance to Buffy. Those who initially knew of his reappearance, namely everyone but Lindsey and Oz, knew that Buffy hadn't been dealing with it well, but that eventually she would have softened once the anger faded. Now she would never have the chance. She would never be able to make peace with him, with their past, and with the fact that they made a child together. They knew it would forever haunt her that she never got to reconcile their problems.  
  
Even worse, though, was the fact that her soulmate was dead. Before, Angel had only left and gone somewhere else. It allowed there to be hope that someday things might change and they'd be able to be together. But now, all that hope was effectively crushed. Angel was dead. There would be no more chances for them to be together. Buffy would never get to be with the one person in the world whose soul matched hers. And that was what had them worried the most.  
  
It was never actually talked about, but they all knew that somewhere deep inside, Buffy held out hope that Angel would return to her someday. She'd forgone a relationship with Lindsey, a man who adored her and her daughter, because of the love she still felt for the vampire with a soul. How was she ever going to get over the fact that he was now truly gone? The answer was that she probably wouldn't. She'd manage to pull herself together if not for herself then for her daughter, but she would never be the same. This loss was too great.  
  
Buffy had hardly said anything since she read the letter five days ago. She had sobbed in the arms of her friends and family for hours upon learning of Angel's sacrifice, but since then, nothing. Most of the time, she lay in her bed curled in a fetal position, staring glassy-eyed at the wall. She refused to talk to anyone, wouldn't even acknowledge them if they walked into the room. The only time she got out of bed was to tend to her daughter or to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, they were a little worried about her mental health.  
  
Currently, almost everyone, Cordelia, Doyle, Oz, Lindsey, Giles, and Faith, were sitting in the living room of Buffy's apartment discussing the situation. When they heard Willow enter from the hallway leading to Buffy's bedroom, all eyes turned toward her.  
  
"No luck?" Cordy nodded to the tray, still full of food, carried in the redhead's hands.  
  
"No," Willow sighed worriedly and set the tray down on the coffee table.  
  
"Has she eaten anything since...," Doyle trailed off and leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees.  
  
"I think she ate a sandwich yesterday when she was with Ash, but that's it," Cordy answered while putting a comforting arm around her fiancé.  
  
"We have to get her to eat. She can't go on like this." Lindsey moved from where he was leaning against the wall and sat down on one of the leather chairs.   
  
He was seriously concerned for Buffy. Having known her for about six years he knew how much Angel meant to her. Years ago, he'd harbored illusions that he could have a romantic relationship with her, but over the course of time it became obvious that she was still no where near over the vampire. Even so, he still cared deeply for her and because of that he worried a great deal about her. And with the current circumstances, his worry was multiplied times ten.  
  
"Did she even say anything when you went in there?" Cordy again spoke to Willow.  
  
"Not a word. I don't even think she knew I was there," Willow shook her head in the negative. Buffy's behavior was really beginning to scare her, and she had no idea what to do to help her. She wasn't even sure there was anything she or anyone else could do.  
  
Giles took his glasses off and rubbed at his temples. He was at a total loss over what to do for Buffy, and it didn't help that he'd been out of her life so long and that things were tempestuous, at best, between them. Losing Angel had to be horrible for her. He was well aware of that. When she had been forced to send him to Hell years before she'd disappeared for months afterwards. This time, well, he wasn't sure she'd be able to handle it. He wanted to do something to help her, but considering their current relationship he didn't think she'd be open to his help.  
  
Seven years had passed since the dreadful encounter back in Sunnydale that precipitated their estrangement and her move to Seattle, and in that time, Giles had spent many long days and nights regretting his actions. His anger had been valid, but he now knew he should have not let it take over. He should have supported her. He should have done so many things, but he couldn't change what had happened now. All he could do was be there for her and hope he got the chance to make things right.  
  
"Hate to bring this up," Oz interjected and spoke up for the first time. "But should we be worried the Council will come after her again?"  
  
"You think they'll try again?" Cordy turned to look at the usually quiet man.  
  
"Just something to consider," Oz shrugged.  
  
"Giles?" Willow looked to the ex-Watcher for an answer to their worries.  
  
"It's possible, I suppose." He put his glasses back on and considered the question. "I don't think we have to worry about that immediately. They are probably unaware of her recovery from the poison, and if they have found out it will likely take them a while to regroup and try again."  
  
"You said they most likely put it in her food before, right?" Cordy asked for clarification.  
  
"It would have been the simplest method, yes," Giles nodded his agreement.  
  
"With her not eating then we don't really have to worry about that," Willow sighed dejectedly.  
  
"Yeah, she'll just starve to death," groaned Cordy, leaning back against the couch.  
  
---------  
  
Ashlynn quietly crept out of her room and down the hall. She didn't want anyone to hear her moving around. All she wanted was to see her Mommy. Something was wrong. She didn't know what, but it was obvious to her, even in her young age, that something wasn't right. Her Mother wasn't acting as she usually did. There were no happy smiles, no tickling laughter, no loving kisses, no nothing. The little she'd seen of Buffy the last few days had only exposed her to a blank face and empty eyes. Even to a six year old that was impossible to miss.  
  
No one would tell her what was wrong with her Mommy. They said she was feeling sick again and that she shouldn't bother her. But Ashlynn didn't believe them. They also wouldn't tell her where her Daddy was. She'd only spent one afternoon with him but she already madly loved the man she'd only ever before heard about. She wanted to see him again, but he'd disappeared and every time she asked about him they never answered.  
  
Arriving at her Mother's room, Ashlynn peaked inside the partially closed door. The room was dark except for a small light on the nightstand that was on. She could see her Mom lying on the bed sound asleep, or at least Ashlynn thought she was sleeping. Noting that no one else was in the room, she crept softly inside, not wanting to wake her Mommy.  
  
She stared at Buffy for a minute, trying to decide what to do now that she'd managed to get near her before climbing gently onto the bed. Kneeling near her Mother's head, she frowned at the sight of Buffy's face. It looked like she'd been crying. Ashlynn reached out her tiny fingers and lightly touched Buffy's cheek. The skin was damp, confirming Ash's suspicion that her Mom had been upset about something. She wanted to know what was wrong, and why she'd been crying, but she didn't want to wake her up. Instead, she lay down on the bed and curled herself up next to Buffy, falling asleep in only a few minutes.  
  
The moment Buffy felt her daughter's breathing even out; she opened her eyes and looked down at the blonde haired child. She'd been awake the entire time, but didn't have the nerve to face her baby girl yet. How was she supposed to tell Ashlynn that her Father, the man she'd just met and already adored, was gone? How could she tell her that when she, herself, couldn't yet accept it?  
  
Words couldn't even begin to describe how horrible she felt over the way she treated Angel. When she first saw him that night days ago, she'd been completely shocked to say the least. Seven long years had passed since he walked out of her life. The first few months, years even, she kept expecting him to come back to her. After a while, that hope died. It was still there, buried deep inside, but each day that passed the possibility of his return seemed less and less.  
  
Then he was there, standing before her in all his handsome glory. She wished now that she hadn't run from him. She wished that she'd talked to him, or hugged him, or done anything but run. The next time she saw him she acted even worse, and she regretted every second of it. She'd yelled at him and let him think she moved on. She practically threw herself at Lindsey and rubbed it in his face. But worst of all, she tried to keep his daughter from him.  
  
Sure, when push came to shove, she told him about Ashlynn. Buffy wondered, though, if she still would have done it if she hadn't believed she was really going to die. Would she have told him? Yes, probably someday, but he didn't deserve someday. She should have told him right after his return. Instead, she held back, and he had to hear the news when she was half delirious. And then he had to hear the whole story from Willow and Cordelia. Gods, she was a horrible person.  
  
Now, he was gone, and she'd never be able to make it up to him. She'd never be able to talk to him, hug him, or see him with their daughter. He would never be able to do anything again, and all because of her. Angel sacrificed himself for her despite how badly she treated him. She was the one who was supposed to be dead, not Angel. The poison was given to her, was supposed to kill her. Angel wasn't supposed to die! It wasn't fair. It was supposed to be her not him.   
  
The sobs that Buffy had been holding in for days once again rose, but she couldn't cry. Her daughter was pressed up against her and would certainly wake if she let loose the torrent of tears she could feel threatening to fall. So, as quietly as possible, she slipped out of the bed, making sure to tuck the covers around Ashlynn's sleeping body. Stumbling because of her weakness from not eating and residual effects from the poison, Buffy left the room.  
  
---------  
  
Down in the office of the club, Lorne and Doyle finally managed to get a few minutes away from everyone else. The green-skinned demon had been trying to find the opportunity to talk to his friend for days, but there always seemed to be others within listening distance. Thankfully, some club business came up that allowed them to get away from the others for at least a few minutes.  
  
"Did you know what he was going to do?" Lorne half snapped at Doyle the moment they were within the confines of the office.  
  
"No," Doyle shook his head emphatically. "He came ta me, asked about my connections, and said he wanted ta speak ta them."  
  
"And you just took him there?" Lorne eyed him in exasperation.  
  
"Hey! The man's a big, strong vampire! Ya wanna try sayin' no ta him?" Doyle held up his hands in defeat.  
  
"Did he really threaten you?" Lorne asked as he sat on the edge of the desk.  
  
"No, but that glare of his will make ya do jus' about anything." He shuddered as he remembered the deadly look Angel had given him when he tried to keep the information about the Oracle from him.  
  
"So you told him about the Oracle. He didn't say why he wanted to see them?" Lorne continued his prodding, trying to piece together the events of the past week.  
  
"He jus' said he wanted ta speak ta them. Nothin' else. I had no idea what he had planned," the half demon sighed dejectedly.   
  
"We have no idea if he went there to offer his life for hers though. He probably wanted to know if they could do anything to help her," Lorne offered his thoughts.  
  
"Probably," agreed Doyle. "But ya know them. I'm not surprised they did this."  
  
"Me either," Lorne frowned with a shake of his head.  
  
"I hate that he did it, but it saved Buffy," pointed out Doyle.  
  
"He may have kept the poison from killing her, but I don't think we can say he saved her life." The vibes Lorne was getting from the Slayer seriously frightened him. She reeked of practically every negative emotion there was.  
  
"Gotta agree with ya on that." Doyle, too, knew they may have one the battle, but they were still waging a war on keeping the Slayer from self-destructing.  
  
"I have a feeling that this story isn't over yet, my friend," Lorne suddenly stated.  
  
Doyle looked at him oddly, surprised by the out-of-the-blue declaration, and curious as well. "Why do ya say that?"  
  
"Just a feeling," he shrugged noncommittally.  
  
"Well, whatever yer feelin', I hope it's somethin' good." Doyle started toward the door. "I better get back before 'Delia comes lookin' fer me."  
  
---------  
  
"So no one's got any idea on how to get her to eat?" Willow asked the group still gathered in the living room.  
  
"We could always force it down her throat," Cordy chimed in.  
  
"Oh, yeah, that'll work. Pry open a Slayer's mouth and shove food in it," snorted Faith, saying something for the first time that night. She felt awkward around these people. It was like they kept staring at her, expecting her to do something.  
  
"Good point," Cordy frowned and wrinkled her nose.  
  
"She'll eat when she's ready to," Lindsey added his two cents to the conversation.  
  
"But what if she doesn't?" Willow's voice broke slightly as she spoke. She was truly worried about her friend's well-being. If they didn't get through to her soon, she was afraid Buffy would waste away to nothing.  
  
"We have ta snap her out of it soon. Ashlynn needs her Ma." Doyle spoke up from where he'd been standing since he came back from talking to Lorne.  
  
The reminder of the little girl sobered them all more than they already were. It was hard enough dealing with Buffy's sabbatical from reality, but they were skating on thin ice when it came to Ashlynn. They'd been lying to her non-stop the last few days trying to keep her from Buffy. And every time she asked about Angel, they were forced to distract her so she wouldn't find out the truth. Even though the child had only just met Angel, they knew it would break her heart to hear he was gone forever.  
  
"Maybe we should let Ashlynn in to see her," Oz pondered out loud. He clarified when he saw the disbelieving looks from the others. "It might snap her out of it."  
  
"I don't think-" Giles started to say.  
  
"No, he's right," Willow smiled at her husband. "She needs something to remind her that she can't just crawl into a hole. Letting Ash in might just do that."  
  
"Ya know, I think you're on to something," Cordy agreed eagerly.   
  
"Any suggestions on how to go about this?" Willow leaned forward, looking at the group expectantly.  
  
Cordelia thought for a second then snapped her fingers. "Tomorrow morning we could take Ash in to have breakfast with her. She might eat if Ash if there watching her."  
  
"Do you think it's a good idea to take Ashlynn in there when Buffy's so out of it?" Lindsey questioned, worry evident in his voice.  
  
"It's the only idea we have!" Cordy glowered in irritation at Lindsey then softened her look. She knew that everything from the past week had to be hard on him. He'd been pining after Buffy for so long and Angel's reappearance and subsequent death showed him that he never really had a chance with Buffy.  
  
"I hate to bring this up now, but are we still going to have the memorial?" Willow raised an issue they'd been talking about the day before. With Angel gone, it seemed only appropriate to do something to remember him. Those who had known him, even if they hadn't really been friends with him, wanted an opportunity to say goodbye to the man who meant so much to their friend and who had given up his life for her.  
  
"I don't think Buffy's ready for that yet." Doyle shuddered at the idea of telling Buffy they were planning a memorial for her dead lover.  
  
Giles sighed and leaned back against the couch he was seated on. He felt direly out of place amongst these people, and didn't know if they really cared about anything he said. "I must agree with, uh, Doyle. I doubt Buffy could handle it in her stated of mind."  
  
"I guess we should wait a while. Buffy's libel to go completely catatonic if we were to do something now." Willow rested her head on Oz's shoulder, relieved that she had her husband there with her.  
  
"Yeah, and I mean, it's not like we're in a hurry since there's no body. He wasn't even alive, err, you know what I mean," Cordy pointed out the not so small fact that Angel was a vampire.  
  
"Cordy!" Willow chastised the brunette for her coarse words.  
  
"What? It's true," huffed Cordy.  
  
"So we're holding off on the memorial?" Oz stepped in to keep a fight from starting. Cordy and Willow may have put their past differences aside long ago and become friends, but they still tended to get on each others nerves.  
  
"No," a new voice sounded before anyone else could speak. They all turned to find Buffy standing at the entrance to the living room.  
  
"Buffy!" Willow squeaked nervously. "How long have you been standing there?"  
  
"You want us to have the memorial now?" Cordelia stated her interpretation of Buffy's 'no'.  
  
"No," repeated Buffy, her tone serious. "There will be no memorial."  
  
"Buffy," Lindsey stood up and walked over to Buffy. "We think it would help if you were able to say goodbye."  
  
"Goodbye?" Buffy choked back a sob. "You think I can just say a few words, light a candle, and then forget that he...he's d-dead."  
  
"Now, Buffy." Giles, too, stood to face his former Slayer. "We don't expect you to forget, but you cannot let this ruin your life."  
  
"Oh come off it Giles!" she shouted angrily at him. "You've hated Angel ever since Angelus killed Jenny. You're probably glad he's gone!"  
  
Giles visibly flinched at the barb. He tried not to let it get to him, considering Buffy's state of mind, but it still stung. "Buffy, you know that's not true."  
  
"Do I?" she laughed in disbelief. "H-how can any of you t-think I could just say goodbye and m-move on.  
  
Buffy tried to step forward, but she stumbled and nearly fell. Managing to catch her, Lindsey pulled her into his embrace and hugged her as she cried. He wished there was something he could do for her, but he knew there wasn't. It was obvious, though, that she wasn't ready to face any of this yet. So he scooped her up and moved to carry her out of the room, sharing concerned looks with their friends.  
  
---------  
  
TBC!! 


	34. ACFTF Part 2

---------  
  
Part 2  
  
---------  
  
"Buffy?" Doyle asked softly as he stood in the doorway to Ashlynn's room.   
  
Moments after Lindsey had carried a sobbing Buffy out of the living area, he had returned and summoned Doyle. He was told only that Buffy wanted to talk to him, and not about what. As he moved toward Buffy's bedroom, Lindsey promptly stopped him and pointed him in the direction of Ash's room. Doyle didn't bother to ask why they weren't in their actual rooms, just did as he was told. Now, standing there gazing at Buffy, he was getting and eerie feeling.  
  
She didn't answer him right away so he repeated her name. "Buffy?"  
  
This time, she turned to face him, and he almost flinched at the look in her eyes. "Doyle."  
  
"You, uh, wanted to see me?" he shuffled into the room, closing the door behind him.  
  
"Yes," she nodded, facing him fully with arms crossed over her chest. "I want to speak to these Oracle people."  
  
"What?" Doyle gasped in utter shock.  
  
"The Oracles," she repeated and then pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper from her back pocket. "In Angel's letter, he said you took him there, and that these people represent the Powers. I want to talk to them."  
  
"No, Buffy..." The vicious gleam in her eye made him take a step back. Déjà vu. Hadn't he just been in this situation five days earlier? "Why do ya want ta talk ta them?"  
  
"Because they can't do this!" Her shout sounded loudly throughout the room. She took a deep breath, continuing on in a softer voice. "They can't just play with people's lives like this. It isn't right, and I intend to tell them that."  
  
"It won't change anything," he tried to explain to her. The Powers weren't the type of beings who changed their minds once they did something. Buffy could only end up disappointed if she went to the Oracles on Angel's behalf.  
  
"I don't care!" she cried out. "I want to talk to them!"  
  
"Yer not going ta take no fer an answer are ya?" Doyle sighed and sat down on the bed. This was not good. Not good at all. Buffy was setting herself up for a fall, and there didn't seem to be anything he could do to stop it.  
  
"No, and if you don't take me I will find them on my own," she stated in determination.  
  
Doyle rubbed his temples and contemplated his choices. The Oracles were not the type of beings who has discussions. They made decisions, gave orders, etc. And they certainly did not like being questioned or second guessed. Buffy going to speak to them would not sit well. It didn't look like he had a choice, though. She was going to do this with or without him.  
  
"Fine," he finally relented.  
  
"Good. Let's go." Buffy immediately marched toward the door.  
  
"Now," he squeaked, jumping off the bed. "Ya want ta go now?"  
  
"No time like the present." She didn't wait for his reply as she marched out of the room and through the apartment. It only occurred to her momentarily that the rest of the apartment was empty, but any concerns she had over that were pushed away. She was on a mission, and nothing would stop her.  
  
---------  
  
"Are ya really sure ya want ta do this?" Doyle questioned for the tenth time since they'd left the apartment.  
  
Buffy sighed in exasperation, turning to face him and then grimacing when her foot landed on something gross and sticky. Why exactly were these Oracle people located in the sewers? It didn't seem very appropriate. She'd imagined them in some lavish hotel at least, or maybe a mansion somewhere. But the sewers? The smell alone would be enough to chase people away.  
  
"Yes, Doyle. I'm sure, and no I won't change my mind." She tried to sound emphatic, but it came out rather flat. All the emotional distress of the past week was taking its toll on Buffy and she didn't have the energy to argue with him.  
  
"All right." He moved forward, pressing his fingers along the grimy walls until he reached a particular spot. Finding the mark he was looking for, Doyle's thumb hit an unseen button and a door appeared to his left on the wall. "Well, go on in."  
  
Peering curiously at her friend, Buffy stepped forward and poked her head through the door. A scowl appeared on her face at the room on the other side. It looked like just another part of the sewer system, though not quite as dirty. As far as she could tell, though, there weren't any higher beings inside. Still, she went in anyway with Doyle following behind her.  
  
Once inside, she further glanced around the room. It was about a five foot by five foot square with concrete walls and flooring. There didn't appear to be any other doors that would lead her to the Oracle people. As a matter of fact, there weren't any entrances or exits period. The door they'd just come through was now gone, leaving Buffy feeling a bit trapped.  
  
"You do know what you are doing, right?" Buffy asked warily. She startled when a panel on the floor moved and a small stone altar rose upwards. This whole thing was really beginning to creep her out.  
  
"Yes. They do this because they don't want just anyone finding them," he replied before moving to the altar that had just appeared.   
  
"Oh, okay." That made sense, she supposed. It wouldn't be good if any bum off the streets could gain entrance to whoever these beings were. "What now?"  
  
"I have ta say a chant and then use a special key sort of thing. Once it's done, if they agree ta see ya, an entrance will appear." As he said the word 'key' Doyle pulled an odd looking crystal from his pocket. It was long and thin, and seemed to be a silvery blue color.  
  
Doyle stepped up to the altar after his explanation. He sprinkled a handful of a sand-like material on its surface first and then softly whispered a chant that Buffy could barely hear let alone understand the words. The small stone seemed to vibrate as he spoke, and Buffy couldn't tell, but also might have glowed slightly. Though she would never admit it, Buffy was a bit nervous over what was going on and was wondering if perhaps she'd made a wrong choice.  
  
When Doyle finished the chant, an area on the top of the altar about the size of an orange blurred and shifted shape. A metallic object formed out of what was once pure stone, rising about six inches tall. It was the color of aged bronze with flowing curves and twists that gave it an inherit beauty. The center was hollow and there was an opening at the top that looked as if it would hold something. Buffy instantly realized that the key Doyle mentioned must go there. Her suspicion was confirmed when he took the crystal and placed it in the metal lock.  
  
The second the key was in place, it glowed a blinding bluish light, forcing Buffy to shield her eyes. A low hum echoed through the room, tickling deep down in her gut. As quick as the bright light appeared, it vanished. Removing her hand and blinking her eyes to refocus, Buffy was shocked to find herself no longer in the small concrete room with Doyle. Somehow she'd ended up somewhere else without even taking a single step.  
  
Spinning around in an attempt to gain her bearings, Buffy found herself even more confused. Wherever she'd ended up didn't even seem to be an actual room. It was more like empty, open space clouded over by an opaque white haze on all sides. She could see nothing but fog; no doors, no floor, no walls, and no Oracles. Just fog. Everywhere. What the Hell did Doyle get her into?  
  
"Hello?" she shouted out into the abyss.  
  
"Greetings, Slayer," a voice spoke from behind Buffy. She whirled around and tried not to be shocked by the fact there was now an expensive looking chaise two feet away where there had just been nothing. This place was enough to drive a person insane.  
  
"Umm, hi?!" she squeaked nervously, facing the person sitting on the chaise.  
  
Buffy wasn't sure, but she assumed the being was an Oracle, or maybe it was their secretary. Who knew? Doyle hadn't exactly given her directions. And he also didn't tell her that the people...beings...whatever...in this place, or wherever the Hell she was, defied explanation. The being before her seemed neither male, nor female. It was sort of androgynous. The clothes didn't help decipher It's sex either; togas were a unisex article. Shrugging off the oddness, Buffy focused on her purpose.  
  
"We've been expecting you," It spoke in a low voice as It sat up fully on the lounger.  
  
"You have?" Buffy wondered out loud in confusion.  
  
"Of course. You're visit is not a surprise." It stood up and seemed to float towards Buffy, circling slowly around her. "You have served the Powers well. They are quite pleased with the work you have done."  
  
"It's not like I had a choice," she snorted indignantly.  
  
"You are unhappy with your duties?" It asked before retreating back to the chaise.  
  
"No...well, sort of. It just would have been nice to have gotten a choice in the whole thing," Buffy replied honestly. She didn't really hate being a Slayer, but at the same time, it's not something she would have picked for herself.  
  
"Only the strongest of mind are bestowed the responsibilities of protecting the world. You should be honored to have been Chosen," the Being told her as if the reasoning were obvious.  
  
"Oh," mumbled Buffy, never having considered that line of thought before. "Look, I didn't come here to discuss my being a Slayer-"  
  
"We are aware of that as well." It waved It's hand at Buffy. "You are here with regards to the vampire, yes?"  
  
"Angel. He has a name you know." Hearing him referred to as 'a vampire' pissed her off. He wasn't some animal. He was a person.  
  
"You did not answer our question. He is the reason you are here, is he not?" It ignored Buffy's correction, and gazed intently at her.  
  
"Yes, he is," Buffy confirmed the motive behind her visit.  
  
The Oracle smiled knowingly at Buffy over her confession. "As you will learn, we are never wrong."  
  
"Good for you," she grumbled at the pompous statement.  
  
"Respect is warranted here, Slayer. Insolence will not be tolerated," the Oracle relayed forcefully.  
  
"Sorry," apologized Buffy half-heartedly.  
  
"Now, as for the reason of your visit." It settled back in It's chair. "You wish to plead for the vampire Angel's life, yes?"  
  
Buffy frowned at the being's knowledge. It was like she was having her thoughts read and that unnerved her. She didn't want anyone in her mind but her. "I am," she spoke defensively.  
  
"We cannot just return him to this plane at your will." It went straight to the point.  
  
"Why not?" Buffy demanded in a growl.  
  
"It does not suit the Powers to do so," It stated indifferently.  
  
"He does not deserve this!" she shouted in anger.  
  
Eyes boring into Buffy, the Oracle pondered for a moment before speaking. "Why do you believe he deserves otherwise?"  
  
The question startled Buffy. She hadn't been expecting it. Doyle had told her the Oracles didn't discuss things, but this Being she was talking to seemed to be content to do just that. Maybe she had a chance. Maybe she could make them see that what they did wasn't right.  
  
"Because he is a good person," she started off. "I know he has not always been that way, but he had no control over what the demon did. He has a caring soul. If it weren't for him I would probably be dead, and the world might not exist."  
  
"Your point is valid," It conceded. "But should he not atone for his sins? Is that not the way of the world?"  
  
"That was the demon, not him!" Buffy argued. Why did people not understand that he was not responsible for Angelus' crimes?  
  
"That is true," the Oracle nodded, shifting to a more comfortable position. "However, he willingly went with Darla to the alley all those years ago, and asked to be shown her world. And even before that, he was a drunken lout content to disgrace his family and chase after women."  
  
"But...but he's c-changed," she sputtered in response, the blunt words getting to her at first. "Everyone changes and makes mistakes. He's not who he used to be. He fights for the world now."  
  
"We do not disagree with you," It sighed in an almost sad manner. "The fact remains, though, that the Powers cannot just bring him back."  
  
"Why? They are the Powers. They should be able to do anything," Buffy pleaded tearfully.  
  
"Because that is not the way of things. The vampire, your Angel, made a deal. That is the way They work," It iterated concisely.  
  
"Then take back the deal!" she ordered without thinking.  
  
"You wish to reverse the way things are?" It questioned with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Yes!" an infuriated Buffy practically yelled. This person...Being...whatever...talked in circles, and it was irritating.  
  
"It would do you well to consider the consequences of such an action," the Oracle pointed out. "The only way to take back the deal, the one where the vampire's life was taken in exchange for yours, would be to rewind time and go back to before the deal was made."  
  
"Go back? Then I'd..." Buffy trailed off, realizing the implications of her request.  
  
"Yes, you would return to your death bed," It confirmed.  
  
"Why can't you just bring him back?" she again asked. The hope that had risen was beginning to falter. Either way she was screwed. If she did nothing, Angel would stay dead, if she reversed time, she would die. It was a no-win situation.  
  
"As I have said, that is not how things are done. The Powers do not just give. They make exchanges," the being repeated its earlier reasoning.  
  
"There has to be something you can do!" she cried out desperately. There just had to be a way to bring Angel back. He couldn't be dead. That was just unacceptable.  
  
The Oracle sat up again, intrigued. It nodded its head imperceptibly, and in the blink of an eye, a cage-like structure, invisible to Buffy, appeared a few feet to her right. Inside the cage, also invisible to Buffy, stood Angel in utter confusion. He had absolutely no idea what was going on. One moment he had just made a deal to save Buffy's life, and the next he was locked in a metal box. Gazing around him, he was stunned to find himself back in the Oracle's chamber, and even more shocked to see Buffy there, and looking healthy...er....than before. What the Hell was going on?  
  
"Buffy?" he called out to her, not realizing that she could neither see nor hear him.   
  
"Buffy!" he shouted louder and again got no response. Looking to the Oracle, he tried to get It's attention, but It too ignored him which only added to his confusion.  
  
"You wish to make a deal for the vampire's life, Slayer?" It asked, hiding a smile. Now they were getting down to business.  
  
Inside his cage, Angel gasped. Buffy was here for him? To ask for his life? It shouldn't have shocked him, but it did. Considering all that he'd done to her, it was unfathomable to him that she would come to ask for his life. And it scared him. With the way the Powers worked he was afraid of what she would do for him.   
  
"Yes," Buffy answered simply.  
  
"The Powers will not accept your life for his. You are too important to this world," It stated up front.   
  
"Just tell me what to do to bring him back! Whatever it is I'll do it!" she appealed to It.  
  
"It is not wise to make such a bold statement, Slayer," It chastised her, and then cocked It's head as if it were listening to something. "The Powers have a deal to offer to you."  
  
"What is it?" she eagerly wanted to know while Angel listened to the conversation apprehensively. He had a bad feeling he would not like this deal.  
  
"In exchange for the Vampire's life they will require you to be indebted to them," the Being recited and then added, "For eternity."  
  
"No!" Angel's shout echoed unheard to Buffy. He couldn't let her do this. His hands grasped at the bars to his cage, trying to escape and stop Buffy before she risked too much for him.  
  
"What?" Buffy gasped.  
  
"You are a powerful Warrior for the Powers. They would be more than willing to have you fight for Their cause for the rest of your life...an immortal life," It clarified the deal being proposed.  
  
"Immortal?" she whispered to herself. "They want...I'd get Angel back if I became immortal? And fought forever?"  
  
"No! Don't do it Buffy!" Angel raged on, oblivious to the fact that he was merely an observer to what was going on. His fear rose another notch at the idea of Buffy condemning herself to immortal life. Living forever may seem appealing to some, but in reality, it was horrible and depressing.  
  
"Yes, we will return the vampire if you commit you're eternal life to the Powers as a warrior," It repeated her only option. "Think hard, Slayer. This is not an endeavor to be taken lightly."  
  
And Buffy did think about it. Would she be able to live and fight forever? Would she be able to handle seeing everyone around her die while she remained young? For the first time, she began to understand the thoughts that plagued Angel when he left her. She'd never before considered herself in that situation. Now that she did, she could see how hard it would be. Could she take on the burden of becoming immortal in order to save Angel?  
  
Yes, she could. He shouldn't have died, at least not as a deal to save her life. It wasn't right. She couldn't accept that the price of her recovery was Angel's existence. True, she was grateful he did it because she wasn't ready to die just yet. At the same time, though, Buffy wasn't ready to accept that in order for her to be alive, Angel had to die. That didn't quite seem fair. If she could bring Angel back by only giving up her mortal life wasn't that the right thing to do? Maybe it wasn't right, but it was what she wanted to do. Both she and Ashlynn needed him.  
  
"I'll do it," she finally answered after five minutes of deliberation.  
  
"Buffy! Don't!" Angel threw himself at the bars of his cage, hoping to escape.  
  
"Very well." The Oracle waved its hand just as Angel hit the bars of the cage.   
  
Buffy saw the air shimmer and for a split second saw the cage and Angel before the bars vanished leaving Angel to fall to the floor. His immediate presence left her unable to move for a moment. She hadn't expected him to appear right away. But the second she realized he was really there, she rushed towards where he fell to the floor, practically throwing herself on top of him.  
  
Before Angel could realize what happened, he felt Buffy's body grasping at his. Lost in the moment, they embraced each other, tears of joy falling from both their faces.  
  
---------  
  
TBC!! 


	35. ACFTF Part 3

---------  
  
Part 3  
  
---------  
  
The elation over seeing Buffy again quickly passed when Angel thought of the price she paid for his life. He instantly stiffened in her arms, regret and sorrow overwhelming him. It wasn't right. He couldn't allow Buffy to suffer the burden of immortal life for his useless existence.   
  
Pulling away, he looked her straight in the eyes. "Don't do this, Buffy. I'm not worth it."  
  
"No, Angel! Don't say that!" Buffy grabbed his head between her hands. "You are so much more than you think you are. I need you, Angel. Our daughter needs you."  
  
"Immortal life...it's not a walk in the park, Buffy!" he pulled his hands into hers, trying to make her see what she was doing.  
  
"I know that! I'm not a child! I can make my own decisions!" she snapped resentfully.   
  
"Buffy, you have a wonderful life. You should continue to live it, not have to suffer through eternity while everyone else dies," he angrily replied. "How are you going to feel when Willow dies? Or as you watch Ashlynn get old and die as well? It's not a fun way to live!"  
  
"But you'll be there with me." The words came out as a light whisper, but Angel heard them perfectly well. His eyes immediately dropped down. "You will won't you?"  
  
"Nothing's changed," Angel forced himself to say.  
  
Buffy recoiled from the verbal blow, tears trailing down her cheeks. "So...what?...after all that's happened, and after finding out you have a daughter you're just going to take off again?"  
  
A burst of laughter drew their attention away from themselves and back to the Oracle, lounging casually on her chair. "This is better than those dreadful soap operas in your realm," It laughed cheekily.  
  
"I'm so glad you find this amusing," Buffy growled at her, sarcasm dripping in her voice.  
  
"How could you let her do this?" Angel glared at the baffling being.  
  
"Let? I think you misunderstand, Vampire." It stood and walked toward them. "She was not forced to do anything."  
  
"You and your bosses gave her the choice!" he snapped at It. "They just want a warrior, and don't give a damn about her."  
  
"Umm, excuse me, but she is standing right here!" Buffy tried to butt into the conversation.  
  
"The Powers That Be know exactly what they are doing, and why," It marched right up to Angel, showing no intimidation. "You would do well to respect that."  
  
The look on the Being's face disturbed Angel. Something wasn't right. "Why do I get the feeling that there is more going on?" he suddenly asked.  
  
"Ah, very perceptive of you," It grinned at the question.  
  
"What's going on?" Buffy interjected, having no idea what Angel was referring to.  
  
"That's what I'd like to know," Angel eyed the Oracle warily. This Oracle person was hiding something. He was sure of it.  
  
The Oracle waved its hand and two more chairs appeared near Its chaise. "Sit, please."  
  
"Why? Just tell us what's going on?" Buffy demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"Because I prefer to be comfortable while talking," the Oracle dismissed Buffy's order and crossed the space to her seat.  
  
Following Angel's lead, Buffy sat on one of the chairs that the Oracle summoned. Her fingers nervously fidgeted in her lap as she waited to find out what the strange being in front of her was about to reveal. She worried that Angel's return was all a joke and that It would take him away again. That was something she simply wouldn't accept.  
  
"All has not been as it seems," It spoke after a long pause. "You have been misled."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Angel leapt from his chair, ready to throttle the apparently lying Oracle.  
  
"Sit!" It commanded and waited until Angel obeyed. "Allow me to explain."  
  
"Do it quick." Buffy had had just about enough of all this crap.  
  
"You, both of you, were being tested." Oh, It so loved It's job.  
  
"Tested?" Angel and Buffy verbalized at once.  
  
"Yes. Your worth was being judged." The Oracle reclined on Its chaise. "They have been watching you for a long time and have liked what They saw. But They needed to make sure They were making the right decision."  
  
"Our worth? I don't understand." Buffy looked to Angel only to see the same confusion on his face.  
  
"One of the Powers main concerns is protecting the human realm, maintaining its existence," It began It's explanation. "The balance will soon be shifting, in a positive way, and both of you are to play a role, but They needed to make sure you were the right beings for the opportunity."  
  
"What's going to happen?" Angel grew worried.   
  
"That I cannot reveal," It stated definitively. "But if all goes well, it will lead to good things for your world."  
  
"What does this have to do with us?" Buffy wanted to know. She was growing more confused by the minute. Why couldn't this Oracle person just spit it out and tell them what was going on?  
  
"As I said, you play a role in the changes to come," It repeated with a sigh. It didn't like repeating Itself.  
  
"But you had to test us first?" added on Angel, trying to put together all the pieces to this mystery.  
  
Buffy nearly groaned in frustration over the constant battle of words. "I don't suppose you want to tell us what this test was?"  
  
"Patience, young Slayer," It shook It's head in annoyance. "The test was used to judge your merit; to ensure that you are loyal, trustworthy, and are ready for the job that will be presented to you soon." A heavy, silent pause filled the room, before It spoke again. "You both passed."  
  
"Uh, that's great. I think," Buffy wearily ran a hand through her hair. It occurred to her that she should be concerned about whatever this upcoming 'change' was, but she was so exhausted her mind couldn't process the thought.  
  
"I know what you are about to ask," the Oracle waved off the question about to come from Angel. "You're test was whether you would sacrifice your humanity for the life of the Slayer." It turned to Buffy, "and your test was whether you would give up your mortal life to secure his return."  
  
"Those were tests?" Buffy gasped in surprise.  
  
"Yes," It nodded in the affirmative. "The deals were merely a front. The Powers would not have let the Slayer succumb to the poison no matter what, but they saw an opportunity to administer a test to determine your worth to Their cause."  
  
"Wait...if it was just a test then I'm not going to be immortal now?" Buffy didn't mean to sound relieved, but she did anyway.   
  
"No, you are not," the cryptic Oracle verified. "You will remain as you are."  
  
"So you put me through all this for nothing?!?" she huffed, thoroughly disgusted. First she had to deal with Angel's death and then she'd had to choose between being immortal and not having Angel only to find out it was all some sort of sick joke.  
  
"Not for nothing, Slayer. You have Angel back do you not?" It pointed out the positive.  
  
"Oh yeah, great." Buffy laughed sadly. Fat lot of good that did her. "You heard him. 'Nothing's changed' which means he'll just take off again."  
  
"That is not acceptable!" The emphatic statement surprised both Buffy and Angel. "Do you not understand that you are stronger together? Apart, you are each formidable, but together, you are even more so."  
  
"It's not that simple." Angel wondered why no one ever seemed to understand his dilemma. He never wanted to leave Buffy. She was the only thing he ever truly loved, but there were just too many valid reasons not to stay.  
  
"You are referring to the Gypsy curse and your vampire status, yes?" It inquired, head cocked to the side. "We are aware of that issue."  
  
"Can you fix the curse?" Buffy perked up instantly.  
  
"In a manner of speaking," It paused, allowing anticipation to grow. "Yes."  
  
Angel stumbled out of his chair at the blunt statement. He hadn't been expecting this at all. His trip to the Oracles had been to save Buffy's life, and now he wasn't dead, Buffy was fine, and this Being was telling him that his curse could be changed. It was all almost too much. For almost eight years, the curse had been constantly hanging over his head, playing a role in his decision to leave Sunnydale, and here was some higher Being saying it could be changed. Frankly, it left Angel dumbstruck.  
  
"Y-you can c-change it?" came Buffy's disbelieving whisper.  
  
"Yes, but not quite in the way that you are thinking." The Oracle had to force the grin off Its face. This next part was a real kicker. "The Powers have no desire to see Angelus released upon this world ever again, but the demon is not your only limitation. Your...aversion...to sunlight is problematic as well."  
  
"Wh-...what are you saying?" Angel was feeling light-headed all the sudden. His fingers gripped the back of his chair as the leading statement of the Oracle dug deeper into his brain.  
  
Wanting to draw out discussion a bit longer, the Oracle moved on to Its purpose. "The Powers are prepared to offer you a deal; a real deal this time."  
  
"Oh, great, another deal." Buffy muttered under her breath though she was quite anxious to hear what it was. She, too, had caught the underlying message in Its words.  
  
"The deal," It began with a slight lick of Its lips. "Is that you, both of you, commit the rest of your natural lives to the side of Good, and fight evil as long as possible in exchange...for Angel's humanity."  
  
"For my..." Angel's eyes bulged.  
  
"Humanity?" Buffy said the last word. "You're going to make Angel human?"  
  
All of the breath seemed to leave Buffy's lungs as she thought of the implications of what had just been said. Angel? Human? The very idea was foreign, and strange, and yet so utterly wonderful. How many times had she dreamed of this over the years? Too many to count. And as many times as she'd fantasized about him becoming human, they'd always been just that; dreams. Never had she thought it could really happen. Could it really be true? Could this Oracle person really make him human?  
  
Angel's thoughts were along the same lines, well at least when they weren't swirling in confusion and disbelief. A vampire becoming human again was unheard of. Could They really do it? And what would it mean for him, and for Buffy? Did he even deserve to be human? He'd committed so many atrocious sins in his unnaturally long life. He should be rotting in Hell. Was it fair to accept this gift? Was it fair not to? He honestly didn't know.  
  
"Well, not exactly human," It interrupted their internal thoughts and could see the hope on both their faces shrink. "A measly human would not serve Their cause."  
  
"I don't understand," Buffy frowned at the thoroughly confusing being.  
  
"I apologize," the Oracle spoke, only half sincere. "They wish to grant Angel his humanity and to imbue him with the supernatural strengths like those of a Slayer. In essence, he would become a male Slayer. It serves Their purposes better to have another Warrior who can fight in all situations not just in the dead of night."  
  
It laughed at the silent, wide-eyed, open-mouthed expressions on both the Slayer's and vampire's faces. The reaction was more than even It expected. But even It, in all Its impartialness, couldn't help but smile and be happy. The trials and tribulations of the pair were well known, as were their dedication to keeping the world safe. Even though the Oracle wasn't supposed to be, It was truly happy for the opportunity given to the Warriors.  
  
Buffy managed to snap out of her daze first and asked the question foremost on her mind. "This isn't a trick or anything?"  
  
"No, Slayer. I have spoken nothing but the truth." It understood her hesitancy, but It did not like being questioned.  
  
"There's got to be a catch," Angel jumped into the conversation once he'd found his bearings. It was too good to be true. He couldn't believe that they were offering him his humanity.  
  
"There is no catch, Vampire," the Oracle eyed him carefully. "I have told you all there is to know; your altered humanity in exchange for your commitment to the fight against evil."  
  
At the reminder of the provisions to the deal, Angel's mood instantly sobered. In order to become mostly human, Buffy would have to sacrifice her freedom. She would have to spend the rest of her life tied to the Powers; fighting demons and constantly in danger of dying. That wasn't what he wanted for her. She didn't deserve that. True, she was a Slayer, but he wanted for her to someday be able to leave all that behind and live a normal life. If he accepted this deal she would never be able to do that. He couldn't ask that of her. It wasn't right.  
  
"No," Angel stated somberly.  
  
Whatever Buffy had expected Angel to say, 'no' wasn't it. She was shocked into silence over the rejection. How could he turn down such an offer? This was everything they could have ever hoped for. He wouldn't have to be a vampire anymore, and he'd be strong enough to help her fight. It was the answer to all their problems. They'd finally have a real chance at happiness. Why was he turning it down?  
  
"What?" she whirled around to face Angel.  
  
"No," he repeated, avoiding Buffy's penetrating gaze.  
  
"How can you say no?" Buffy stood up and came toe-to-toe with him. "This is everything we've ever wanted!"  
  
"I can't let you do it," he explained softly. "I can't let you tie yourself to the Powers forever."  
  
"Isn't that my decision to make?!" she snapped angrily at him. He was doing it again; making choices for her and she hated it.  
  
"You don't know what they are asking you to do, Buffy! You're so young; you can't possibly want to spend the rest of your life fighting!" he pleaded desperately with her.  
  
Buffy took a step back from him, feeling as if she'd been slapped. "I'm twenty-five years old Angel and not a stupid teenage anymore. I think I can decide what I want to do with my life."  
  
Mouth snapping shut, Angel realized too late how his words could be taken. He hadn't meant it that way, at least he didn't think he did. "Buffy, please, think about this!"  
  
"I have." She backed up another step, the walls around her heart beginning to harden once again. Why did he never seem to trust her? She wasn't some young, stupid girl. She was completely capable of making her own decisions, but he never seemed to understand that. Sparing one more glance at Angel, she turned back to the Oracle. "Do it."  
  
"You accept the conditions of this deal, Slayer?" It tried to hide Its glee.  
  
"Yes," Buffy nodded in confirmation.  
  
"Vampire?" The Oracle looked at Angel for his agreement.  
  
Angel said nothing for a moment. He was utterly torn. He wanted to be human. He wanted to be able to be with Buffy without restriction, and to truly be a father to his daughter. But could he do it at such a high cost? Buffy's steadfast glare told him she wasn't about to change her mind, and somewhere, deep inside, he didn't want her to.   
  
"Fine," he eventually relented.  
  
"Very well," It closed Its eyes and smiled brightly.  
  
"So how does this wo-," Buffy started to say when the room suddenly began to spin. Her vision darkened then went black. Dizziness overwhelmed her and she felt like she was flying until gradually it stopped and she felt her body thud against something hard.  
  
"Ow," she groaned, reaching up to steady her dazed head. "What the Hell happened?"  
  
"Buffy?" another voice spoke from somewhere nearby.  
  
"Doyle?" Buffy blinked open her eyes and focused on the figure in front of her. What was Doyle doing there? Wasn't he waiting outside for her? That was when she noticed she was no longer in the Oracle's chamber.  
  
"I was gettin' worried." Doyle helped her to stand. "You've been gone fer six hours!"  
  
"Six hours?" she repeated in surprise, stumbling slightly as she tried to clear the muddled mess inside her head.  
  
Doyle's response was interrupted when he heard a groan come from the other side of the room. He was thoroughly shocked to find Angel slumped against the wall on the opposite side of the room. "Angel?" he gasped loudly.  
  
"Angel?" Buffy's eyes wildly searched the small room, quickly finding him. She rushed forward, but came to a swift halt as memories of his actions just moments earlier returned. Confused didn't even begin to describe how she felt. Angel was back, and if the Oracle kept its promise, he was now human. She should be happy, and she was, but she was also hurt by the lack of trust he seemed to have in her. "Did...did it work?" she settled for asking.  
  
It took a moment for Angel to figure out what she was wanting to know as he, too, tried to work through the dizziness caused by being expelled from the Oracle's chamber. "Yes," he answered finally, his hand coming to rest on the rise and fall of his chest.  
  
"Good," Buffy stated unemotionally, fighting herself the whole time. Angel's human! She wanted to scream loudly and throw herself at him, but she held back. She just couldn't let herself revel in the news, not when there were still so many things that were wrong instead of everything being right.  
  
Angel's heart dropped at Buffy's cold reception of the drastic change. This was what she wanted so why didn't it seem like she was happy? "Buffy?"  
  
"What's goin' on?" Doyle questioned once he'd gotten over the sight of Angel being alive. He couldn't believe it. Buffy had really managed to bring him back, but their actions were perplexing. Neither one seemed overly happy with the situation. Shouldn't they have been jumping for joy?  
  
"We better get back," Buffy stated hastily, ignoring Doyle's question. "Ashlynn is probably worried and Cordy probably wants your head on a platter for disappearing without telling her where we were going."  
  
She stomped out of the chamber before either Doyle or Angel could object. Both were left to wonder over her attitude. Doyle had no idea what happened with the Oracle, but she obviously got Angel back. That should have been cause for joy. Seeing as she wasn't happy, he had to wonder what happened. Angel, on the other hand, knew exactly what the situation was and it didn't stop his own confusion. He wanted to talk to her, but she'd already walked off. Seeing no other choice but to follow, Doyle and Angel trudged after her, knowing they wouldn't get answers until Buffy was ready to give them.  
  
---------  
  
TBC!! 


	36. ACFTF Part 4

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Part 4  
  
---------  
  
Cordelia stealthily poked her head out of the kitchen door and peered out into the quiet, dim club. They had closed almost an hour ago and were now just finishing up shutting everything down for the night. The focus of her attention, though, wasn't on the club's nightly processes, but rather on the sullen blonde seated at the bar going over inventory. Cordy couldn't help but shake her head. Things were so far from right it was ridiculous. Something had to be done about it.  
  
"What are ya looking at?" Doyle whispered into her ear from behind.  
  
The unexpected question startled her and she quickly jumped away from the door, cringing when it clunked shut. "Don't do that!"  
  
"Sorry," he grinned unrepentantly. "What were ya lookin' at?"  
  
"Buffy," Cordy answered with a sigh.  
  
"Is she still sitting out there?" Willow asked from where she was leaning against one of the counters next to Oz.  
  
"Yeah, and she's got that 'someone just killed my puppy horribly' look on her face again," the brunette explained and walked further into the kitchen to where everyone else was standing.  
  
"She doesn't look like someone killed her puppy," Lindsay crossed his arms over his chest and glanced toward the door. "She looks like someone killed a litter of puppies."  
  
"I don't get it," Cordy worriedly glanced at the others. "She's been like that ever since they got back from the Oracle."  
  
They were all shocked, to say the least, at the turn of events since Angel became human. Doyle and Angel had quietly explained what had happened once they returned that day while Buffy just sat there quietly. They almost couldn't believe what they were hearing. They all thought Angel was gone for good and then there he was, standing before them with a newfound heartbeat, among other things. It should have been the best news ever, but it didn't seem like everyone thought so.  
  
Ever since Angel had returned Buffy had become quiet and withdrawn. She and Angel avoided each other like the plague. It made no sense whatsoever. The biggest obstacles between them had finally been removed. They could finally be together, but it wasn't working out that way and no one understood it. Barely two words had been spoken between the two in the six days since Angel's change, and with each day that passed they were becoming increasingly worried.  
  
During the day, Angel would hide away from everyone. He'd either sit in the room he'd been given, or go up onto the roof of the building and sit. In both cases he was always alone; never accepting the company of anyone. Then at night when Buffy was down working in the club he would go down to her apartment and spend the evening with Ashlynn. When she would return, they'd ignore each other and Angel would go back to his room. If Cordy wasn't mistaken, it always looked as though Angel wanted to talk to her, but he never did. And Buffy wouldn't even look him in the eye, just mumble some words and go to Ashlynn's room to kiss her goodnight.  
  
Buffy, on the other hand, tried to act like everything was normal, at least when she was around other people. When she was alone, though, her walls seemed to crumble. More than once since Angel's return the members of the group had spied her sitting alone with a pained, confused look on her face. They had all tried to talk to her at one point or another, but Buffy only pushed off their concern saying she was perfectly fine. She was anything but fine and they all knew it. Even so, they had no idea what exactly the problem was or how to fix it.  
  
"I tried to talk to her last night, but she just told me she was-."  
  
"Fine." Cordelia jumped in and finished Willow's sentence.  
  
"She's hardly fine, dumplin'," Lorne said as he strolled out of the walk-in freezer at the back of the kitchen.  
  
"No duh!" Cordy rolled her eyes at the obvious statement.  
  
"Has Angel said anything to anybody?" Willow looked around the room as she asked the question, hoping that someone would be able to shed some light on the situation.  
  
Oz shook his head no in response. "I don't think he's talked to anybody except for Ashlynn."  
  
"I see now what ya meant by Angel broodin'." More than once Doyle had caught the now ex-vampire sitting and staring off into space with a pensive look on his face. It was a bit disturbing that someone could sit and think for that long and that much.  
  
Lorne didn't mean to laugh, but he did. "That man could win an Olympic medal in power brooding."  
  
"This is absolutely ridiculous!" Cordelia repeated her earlier sentiment.  
  
"I hate to say it, but Cordelia's right." Willow ignored the annoyed glare from her friend. "It makes no sense."  
  
"Yeah, I mean, they finally have a real chance to be together, but they can't even look each other in the eye!" Cordy exclaimed, frustrated.  
  
"Now 'Delia." Doyle looked at her in a chastising manner. "They will work it out on their own time."  
  
"How can they work it out if they won't even talk to each other?" she hotly retorted.  
  
"Again I have to agree with Cordy." Willow cringed internally, wondering when she'd become such a Cordelia fan. "They need to talk to each other."  
  
"Got any ideas in that fiery little head of yours?" Lorne asked though his eyes were trained on the paperwork in front of him.  
  
"Unfortunately, no," she said with a sigh.  
  
"Ok, so we need to force them to talk," Cordy mumbled to herself as she paced across the room. There had to be something they could do to get the ball rolling on a Buffy/Angel reunion. She was not going to stand by and let them throw this chance away. "Think. Think. Think."  
  
"Cordy?" Doyle wasn't sure he'd ever seen such a determined look on his fiancée's face before.  
  
"I've got an idea!" Cordelia's voice reverberated around the room loudly and she slapped her hand over her mouth hoping that Buffy hadn't heard her out in the club. She really didn't need to be cluing the Slayer in on her absolutely perfect plan to get her and Angel back together.  
  
---------  
  
the next day  
  
The moment the elevator doors closed behind her, Buffy slumped against the back wall and glanced down at her watch. Three a.m. Damn. How had it gotten to be so incredibly late? It was her fault though. She'd stayed down in the club trying to find anything possible to keep her busy. Her hope had been that Willow or Oz would return to the apartment before her so that Angel would be able to leave and not be there when she went up. Unfortunately, her two friends weren't cooperating with her well thought out plan.  
  
She wasn't trying to avoid Angel. Really she wasn't. Ok, who was she kidding? She was avoiding Angel. And she hated herself for it. Immature and petty. Yes, that's what it was. But she just couldn't face him. Every time she saw him she remembered how he planned to leave her again even though he now knew about Ashlynn. And she remembered how he tried to turn down the Oracle's deal because he thought she couldn't possibly make such a decision by herself. The seemingly little amount of faith he had in her stung and so facing him wasn't something she was prepared to do yet.  
  
At the same time, it was taking every ounce of her willpower to not throw herself into his arms and weep over the fact that he was now basically human. It was everything she'd ever dreamed of and more. Just yesterday she had spied him standing in front of a window in a patch of sunlight and her heart ached to be there with him. But pride and anger kept her away. She just needed time. That's all. Just a little bit of time to let her feelings settle. And then...well, Buffy had no idea what would come after that.  
  
Her mind was drawn back to the present by the clatter of the elevator reaching her floor. She pried herself away from the back wall and pulled the gates open before strolling into the apartment she shared with Willow and Oz. Sighing loudly, Buffy dropped her bag near the couch and stood there for a moment. Her lips formed a frown at the continued silence and emptiness. Usually, Angel shuffled out of Ashlynn's room and was gone within moments of her return from the club. Feeling slightly panicked, she hurried down the hall to her daughter's door and pushed it open. The room and the bed were empty. No Angel and no Ashlynn.  
  
Absolute terror gripped Buffy for nearly a minute as she tried to comprehend the situation. Ashlynn was gone, and Angel was...she stumbled back against the door-jam as a horrible thought occurred to her. Had Angel taken Ashlynn? No. He'd never do that. Would he? No. He wouldn't do that to her. She had to find them. Both of them.  
  
Needing to take action, she dashed out of the room, down the hall, and into the living room. She was almost to the door leading to the staircase when it opened and Angel appeared before her. To her dismay, there was no sign of Ashlynn.  
  
"Where's Ashlynn?" she blurted out before he could say a word to her.  
  
"What?" Something in her tone worried Angel, and he found himself growing concerned despite the fact that he had no idea what she was talking about.  
  
Buffy's body started to tremble at his confused look. "Ashlynn! Is she with you?!?"  
  
Angel shook his head as his newly beating heart started to thump in his chest. "No. Your friend Tara came by earlier and wanted to spend sometime with Ash so I went up to my room. Aren't they here?"  
  
"No," Buffy spoke in a whimper. "There's no one here."  
  
"Come on." He grabbed her arm and dragged Buffy toward the door he'd just come through. "They've got to be around here somewhere. We'll find them."  
  
Gripping the handle he went to turn and pull the door open, but it didn't budge. "What the Hell?" He put more force into his actions, but still the door remained closed.  
  
Buffy broke away from Angel and rushed to the elevator but found that it, too, resisted any attempt to open it. "No!" She banged on the sturdy metal, hoping it would open.  
  
"Buffy!" Angel screamed to get her attention and pulled her reddening fists away from the gate. "I'm sure everything's fine." At least he hoped it was.  
  
"No! It's not!" She struggled to get out of his strong grip. She needed to find her daughter. Now!  
  
Their actions stilled as a bright light flashed all around them. Both shielded their eyes against the blinding light that lasted only a few seconds. As their vision adjusted, a plain white envelope floated to the floor at their feet.  
  
Hands shaking, Buffy reached down and retrieved the object and stared at it warily. Millions of thoughts were running through her head. Was whatever was inside the envelope a ransom letter? A threat? A detailed account of her daughter and Tara's demises? Well, only one way to find out.  
  
Pulling out the crisp white paper inside, Buffy read the neatly printed words.

> > _Dear Buffy and Angel,_  
  
_By now you've realized that Ashlynn is missing. Well, actually, she isn't missing. She's with us. Cordy and Doyle are going to take her down to Lorne's beach house for the weekend._  
  
_Why? Good question._  
  
_We all think that you both need to sit down and talk about whatever the Hell is wrong, but you're both too stubborn to do it. Don't try to deny it. We're not stupid. You guys need to work out your issues._  
  
_So we've decided to give you a little push. You've probably noticed that the door and elevator won't open. That's our doing. They're magically sealed so you won't be able to open them. And that means that you're stuck in the apartment, together, for the entire weekend. _  
  
_Cordy and Doyle will have Ash for the weekend, and the rest of us will be staying here to take care of the club and anything else that might arise. Oh, and the phone doesn't work either so you can't call and yell at us. There's plenty of food, too. We didn't pack you any extra clothes, Angel, but we're hoping that you won't need any._  
  
_Have fun and try not to kill each other! We expect you to have things worked out by Monday because if not, well, we'll just leave you there until you do._  
  
_Sincerely, Your Friends,_  
  
_Cordy, Doyle, Willow, Oz, Lindsay, Lorne, Giles, and Faith_

"I'm so going to kill them," Buffy muttered.  
  
Angel looked at her oddly, not understanding the anger. "What's going on?"  
  
She didn't answer him. Instead she just shoved the letter into his hands and then stomped away, mumbling under her breath about how she knew this was Cordy's idea and that her friend was as good as dead next time she saw her.  
  
Angel quickly read the letter and understood Buffy's reaction. It seemed their friends, well technically her friends, were running a little interference. And judging from Buffy's annoyance, she wasn't the least bit happy with their scheme. It hurt that she hated him so much that the idea of being locked together for a weekend would make her so angry.  
  
If there was one thing that had become painfully clear since leaving the Oracle's chamber with his new human body it was that Buffy wanted nothing to do with him. She'd hardly spoken to him since they'd made the deal to return his humanity and she seemed to avoid him at all costs. He didn't know if she'd admit to what she was doing, but he wasn't stupid. Her actions were quite obvious. And it tore at his heart.  
  
He wanted to cry. He wanted to run. He wanted to shake her and force her to talk to him. But really he just wanted answers. Did she hate him? Was she just angry with him? Did she not love him anymore? He felt like his life was in stasis, not knowing where things stood or where they were going. Here he was, now human with so many doors finally opened, and he didn't know where to go. And he had a daughter to get to know. If Buffy didn't want him around, though, Angel didn't know what he was going to do. How was he supposed to stay and be a father if Buffy has such obvious disdain for him?  
  
If he had any doubts about Buffy's feelings, they were quashed when he took notice of her frantic movements around the room. She was checking each and every single window as well as trying the staircase and elevator doors again, searching for any way out.  
  
"They're magically sealed, Buffy," he spoke in resignation.  
  
"Well, at least I'm trying!" she snapped harshly at him.  
  
Angel shook his head and leaned back against the nearest wall. "I should have just stayed upstairs." He didn't mean for her to hear that, but she did.  
  
"Why are you here anyway?" Buffy asked, stopping her search for a moment.  
  
Opening his eyes, he looked at her warily. "When Cordy came up, she told me you wanted to see me."  
  
"Sneaky little bitch," she muttered to herself before stalking out of the living room and down the hall.  
  
This was going to be a very, very long weekend, Angel knew, if Buffy was going to continue to act so hostile. There wasn't anything he could do about their situation, though, so he supposed they'd just have to make the best of it and try not to drive each other nuts.  
  
He was just sitting down on the couch when Buffy stomped back into the living room, her arms laden down with several heavy books. She completely ignored his presence, just slammed the books down on the coffee table and flopped down on the chair farthest away from him.   
  
For the next several minutes, the room was silent except for the periodic rustle of paper from Buffy going through the books. Angel contemplated asking what she was doing, but thought better of it. It seemed as though anything he said to her pissed her off so maybe it was better if he stayed quiet.  
  
"You could help, ya know!" Buffy finally said sometime later.  
  
"Help with what?" he asked her cautiously.  
  
She eyed him like he was an idiot before replying. "I'm looking for a spell to get us out of here!"  
  
"You're looking..." He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "Buffy, you don't even know how to perform magick."  
  
"No, but you do," she told him without even glancing up from whatever book she was currently searching through.  
  
Her attitude was really starting to get to Angel. She was treating him like some stray dog that wouldn't go away. Maybe Cordy and the others had the right idea. Maybe they needed get to the root of whatever was going on. They certainly couldn't keep going on like this. If he was going to stay and be there for Ashlynn, they had to at least come to a compromise for the sake of their daughter.  
  
"I'm not going to do any spells." No, he definitely wasn't going to do anything to help her get away from him. They were going to settle this whether she liked it or not.  
  
"Why the Hell not?" she yelled in exasperation.  
  
What was his problem? Did he want to stay locked together for the entire weekend? Buffy saw little appealing about that idea. She didn't think she could handle being so close to him for so long. Could she trust herself? Yes...no...maybe. It didn't matter. What did matter was that she couldn't trust him.  
  
Yes, she was angry with him, and hurt over everything. Even now, seven years later, his leaving Sunnydale was still a thorn in her heart. Sure, she understood his reasons, even accepted them to a certain degree, but all the logical reasoning in the world couldn't overrule the fact that he'd left her and that he'd done it without even talking to her about his decision. And it didn't change the fact that he'd stayed gone for so long without bothering to check up on her or let her know he was still existing.  
  
Faith had told her what Angel said when he saw in her Sunnydale. For some reason he'd thought she was dead. She may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but she wasn't dumb. There was little doubt in her mind that if he hadn't believed she was dead he would have stayed away. And she also knew he hadn't meant for her to find him that night out on the streets. All he wanted to do was see her and then he was going to run off again.  
  
How was she supposed to trust him to stay? He'd even said in the Oracle's chamber that he would leave. And then he didn't want to take the deal to become human. There was nothing in their way now, but how was she supposed to trust him? How did she know he wouldn't find some other reason to leave? The answer; she didn't.  
  
Angel was silent for a moment as he stood and paced around the room. Instead of answering her question, he asked the foremost one on his mind. "Do you hate me so much that you can't stand to be in the same room as me?"  
  
That certainly hadn't been what she'd thought he'd say, and she wasn't sure how to answer. "What?"  
  
"You heard me." He stood his ground, determined to get to the bottom of her actions.  
  
Fueled by anger at Angel's bating, Buffy threw the book on her lap to the floor and stood up to face him. "Yeah, I heard you. I'm not deaf nor am I a child."  
  
"I know you're not a child," he replied forcefully. Why would she say such a thing?  
  
Buffy snorted at his denial. "Yeah, sure. Your actions say differently though!"  
  
Angel didn't respond to her claim. He was suddenly too mesmerized by her beauty as she stood there staring at him, eyes blazing in anger. Gods she was stunning. And she was standing so close. All he had to do was reach out and touch her. He knew he shouldn't. He knew she wouldn't want him to. But right at that moment, he didn't care. He simply did the first thing that came to mind.  
  
He kissed her.  
  
---------  
  
TBC!! 


	37. ACFTF Part 5

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Part 5  
  
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Whatever thoughts that had been in Buffy's head vanished the moment Angel's lips touched hers. It was like she was transported back in time to when she was sixteen years old and she and Angel would steal secret kisses in graveyards. His mouth felt exactly the same; so soft and consuming. She couldn't help the moan that rumbled in her throat as his tongue tangled with hers.  
  
"Buffy," Angel murmured against her lips; a multitude of emotions roaring through his body.  
  
That single, uttered word snapped Buffy back to the present and, horrified by her actions, she pried Angel off of her and stumbled across the room. Her back slammed against the far wall with such a force it caused her to wince. Lifting her hand, she touched her lips and gazed at Angel with confused, angry eyes. She opened her mouth to reprimand him, but the words wouldn't come out.  
  
Seeing her distress, Angel looked down and mumbled, "I'm sorry."  
  
"I...I-I need to...to go to bed," Buffy sputtered and started inching her way along the wall, palms resting flat against the surface to guide her  
  
"Buffy-."  
  
"I...sleep," she mumbled incoherently.   
  
Buffy continued moving along the wall, making sure to stay as far away from Angel as possible. The moment she reached the hallway she turned and dashed toward her bedroom without a second glance at the stunned man left in her wake.  
  
Angel watched her run from him, torn between going after her and staying where he was. When he heard her door slam shut, he knew she didn't want him to follow. And he knew in his heart that he'd had truly lost her. Forever.  
  
---------  
  
Late the next morning, Buffy hesitantly left her bedroom. She would have preferred to stay there the entire day and weekend, but she couldn't deny things such as eating and going to the bathroom. So after holding out as long as possible, she finally managed to make herself leave the safe confines of her room.  
  
After stopping in the bathroom to obey the laws of nature and to brush her teeth, Buffy slowly walked out into the living room. She was surprised to find Angel sitting there in one of the chairs, still as a statue, staring out the large wall of windows at the outside. He looked as if he'd been sitting there the entire night if his unrumpled clothes were any indication.  
  
She stood for several long seconds watching him as he made no acknowledgement of her presence. Finally, she shuffled away and into the kitchen for something to eat. If she were lucky, she'd be able to shovel in some food and get back to her room before he decided to talk to her, or something worse.  
  
Once she'd quickly eaten a sandwich, Buffy grabbed a bottle of juice from the refrigerator and made her way back into the living room. She kept her eyes trained directly in front of her instead of on the silent man only a few feet away. All she wanted to do was make it back to her room. But just as she reached the entrance to the hallway, he spoke.  
  
"I'm going to leave."  
  
The words stopped Buffy instantly. Leaving? He was going to leave? Whipping around, she faced Angel with wide eyes. "What?"  
  
Angel's gaze remained directed to the bank of windows as he spoke. "When they let us out, I'm going to pack my stuff and leave."  
  
The bottle of juice that had been tightly grasped in Buffy's left hand slipped to the floor and her lower lip trembled slightly. He really was going to leave. She should have known he would. It's what he always seemed to do, whether intentionally or not. He'd left her the night of her seventeenth birthday, then again just after his soul returned, and then for the final time the night of her graduation.   
  
"Why?" she whispered, fighting to keep her tears from falling.  
  
The almost desperate question caused Angel to finally turn his eyes to Buffy. "Because it's obvious that you don't want me here. So when we get out, I'll leave and won't bother you again," he explained.  
  
Leaving by far wasn't what he wanted to do. But Angel had sat up the entire night thinking about the situation and he'd come up with only one solution. He had to go. He couldn't stay and have Buffy continue hating him. It would be hard, leaving behind his daughter and the woman he'd always loved, but it was for the best.  
  
"I don't hate you," Buffy cried out softly, raising her teary eyes to meet Angel's.  
  
"You could have fooled me," Angel snorted in response.  
  
"And I don't want you to leave," she continued on.  
  
"Then what do you want, Buffy, because I sure as hell don't know," Angel asked, his tone louder than he'd intended.  
  
"So you think that means you can just walk away?" she shot back, feeling her anger grow. Taking a few steps closer, she stood facing him, arms crossed. "Things get a little tough or too hard and you just leave. Is that how it works?"  
  
Angel sighed and ran a hand over his face before speaking. "You know why I left."  
  
"Yes, I do," Buffy conceded. "And I'm not saying that I...I don't understand or agree with your reasons, but that's not the point. You just did it. You didn't bother to consider my feelings or what I'd want."  
  
"I did what I thought was right," he pointed out, still believing he'd done what was best.  
  
"What about me?!" she shouted at him, slapping a hand onto her chest as the cool façade she'd been wielding the past week began to melt. "What about what I wanted? I didn't want you to leave!"  
  
"But I don't regret that you did," Buffy kept going, swiping at the tears trailing down her cheeks. "Because if you hadn't we might never have slept together before you left and I might never have had Ashlynn. She was all I had left of you when you were gone."  
  
Angel could say nothing to her claim. He knew she was right. If he hadn't planned to leave they would never have slept together, and so soon after he had consumed her blood. And if that had never happened, then Ashlynn would never have been conceived. Even though he'd only known the little girl for a short time, he was already in love with her and he could never wish that she didn't exist.  
  
"Seven years, Angel," Buffy's tirade continued. "Seven years and you never once sent a letter or even bothered to contact me. And then all of the sudden, here you are."  
  
"I didn't mean-."  
  
"Yeah, I know. You didn't mean for me to see you," she cut him off, inserting her own interpretation of his actions. "And I also know you wouldn't even have come looking for me if you hadn't of thought I was dead!"  
  
The guilty mien radiating off Angel was enough to tell her that her assumptions were correct. He had never wanted her to know he was around. All he'd planned on doing was skulking in the shadows for a while before disappearing again.  
  
"I'm sorry," Angel mumbled, casting his eyes downward.  
  
"I didn't know whether you were okay or whether you were hurt. For seven years, Angel, I didn't know anything. You could have been dust and I wouldn't have even known!" she screamed at him.  
  
"I was fine," Angel managed to get out.  
  
"Oh, fine? Well that helps knowing that now!" Buffy snapped at him, nearly panting from the anger racing through her veins.  
  
"What good would it have done, Buffy? It would only have made it worse if I'd kept in touch," he defended himself, loath to admit she had a point.  
  
"How do you know that? God! I couldn't even tell you about Ashlynn! I couldn't tell you about the beautiful little girl that we made," she half yelled, half sobbed.  
  
"You could have tried to find me to tell me," Angel replied, feeling a little angry that she was placing the all the blame on him.  
  
"Oh, right," Buffy snorted. "And how was I supposed to do that? Just go around searching seven continents and billions of people while I had a daughter to raise, your daughter, a job to go to everyday, and slaying on top of all that?"  
  
Without stopping to let Angel say anything, Buffy's rant pressed on. "Then you come back but try to hide from me which didn't work. You were still going to leave after I realized you were here. Even finding out you have a daughter and meeting her didn't matter. You were still going to leave. Again!"  
  
"I couldn't have stayed, Buffy. You know that. Nothing had changed," Angel explained softly. He couldn't tell her she was wrong because she wasn't. He hadn't tried to contact her, hadn't let her know he was okay, wouldn't have come back if he hadn't believed she was dead, and he certainly hadn't meant for her to see him. And, yes, he had planned to leave again even after she'd found him.  
  
"Everything had changed! We have a daughter, Angel. YOU have a daughter! Didn't she deserve to know her Father?" she asked, her mind replaying the many times Ashlynn had wanted to know about the man she'd never met but knew was her Father. "And what about when we were with the Oracle? You were offered a chance for everything we'd ever wanted and you were going to say no! You would have rather stayed dead than come back to me!"  
  
"That's not true!" Angel shouted back.  
  
"Really? It's not? Whatever." Buffy shook her head dejectedly, shoulders drooping out of sheer exhaustion. "So you know what? Leave. Just leave. And don't come back. Ever."  
  
"Is that what you really want?" he asked hoarsely, knowing that if she said yes he would do as she'd requested.  
  
"No! That's not what I want!" she sobbed exasperatedly.  
  
"Then what do you want from me, Buffy, because I don't have a clue!" Angel cried out, raising his hands in defeat. He couldn't have been more confused about what Buffy wanted.  
  
"I want you to stay! I want us to be a family! I want you, Angel! Since I was sixteen years old all I've ever wanted is you!" she recited helplessly. Why didn't he get it?  
  
The desperate plea drove Angel from the chair he hadn't moved from the entire night. He stepped up in front of Buffy, who refused to look at him, and took her hands into his.  
  
"I'm right here, Buffy," he soothed in a reassuring voice, tilting her chin upwards with his right hand.  
  
"No! You're not!" she answered, twisting away from him. "You'll leave again. I know you will! You'll find some reason to leave me!"  
  
Suddenly, it all made sense to Angel; the way she'd acted after discovering him, the cold shoulder he'd been getting for the past week, and her current outburst. She was afraid he would leave, not trusting him to stay. And he couldn't blame her. He'd given her no reason to believe differently. If he were in her place he wouldn't trust himself either.  
  
But everything was different now. For the first time in many, many years, he could see a future, one filled with love and happiness and everything he'd ever wanted. He could make love to Buffy without fearing the return of Angelus and he could take his family out into the sun without turning to dust. It was a dream come true, and he wanted to stay and be part of it.  
  
"Buffy," he said, forcing her to look at him. "If you want me stay...if that's what you really want then I will."  
  
"How do I know, Angel?" Buffy whispered in a tear-laden voice. "How do I know that tomorrow, or next week, or next year that something won't happen to make you change your mind?"  
  
"I've always wanted to stay with you," Angel responded, daring to reach a hand up to stroke her cheek. "You're the only woman I've ever truly loved. I would have given anything to have stayed and been with you. I just wanted to do what was best for you."  
  
"But don't you understand? It wasn't just about you. It was about us, and now it's about Ashlynn, too," she answered back, fighting to urge to nuzzle his hand. "Whether what you did was right or wrong it should have been about both of us. You can't make decisions for me."  
  
"But I didn't-."  
  
"Yes, you did," Buffy interjected, pulling away slightly. "You just told me you were leaving before graduation. I know maybe in the long run it was for the best, but you should have talked to me."  
  
"It wouldn't have changed anything," he replied, shaking his head.  
  
"Maybe not," Buffy somewhat agreed. "But we should have talked about it. I may be young, Angel, but I'm not a child. I can handle adult conversations."  
  
"I never meant to make you feel like a child," he said apologetically.  
  
"I know, but you do," she admitted sadly, staring up into Angel's deep brown eyes. "Like with the Oracle when you just jumped in and went to turn down the deal when it was my decision to make."  
  
"I just want what's best for you," Angel reiterated, holding her stare.  
  
"I know you do, and I appreciate that. But it was my decision, or at the very least OUR decision because this is MY life, too. I deserve to have a say in what happens in it," Buffy rebutted in sturdy voice.  
  
"I'm sorry that I made you feel like you were a child or that you were somehow unimportant. That wasn't my intention. I just wanted you to be happy," Angel explained.  
  
Buffy stepped up closer to Angel, tilting her head back so that she could look into his eyes. "You make me happy, Angel. YOU...whether you're a vampire, or a human, or whatever it is that you are now. All I want is to have you in my life. Forever," she said as sincerely as possible. Raising a hand, she placed it over his now beating heart. "Don't you know how much I need you?"  
  
"You don't need me, Buffy," Angel disagreed. "You've made a wonderful life for yourself here. Without me."  
  
"Yes, but I missed you every single day. I missed talking to you, feeling your arms hold me, and having you watch my back. No one has ever known me as well as you have," Buffy answered back, trying to convey all of her emotions through her words. "I want you to stay, but I need you to want it, too."  
  
Placing a hand over top of the one Buffy had on his chest, Angel caressed the smooth skin as he tried to think of what to say to her. How could he convince her that he really wanted to stay? She had every right to distrust him. His track record allowed her that. But he did want to be with her and their daughter. He wanted them to be a family. Now, it was just a matter of convincing her.  
  
"I do want to stay," he whispered honestly. "More than anything else in this world I want to be here with you and Ashlynn."  
  
"But how do I know? How do I know that someday you won't find another reason to leave me, us?" she questioned, expressing her strongest fear.  
  
Angel took both of Buffy's hands into his and raised them to his mouth to place a gentle kiss on each set of knuckles before speaking. "I wish I could promise you that everything would be perfect from here on out, but I can't. Neither of us knows what the future will bring. I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to always be here with you and Ashlynn. And I can promise you that if something should come up that I will talk to you about it instead of just making a decision."  
  
"I wish I could believe you," Buffy responded in a meek voice, averting her eyes from his.  
  
"You can. You just have to trust me," Angel spoke, his tone almost pleading as he again lifted her chin to look at her. "Can you trust me?"  
  
Buffy stared into his deep brown eyes and felt torn. Could she trust him? Could she have faith that he would stay, that this time would be different? She wanted to. She desperately wanted to. For as long as she could remember she'd dreamed of having a future with Angel, but something always came between them. But now everything had changed and the future was standing there gazing into her eyes.  
  
It was the loving shining out of those eyes that told her all she needed to know. All the things that she didn't want to believe shone there for her to see. She knew in that instant that he was being honest when he said he wanted to stay. And she knew that he'd never wanted to hurt her and would do anything possible to make things right this time. There were no guarantees, though. Nothing in life was set in stone. But could she take the chance again? Could she live with the regrets if she didn't?  
  
As she stood there and continued to stare into Angel eyes, Buffy tried to picture her future in her mind. Just like when she was sixteen, the only thing she could see was Angel. She saw walks in the park with Ashlynn holding both their hands, the two of them working side by side to keep the world safe, cozy nights spend alone together, and a multitude of other scenarios she'd dreamed about but never dared to hope come true.  
  
The lagging silence began to worry Angel, and with each passing second his heart broke more and more. He wanted so badly for her to trust him, to give them a chance, but he couldn't blame her if she wouldn't. If she told him no, if she told him to leave, he would. He'd hate it and it would hurt more than he could bare, but he would do it. Anything to spare her more pain.  
  
So lost in his thoughts, Angel almost didn't hear her reply.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I...y-yes?" Angel stuttered, trying his hardest not to get his hopes up.  
  
"Yes," she repeated slowly, a few tears falling. "I love you, Angel. I always have and I always will."  
  
"I love you, too. Forever," he replied, fighting the urge to weep over her acceptance.  
  
Angel wasn't sure he'd ever expected her to take him back. He wondered if he'd dreamed the small 'yes' he'd just heard, but the hesitantly hopeful look on Buffy's face told him he hadn't. She really was giving them another chance to find happiness.  
  
Despite know that things were still cautious and that they still had a lot to work out, the joy Angel felt inside brought a blinding smile across his face. Never in his life had he felt so hopeful about the future and what it may hold. And before he could stop himself, Angel was leaning down to capture Buffy's lips with his own.  
  
The kiss surprised Buffy, but she didn't fight it. She was tired of fighting what she was feeling. So she gave herself in to the gentle embrace, responding by looping her arms around his neck and opening her mouth to his.  
  
As simple as Angel's initial gesture of love had been meant to be, it soon spiraled out of control. Emotions long pent up boiled to the surface, turning the simple kiss into a fevered need to be closer. After being denied each other for so long, neither could stop the raging passion consuming them both.  
  
Angel's hands slid up Buffy's back as his tongue slipped into her mouth, reveling in her unique essence. She tasted different which he attributed to his new human status. But she was still Buffy. His Buffy.  
  
The warmth of Angel's mouth surprised Buffy at first. He'd always been so cool, but now he was warm, and human, like her, and she wanted more. She pressed her body closer to his leaner one as her tongue tangled with his in an all too familiar erotic tango.  
  
"Buffy, maybe we should...," Angel murmured when he pulled away slightly to catch his breath, an entirely odd feeling.  
  
"Shh. Don't. Just kiss me," she said, repeating words spoken so long ago.  
  
Angel trembled at the familiar phrase. He hesitated only a moment before seizing her lips once again and slowly lowered her small body onto the nearby couch.  
  
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TBC!! 


	38. ACFTF Part 6

Some of you may have noticed that SiT #5 is now listed as 9 chapters instead of 8. In the process of revising and doing some rewrites, I decided to split up a chapter into 2 so now there are 9 chapters. I'm pretty sure no one will mind g

Gettin' close to the end (finally). I hope you'll all enjoy the remaining chapters!

Isis

To read the other parts in this series, use the following 

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Part 6

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"Ow," Buffy groaned, shifting slightly on the couch.

"What's wrong?" Angel mumbled, his voiced dulled because his mouth was pressed against Buffy's hair.

"I don't think this couch is meant to sleep two," she answered, then yawned.

"Mmph," was his only reply.

The puff of warm air that Angel released tickled the back of Buffy's neck, sending a shiver down her spine. It was at that moment that reality hit her, and quicker than she should have, she flipped around on the couch to face Angel, nearly falling off in the process.

"You're still here," she whispered, tears threatening to fall as she touched his cheek to reassure herself of his presence.

A pang of guilt went through Angel at the gesture. He knew what made her say what she had. She'd woken up alone after their only other two times together. The first time he'd become Angelus and tormented her endlessly for months, and the second time he'd left town, not to be seen again for seven years. This was their first true 'morning after'.

"I'll always be here," he soothed her fears. "You'll never have to wake up alone again."

Buffy relaxed a little, realizing that things were very different than they had once been. Still, she couldn't stop the voices in her head that told her he would leave again. It wasn't that she didn't believe he would stay; it was just hard breaking years of defenses down in one day.

"I'm glad you here," she told him with a smile, but then winced when she tried to move into a more comfortable position.

"Are you okay?" Angel asked after noticing the pained expression on her face.

"Yeah. I'm just a little...sore," she replied hesitantly as a light blush crept over her skin.

"I...I hurt you?" he said, guilt suddenly plaguing him. He instantly berated himself for not being more careful with her.

"No. You...it's just been a while," Buffy responded softly.

"How long?" he questioned before his brain could tell him not to. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."

"It's okay," she told him, contemplating how she should answer that question. "About five years or so," she admitted after a minute.

"Oh," Angel mumbled, knowing right away the implication of her words.

"I'm sorry," Buffy apologized for her betrayal, casting her eyes away from him.

"No, Buffy," he quickly rebutted. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I wanted you to be happy."

"I tried to be," she relayed honestly. "It was just hard."

"Do you...do you want to tell me about it?" he asked, not sure whether he wanted really know.

Buffy looked at him curiously while she chewed lightly on her lower lip. She wasn't sure if she wanted to tell him about some of the things from when he was gone, but she supposed the truth was the best way to go. If they couldn't be honest with each other then they were fooling themselves to think they could have a future together.

"Are you sure you want to hear?" she finally said.

"Yes," Angel answered after only thinking for a second. He was about to say more when Buffy's stomach growled loudly causing them both to chuckle. "Maybe we should find some breakfast before we...talk."

"Yeah. I guess we do have a lot to talk about." She knew he was right. There was still so much to be said between them.

"We kind of skipped over that, didn't we?" he said, realizing they'd not spent much time really talking.

"Yeah," Buffy agreed, blushing again. She noticed a pensive look on Angel's face then and wondered what he was thinking about. "What?"

"I...I just...maybe we should have waited before we...," he trailed off, his manners getting the better of him.

"Oh. You regret what we did?" she asked nervously.

"No!" Angel replied emphatically. "I could never regret making love to you. It was absolutely wonderful. It's just...maybe....we have so much to work through. Maybe we should have waited."

Buffy thought for a moment before speaking. "I don't want to wait anymore. I've waited long enough for you. Whatever we need to talk about, we will, and we'll work through it, but I don't want to wait any longer to start our lives together."

The second the words left her mouth, Buffy realized how true they were. Perhaps for the first time she truly accepted that Angel was back, that he intended to stay, and that she wanted him to. She wanted him in her life, and Ashlynn's, and wanted to wake up next to him each day, and to go on picnics with her family. They could have it all now, and she wanted it.

Angel smiled blindingly at her as if he seemed to sense the thoughts that were going through her head. "I love you," he whispered, his voice a gentle caress.

"I love you, too," she replied, wondering if hearing those words would ever not make her want to cry.

---------

A short while later, the two sat on opposite ends of Buffy's bed with a tray of food resting between them. They nibbled on the bagels and fresh fruit for a few minutes, neither sure how to start this 'talking' thing they needed to do. It was Buffy who finally broke the silence.

"I met Lindsey not long after Ashlynn was born," she began talking about the subject she wished she didn't have to broach. "He performed on opening night at the club. The crowd loved him so Lorne had him start singing regularly. We became friends pretty quickly. I enjoyed talking to him."

"He told me you two weren't together," Angel stated slightly confused.

"We're not. At least not now," she corrected herself. "For a while we were friends and just hung out a lot. I knew he wanted more, but I just couldn't do it. Then about a year and a half after I met him we...we kissed one night."

"I was so confused because I still loved you so much, but I liked Lindsey. And Willow kept telling me to go for it. So we started dating," she continued, thinking back to a time she regretted. "The night of the club's two year anniversary Lorne had a huge private party. We all got completely smashed."

Angel cringed in his mind. He had a feeling he knew what she was going to say next.

"I woke up the next morning with a horrible hangover and I was in his bed," she explained, moisture filling her eyes. "I tried to tell myself that it was okay, that he was a really great guy, and that he was wonderful with Ashlynn. But it just felt so wrong."

Hearing that she'd been with someone else stung, but Angel wasn't upset about it. He knew she had every right to try and move on. And as much as he didn't want to admit it, Lindsey did seem like a good guy. He hated to see her hurting, though, so he crossed over to the other side of the bed and pulled her into his arms.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm not mad at you," he soothed her tears.

"It just feels like I betrayed you," she said quietly.

"You didn't," Angel stated definitively. "I wanted you to be happy, and to have all the things I couldn't give you."

"You're the only one who can make me happy," she replied, brushing away the tears that had fallen.

Angel smiled lovingly at her before delicately asking what wanted to know next. "What happened with Lindsey?"

Sighing, Buffy snuggled back against Angel's chest. "By the time he woke up, I was lying on the bathroom floor sobbing. I think he knew it would never happen again because he just gave me this sad smile. Then he went and tossed his cookies in the toilet."

Despite the seriousness of their discussion, they couldn't help but laugh at the imagery. Angel smoothed her hair off her face and kissed her forehead to reassure her that he wasn't mad about what she'd told him. "I guess you decided to stay friends?" he added in more of a question than a statement.

"Yeah," Buffy nodded. "He left for a while afterwards to give me some space and because he was hurt, but he came back eventually. It was weird between for a while, but we talked and I told him I just wanted to be friends."

"I can't imagine that went over well," Angel wondered out loud.

"No, not really, but he went along with it," she said with a shrug. "I think he believed if he gave me enough time I'd give him another chance. I tried to tell myself to so many times, but I just couldn't."

Angel thought to himself for several seconds before he asked seriously, "Were you happy though? I mean with your life here?"

"Yes," Buffy answered without hesitation. "I like my job, and I had my friends, and Ashlynn. She made every day worth living. There were some tough times, though."

"Like when you got this?" Angel posed as his fingers slide under her shirt and touched the long scar that trailed down her back and around her side.

He'd seen it the night before and been completely horrified. He knew just by looking at it that it must have been a serious injury. When she finally told him how it happened he wanted cry and curse himself for not being there to protect her. But Angel couldn't change the things of the past. He was damn sure, though, that he would be there to protect her in the future.

"Yeah," she said, shaking her head in the affirmative. Thinking about that battle was something she generally tried to avoid. "And the first few months after leaving Sunnydale were hard."

For the next two hours, Buffy told Angel about the different things that had happened since he'd left Sunnydale. He had already heard some of the basics from Cordelia and Willow, but hearing them from Buffy meant more. She was also able to give him small details that an outsider wasn't privy to.

So he listened as she talked about finding out she was pregnant and what happened afterwards. She told him each and every little detail about what being pregnant was like, and then being a mother. His heart ached and rejoiced at hearing it all. He wished he could have see her swollen with their child, and been their for his daughter's birth.

She also explained to him more about Doyle, Lorne, and the club, then about how Willow and Oz had come to stay. Tale after tale she told him about the years he'd been gone. When she came to her Mother's death, he held her as she cried for the relationship gone wrong that could never be mended, and promised her they'd all take a trip to Sunnydale again soon to say a more thorough goodbye.

"I wish I could have been there for all of it," Angel recited mournfully.

"I wish you could have been, too," agreed Buffy, her voice slightly tinged with anger.

Angel heard the underlying tone of her voice and shifted on the bed so he could look at her. "I had to leave, Buffy. You understand that, don't you?"

"I try to," she answered, her eyes avoiding his.

"I just wanted you to have all the things you deserved, things I couldn't give you," he answered back, taking her hands into his. "I wanted you to have picnics in the sun, and to someday have children..."

"I think WE got the child part covered," Buffy pointed out.

"We never even knew it was possible then," Angel replied. "And there was the curse to worry about."

This time, Buffy did look directly at Angel. "But I told you that sex didn't matter to me."

"It would have, eventually," he disagreed seriously. "But it wasn't sex that triggered the curse, Buffy. It was the happiness of making love to you, and holding you afterwards. I felt at peace then for the first time since I'd been cursed. And I began to worry that something as simple as watching you sleep would make me too happy. Every day I wondered how happy was too happy. I just couldn't take the risk of letting Angelus loose again."

Hearing his words spoken with such sincerity made Buffy realize for the first time what he'd been facing back them. She'd never really thought about the limitations of the curse to that extent. It had always been associated with sex for her. But hearing his worries gave her a perspective she hadn't had before.

"You should have told me all of this back then, Angel," she spoke sadly, hurt over his lack of honesty with her.

"I know, and I'm sorry," he apologized, pulling her hands into his lap. "I just...everything was so confusing then. I only knew I needed to leave. I didn't mean to hurt you or make you think I didn't love you."

"I know you didn't," she answered honestly before sitting up straighter and facing Angel. "If we're going to make this work, Angel, we can't keep things from each other. I can't...I won't go through all of that again. I want to be with you, but you have to respect and trust that I'm able to make my own decisions."

"I do trust you, with all my heart," Angel replied softly. "I promise to discuss things with you from now on. I'm not perfect, though, Buffy. So I need you to promise me something."

"What?" she asked, somewhat surprised at his request.

"You can't just run away if things get tough, or if you're angry, or if I do something wrong," he explained, staring directly at her. "It doesn't solve anything, and we can't work through our problems if you run. We have to talk through them whether they are about us, or slaying, or even if it's something between you and you're friends."

"I...I...," Buffy sputtered, looking down as she tried to deny his claim.

"You know I'm right," he said with a sigh. "After...after Angelus you ran away, and Willow told me about how you left Sunnydale, and then when I came here you tried to avoid me. You have to let people in, Buffy."

"It's just...it's hard. It's easy to just ignore it and hope it goes away," she whispered, knowing his words were true.

"But whatever it is won't go away. It only creates more problems if you run from them," he told her. "If I hadn't stayed here after you..."

"After I treated you like crap?" she filled in.

"Yeah...I hate to think what would have happened," he continued, his voice breaking over the thought of how Buffy may have died.

"I'm sorry I treated you so badly," she spoke guiltily. "It was just such a shock. I never thought I'd see you again and I wasn't prepared for it."

"I understand. I probably would have felt the same way," Angel responded and then pulled Buffy closer so that she leaned against him once more. "We've both done a lot of things we shouldn't have."

"Yeah," she agreed.

"I can't promise you that things will be perfect," started Angel, running a hand up and down her back. "Nothing's ever perfect, but I promise that I will try my hardest to make you happy."

"Having you here with me and Ashlynn is enough to make me happy," Buffy answered back.

Angel smiled and hugged Buffy tighter to him, placing a kiss onto the top of her head. It felt so natural to have her in his arms even though they'd been apart for so long. He never thought he'd have this chance. His days had been destined to be dark and lonely, but by some miracle he had a chance for everything now. He intended to spend the rest of his life by his beloved's side, and thanking whoever was in charge of this world for giving him a second chance at life.

Neither spoke for a while. Buffy was content to simply rest in his embrace. Feeling his arms wrapped around her always made her feel so safe and loved. It brought tears to her eyes to know that he was there for good. She'd never go another day without having him close if she had any say about it. And to think she'd almost pushed him away and made him leave. She wanted to kick herself now for acting the way she did. It didn't matter now, though. She had her Angel and she intended to keep him.

"You haven't told me yet what you've been doing the last seven years," Buffy finally asked after several minutes of silence.

"There's not much to tell," he answered indifferently.

"I want to hear anyway," she replied, shifting them so that they rested against the bed's headboard.

"I mostly just traveled around," Angel started, shrugging his shoulders slightly. "I traveled from place to place, never staying anywhere longer than three or four months."

"How come?" she questioned just before a yawn crept past her lips.

"I don't know, really. It just seemed like the thing to do," he explained and then pulled the covers up over the two of them as he realized Buffy was getting tired.

"Oh. So what did you do in all those places?" she asked, snuggling down a bit to get comfortable.

"I fought demons when I needed to, tried to keep people safe. I read, and basically just tried to exist," he went on, feeling slightly ashamed that he'd not done anything better with his life.

"Sounds lonely," Buffy responded sleepily.

"It was. Every day I wished you were there with me," he answered, love shinning through his voice.

"I wish I was too," she said quietly and then asked a question she already knew the answer to. "What made you come back?"

Angel sighed and hesitated for a moment before telling Buffy about his run in with Spike. He relayed what the blonde vampire had told him and how he'd believed her to be dead but needed to know for sure. Then he went on to explain how he'd gone to Sunnydale and searched for her, and his run-ins with Xander and Faith.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm glad you thought I was dead. I wouldn't have gotten you back if you hadn't," she stated softly before yawning again.

"I know what you mean," Angel agreed. He'd hated thinking she was dead, but he knew she was right. If he hadn't of run into Spike he wouldn't be in the position he was in now. "You should get some sleep."

"Don't want to," Buffy responded, her eyes drooping shut.

"Why not?" he questioned, confused by the vehemence in her voice.

"Cuz I'm afraid you won't be here when I wake up," she answered after a moment's hesitation.

The sincere fear in her voice tore at Angel's heart, but he knew she had reason to say what she did. "I will be here in the morning, beloved."

"Promise?"

"I promise," he swore firmly. "Go to sleep, baby."

"Mmm 'kay," Buffy mumbled, already half asleep.

Angel kissed her forehead and tucked the covers closer around her body. He stayed awake for a while longer, content to merely watch the rise and fall of her chest as she slept. But soon, he too felt his eyes drifting shut. Pulling Buffy closer, Angel fell asleep, a happy smile playing on his face.

---------

TBC!!


	39. ACFTF Part 7

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Part 7

---------

"Will you shut up!" Cordelia hissed just loud enough for Doyle to hear.

"What?" he asked, still not lowering his voice.

"The entire world could hear you as loud as you are yelling!" Cordy whispered harshly. "We are trying to sneak in here! Key word being sneak which means shut the hell up!"

"Now I know what they mean by not a 'morning person'," Doyle mumbled under his breath.

"I heard that," she snapped back at him as she poked her head through the door at the landing of the stairwell.

"Can we jus' get this over with? I don't know what we're doin' here anyway," he grumbled, following his fiancée through the door and into the apartment.

"Well, I don't hear any shouting so that's a good sign," she said quietly and walked further into the room, looking around as she did so. "And it doesn't look like they managed to kill each other. Another good sign."

Doyle sighed, shaking his head as he did so. He loved Cordy; truly he did, but she could drive a man nuts sometimes. "Don't ya think we've interfered enough already?"

Rolling her eyes, Cordelia ignored the question and continued looking around the living room for any sign that things weren't going as she'd planned. It all looked okay so far, no signs of a fight where objects were thrown. The couch looked a little rumpled, but that wasn't out of the ordinary. So far, she could see nothing to make her worry.

The absolute silence in the apartment was unnerving though. There wasn't a single sound to be heard. So either they'd somehow managed to kill each other or they'd found a way to escape and weren't even in the apartment. Of course, there was a third option, and that was the one she was rooting for. It involved them being together in Buffy's bedroom. Hopefully sleeping, because Cordy really didn't want to walk in on nakedness.

"I just don't want them to screw this up," she finally answered Doyle's previous question. "They're both so damn stubborn."

"Cordy," Doyle chastised. "They need ta work this out on their own."

"And they will!" came Cordy's exasperated rebuttal. "I'm just making sure they do it right. Now if you're not going to help then go back downstairs with the others and stop bothering me!"

"Fine. I'll shut up. Are ya happy now?" he shot back sarcastically.

"Immensely," Cordy replied with a glare in his direction.

Careful not to make any noise, she crept down the hallway toward Buffy's room. Just before she reached the open door she motioned for Doyle to wait behind her and to be quiet. As soundlessly as possible, Cordy poked her head just far enough to see into the room. When she peeked back at Doyle, a huge grin lit up her entire face.

"Well?" Doyle prodded impatiently. As much as he was getting on Cordy's case for interfering, he also wanted to know how things were going between his friend and the now ex-vampire.

"Shh!" she hushed him quickly.

Turning back to the door, Cordelia once again peeked into the room. She couldn't help but grin at what she saw inside. Buffy, her best friend in the whole world, lay curled against Angel, a peaceful smile on her face that Cordy hadn't seen in years. It brought a tear to her eye to see them together as they always should have been.

She simply stared at them for another minute before remembering that Doyle was standing nearby waiting. Looking a bit harder, she noticed that the two in bed appeared to be dressed so she stepped over a foot and waved Doyle to join her. He hesitated for a moment but then walked over next to her. Once he saw what made her so happy, he too, found the need to smile widely.

"Ya did good, Princess," he leaned over and whispered into her ear.

"Of course!" she agreed happily before a wicked smirk formed on her face. Facing Doyle, Cordy lightly shook the sleeping little girl in his arms.

"What?" Ashlynn mumbled sleepily, looking up at Cordelia with her big brown eyes.

"Look, Sweetie," she said and pointed toward the bed where Buffy and Angel were sleeping soundly.

"Mommy! Daddy!" the little girl shrieked, wiggling out of Doyle's arms before he could stop her. The moment her tiny feet hit the floor, she took off for the bed and leapt onto it.

The occupants of the aforementioned bed startled when the mattress bounced and shook from its newest guest. From her spot sprawled across Angel's muscled chest, Buffy's eyes snapped open, instantly aware of their unexpected visitor. She heard Angel mumble something that had the word 'sleep' in it, but she wasn't quite sure what the rest of the sentence had been. Before she could ponder that much further, she realized that the bed was still shaking.

Frowning in annoyance, Buffy lifted her head and found herself staring into the deep brown eyes of her giddy, and very awake, six year old daughter. She blinked her eyes slowly, trying to process what she was seeing. When her lids fluttered open again, the little girl was still there watching her expectantly.

"Ashlynn?" Buffy spoke in confusion.

Hearing the name of his daughter mentioned, Angel finally tore open his tired eyes and was surprised to find the girl in question bouncing happily on the end of the bed. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Cordy and Doyle both standing in under the doorframe, smirking at the scene before them.

"Hi Mommy! Hi Daddy!" Ashlynn squealed excitedly before crawling further up the bed so that she could squish herself between Buffy and Angel.

"Hi, honey. What, uh, what are you doing here?" Buffy questioned, shifting over some to make more room for her daughter.

"We decided to come back early to make sure everything was okay here," Cordy explained as she stepped into the room.

Buffy jumped slightly at the brunette's words, not having noticed her presence before. She looked up and saw her best friend standing there staring at her with a barely contained grin on her face. Rolling her eyes, and knowing Cordy would never shut up about her successful plan, Buffy sat up in the bed with a sigh.

"Everything's fine," she answered evenly.

"Uh, huh. I can see that," Cordy responded in amusement, looking pointedly at the rumbled bed.

Rolling her eyes for a second time, Buffy was about to reply but before she could, she was interrupted by Ashlynn.

"Are you going to stay, Daddy?" the girl asked timidly, looking at Angel with wide, puppy-dog eyes.

The pleading quality of her voice made Angel's eyes water. For a moment, he only gazed lovingly at her. He'd missed so much of her life, but yet she already trusted him implicitly. It was a humbling feeling. With all of his heart, he wished that he could have been there for Buffy during her pregnancy and all the troubles that resulted, and he wished that he could have see her grow plump with their child, and see the birth and each and every milestone that followed. The past couldn't be changed, however. He was here now, though, and that was what really mattered.

"Yes," he finally replied, pulling Ashlynn into his arms and hugging her tightly. "I'm going to stay.

Ashlynn smiled brightly at him, curling against his lean body. "Forever?" she asked.

"Forever," Angel promised, kissing the top of her head.

Buffy watched the entire scene with happy tears rolling down her cheeks. This moment was everything she had dreamed of for so long. And now it was coming true. Angel was back, and human. They had their daughter, and now they were going to be a family. A real, true family.

---------

"You look like the cat that swallowed the canary," Willow teased, plopped down on the stool in front of where Buffy was refilling her glass of diet cola.

They were all gathered down in the club, preparing for its opening in an hour. After finally getting to leave the apartment, the whole gang had converged on Buffy and Angel wanting to know if things were okay. Buffy had begrudgingly thanked them for the interference once she'd assured them that she and Angel were fine and that they had worked things out.

Buffy shook her head and grinned at the same time. "I'm just happy."

Laughing, Willow clasped one of Buffy's hands. "I'm glad things worked out between you and Angel. You both deserve it."

"Thank you," Buffy accepted graciously.

"Hey Buff," Oz greeted, walking up to Willow. "Sorry to interrupt, but Lorne needs your help with something, Willow"

"Okay. Talk to ya later Buffy!"

Buffy smiled as she watched them walk away hand-in-hand. They were so cute together. She was so glad the people around her were happy.

Turning around to grab a straw, Buffy jumped when she found Lindsey leaning on the counter behind her. "Lindsey, sheesh! You scared me."

"Sorry," he apologized, grinning as though he didn't really mean it.

"What's up?" she asked, unwrapping her straw and putting it in her glass.

"I just...," he started, sighing as he thought about all the changes that had happened lately.

"What?" Buffy prodded seriously, facing the man who had been her sort-of boyfriend for a long time.

"I just wanted to tell you how happy I am for you," he explained sincerely, swallowing his pride at having lost the woman he'd wanted for so long.

"Lindsey..." Buffy placed a conciliatory hand on his arm.

"You don't have to say it, Buffy," he cut off her upcoming words. "I've known for a long time that I never had a chance. I just...I tried not to see it."

"You've been a great friend, and I hope you know how much I appreciate it. I don't want that to change," she told him honestly.

"I'll always be your friend, Buffy," Lindsey replied, smiling as he pulled her into a hug.

Buffy hugged him back, happy that he seemed to be accepting everything gracefully. She knew it couldn't be easy for him. For so long he'd hoped that she would give him a chance, but her heart just wouldn't let her. Now, she supposed, it had been for the best. If they had been together when Angel returned, she didn't know what would have happened. And this way, they could remain friends without all the animosity.

"Do me a favor?" Lindsey asked, pulling away to look into Buffy's eyes.

"Anything," Buffy promised.

"Just be happy," he requested.

"That, I think I can do," she answered with a chuckle.

"Good." Lindsey nodded, and released Buffy from the hug. "Okay, I better finish getting set up for the show tonight."

"Okay, if you need anything, let me know," Buffy offered, squeezing his hand to let him know her offer extended to more than just setting up for the show.

As Lindsey walked away, Buffy heard Angel speak from nearby.

"Hey."

"Hey," she greeted, smiling brightly.

"Everything okay?" Angel asked, glancing towards the stage where Lindsey was getting his equipment ready.

"Yeah, fine," she assured him, looking at him curiously. Her eyes twinkled mischievously as she realized what was going on. "You're jealous aren't you," she teased.

"No," Angel denied, glancing at Lindsey again. "Okay, yes."

"Angel." Buffy took one of his hands into hers. "There's no reason to be jealous. Lindsey is a friend, a good friend. I hope you can accept that."

Angel sighed, knowing he was being a bit over reactive. "I know. I'm sorry. I know he's just a friend, and I'm okay with that."

Just as Buffy was about to reply, Ashlynn ran up to Angel, latching onto his right leg. "Tag! You're it, Daddy!" she shouted, giggling at the same time.

"I'm it, huh?" Angel laughed. "Guess I better try and catch you."

Ashlynn shrieked and took off across the room with Angel chasing after her. Buffy laughed, shaking her head at the duo.

"They already act like they've known each other forever," Cordelia said as she walked up to Buffy.

Watching Angel chasing Ashlynn around the empty club, Buffy couldn't seem to wipe the smile off her face. "Yeah. I'm glad. I wasn't sure how she would react to him."

"She's a smart kid," Cordy pointed out. "I think she understands that he would have been here if he could have."

"Yeah," agreed Buffy.

"And now he can stay here with you two," the brunette went on and then looked at Buffy expectantly.

"What?" she questioned, confused at the wondering gaze.

"What was all that ignoring each other bit about?" Cordy asked the foremost question on her mind. She was still a little baffled over how the two had reacted after Angel's return and subsequent newfound humanity.

Sighing, Buffy sat her glass down on the counter and turned to lean against the sturdy wood. "I was just angry I guess."

"Angry?" repeated Cordy.

"It just all sort of hit me at once, what happened back in Sunnydale and the current stuff," she explained hesitantly. "I was just angry and hurt that he couldn't seem to ever let me be involved in decisions that affected us both. I mean, I understand why he left in the first place, but he just did it without bothering to talk to me."

"That was a long time ago, though," Cordy added in.

"I know, but it still hurt, especially after he just reappeared the way he did," Buffy continued, glancing behind her where Ashlynn was giggling as Angel tickled her. "And then with the Oracles...he wasn't going to take their deal despite the fact that I wanted to. It was like it didn't matter to him what I thought."

"I can see how that would bother you," replied Cordy with a small nod of her head. "So I take it you got everything worked out?"

"We talked," Buffy said evasively.

"Talked? Is that all?" Cordy pressed.

"I don't know what you're referring to," Buffy answered, blushing minutely, and avoiding Cordy's eyes.

"Oh come on! I'm your best friend! You have to tell me!" Cordy pleaded forcefully.

"Ok, fine," sighed Buffy in exasperation. "There was some talking, a lot of talking actually, and some...other...stuff."

"Uh, huh. I knew it! You got lucky!" she chirped, grinning at the blonde.

"If you must know, yes," Buffy answered with a roll her eyes.

"So, how was it?" Cordy wanted to know, leaning conspiratorially closer to Buffy.

"Why are you so curious about my love life?" she shot back.

"Buffy! You've lived like a monk the last like five years," Cordy answered as if it explained everything.

"You're point?" Buffy asked curiously.

"I wanna know if it was worth it," prodded Cordy.

"I'm not gonna answer that," stated Buffy defiantly.

"I'll take that as a yes," she smirked victoriously.

"Don't you have something you should be doing?" Buffy suddenly changed the subject.

Frowning at Buffy's avoidance, Cordy then sighed and shook her head. "Unfortunately, I do, but that doesn't mean this conversation is over!"

"I'll keep that in mind," Buffy chuckled, rolling her eyes.

Cordelia laughed as well then raised an eyebrow when she saw something curious on the other side of the club. "Well, that's interesting."

"What?"

"Those two," Cordy answered, pointing across the dance floor to where Lindsey and Faith were talking and laughing comfortably with each other. "They look quite cozy."

"So?" Buffy questioned, eyeing Cordelia in confusion.

"It doesn't bother you?" she prodded.

Thinking for a second, Buffy then shook her head. "No. I never felt that way about him. He's just a good friend."

"They'd certainly be an interesting pair, but anyway, I better get to work before Lorne starts getting all testy," the brunette grumbled.

As Cordelia started to walk away, Buffy reached out and touched her arm. When the brunette turned and looked back at her, Buffy spoke again. "Thank you for everything Cordy. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"That's what I'm here for!" Cordy responded just before strolling off elsewhere in the club, the sincerity in her voice belying the light-hearted statement.

Buffy chuckled at the brunette's self-satisfaction, reaching over to pick up her abandoned glass of soda. When she did, she saw Giles hovering a few feet away, looking as if he was trying to gather the nerve to approach her. She wasn't surprised. She'd known sooner or later he'd want to talk to her. Personally, she'd been hoping it would be later, but it seemed as though she wasn't going to be able to avoid it any longer.

"Giles," she said, facing him fully and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Buffy, I, uh, was wondering if perhaps I may speak with you," he requested nervously, avoiding eye contact.

Her first instinct was to say 'no' and then walk away, but Angel's words from the day before echoed in her head. She was trying to run away from her problems again. As much as she wanted to not have this conversation, Buffy knew she had to. It was the only way to truly put the past behind her.

"Fine. Let's go up to the offices," she answered after a few more seconds of deliberation. And then without waiting for him to reply, she turned and headed for the stairs, rather than the elevator since it would give her a little more time to prepare herself.

---------

TBC!!


	40. ACFTF Part 8

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Part 8

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"Well?" Buffy spoke once they were both standing inside the club's main office and Giles had yet to say anything.

The former Watcher removed his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose as he did so. Replacing the glasses, he took a deep breath before finally looking up at Buffy. "I believe I owe you an apology.

"And what makes you think that?" she asked solemnly, resting a hip against her desk.

"I behaved badly in Sunnydale after you told us what happened," he responded, though he knew she was just making him admit his error.

"Ya think?" Buffy snorted indignantly.

"I should not have done what I did," Giles continued despite Buffy's hostile tone. "There has not been a day gone by that I have not regretted what happened. I am truly sorry."

Buffy said nothing immediately, just stared at her ex-Watcher. She moved away from her desk and wandered the office for a minute until she'd gathered her thoughts. When she did, she faced him once again.

"Do you know how much it hurt?" she asked pensively. "I needed your support and you just turned your back on me, along with telling me what a disappointment I was."

Bristling at her blunt words, Giles sighed, realizing this was going to be as difficult as he'd expected. "I was angry, Buffy, and terrified. I reacted on those two emotions."

"That doesn't make it right," rebutted Buffy, emotionally torn over whether she should readily accept his apology.

"I know it doesn't," he responded quietly. "But you have to understand where I was coming from. You willingly slept with Angel knowing what the consequences could have been."

"I know it was wrong," Buffy agreed, her voice wavering a bit. "But you don't know what it was like, thinking that the person you love with all your heart was just going to walk away and that you'd probably never see him again. You don't know what it was like to feel as though your heart was being torn out of your chest!"

"No, I don't quite know what that feels like," Giles conceded, his mind drifting to a certain Gypsy who had died years earlier, at the hands of Angelus no less.

"I did the best I could, Giles. I know I made mistakes, but I wouldn't change any of it," she proclaimed honestly.

Giles took a few seconds to peer at his surroundings and to think about the life Buffy now had. "No, I don't suppose you would," he replied, knowing she meant her words, and he really couldn't blame her. She had the life he'd always hoped she would have a chance to experience.

"For my part, I am sorry that I did something so risky, but in the end, I don't regret it," she said, her chin jutting out defiantly.

"You've grown up so much," he spoke suddenly.

Buffy shrugged. "I had to."

The comment stung, but Giles could tell it was not maliciously directed at him. It was just a statement of truth. She'd been forced to change from a teenage girl to a Mother almost over night, and on her own. No, he supposed she wasn't alone. She'd had Cordelia, Doyle, and all the others who'd become her support team.

"For what it's worth, I'm proud of all you have accomplished here," he commended sincerely.

"Thank you."

"I know you may never trust me again, but I would like to be a part of your life," Giles went on, directing their conversation back to its original topic.

Buffy stiffened at the request. She wanted to say yes. After all, Giles had once been more of a Father to her than her own, but still, a part of her just didn't know if she had it in her. He'd hurt her so much with his words years ago. Could she let go of that pain? She knew she would never forget it, but could she get past it? Honestly, she didn't know.

"I can't answer that now. Just...just give me some time and we'll see," she answered, flinching slightly at the hurt that entered his eyes.

"I understand," Giles nodded sadly.

"Thanks," Buffy said, returning the nod. "I better get back to work."

---------

"What's it like?" Buffy asked softly as she and Angel sat on the roof of the apartment building watching the pinks, oranges, and reds start to creep across the sky.

"What's what like?" Angel questioned, tightening his arms around Buffy.

"Being able to see the sunrise again," she clarified, snuggling closer against his chest to ward off the early morning chill.

"It's...," he started, struggling to find the right way to describe it. "It's amazing. I'd forgotten all the colors there were, and how bright it was."

"I can imagine," she replied softly. "I used to come up here once in a while to watch the sun come up, and I'd think about how you couldn't ever see it."

"But now I can," Angel added.

"Yes, you can," Buffy agreed, tilting her head up to kiss Angel gently.

Sighing, they broke apart seconds later, content to merely sit together holding each other. They watched the sun rise in silence, reveling in the new experience they were afforded because of the return of Angel's humanity.

"I heard you talked to Giles today," Angel spoke up.

"Yeah," Buffy confirmed, her voice indifferent. Her feelings towards her former Watcher were still torn. His apology had sounded sincere, but his actions still hurt. She didn't know if she could forgive and forget.

"What did he say?" Angel asked, tightening his arms around Buffy, knowing this was a sensitive subject for her.

"He apologized for what happened back in Sunnydale and explained why he acted the way he did," she relayed morosely, hating to think back on that awful period in her life.

Angel sensed her hesitation. He could only imagine how hard facing her Watcher again was. "You don't think he was being sincere?"

"I don't know. I think he was," she answered with a shrug. "It's just hard. Seeing him brings back all the memories of what happened."

"It's not good to dwell on the past," Angel pointed out.

"I know," she said with an exaggerated sigh. "At the same time, how can I just forget everything and act like it never happened. I needed his support, Angel, and he literally just turned his back on me."

"You don't have to forget, Buffy," he corrected. "But you can forgive and move on."

"I just...I don't know if I can. I told him I needed some time," Buffy explained how her conversation with Giles had ended.

"Whatever you decide, I will support you," he offered, resting his chin on the top of her head.

"Thanks," she accepted, relaxing into his embrace. After several seconds of silence, she cocked her head slightly. "It's weird having everyone here."

"Yeah, it's almost like it was back in Sunnydale except for...," he trailed off, not wanting to say the name of the missing person.

"Xander," Buffy filled her, the name being spat out as if it were poison. "I'd be perfectly happy if I never had to see him again."

Angel started to say something, but stopped, knowing it would not go over too well. Hearing the halted words, Buffy asked, "What?"

"You don't want to ever try to work things out with him?" he finally questioned.

"Angel," Buffy started, turning slightly in his arms so that she could look at him. "You didn't hear the things he said to me. They were mean, hateful, and cruel. Yes, I know he had a reason to be upset and angry, but I can never forgive or forget what he did to me."

"I guess I can understand that," Angel conceded. He didn't know exactly what Xander had said. Between Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia he'd only been told the general gist of the hurtful words, but he knew that they had been just as Buffy said: cruel.

"I saw him when Doyle, Cordy, Ashlynn and I went to Sunnydale a few weeks ago," she told him, realizing she had neglected to mention that little detail during their previous conversations.

"You didn't tell me that," he replied.

"I forgot. I guess I blocked it out," she explained, shrugging.

"I take it the run-in didn't go well," Angel concluded from the tone of her voice.

"No, it really didn't," Buffy confirmed, thinking back to the meeting. "He was just so full of hate. He told me I had no right to come back to Sunnydale."

"You were in Sunnydale before I got there," he mumbled half to himself, realizing something.

"So?"

"I saw Xander when I was there. He said he didn't know where you were or what happened to you, and all the while, he had just seen you," Angel explained what had just occurred to him.

Buffy shook her head. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised by that. Sometimes I wonder...," she trailed off.

"Wonder what?" he pressed.

"I wonder if things would have gone differently if I'd gotten pregnant by anyone other than you," she said, putting words to her thoughts.

"Oh," Angel mumbled, stiffening slightly.

"No, Angel, I didn't mean it like that," Buffy corrected. "I wouldn't want to carry anybody's child but yours. I just...he hated you so much, I just wondered how he would have acted if it hadn't been you."

"He probably would have hated them too because it still meant you'd chosen someone else over him," he pointed out.

"Hmm. That's true. I guess it doesn't matter," she conceded. It really didn't matter. "Besides, I'm glad Ashlynn is yours. I wish..."

"Wish what?" Angel asked, curious.

"I never found out how we were able to make a baby. I mean, you told me vampires couldn't have kids," she reminded him of their graveyard conversation from years ago. "I was completely shocked when I realized I was pregnant. After we got to Seattle, Doyle and Cordy helped me research how it was possible, but we never found anything."

"I know how," Angel said, suddenly feeling guilty that he'd forgotten to tell her.

"You do?" Buffy exclaimed, pulling away and facing him expectantly. She had always wanted to find out how Ashlynn had been able to be conceived.

"I never thought it was possible. After all, I was technically a demon in a dead body," he began, taking hold of Buffy's hands. "I wanted to know how it could have happened, so I asked the Oracle."

"And?" she prodded excitedly.

"It was the blood...your blood...from when I...bit you," Angel mumbled, wincing at the memory. "Your blood was still in my system. The Oracle said that's why we were able to conceive."

"I guess that makes sense...sort of," she said, not noticing that Angel seemed to be lost in thought.

Angel raised his left hand until his fingers touched the scar that had never faded from Buffy's neck. He traced over the raised skin, guilt flooding through him over the mark and the fact that he had bit her. "I'm sorry," he apologized.

Placing a hand on top of his at her neck, Buffy looked him in the eyes. "Don't be. I never regretted it. You would have died if you hadn't drunk my blood. It saved your life, and now, knowing that it allowed us to have Ashlynn, makes it all the more special."

"Still..."

"No regrets, Angel," Buffy softly ordered. Wanting to get off the subject before Angel went into pure brood-mode, she went back to the original conversation. "When did you find out from the Oracle?"

"Oh...I asked right before they completed the deal to save your life," he explained, trying to shake off his guilt at the events of the past. "I just wanted to know."

Buffy nodded before shifting back to rest against Angel. His arms immediately wrapped around her again, holding her closely. Buffy sighed, her eyes once again watching the sun rising over the horizon. Thinking back on all the changes that had happened recently, Buffy decided to ask a question that had been lurking in the back of her mind.

"Why'd you do it, Angel?"

He looked down at her, confused over the out-of-the-blue question. "Do what?"

"Give up your life for mine," she explained, hoping he wouldn't get upset that she'd asked.

"Because I would do anything for you," Angel responded honestly. "I've lived a long life, Buffy. You're still so young, and you have so much to live for: Ashlynn, your friends, your job. Compared to your life, mine meant nothing."

"But it does!" Buffy exclaimed, turning to face him. "When I thought you were gone, truly gone, I thought I'd die along with you."

"No, you wouldn't have," he disagreed with a shake of his head. "You're stronger than you think, Buffy. You would have found a way to go on."

"Maybe, but I wouldn't have wanted to," she whispered, reaching up to touch his cheek.

"It doesn't matter, though. We're both here, now, and we're together," Angel pointed out, not wanting to dwell on the pains of the past.

"You're right," Buffy said, once again cuddling up against him.

A moment later, they were startled out of their quiet time together by the sound of the roof door opening and closing. Turning at once, they saw Giles walking toward them, a perplexed look on his face.

"Ah, Buffy, Angel. I found you," he spoke once he was close enough.

"Giles? Shouldn't you be sleeping," Buffy questioned, looking at him oddly. He was dressed in tweed pants, a t-shirt, and his hair was sticking up all over the place.

"Oh, well...I was, but then I got a phone call," he explained, embarrassed to realize how untidy his appearance was.

"Um, okay. So you decided to stroll up here and tell us that?" she asked, still confused.

"The call...it-it was a friend of mine that is part of the Council," Giles started to explain the news that had instantly dazed him only moments earlier. "Apparently, Quentin Travers suffered a fatal heart attack late last night."

"He's dead?" Buffy questioned bluntly, eyes widening.

"Yes."

"Huh. I never liked him anyway," Buffy said with a snort of disgust at the abhorrent, now dead, man.

"There's more," the former Watcher went on. "His death evidently opened up a window of opportunity for the group of Watchers who feel that the Council should change their ways to make their move. They've managed to take over the executive board."

"And you're telling us this because?" she wondered out loud. The Council was not a group on her list of favorite things. She could care less what they did. Well, as long as they weren't trying to kill her.

"Buffy," Angel chastised her. "What does this mean, Giles?"

"Well...they...they have asked me to become Council leader," he finally said.

Both Buffy and Angel were shocked into silence at the statement. Despite their lack of connection to the Council in recent years, both understood the monumental implications of the move.

"Well, I guess that explains that," Angel managed to say a minute later.

"Explains what?" Buffy asked.

"The Oracle...It said that something big was going to happen soon that would change everything," he clarified the thought that had occurred to him.

"Oh...yeah. I guess you're right," she nodded in agreement. "So are you going to accept?"

"I think so," a stunned Giles replied. "It is an excellent opportunity to change the way the Council acts."

"Good. They need to learn how to treat their Slayers better," Buffy said sarcastically.

"Congratulations, Giles," Angel butted in before Buffy could start a tirade on the ways of the Council. "I, we, wish you the best of luck."

"Thank you. It is all so overwhelming. I must go make some phone calls," Giles rambled, already starting to walk away.

"Well, that was unexpected," Buffy spoke, chuckling slightly at the oddness that was Giles.

"Yes, but I think it's a good thing," Angel voiced his happiness at the news.

"Mmm, yeah, I guess it is. Maybe future Slayers won't have to go through all that I did because of the Council," she replied, then yawned.

Angel noticed the yawn and glanced at his watch. "You're tired. We should get some sleep. We've been up here for hours."

"Have we? I hadn't noticed," she answered, wrapping an arm around Angel's waist, and laying her head tiredly on his chest.

Smiling down at her, feeling a lightness in his heart he'd never before experienced, Angel reached down and lifted Buffy into his arms. "Off to bed, beloved."

"Mmm, bed sounds good," Buffy mumbled, already half asleep as she rested in his embrace.

Angel chuckled as he kissed the top of her head and started walking away from the bench they'd been sitting on. When he reached the door to the stairwell, he paused and turned to look at the sun cresting on the horizon He stared at the myriad of colors for a few seconds before he realized the sunrise would be there tomorrow, and every day thereafter. He would be able to see it again, whenever he wanted, with Buffy at his side.

---------

TBC!!


	41. ACFTF Part 9

Well folks, this is the very last chapter of the SiT series. Thank you to everyone who has been reading this series, and especially to those who have sent feedback! I really appreciate all the support. I hope you enjoy the last chapter!

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Part 9 – Epilogue

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five months later

"Oh God, I think I'm gonna throw up!" Cordelia groaned, raising a hand to her mouth.

From where she was kneeling on the floor in front of her daughter across the room, Buffy stifled a laugh. She finished fixing the bow on Ashlynn's dress before she stood and walked over to where Cordy was pacing restlessly. Grabbing on to the brunette's arm, she stilled her movements.

"Cordy, you need to calm down. Why are you so nervous?" Buffy asked calmly.

"Why am I nervous?" shrieked Cordy. "Why do you think!? I'm getting married in fifteen minutes!"

"Umm, yeah, but you've known you're getting married for a year now," said Buffy, pointing out the obvious detail Cordy seemed to be forgetting.

"I know! But...but then I was only thinking about it! Today I'll actually be doing it!" she exclaimed, exasperated at Buffy's lack of understanding.

Tugging lightly on Cordy's arm, Buffy directed her over to the couch on one side of the room in the bridal suite at the chapel. She forced the nervous woman to sit down and then followed suit.

"Take a deep breath, Cordy. There's nothing to be nervous about. Doyle loves you, and you love him," Buffy relayed in as soothing a tone as possible.

"I know," Cordy sighed, trying to get herself to relax. "It's just...I'm getting married today! To Doyle! Who would have ever thought I'd marry someone like him?"

"Doyle's a good guy, and he loves you. That's all that matters," Buffy stated seriously. "And besides, the unexpected happening isn't always a bad thing."

"Yeah, you're right," agreed Cordy as both women's thoughts went back to years earlier when they'd struck up an odd friendship and set off on their own together. "Who would have expected we'd end up where we are today, huh?"

Even seven and a half years after leaving Sunnydale, the coincidental chain of events that had pushed them together were still fresh in their minds. If one little thing had gone differently, if Cordy had decided to leave Sunnydale a few days earlier, or if Buffy had gone to a different motel who knew where they would be right now. Neither could have ever predicted what their joint venture out of Sunnydale would turn into.

"I certainly wouldn't have," Buffy answered with a chuckle. "But I wouldn't change a thing."

And she really wouldn't. Cordelia, and then Doyle and Lorne, had been her saviors, unintentionally or not. If one good thing came out of the lowest time in her life, other than Ashlynn, it was the group of people who'd become her closest friends. Without them, Buffy had no idea what would have happened to her. She'd probably either be dead, or some tired, overworked mother on welfare. But they had come into her life, and she would be forever grateful.

"Neither would I," Cordy responded, a soft smile lighting her face.

Before either could speak again, a light knock sounded on the door and soon Angel's head peeked into the room.

"Daddy!" Ashlynn squealed, running to Angel and leaping into his arms.

In the five-plus months since his return, the bond between the former vampire and his daughter had grown each day. One would hardly be able to tell that he had not been present for the first six years of her life. But now, she was Daddy's little princess, as Buffy liked to tease him.

"Don't you look pretty," Angel said with a grin, lightly tapping Ash's nose.

"I got to pick my dress out!" she exclaimed proudly of the lacey pale pink dress she was wearing.

"You picked a good one," he answered with a nod of his head, and then turned his focus to Buffy and Cordelia. "Are you ready? It's time."

"Oh God!" Cordy screeched nervously, clutching a hand to her mouth again.

"Breathe, Cordy," Buffy ordered. "Just think, in a few minutes, you'll be Doyle's wife."

"I will, won't I?" she asked, taking in a deep lungful of air. "Well, let's go get me married then!"

Cordelia gathered the train of her dress up and marched out of the room, leaving a laughing Buffy and Angel, and a confused Ashlynn, behind her. The little girl shrugged at the strangeness of the adults and then followed, picking up her basket of flower petals on the way. Angel, meanwhile, crept up behind Buffy and snuck his arms around her waist.

"You look absolutely beautiful," he spoke softly into her ear.

"Why, thank you, kind sir," Buffy replied, sighing at the feel of his arms around her.

"I can't wait to get you out of that dress later," he whispered wickedly to her.

"Angel!" she chastised, blushing a soft red color.

"What?" Angel asked innocently.

"Never mind," Buffy chuckled, shaking her head. "Come on, loverboy. We have a wedding to go to."

---------

Several hours later, the wedding reception was going full force with all the gang's closest friends and family dancing and enjoying themselves. Buffy couldn't help the smile that was plastered on her face at all the happiness that surrounded her. Everything was absolutely perfect. She had her Angel, her daughter, and all her friends. What more could there be?

Cordelia looked absolutely radiant, and Doyle looked as if he'd won the lottery as the two danced around the main floor of the club. Buffy was glad they'd found each other. It was a strange match, she had to admit, but sometimes those were the best kind. After all, she was a Slayer who'd fallen in love with a vampire. There wasn't anything stranger than that. In the end, it only mattered that they made each other happy, and she knew they did.

Gazing around the room, she took in all of her friends. Willow and Oz were swaying in each other's arms off in one corner. Tara was dancing with her girlfriend, a fellow Wicca she'd met at a retreat a few months earlier. Buffy had been a little surprised when she met the young woman for the first time, but Tara seemed happy so who was Buffy to judge her lifestyle?

A loud giggle, coming from her daughter, reached Buffy's ears. She searched the room and found Ashlynn laughing like a hyena as Angel danced exaggeratedly with the little girl in his arms. It was an amusing sight considering how much Buffy knew Angel hated to dance, but he'd do anything to make his little princess happy.

Then her eyes landed on Lindsey and Faith, who looked almost as if they were glued together. There didn't seem to be enough room to squeeze a piece of paper between the two. For Buffy, it was a little odd seeing them together, but she was glad they'd found each other. Lindsey deserved someone who could love him, and Faith needed a stable influence in her life.

The dark haired Slayer had stayed in Seattle for three months after first arriving. It was risky leaving the Hellmouth unguarded, but Giles had sources there to let him know if there was trouble. He'd asked her to stay in Seattle, saying that with the turmoil in the Council it was safer for her to be around people she could trust. So she'd stayed around, helping out at the club and with slaying, and also getting to know Lindsey.

When she'd gone back to Sunnydale, after Giles had assured them it was safe for her to be on her own, Lindsey followed not much later. Buffy missed her friend, but they still talked on the phone often, and now he and Faith were back for Cordelia's wedding.

"How come you're over here all by yourself," Willow spoke up, dragging Buffy from her internal thoughts.

"Huh? Oh! I was just getting some punch," Buffy answered, holding up the glass of red liquid. "Aren't they just so cute?"

"Who?"

"Angel and Ashlynn," Buffy said, pointing to her boyfriend and daughter.

"Oh, yeah, they are," the redhead agreed, though her voice took on a sad quality.

"You okay?" asked Buffy, facing Willow after noticing the depressed tone.

"Yeah," Willow replied with a sigh.

"Still no luck, huh?" It had taken her a moment, but Buffy suddenly realized what had changed her friend's mood. Willow and Oz had been trying for a baby, and so far they had not been able to conceive.

"No, and we've been trying. A lot," explained Willow, shoulders slumping as she spoke.

"I'm sorry," Buffy apologized, placing a comforting hand on Willow's arm.

"Thanks. The doctor said we're both healthy and that we just need to relax and let it happen," Willow relayed.

"Well, she's probably right," agreed Buffy.

"I know, I just hate waiting," Willow half pouted. "Anyways, is Giles here? I haven't seen him."

"He came for the ceremony, but then he had to leave to fly back to England," Buffy answered. Things between her and her former Watcher were better than they had been, but at times their relationship was still a bit stunted. She didn't know if they'd ever be able to regain the close relationship they'd once had, but she was trying her best to put the past behind her.

"He's really wracking up those frequent flier miles," Willow pointed out.

"I know, but until the Council moves into their new headquarters he doesn't have much of a choice," Buffy explained, thinking about all the changes that had been set in motion with Quentin Travers' death.

One of Giles' first moves as the new Council head was to start the process of moving the Council to a large compound he'd acquired in northern California. He'd said it did no good for the group to be located so far away from both active Slayers. To better serve the Slayers, he felt it was beneficial for them to be closer. So at the moment, he was quite busy getting every transferred to the Council's new home.

The move was only one of many changes. Another immediate act Giles had initiated was to abolish the Cruciamentum test, which Buffy whole heartedly agreed with. She'd always felt it was a horrible thing to do to Slayers. The executive committee of the Council was also looking at ways to change how they handled Slayers so that they would be able to help them fight better and live longer.

"He's coming back next week isn't he?" Willow asked.

"Yeah. He has some stuff he wants to go over with me and Angel."

That was another thing that had changed: her involvement with the Council. Now that Giles was in charge, Buffy had reinitiated her contact with the group. It wasn't the only thing that had changed with regards to her position, though. Seeing as how she was the longest living Slayer in a long time, and how Angel was a former vampire with a wide expanse of knowledge, they had both become Giles' respected advisors.

At first, Buffy had been unsure about taking such an active role with the Council, but then Angel had talked to her about how much they could do by helping the Council. And he was right. This was her chance, their chance, to help make the world a better place, and to do anything possible to make future Slayers' lives more bearable. So now, they talked with Giles and the other members of the executive committee often about changes they could make. It was a daunting task, but both she and Angel knew it was worth it.

"May I have this dance?" a voice whispered into Buffy's ear, causing her to jump.

She turned and grinned at the speaker. "I don't know. My boyfriend gets kinda mad when I dance with other guys."

"You better not be dancing with other guys," Angel growled possessively.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Buffy teased innocently.

"Oh will you two just go dance!" ordered Willow, rolling her eyes at their playfulness. It didn't really bother her; she just enjoyed picking on them. She was happy that they'd worked everything out.

"I guess we better go dance," Angel answered, tugging Buffy out onto the dance floor.

They settled into each other's arms, swaying slowly to the soft song playing over the speakers. Those who knew Buffy and Angel, and knew of their tragic past, smiled at the two who seemed oblivious to the world.

---------

three weeks later

"This is the perfect day for a picnic" Cordelia sighed happily as she reclined on her towel. "I so needed a day off."

The entire group had decided to spend the day on the beach in front of Lorne's waterside condo. It was the first chance they'd gotten to relax since Cordelia and Doyle's wedding three weeks earlier because of work with the club, and for Buffy and Angel, helping out Giles with the Council. A day at the beach was definitely needed.

"A day off?" Willow repeated with a raised eyebrow. "You just got back from your honeymoon last week!"

"So?" Cordy asked, not bothering to look up at the redhead.

"Never mind," Willow said, shaking her head at Cordy's oddness.

"Hey, man," Doyle greeted Angel as he took a seat next to him under the large umbrella Buffy had insisted they needed so Angel wouldn't get sunburn. "Where are your girls?"

"They're down by the water," Angel answered, nodding to where he'd last seen them.

Angel looked on curiously when he noticed that Buffy was kneeling down in front of Ashlynn and appeared to be whispering something into their daughter's ear. Being so far away from them, he couldn't hear the secret conversation, but he saw Ashlynn's face light up, and then he thought he noticed Buffy glance in his direction. Angel was about to get up and go see what they were talking about when suddenly Ash took off running toward him.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" the little girl screamed all the way up to the chair her Father was sitting on.

"What is it, Princess?" he questioned, nearly falling backwards as Ashlynn threw herself onto his lap. His eyes gazed at the blonde-headed little ball of energy for a moment, and then searched beyond her to where Buffy was casually strolling up the beach toward the group.

"Guess what?!" Ashlynn exclaimed excitedly.

"What?" he asked, trying to keep a hold of his squirming daughter.

"Mommy said I'm gonna get a brother or sister soon!" she revealed loudly, causing each and every one of the group to turn their heads quickly in her direction.

Angel was stunned into stillness at the words. It took several seconds before the meaning truly sank into his mind. He opened his mouth to speak, then quickly closed it, finding himself at a loss for words. Quickly, he looked up to where Buffy was standing only a few feet away. She nodded her head, confirming what Ashlynn had just told him.

Rising swiftly, Angel carefully set Ashlynn down onto the sand and rushed over to Buffy. He swept her up into his arms, tears already falling from his eyes. "We're going to have a baby?" he questioned softly when he pulled back to look at her face.

"We are," Buffy verified, touching his cheek with her warm hand.

"I-I....I don't know what to say," Angel managed to say, totally shocked at the unexpected news.

"Are you happy about this?" she asked nervously. They hadn't been trying to have another baby. Like this first time, this one just happened.

"I'm ecstatic!" he nearly screamed in response, then kissed her soundly.

Seeing the heated kiss, Cordelia leaned over and whispered to Willow, "I'd say that he's very happy about this."

"I think so!" Willow laughed in agreement.

When the kiss finally ended, Angel stared lovingly into Buffy's eyes. He almost couldn't believe that they were going to have another child together. And this time he would be able to experience it all. He would be able to see her grow large with their child, and be able to feel it move underneath her skin. He'd get to be there for the birth and see its first breath. It was everything he could have ever dreamed of.

Happy tears fell down Buffy's cheeks as she met Angel's eyes. She knew just what he was thinking. It still upset him from time to time that he had missed out on so much of Ashlynn's life, but now he would be there for their second child. It wouldn't erase his previous absence, but it would ease the pain of the memories, or rather the lack thereof.

"I guess it's a good thing I brought this with me today," Angel spoke suddenly as he took a step back from Buffy and reached into the bag that sat next to his chair.

She watched with wide eyes as he produced a small velvet box and then proceeded to kneel down in the sand in front of her. "Angel?" she whispered, stunned.

"I had planned on doing this later tonight, but I think now is better," he started. "I love you, Buffy. I have since the first moment I saw you, and I never stopped, even during all the years we were a part. I never thought that we could have a life together, but now that we can, I never want to let you go. Will you marry me?"

For nearly a minute, Buffy said nothing. Her mind was still trying to clear the daze that clouded it. When she realized everyone, most importantly Angel, was staring at her waiting for an answer, she snapped herself back into reality.

"Yes! Of course I will!" she finally answered, her voice breathless as she leapt into Angel's waiting arms.

"I love you," Angel proclaimed softly, wrapping his arms around his now fiancée.

"I love you, too," Buffy repeated just as quietly before pressing her lips to his.

They kissed gently, a reinforcement of the love they felt for each other. Around them, their group of friends watched teary-eyed, embracing their significant others and overjoyed at the peace and happiness that all of their friends had found.

The path hadn't been easy; it was marred by a patchwork of shadows that signified the darker times. They'd survived, though, found their ways out of the shadows and back to each other. Fate had thrown them more obstacles than one could count, but they faced them all, persevering when others would have quit, and now they were reaping the rewards. They were finally able to be together, and really, that's all they'd ever wanted.

---------

THE END!!! (finally!)


End file.
